A/N: Why hello there, it's been a while. I was unhappy with the way this chapter kept coming out, and I had a rabid plotbunny bite me when I was visiting my family a few weeks ago. The little bastard forced me to write "The Fall".

I would like to thank Brendabond beta-ing at the last second…and also for talking me out of deleting this chapter and rewriting it for the third time. In fact, you should thank her too. I do not own Bleach.

Warnings: Giant Rangiku boobz.

***SS***

Hooking her arm under a now wheezing Ukitake and guiding him over to a bench, Nanao thought over how she was going to exactly help the virginal Captain with his many, many, many, issues.

Perhaps calling him a pervert was a bit harsh since he seemed to be under duress about the whole debacle. After all, who knows how long he was in that office watching porn with the super deviant that was her own Captain. And considering what Kyoraku had proposed doing with his "education", Nanao wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Ukitake was there for hours whimpering on the couch. Looking back at the white haired man as he tried to compose himself, she figured that if she were still a virgin and reading smut for an extended period of time, she would be just as hot, bothered, and mortified, as he seemed to be.

While he was distracted, she successfully lifted the anger she had been feeling toward his best friend, and assessed the situation more clearly. Or rather, trying to take the man in front of her at face value. As she looked at his profile, she realized that saying he was handsome was an understatement - he was actually quite beautiful. Over the years, Nanao had not had many opportunities to speak to him unless it was about her Captain in some way. Looking for Kyoraku, dragging Kyoraku out of bars, saving Kyoraku's ass from the Captain Commander, etc. Good gods, both of their worlds revolved around that narcissistic idiot. Without a doubt, Captain Ukitake had been doing it for a lot longer than she had. Meaning she had to give him some kind of respect for that alone.

It seemed that he finally noticed her penetrating look, as he recoiled slightly as if he expected a verbal attack or to get hit with her fan. She sighed; it looked like she owed him an apology.

"Captain Ukitake, I'm sorry for calling you a pervert, it's an instinctive reaction from working with Captain Kyoraku for so long," She started, "You are not a degenerate; actually you are probably one of the only captains, well, other than Captain Kuchiki, that doesn't stare at my chest continually when I talk to them. I appreciate that. Well, actually I don't think Captain Hitsugaya means to stare at my chest, but he's so damn short…"

Wow. She really sucked at apologies. It was probably because she was rarely in a situation where she was apologizing for her own behavior. Usually it was because of something her Captain did. Captain Ukitake opened his mouth and looked like he wanted to say something, but she held up her hand to silence him.

"I don't know how aware you were back in that office, but Captain Kyoraku mentioned to me about your situation with your publisher, and I told him that I would like to help out. Although I'm not sure how just yet." She exhaled slowly and continued, "Just please do NOT ask him for any more advice. Ever. The man knows absolutely nothing about women or writing. You know how bad his articles in the Seireitei Communication are."

"They are pretty bad." He looked thoughtful, "Thank you Nanao, but why did you agree to do this?"

"Let's just say that I disagree with my Captain's ideas and leave it at that?" Mentioning the red light district would probably just upset him more. The poor man had been through enough today. She sat up straighter and adjusted her glasses, "There's also the fact that I think that the romance writing in Soul Society to be lacking, and it's my duty as the vice president of the Women's Association to correct that."

Jyuu had to chuckle, this situation was just too bizarre. "Uh huh, Shunsui came up with something over the top and uncalled for didn't he?"

Nanao visibly deflated, "That's an understatement."

***SS***

Jyuu really did not want to know what Shunsui was up to. It had to be something bad if it caused Nanao to not only to drag him halfway across Seireitei, but also to offer help with this issue. He knew that she was not in the habit of seeing men; Shunsui had made it his life's work to frighten off any potential suitors claiming they were not good enough. Thinking things over, he scowled internally, smelling a rat. Nanao might not have figured it out yet, but he had been hanging out with Shunsui for the better part of a millennia. There was no way that he would allow her to "help out" anyone if it involved anything sexual, written or otherwise.

His thoughts were interrupted as she sensed a familiar, and at the moment completely unwelcome, reiatsuapproaching. Rangiku Matsumoto. Oh dear gods, she was far too intense for him right now.

Sure enough, Rangiku appeared in the garden a second later grabbing Nanao from behind, and squashing her head into her large breasts. This caused Jyuu's brain to short circuit and his thoughts to head straight into the gutter.

How on earth did that woman manage to shunpo and bounce at the same time? Even more pressing, how does she keep her top on? Her breasts were enormous and barely restrained. They had to pop out at inopportune moments during battle. His brows rose; topless hollow eradication was kind of cool, but could be a deadly distraction for both allies and enemies. He's never fought with Rangiku in battle before, maybe it's one of her techniques? He blinked; what the hell is he thinking?

Shifting uncomfortably, he brought his attention back to the terribly arousing scene playing out in front of him. Absently he realized that if all his blood wasn't already pooled in his groin, he might have gotten a nosebleed like the characters in the manga he read.

"Argggh! Get off, Ran!" Nanao growled, pushing at Rangiku's breasts.

Rangiku laughed, releasing a flailing Nanao, and made to come over to give him a hug. He held up his hands, "I was just having an attack Rangiku. I'm not feeling too well, sorry!"

"Well, Shunsui promised he would buy me two rounds of drinks if I gave each of you a big hug while you were together! He said you both had a rough day. Want to come to the bar and drink with us?" Rangiku pouted and looped her arm around Nanao again, smiling at him and poking at her left boob for emphasis.

"No!" both Nanao and Jyuushiro shouted in unison.

It was then Jyuu decided that he was well overdue to take his leave and head back to his quarters. Standing in the middle of the Thirteenth's gardens sporting an erection with two attractive vice captains hugging was beginning to remind him of one of the clips. He could almost visualize them kissing and touching each other's…

Standing abruptly, he mumbled something incoherently about training to the two puzzled women before he quickly shunpo'd away.

***SS***