Disclaimer - I own nothing related to Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer and company. Which is fine, I'll just take the actor who plays Jasper since I can't have the fictional one. I make no money from this fanfiction.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and/or added this story to your favorites and/or alerts! Tons of love.

Giant 'thank you' to Crystie for the beta.

Warning – 18 and over only, please. Explicit sexual content, drinking, brash language.

I woke up, lying on my side the next morning and instantly threw my arm over my eyes – it was bright. I stretched out, cracking my ankles, groaning as my leg muscles tensed up before relaxing. I felt deliciously sore, and I wondered why. My entire body froze as I suddenly recalled the many activities from the previous night.

Jasper and I had romped around the house, moving from the couch to the floor (which is where he finally demanded that I removed my skirt) to the table in the kitchen before round two was over. We had fallen asleep on the kitchen floor, but I had woken up about an hour later and woke Jazz up, who initiated round three. That took place in the hallway, the shower, the bathroom floor, and eventually my bed. I proudly started round four. Jasper had fallen asleep, sprawled out naked on top of my covers. I watched him for awhile, turning myself on as I took in his nude body, his curls haloed around his head, his gorgeous, pouty lips.

I had scared him a little, because he had woken up with my lips wrapped around his growing erection, but he caught on soon enough. We went slowly that time, taking time to enjoy every inch of each other before Jasper finally covered my body with his own. Our touches turned to caresses, our frantic kisses tender and soft. He looked me in the eyes as he entered me, and I didn't look away from his blue-green irises until well after we were both finished. I had stroked his cheek, brushed his hair from his face, marveled at the contours of his back as I ran my hands up and down it.

I had wanted to scream at him, to tell him I'd missed him, that I was sorry, that I'd give every drop of rum in the world to just keep him for another night. With that shocking realization came another, scarier one – Jasper and I were making love, not humping like frantic, needy rabbits. I had pushed that from my mind immediately, not wanting to even fathom the repercussions of our actions. Sex was one thing; Jasper and I could explain away fucking, but not what we were doing. It was sensual and sweet, slow and melodic, and I had never felt more needed, more satisfied.

After what seemed like hours, I had finally reached my peak, and I brought Jasper over with me. I wanted to cry when he whispered my name as he came deeply within me. The way he said my name sounded like how a lover would, so soft and caressingly. We had fallen asleep soon after, me wrapped in Jasper's strong embrace. There had been no nightmares, no waking up screaming to an empty apartment. I'd had my usual night's ration of rum, but I was more than sober by the time I had fallen asleep. It was the first time in over a year that I hadn't had a nightmare without the aid of my rum.

I jumped as I felt an arm heavily being thrown around me, and a warm body pressing against me. Jasper. I sighed, pretending to still be asleep, but as Jasper molded himself against my back, his face nuzzling into my neck, I could tell he was still sleeping. His breathing was heavy and even, and he was mumbling nonsensical things. I grabbed onto his arm, snuggling it into my stomach and I shut down my brain, just allowing myself to feel comforted in Jasper's arms.

About twenty minutes later, just as I was falling back asleep, I felt Jasper stir for a moment before he froze completely. My eyes shot open and I waited for the onslaught of awkwardness. I was shocked when Jasper didn't pull away; instead, he tightened his arm around me and I felt him hesitantly put his lips to my shoulder. He kissed my shoulder up to my neck, not in a sexual manner, but a sensual one.

"You awake?" he asked, his voice husky from sleep.

I thought about not answering, but decided he probably already knew I was awake anyway. "Yes," I said quietly. I cleared my throat.

"Good morning," he whispered, kissing my neck again.

"Good morning," I replied.

"Hungry?"

My stomach growled and we both chuckled. "I suppose that answers your question."

"Bells?" he asked.

"Yes?" I said, my heart racing, wondering if he was going to start right into the awkward conversation I knew we'd need to have… eventually.

"Would you do me the honor of going to breakfast with me?" he asked seriously, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

I laughed, relieved that it wasn't nearly as weird as I had assumed. "Well, kind sir, because you have asked so sweetly, I suppose I have no choice but to accept your offer," I said in a horrible English accent.

I felt Jasper shake with quiet laughter. "Alright, me lady," he said, his fake accent worse than mine. "How about ten more moments here, a shower, and then we may be on our merry way?"

I laughed. "You mean you aren't going to make me the famous Whitlock chocolate chip pancakes?" I pouted, dropping the accent.

"Perhaps tomorrow," he said with a yawn, shifting behind me for a minute before resting his cheek on my head.

I smiled, happy to hear he was at least staying for another day. My heart pounded within my chest when I began wondering how long he was actually going to be here. I didn't want him to leave, not ever, but I didn't exactly want him to stay, either. I didn't want him to see me drink every night, or to have to sneak it behind his back. But I pushed that away, deciding to just deal with things as they came, because I wanted to enjoy the feel of Jasper's naked body against my own for the next ten minutes.

Ten minutes turned into twenty, which turned into thirty, and finally into both of us falling asleep again. I woke up to Jasper's hand trailing my naked side. I was cuddled up against him, my head resting on his marvelous chest. I smiled and put my leg over his beneath the blue sheet that covered only our lower halves, snuggling deeper into the warm body that was just begging for attention. I felt Jasper chuckle quietly, his head turning and he took a deep breath through his nose, smelling my hair.

"Still smell like roses?" I asked quietly.

"Mmm, roses and strawberries," he corrected. "Still the same Bella."

He nuzzled the top of my head and I began tracing random patterns along his toned stomach, loving the way he twitched when I would get too close to his sides – he was the most ticklish person I'd ever met. My hands itched to attack him, to make him squirm and roar with laughter, as I had done thousands of times when we were younger. He would always get mad at me, because he hated being tickled, especially because he couldn't torture me back – I wasn't ticklish at all. Well, unless of course you trailed your fingers very, very lightly just under my butt, but it didn't work through fabric. Not to mention, I'd never exactly told Jasper that.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly, his hand still leaving a heated trail up and down my side.

"How badly I want to tickle you," I said with a laugh.

Jasper tensed instantly. "Please don't," he breathed. "You know I hate that shit."

I laughed. "I won't," I said with a dramatic sigh. "But I really, really want to."

Jasper growled lowly. "You do that and I won't make Mama's chocolate cake tonight like I'd planned."

I looked up at him, wide-eyed. "Mama Whitlock's chocolate cake?" I asked breathlessly. "You wouldn't dare take that away from me."

"I would," he said, narrowing his eyes.

I chewed my lip, contemplating. I finally gave in with a sigh. "You're evil," I mumbled, putting my head back on his chest and pouting.

Jasper laughed, and I couldn't help but smile at the much-missed sound. "I knew you couldn't resist."

It was true; I loved Jasper's mother's chocolate cake. I'd called her 'Mom' since I could remember, always having thought her more motherly than what my mother had been. Don't get me wrong, Renée tried, she did, but she was too into herself to be able to take care of me properly. It was alright, because she didn't realize she was doing it, and I only wanted her happiness, so I never said anything. Her and my dad had divorced when I was only one, and Charlie had gotten custody. I used to see my mom every weekend, and two days a week, but when she moved to Phoenix, I only went for two weeks out of the summer.

My mother visited sometimes, but she never stayed very long because her husband traveled a lot and she hated being away from him for too long. That's where Jasper's mom, Helen, came into play. She was there for me, from the day I scraped my knee at the park when I was three to the day I moved out of Forks. Dad and I used to go over for dinner all the time, because Charlie was really good friends, and coworkers, with Jazz's dad, John. That's how Jasper and I had met, when we were two, just after his dad had joined the force. I took to their family like a fish to water; it just felt natural, being in their kitchen or in the bedroom Helen had set up for me when I was five and refused to go home. I had stayed with them for about four days before I was finally ready to go home.

Jasper and I used to do sleepovers all the time, and Charlie always let Jasper sleep in my room on the floor, until we got older, of course. Even when we were teenagers, we still did sleepovers, staying up until midnight in one or the other's living rooms before we went to bed. Jasper would sleep on the pullout couch or I'd sleep in 'my room' at his house. Sometimes Jasper would have nightmares about his brother's death, and he'd come and lie down in my bed and let me hold him while he cried. He was still having those nightmares when I had left eight years later, just not as frequently.

His brother, Andrew, died when Jasper and I were fourteen; Andrew was eighteen and on his way to some friend's house in another state. He had gone by train, as the tickets were cheaper than flying, and no one had an extra car for him to use. The train had derailed and Andrew had died instantly. I was sad about it, too, because Andrew was like the big, goofy older brother I'd never had. He was tall – taller than Jasper – and he was funnier than anyone I had ever met. He used to pick on me or make funny faces or let me spray his light brown hair bright green; I told him it matched his eyes.

Charlie had helped with all the arrangements, as Helen and John were just too distraught about losing their oldest child. Jasper had felt suffocated by his parents after Andrew had died, because he was the only child they had left. They didn't let him go anywhere for the longest time, and Jasper constantly had me around. I had felt a little suffocated, too, because Helen and John had kind of clung to me as well. Jasper told me it was because they saw me as their daughter, which was okay, because I saw them as my second set of parents.

Apart from Jasper, I missed Helen almost as much as I missed Charlie. Helen was Mom, plain and simple. She'd cared for me when I was sick and Charlie was at work. She had taken me shopping for bras and explained to me what a period was and how to use pads and tampons. She'd spent weekends just with me, doing our nails and hair and going shopping for dresses. Helen let me cry and cry and cry when Edward and I would fight over something stupid, and she'd be the one to tell me it would all work out. She would introduce me to people as her daughter, and I would beam with pride, glad to have such a cool surrogate mom. I always told everyone that whereas Renée was my mother, Helen was my mommy.

Things changed a little when Jasper started dating Alice. Alice was my best friend, girl-wise, and I used to think she was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. She had short dark hair and even darker eyes. She was short with a dancer's body, and I was very unsurprised when they started dating in the eighth grade. I thought it was kind of funny, really, seeing them together – tall and short, muscular and petite, light and dark, quiet and loud. They were perfect opposites and everyone thought they'd be married right out of high school. They would have been, as Jasper had proposed to Alice at graduation, but only six months later, everything changed.

I'd met Edward his first day of sophomore year. His family had just moved to Forks, and I was the first person to pounce at the chance to welcome the new kid. Only two weeks in, he'd asked me out, and I gladly accepted. Jasper was skeptical at first, telling me that no guy that fake-sweet could be suitable for me. I had rolled my eyes and told him to mind his own business. I hadn't realized that Edward wasn't as sweet on the inside until much later, but it was already too late; I was in too deep to take off my rose-colored glasses. By the time we all hit junior year, we were an inseparable foursome, Jasper and I being the strongest link in the chain.

Helen had disapproved of Alice staying over, screeching at both Jasper and I when we asked. I asked why I was allowed to stay and Alice wasn't, but Mom didn't answer, she just pursed her lips and shook her head. Jasper and I had shrugged it off and continued on with our brother/sister routines. Alice and Edward didn't like the fact that Jasper and I spent nights together, but we shrugged them off, too, telling them it was take both or take none at all. Edward used to get so mad at me when I told him I would chose Jasper over him if he made me, but I still stopped staying over at Jasper's so much after that.

Helen and I had helped Jasper pick out the engagement ring for Alice, but Mom didn't seem too into it. I had asked her, later that night, why she didn't seem as enthusiastic as Jazz and I, but she just said she was sad to see her only son drifting into manhood and that I was growing up and soon enough I'd be getting married, too. I had smiled and hugged her, telling her that we weren't going anywhere, even if Jasper and I married other people and went off to college – which we were in the process of planning at that point.

Jasper and I were supposed to meet Alice and Edward at the park just outside of town, but we got bored and decided to just go pick up Alice early. We got into his car, chatting happily about which college we would attend, but we both went silent as we arrived outside Alice's house; Edward's car was in the driveway. My heart raced and Jasper and I stared at each other for a moment, both of us confused. I took out my cell phone to call one of them, but Jazz took it from me. A determined, hard look took over his features and he got out of the car, telling me to stay put. I ignored him, of course.

I was hot on his heels as he stalked up the front pathway, up the stairs to the porch, and then right through the door, not even bothering to knock. I ran into his back as he skidded to a halt in the foyer, but he didn't even seem to notice. I looked around him into the living room, and my hand went to my mouth to stifle the scream I felt rising in my throat. There were Edward and Alice, naked and having sex on the flower-patterned couch in the quaint living room. I just stood there, not able to move, but Jasper snapped.

He had ploughed into the living room and grabbed Edward by the shoulder, throwing him off Alice with a force I didn't think he had in him. I watched in shock as Edward and Alice scrambled to their feet, grabbing their clothes and trying to cover themselves. Edward finally looked past Jasper, at me, and he looked terrified. He'd made to move toward me, but Jasper shoved him, and Edward landed on the ground.

"I want my ring back," Jasper said through gritted teeth, turning to Alice. "Now."

Alice shook from head to toe, but took off the beautiful platinum ring with a large, solitary diamond, and put it into Jasper's open hand.

"Bella," Edward gasped from the floor, "it's not… it's not what it looks like."

Jasper laughed humorlessly. "Fuck you, man," he said, and I was glad he was answering for me, because I had no words. "It's kind of hard to miss what the fuck is going on. You two are fucking, we got that. I speak for both Bella and myself – fuck off, and we never want to see either of you again."

I shook my head, still not comprehending what was going on.

"You can't speak for her," Edward said indignantly.

I nodded my head, agreeing with Jasper, not Edward.

"Yes, I can," Jasper said evenly. "And if that's not what she wants, that's tough, because you won't be coming within a hundred feet of her… ever."

I blinked a few times, my hand still over my mouth.

"Oh, please, Jasper," Alice said, seeming to have finally found her voice, "you two have been fucking for years. It's kind of obvious, hunny. Bella's nothing but a little whore. I wouldn't be surprised. She slept with Edward after only a month, and that stupid guy back in freshmen year."

Now, I don't think Jasper would ever hit a woman, but I think that was the closest he'd ever come. His hands balled into fists and he walked so he was directly in front of Alice, and she looked as terrified as Edward had.

"Don't… you… ever… say… that… about… Bella," Jasper ground out, and I saw his body shake with anger.

"Jasper," I whispered, worried he'd do something stupid.

"Just a minute," he said, not looking at me. "Now, not that you two deserve this, but just to set shit straight, Bella and I have never had anything but a completely platonic relationship. Bella has been with two men, unlike you, Alice. How many people did you sleep with when we broke up for a few months? Five? Six? Perhaps more?"

"That's bullshit!" Alice screeched.

Jasper shrugged. "Doesn't matter anymore," he said, his voice mock-calm. "What you two have been doing is unforgivable. Now, if you will excuse us."

I couldn't help but admire Jasper's ability to still be polite, even though I knew he probably wanted nothing more than to kill one or both of them. I didn't realize I was shaking until Jasper walked up to me and grabbed my upper arms, and I couldn't quite meet his eyes. He sighed sadly and hunched down before picking me up bridal-style and carrying me back to the car. I didn't cry until we got back to his house. He had carried me into 'my room' and just sat on the bed, cradling me.

"I'm so sorry," Jasper had whispered.

I realized that he was going through the same pain I was, perhaps even worse, and I lost it; I cried and cried and cried, for both of us. Jasper rocked me as I cried, but he only lasted a few minutes more, and then I felt his body shuddering with sobs. Helen came home an hour later to find both of us still shaking, but laying on the bed, our arms and legs tangled together. I squeaked out what had happened and she climbed into the bed, untangling our limbs and inserting herself between us.

"Shh, my babies, it'll be alright," she whispered, putting an arm beneath both our heads and drawing us closer to her.

Jasper and I clung to his mom, neither of us caring about the fact that we were both full grown adults. We hurt. We needed her, and she was there. My arm met Jasper's across her stomach and we reached for each other, molding ourselves closer to Helen in order to do so. We all laid there for hours and hours, until we were all out of tears. Helen kissed both our heads before climbing out of the bed, mumbling something about dinner and wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt. Jasper and I held each other for the next few days, neither of us saying a word. I was thankful that Charlie didn't come to get me until a few days later and that Helen just quietly put meals on the side table, kissing our heads and then going back downstairs.

It was two years later that Jasper called me to come over as soon as possible. I had rushed over, worried by the tone in his voice. The moment I ran through the front door, I knew something was wrong. John was the only one in the living room, and he stood when I entered. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Tears pooled in his eyes and I suddenly understood – Charlie was dead. John had caught me as my knees gave out, the realization making me want to die, too. I didn't cry until Jasper walked in, and then I sobbed so hard I choked again and again.

Jasper held me, and I screamed every time I thought he was pulling back. Jasper would double his hold on me, his body shaking with quiet sobs, but I didn't really pay that any mind. I had felt as though my whole world was falling apart, and I was counting on Jasper to hold it together by holding me. Neither Helen nor John touched me, because I only cried harder when they did, and I think they worried about my breathing. I went in and out of consciousness for the next few days, Jasper never once leaving my side other than bathroom breaks. I had brokenly given my consent for Helen and John and the department to take care of funeral arrangements. I hadn't given a damn about the flowers, or the casket, or the music… all I knew was that it didn't make a difference, because none of it would bring my dad back.

Jasper all but carried me through the service and the burial, as I couldn't even see straight. I begged him not to leave my side, but he did, in order to give the eulogy I wasn't able to. Helen took Jasper's place beside me, pulling me tightly against her side as Jasper approached the pulpit. His hands shook as he took a folded piece of paper out of his suit jacket. He cleared his throat and proceeded to read out his speech.

"Charlie Swan was a man of honor, a decorated police chief, a dedicated friend, and a loving father." Jasper cleared his throat. "As most of you know, Charlie was my father's best friend and my best friend's father, but he was also a father to me. I've called him 'Dad' since I can remember, honestly, because that's what he was to me. He was always so kind, never once turning me down when I needed to talk. He made it a point to tell me he loved me when I'd leave the house, always pulling me into that big hug that made you feel so comforted no matter what you were going through. When my brother died, Charlie was there for my family, making sure we ate and the arrangements were taken care of. I've never told anyone this, but he came up to my room a few days later and just hugged me."

Jasper's voice broke and tears began to stream down his face and I wanted nothing more than to run up there and hold him as he continued.

"He didn't say anything, he just let me cry and cry," Jasper said, his voice low and full of pain. "My family was mourning the loss of my brother, and even though I had Bella, there was just something about the fatherly feel he exuded that left me feeling alright for awhile. I've always wondered what it would be like to get that officer at my door, telling me something happened to my father. I didn't expect it to hurt this much, to know that I'll never see that crinkle-eyed smile again on the face of my secondary father. Bella… Bella wanted me to make sure I mentioned his love for fishing, because he'd be pissed if someone didn't."

The people in the church had laughed quietly, me included.

"He was a fisherman, we all know that," he said quietly. "He always had the best fish fries in town, and he wasn't afraid to share. I think my favorite memory of Charlie was when he took Bella and me out fishing when we were about ten. It was a complete disaster, honestly. Bella fell out of the boat just as I hooked into a fish, and he actually jumped out of the boat to keep Bella above water while shouting instructions at me to get the fish in the boat. What I thought was the best was that Bella had on a lifejacket, so she was in no real danger, but that just showed me what a good father he was. If anyone has been in Charlie's house, the first thing you'd see is a few family pictures, and the tiny fish I caught mounted on the wall.

"Bella wanted me to make sure I told all of you what a wonderful father he was," Jasper said, tears falling heavily down his face. "I can tell you from personal experience that Charlie might have been quiet, but he was always there when someone needed him. He was sweet, loving, and cared about nothing more than making sure everyone was safe. He died trying to do that, and I commend him, from the bottom of my heart, for trying to make our little town a better place. Charlie, if you can hear me, we all appreciate the astounding, dedicated work you did, and… and we'll always miss you… and… I l-love you…D-Dad."

John had hurried onto the stage as Jasper broke down completely, his hands covering his face, his tears soaking through his speech. I openly sobbed as I saw Jasper's knees weaken, and I rushed to the stage too, wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around Jasper. John, Jasper and I stumbled a little off the platform and back to our seats, where we sat crying for the rest of the service. Jasper pulled it together by the time we went the grave site, but I didn't. Nor did I ever really pull it together.

The next few weeks were the worst, and Jasper never once left my side. Things evened out a little, but I couldn't stand living in the house, so I stayed in my room at Jasper's. Just a little over a year later, I still wasn't feeling much better, and I made the drastic decision to move. At first I thought about moving to Phoenix, to be by my mother, but I was still angry at her for not even showing up to Charlie's funeral. Every time I looked at Jasper, I just pictured him giving that speech, or the things he said when we caught Edward and Alice. It all came to a breaking point and I announced I was selling the old house and moving.

Helen and Jasper had helped me pack when I decided to move; they cried the whole time, but never once asked me to stay, just like I had asked them. Helen told me that she loved me, that I was the daughter any mom could ask for, and it broke my heart to get into my car and drive away, her just standing there in the driveway, Jasper hugging her as they both cried. I suddenly realized I was the worst daughter on the entire planet – leaving the one woman who had loved me fully and unconditionally behind without so much as a phone call to tell her I'd gotten to Seattle in one piece.

"Hey," Jasper whispered, "what's wrong?"

I sniffled and cleared my throat. "I'm sorry," I whispered, closing my eyes to keep more tears from falling out and onto his chest.

"Shh," he murmured, kissing my hair. "Don't cry, Bella. Tell me what's wrong."

"I miss Mom," I said, my voice catching as a sob choked me.

"She misses you too, hunny," he said comfortingly, and I was unsurprised that he knew I was talking about Helen.

"Can we go see her?" I asked through my sobs.

"Right now?" he asked.

I nodded. "I really, really want to see her," I cried.

"Okay, baby, okay," he said, closing both arms around my shuddering frame, holding me closer. "Let's get dressed and I'll drive, alright?"

I nodded again. "Okay," I whispered.

My heart hurt. I was suddenly slammed in the chest with a horrible need to feel Helen's slim arms around me, hugging me like only a mother could. For years and years I had shoved the Whitlocks out of my head, going so far as to even stash all of my pictures and mementos of the many things that reminded me of any of them in a storage unit twenty miles from my apartment. There was only once that I allowed myself to curl into a ball on my couch and sob, letting my brain replay all of the wonderful memories of Helen and John and Jasper and Andrew. Helen had called on my twenty-fifth birthday, three years after I had moved, and left a message on my cell phone, and I could barely hear what she said because she was crying so hard.

"Hi, Bella, it's Mom… I mean, Helen Whitlock," the message said. "I… I just wanted to call… and… and tell you h-happy birthday. I know… I kn-know I promised I wouldn't c-call you, but I just… I m-m-miss you. Jazzy and I made you a c-cake, the choc-chocolate one, just… just in case you decided to come h-home. C-c-call me back if… if you want to… talk or… if you n-need anything. I l-love you, B-Bella."

I had called into work the next day, having not slept and still crying.

"Come on, Bella," Jasper whispered, his arms loosening.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed.

Jasper kissed my forehead. "Alright," he said quietly, "I'll get dressed, and then I'll dress you, and then we'll leave, okay?"

"Okay," I squeaked out.

It only took Jasper twenty minutes to pry himself out of my death grip and get dressed before he gently dressed me, too. He basically carried me to his car, as I was still crying, and he tucked me into the passenger seat before running to his side of the car. We were only an hour in when the horrifying realization that we were headed back to Forks struck me hard. I hyperventilated for a minute, but then Jasper grabbed my hand and shushed me quietly, whispering calming things. There was nothing Jasper could do to calm me as we passed into the city limits, though.

"Welcome home, Bella," Jasper said quietly.

A/N – Please take just take a moment out to review – I really do appreciate it.