A/N: First attempt at fanfic. Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters, Stephenie Meyer does. No copyright infringement intended. I'm just playing around with her characters. :)

Chapter 1. Routine

BPOV

It was Monday evening.

There was absolutely nothing to do since I had already finished my school assignments for the day. I'm just here, staring at the ceiling of my room waiting for a miracle to happen. I hated this time of day; it's always the hardest on me.

The alarm clock on my bedside table flashed 6:45pm.

Perhaps I should have been getting ready. Ready to drown out all the voices and anything that's bound to happen within the next 15 minutes, but for some reason, I couldn't get my body to move out of bed.

I had always been good at drowning out negative things around me. For the most part, my school work helped me focus. But today I felt masochistic. For some reason I felt like I should inflict pain on myself in order to succeed.

I started to doze off for a little bit when I heard a door slam. I glanced at the clock and it announced that it was 7:15pm.

Right on time, I thought bitterly.

And just like that it all started.

"You've got to be kidding me, right?" I heard my mother question Charlie from the living room.

"No. I told you I already had plans this weekend and for now it doesn't include you or Bella," my father answered in a rather harsh tone.

And there it was! Little hints like these hurt me the most. Knowing how my parents really felt about me, and the charade they tried to put up in front of me.

Apparently, Mom wanted us to do something as a 'family' this weekend.

My eyes clouded with tears but I refused to let them fall as I listened further.

"Charlie!" my mother hissed, "Bella's upstairs and she might hear you! Can't you be more considerate?"

Charlie growled, "Look who's talking about considerations right now!"

That's when I started to tune them out. I couldn't take this anymore. My parents were the most important things in my life but their attitudes lately have definitely not improved for the better.

I was always intrigued by knowing why my parents got back together. I mean, they got married right out of high school and then they had me. Those were the happy times, I guess – before I was born and became a burden to them.

My parents separated when I was 8 and I went to live with my mother back in her hometown of Phoenix, Arizona. I had to admit, we lived a pretty decent lifestyle but I still missed my dad. I used to spend time with him over the summer but sometimes it wasn't enough.

So naturally, I was very excited when my parents decided to get back together and my mom and I moved back to Forks. I wasn't really happy with having to move to Forks itself, since I don't really get along with the rain, and that's the general weather of this tiny town. Overall, I was truly happy. I thought we were going to be happy. My parents were together and I felt… content? Yeah, I would probably qualify it as that.

The first two years were good. We were literally the perfect family; but then it all turned to shit.

My phone rang and in my hurry to answer it, I didn't even check the caller ID.

"Hello"

"Hey Bell." It was Jasper. He has been my best and only friend ever since I lived in Forks – the first time. He's the only one that knows what really goes on in my family and he's always been there for me.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding "oh, hey Jas, what's up?" I said flopping back down on my bed.

"Nothing much, I saw the Chief's car pull up. How's the atmosphere today?" he asked concerned.

I sighed, "It's… tense," I said hesitantly, "but I can handle it for now."

"That's good I guess." He sounded relieved. Jas was always worrying about me when I got involved in between my parents' arguments and such, and he always feared that I would get hurt – physically – because emotionally, I was already a wreck.

"You know you can always come over if you need to, right?" he asked, reassuring me.

"Yes. I know... Thank you."

"Bella?" My mom knocked on the door. I jumped, startled.

"Dinner's ready," she said in a cheery voice.

I groaned. Renée's cooking wasn't the best out there. She knew how to cook, but I guess she just got lazy, so I normally took over the kitchen duty. But since today I told her I wasn't feeling well when I came home from school, she 'volunteered' to make dinner.

"Sorry mom, I'm not eating tonight," I called back trying to sound apologetic while Jasper laughed his ass off on the phone. "I'm just going to get ready for bed."

"Are you sure? Not even a little bit?" She sounded hurt but I would not risk my stomach's health with one of Renee's new inventions. She was probably trying out a new recipe.

I exhaled loudly. "Yes I'm sure mom. I'm just really tired." God I hope she doesn't keep insisting. I crossed my fingers in hopes of that.

"You can't lie for shit Bell.. just - just stop trying," Jasper said trying to stifle his laughter.

"Fuck you, jerk!" I hissed

I heard Renee sigh, "Alright sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow." She sounded defeated and now that made me feel guilty.

"Ok, goodnight," I said almost inaudibly.

"Oh, God!" I groaned leaning forward resting my head in my hand.

"What's wrong?" Jasper asked

"You should have heard Renee's tone; she makes me feel so fucking guilty it gets on my nerves. It's like for some reason she blames me for what's happening without really doing it, you know?"

"I know Bell," he whispered in a serious tone, "but try to ignore it. Like I told you before, that's just Renee's way of venting off and she clearly doesn't understand how that affects you. Just give her time."

"Yeah, I know." I knew I had to be patient with my mom and sometimes that wasn't the easiest thing to do; but I was trying and that had to count for something I guess.

I took a deep breath. "Thanks Jas… for everything"

He scoffed. "Whatever. I'm your friend – no scratch that – I'm your brother. I'm here for you."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, cause Rosalie's very fond of me and she'll just share her twin with me happily," I said sarcastically

"Aw, Bell, come on," he said in a tired tone. "You know how Rose is… she's just a bit… misunderstood."

Misunderstood. That's putting it lightly; Rosalie just did not like me. I guess she blamed me for taking her twin away from her because Jas and I were best friends, and our relationship was better than his and Rose's. However, I always felt her hatred seemed severe for the situation.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Jas. I don't really want to talk about it ok?" I said flatly.

"It's okay, Bell." After a pause, he added, "So… what's the plan tonight?"

I rolled my eyes. I liked how Jasper always managed to change the atmosphere of any conversation.

"Um.." I said hesitantly. I really didn't have anything to do. "I'll probably just go to sleep?"

Jasper laughed. "Okay Bell, whatever you say." He paused for a minute. "Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks Jas" I said with a smile. "You're the best." I said truthfully.

"No prob," he answered in an amused tone "that's what bff's are for, right?"

I snorted. "Yeah… right" I said between giggles. "See you tomorrow."

"Night, Bell." And with that our conversation was over.

I looked back at my nightstand and noticed that my clock registered that it was only 7:30. It was impossible for me to fall asleep so early so I decided to do things in slow motion.

I carefully took out a fresh set of pajamas and headed towards the bathroom. Taking my time in the shower, I thought about all the things that used to make me happy. My parents were in most of these memories. I thought back to the time where I honestly believed that my parents truly loved me. Those were the amazing days that I was certain I would never get back.

To everyone outside of the Swan household we were a happy family. Everyone was envious of our relationship with each other. But that was all a façade. They didn't see or hear all the things I've had to endure the past few years. Sure, they were mild compared to other horrendous things that happened in other people's households, but for me – a person who was not used to this… treatment – this was something big for me personally.

That's why I made a promise to myself that I would never love anybody. This may sound selfish but I just can't bring myself to love someone because I mess up everything I touch. In addition, I would hate to see a person broken because of me.

The water was running cold by the time I became mentally exhausted from all the thinking I had done

I got out of the shower and decided to blow dry my hair – just to waste time – and it did the trick. By the time I was finished and brushed my teeth it was already 9:00 pm.

Decent time to go to sleep on a school night right? I thought.

As I headed out of the bathroom, I heard my parents arguing some more and I hurried to my room because I didn't want to hear any of their accusations towards each other – or towards me for that matter. I am a very peaceful person, but one of these days, I'm going to snap. I've already had enough of their bullshit and it's literally getting in the way of everything I do.

I swiftly climbed in my bed as thoughts of a happier life drowned my consciousness. I felt the tears pouring out of my eyes as I thought of those times we used to go fishing. I never really liked it but it made me content to be out with my family – acting as a real family for once.

I cried myself to sleep, while I desperately prayed that I wouldn't have nightmares that night.

-x-x-

Morning came all too soon but I woke up with the surprise of seeing the sun shining. That was rare in Forks, so I took a minute to appreciate it. Glancing at my alarm clock, I noticed that it was time for me to get ready for school. I actually rather liked this time of day. It was the excitement of being in a different environment – even if it was Forks High's school grounds – but I figured that it was better than being locked in a house full of shouting and accusations.

I got ready for school just like any regular day. I picked out the first thing I saw in my closet – not caring if it matched or not – and just threw it on. My hair was pretty much done since I washed it the night before.

I grabbed my things and headed for the stairs. My excitement was short lived as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs.

The house was quiet. I couldn't even hear the hum of the television in the living room. I dropped my bag as I slowly made my way to the kitchen. I stopped abruptly when I noticed the kitchen was impeccable. There was no breakfast on the table, no dirty dishes, no nothing – and this scared the shit out of me.

"Mother?" I whispered almost inaudibly.

Of course, there was no response. Making my way towards the living room, I saw her. She looked sick, like she hadn't slept the night before. She was curled up in the recliner staring blankly out the window.

"Mom?" I asked again, my voice laced with worry.

She didn't even acknowledge my presence. I approached her slowly and crouched down in front of her as I reached for her hand. As soon as our hands touched, she snapped back into reality and broke down.

"Oh, Isabella!" she cried as she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me so tightly it hurt.

"Oh Bella… my Bella" she kept saying into my hair.

I was confused. What happened last night that Renee could be so upset? I knew I should have stayed awake last night, but was too selfish. I only thought of what I wanted at that moment and forgot about everything else. My parents' arguments always wore me out. I knew I had to help to make them understand that they should blame me for some of their arguments because I was the catalyst to most of their arguments.

"Shh, Mom, its ok." I said, rubbing her back trying to comfort her.

It always broke my heart to see her like this. She looked like her world was falling apart and she was watching it happen.

"No it's not," she sobbed. "No it's not."

I leaned back to look into her eyes. They were clouded with sadness and something else I couldn't fathom. Her eyes were unfocused for a second and I fought to make her hold my gaze.

I shook her and asked, my voice cracking, "Mother, what happened?" I couldn't stand to see her like this, especially knowing that I could have been the cause for her feeling like this.

I watched her as something suddenly lit up in her brain and she scanned the wall looking for the clock.

She stroked my cheek slowly, wiping off a tear that I hadn't noticed was there before she spoke.

"You have to get to school… you're going to be late" she smiled sadly at me.

"No!" I said firmly, closing my eyes.

"Isabella…" she said in a disapproving tone.

"No, Mom, I'm not moving until you tell me what's wrong." I said seriously, staring at her saddened angelic face.

She took a deep breath and stood up. "Bella.." she began, "please don't argue with me." She said tiredly. "Your education comes first…" she reached down and encased both her hands in mine. She looked me dead in the eye as she said her next statement.

"I promise we will talk… after school," she said as she squeezed my hands as emphasis.

I sighed, looking down at out hands "Ok, Mother." I said defeated.

"Good." She smiled at me then and dropped my hands.

She made her way towards the hallway and I followed quietly. She picked up my bag from where I had carelessly thrown it and handed it to me.

"Have a good day, Isabella," she said quietly as she kissed my forehead.

I merely nodded, not trusting my voice.

As I turned the doorknob, I heard my mother whisper. "I'm sorry about breakfast."

I walked out of the house as if I hadn't heard anything.

Thanks to Amy (Nolebucgrl) for pre-reading this chapter and the betas from PTB for their editing help! :D

Feedback is always appreciated :)