_22. Half Betrayal and Half Protecting (Часть вторая)

Ah… how nostalgic…

That was the only thing Izaya could think of as he stepped once again to the familiar roof of Nebula building, the place where everything was truly started.

Not even once he thought he would ever come to this place again after that faithful scene where Shizuo beat him up and almost choked him to death, much less after he ever regained his memories back. But here he was, in a cold, not very welcoming night, stood in the very place where he decided to change everything between himself and Shizuo he swore to himself—was the very first fatal mistake he ever make for the 25 years he has lived.

The group of muscular men he knew were certainly subordinates of Yadogiri had gone, escorting Izaya and leaving him all alone in here. The silent message was that Izaya had to wait in here and to give his fate to whatever would happen to him in any second. The raven snorted at the thought, and grinned to the men an unnerving smile, as if he was trying to look down upon them—to tell them that despite what every misfortune things that had ever happened to Orihara Izaya, he wouldn't break that easily—that he was still the man who was in higher place than humans and he looked down on them.

The men's expressions didn't change even a bit. What made Izaya even more uncomfortable was that these men, despite their muscular bodies, didn't even show every hint of humanity with the way they walked, acted, or showing their expressions. It was as if they were merely robot that had no feelings, which made them didn't even flinch even after Izaya's unnerving grin at them.

They gave the raven a last robotic gaze before they left Izaya all alone in an empty space of the cold night at the top of Nebula. It was then that Izaya found something's weird about their eyes.

Their eyes… they were unnatural shade of red color.

Izaya sighed and shook his head. It didn't matter to think about that at such moment.

After all, I've come this far to sacrifice myself, ne?

The raven felt his body shook. Which feeling was this? Nervous? Anguish? Despair?

Fear?

Yeah… that's probably it. After all that's what I've been so scared of for my life ne?

But I've promised myself not to dither before. Don't be worried… I've made this decision.

True… after all, there was something he was so scared of even more so than losing his life now.

Losing the already few that were close to him.

In example, his sisters who he was very sure Yadogiri would take care of as soon as he regained his memories. With the strings of events that have lead up to this night, even though he knew it was reckless, he was very sure that his sisters were in Yadogiri's hand. Which was why he was here anyway, while hoping that Yadogiri hadn't killed them.

He could have sent Celty here if he wanted to, but no. If he ever did so, Yadogiri would predict it and attacked Shinra instead. With such informed ability, Yadogiri probably had already known about his relationship with Shinra…. Though he doubt if he knew how much he truly cared for the doctor. Without Celty, Shinra was nothing but an underground doctor without any protection. Namie's presence would make it even worse, since she would either be killed too or would hide for her dear life anyway.

Either way, Izaya couldn't risk losing anyone again. No more. He hated this weakness he had, making him caring for other people's life he never cared before. To humans he loved yet never had any bond of affection before…

And it's all that neanderthal's fault…

How humiliating, but the raven couldn't stop himself from loving that brute anyway.

The fragments of memories he shared with the ex-bartender were proves of it. The feelings he had wished… no, he wished to be gone after he lost his memories becoming stronger and stronger instead, making the raven felt even more attached to the blond.

He wondered where he was. Probably was still searching for him.

Izaya grimaced at the thought, wondering how raged, broken, and beast-like Shizuo would be when he would only be able to find Izaya's corpse later... without even have any chance to say anything.

But at least… he should be okay, ne? Shizu-chan is strong. He's always been. He should be able to heold his head high, leave the past and move forward… Fragile, yet strong. That's what hi s true nature is. A monster.

The raven smiled bitterly. The memories of last night's activities and Shizuo's anger also confession this morning… it was almost like a miracle. He thought Shizuo would never return his feeling, that's why he preferred to choose the hard way rather than to suffer. He preferred to forget his feelings and became a man with no weaknesses. He was a coward for being so scared of Shizuo's answers that he chose to run away. Yet the very moment he awoken from his nightmare, Shizuo was there, saying that he loved him, despite everything Izaya did to him.

His expression just now this morning… his disappointment and anger when he knew Izaya's going to leave… His selfish obsession and possessiveness he never showed to him before…

It was prove that Heiwajima Shizuo indeed, has fallen in love with Orihara Izaya.

For Izaya, it was just like a miracle which would never come true.

Are you an idiot? Why did you choose to love me now? Don't you know that it will hurt you even more…

He was happy and yet crushed at the same time.

Because tonight… he would not have any chance to tell Shizuo that he still loved him.

He was so happy and yet Shizuo's feelings were the true torment that showed him the truth that he would never be with Shizuo. If… if only Shizuo told him sooner… no, if only he was able to tell Shizuo sooner… then maybe… everything wouldn't have to turn out like this…

No, regretting it now is no use. This was the decision he did as an information broker—no, as Orihara Izaya after all.

He was after all, the man who longed to be a god. He would not make any more mistakes. Not anymore.

"But still, I haven't prepared for this…"

The guest smiled behind Izaya as the informant turned his back to meet his gaze. That middle aged man's smile is as mischievous as before, but this time, Izaya was polite enough to return the smile back.

"For you, to be able to track and read my plans even as I lost my memories… You really hate me that much don't you, Tsukiyo-san… no, Yadogiri Jinnai-san?"

Yadogiri smiled wider. It was a creepy smile that made the raven trembled in fear, yet he couldn't hide his overwhelming emotion inside his body.

What was it, he wondered? Excitement? Insanity? Hatred? Anger? Despair?

Or maybe, mix of all of them?

Izaya grinned sadistically as well.

"Now, now, Orihara-san… I told you not to underestimate me, right? Of course I can track your plans, after all…" Yadogiri held his head high as he smiled at Izaya, as if he was looking down to the raven to humiliate him with his cruel expression and words. "I am an information broker as well."

Were those words meant to tell Izaya he was incompetent as an informant? Either way, it didn't matter. Izaya just laughed.

"Fine. You are the one who invited me. What business do you have with me?" Izaya spoke casually, as if he was talking with one of his clients from his past. "Ah, but let me tell you that now that my memories just returned very recently, I just got back into the business. If you are trying to buy any information from me, you must at least wait for a few weeks for me to prepare and gather any information I've missed while I was gone—Ah, I'm sorry, but you're not here for that aren't you? Pardon me."

Yadogiri laughed really hard at that. "So your memories really have returned haven't them?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Izaya pouted as he swung his body like a lunatic in the cold night. "That's what you've been waiting of, ne? After all, it's not fun breaking someone who has no memories of his past."

Yadogiri chuckled and clapped his hands. "You are splendid as ever."

Heh. Izaya just glared at the man in front of him. Mad man. You are just a sarcastic liar, aren't you? After all, no matter what happened to my sisters or everyone around me, you are going to kill me either way. And after tormenting me too, no less…

"Before we get to the business though," Izaya raised his hand, as if trying to keep his space from the middle aged man in front of him. Yadogiri just raised his eyebrows, amused and interest with Izaya's antics even though he was surely well aware that he was in disadvantage.

"What is it?"

"The night we met for the second time in here, few weeks ago. The time where your plan to kill me went almost very smoothly using Shizu-chan, before he stopped himself from killing me. Do you remember?"

"Aaah, how can I forget?" Yadogiri replied with a disturbing genuine smile. Izaya flinched at that smile.

A man who had been cruelly playing with other's lives, scratching at the wound and found pleasure in breaking them like toys… was smiling genuinely as if it was a good thing. It disgusted Izaya how this man took things politely just to mock him further.

But then again, I was no different with him, ne?

"You wore a very interesting expression back then… You even came here even though you can just let my prank phone a slide… Just for checking on Heiwajima-san… I'd say your real relationship is much more complicated than hatred." Yadogiri laughed in a mocking tone, particularly to show Izaya his first time showing weakness. Izaya simply smiled a bitter smile.

"I bet you were looking down at me so much. For me, Orihara Izaya to let his emotion slipped and let his mask fell…"

"It was truly ecstatic. I couldn't stop laughing. The arrogant little boy who once longed to be a god and act like a mighty emotionless brat could actually care for someone. On top of that, to Heiwajima Shizuo, your nemesis…"

"That maybe fun for you, but that's not what I want to talk about."

Again, Yadogiri raised his eyebrows. The raven haired young man in front of him wore an unreadable expression which made the man who'd been laughing and talking stopped.

That was even more confusing, since that's all you could talk of with such topic. What else could he mean?

"That night was the second time I met you." Izaya said in a firm voice. "The first time we met, I only caught a glimpse of you, as you stabbed me with a knife."

"I could never get enough of that feeling." Yadogiri chuckled. "Your handsome expression turned so tense, shocked as if you couldn't believe someone as great as you could fatally let your guard down… Such arrogance that tastes most delicious when they break."

"Ironically, I do think the same." Izaya leisurely played with his new clothes and chuckled along. It was weird that he could talk and chat easily like this with the person who wanted to torment and kill him. On one perspective, they would look like friends instead of enemies, but both men knew better. "Aah, being amnesiac so for so long, I felt like I've almost forgotten about such important meeting… Pardon me that my memories are still quite confusing as I just regained them all…

"But, Yadogiri-san… even with my jumbled memories I could still remember it clearly you know? Even with such glimpse… I did still see you. Even for such a short time, I did hear your voice. Even though I only met Yadogiri Jinnai for a very short time and just once… I could not forget the humiliation I got from the person who stabbed me, right?" Izaya suddenly grinned again, as if he had found something Yadogiri didn't know.

The way Orihara izaya spoke… his tone and the smug face which showed the older man that he wanted to play riddles… it was like a boy who just found new piece information everyone else didn't know, and being all arrogant and smug about it.

By now, Yadogiri's smile had long gone.

"Get to the point, information broker of Shinjuku. We are wasting time."

Wasting your time to torment me.

Izaya looked at Yadogiri in the eyes.

"Yeah, but you are not that Yadogiri Jinnai."

…

The only thing which filled the silence was only the sound of wind dancing in the cold night.

"… whichever do you mean by that?" Slowly the older man spoke. Izaya just stared coldly at the 'fake' Yadogiri. "I am not Yadogiri Jinnai? What kind of joke is this Orihara-san?"

The raven shook his head. "The person who planned all of these, the one who called me numerous times probably is still Yadogiri Jinnai, but when we supposedly met on the second time back then, I was only thinking I met Yadogiri Jinnai, but actually I met you."

Again, the middle aged man fell silent. But somehow, by his stern expression and by how he wasn't trying to deny, Izaya knew he hit the spot.

"Yeah, I was such a fool. When we met again, I was almost killed by Shizu-chan." Izaya continued his reasoning, as if trying to explain the motive of a crime he had finally discovered. "That's why when I meet you again; I couldn't think clearly why you looked different from that time when you stabbed me. I was in a panic state; my body was very tired after struggling with Shizu-chan's monstrous power, not to mention it was quite dark back then when we met. In such state, and after numerous prank calls I received from 'Yadogiri Jinnai', I can't think anything but the person who came to mock me after I was almost killed by Shizu-chan was any other than Yadogiri Jinnai."

"…"

Oooh, interesting. His face has turned sour now.

That was right. The Yadogiri Jinnai who stabbed him, even with just a glimpse, was not a mere middle aged man. He was older than that—like he was in his forties or fifties. Not to mention, he was much calmer and composed old man. The phone calls were a bit weird now that he remembered it. Even though the voice was the exact voice Izaya remembered, but the tone was different. First impression was more than enough for Izaya to realize what kind of a person Yadogiri was. Yadogiri was the same with him—an information broker. Izaya doubt that Yadogiri was the kind of person who would be interested in anyone unless it was necessary for his plans. If someone was responsible in messing with his plans, he would warn them, make them incapable of keep messing with his plans or may kill them if the warning was ignored. Izaya experienced this, so he knew.

But this Yadogiri… he was different. The 'Yadogiri' in front of him right now seemed to be obsessed with him instead. This Yadogiri seemed to enjoy every torment he could give on Izaya. This Yadogiri waswasting his time to torture him instead of doing his own plans, as if breaking Orihara Izaya was his main priority.

He didn't even say anything to deny Izaya—just glaring at the raven with cold expression—which was satisfying because he had been wearing a smug expression until Izaya called this conversation.

"I don't know if this is still part of his plan, but I can be pretty sure that you are not that 'Yadogiri Jinnai'." Izaya finished with a cruel smile. "Or you can probably just borrowing his name to put every blames of killing me unto him, in case you can't put the blame on Shizu-chan. All the whole things about this torturing and killing me probably are caused by revenge too, am I right?"

Izaya cooked his head with a lazy smile like a child waiting for an answer. The man was silent for a while, before he chucked lowly, and long before his chuckle soon turned into a mad laughter.

"HAHAHAHAHA! That's it? That's what you want to tell me?" The 'fake' Yadogiri laughed while talking like a mad man as his eyes turned crazy, which made the raven felt a bit uneasy. "So what? WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? It doesn't change the fact that YOU WILL DIE HERE! I thought you're a clever person who will try to struggle to escape, or to leave for your life like the coward you are!"

"Aaah, I hit the bullseye, ne?" Izaya smirked. "So really, you are nothing but a selfless human going on revenge. You're trying to humiliate me, doing everything you can to break me just for the sake of revenge. So you really are just a human!"

The man's face darkened. By now, his face already had already showed hints of anger and rage, a mild difference from his expression earlier.

Yet Izaya kept taunting him, because if that person was not Yadogiri Jinnai, that person was only one of his beloved humans who wished nothing to break Izaya for revenge. He was only a tiny human Izaya never knew—yet loved because of his childish behavior for being so angry just because being played with. He was just a worthless human who knew nothing of the real world—and angry just because a tiny problem came into his life, and instead of repairing his life, he sought revenge for nothing.

"The difference is, Yadogiri-kun," Izaya pressured his name with a smirk, fully mocking and taunting him as he flung his arm on the older man's shoulder—taunting the mad man further by trying like a friend in higher position who offered a hand for him. "Everything you have planned to break me will never be perfect, because I already know what your motivation is. It's just for revenge, like every weak human would do in every situation. You are no different with them. I pity you, but I'm grateful that you took all your time for so long, just for thinking about how to plan your revenge on me. Doesn't that mean I have been in your head for so long? I feel so delighted!"

The middle aged man's face was red with rage now, but Izaya leisurely pat his shoulder and keep on talking like an annoying broken radio.

This man who called himself 'Yadogiri Jinnai' knew that Izaya was right.

Everything he did so far… was not to kill Orihara Izaya. Indeed in the end he would take pleasure in killing the pest who screwed his life, but for Orihara Izaya, it would just be an amusing foolish act of human—someone below him would do. He didn't want that. There was no pleasure for killing someone like that.

He wanted to take revenge. He wanted to put Izaya through hell, begging and pleading for forgiveness, and also humiliated. He wanted to screw Izaya's life. That's what he wanted.

In order to do that, he mustn't let Izaya know his real identity. He must use a fake identity—one which Izaya feared—one of Izaya's enemy—to give him a terrifying and intimidating aura. That way izaya would be alarmed with his presence. That way he would be scared. If Izaya knew that he was just one of his egular victims, Izaya would not notice him. He would think of him as nothing but a mere toy. Izaya would be laughing for him, looking down on him and amused with his childish acts.

The man hated this.

He had Izaya cornered this far… He was so close on humiliating him… breaking him…

He had even lent Yadogiri Jinnai's name, lent his power and lent his subordinates just for the sake of his revenge…

If Izaya never knew his real identity, Izaya would forever be in fear of his humiliation, and spent his life till his death in misery and disdain.

But now that Izaya knew his real reason … in the informant's eyes he was nothing but one of tiny, predictable human from his beloved thousand. He was one of his victims which he had successfully broken and now going on for revenge.

His hand shook in anger and hatred.

He was so close…

Now, everything was ruined. Even killing Izaya at this state would just be nothing but pure amusement in the informant's eyes as his desperation to seek revenge.

He failed.

Even if he killed Izaya, he failed to humiliate him like he wanted him to.

Because he was just a human in front of the informant's eyes.

"So how does it feel Yadogiri-san? How does it feel to have the plan you've been working on so hard just to break me and humiliate me failed to pieces? How does it feel to have me in front of you, so close yet you can't do anything any longer? So amusing! So amusing! Humans never failed to cease me with their foolishness!"

"Shut up…"

His mind was all but blank. All in anger and hatred. If he could no longer humiliate him… at least, let him stop talking back.

"Humans… so interesting, don't you think? I must praise you though. No even one of my beloved humans has ever thought of revenge as far as breaking me like this. Too bad that in the end, it's still all about revenge. Humans are all the same…"

Shut up… don't compare me with the other humans you filthy bastard… Give me back my life…

Izaya smiled. And of course, his expression was all mockery and arrogance.

"But I'm sorry. I can't return your love. For you the one who makes me realize my true feelings for that filth, brute protozoan… you did give me problems, I must give you credits on that. But as for this plan you've elaborated so long… too bad that I've screwing with people's lives too much that I don't even remember your name—"

The raven didn't get a chance to continue, as 'Yadogiri' already clamped his hand on Izaya and tackled him to the ground. Instead of panicking, Izaya remained calm, unlike Yadogiri who had turned furious.

"Shut up you bitch! Shut up shut up SHUT UUUUUUUUP!" The middle aged mad started laughing like a mad man—though unlike before, his laugh now was nothing but a desperate pathetic laugh of a broken man. "Yeah, that's right! I am not Yadogiri Jinnai! I am nothing but a tiny insect for you. But so what? It doesn't change the fact that you will die heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!"

He kept on talking angrily as his hand shook. Seeing Izaya's calm and composed—and most unnerving of all, his winning smirk—the middle aged man stopped, before giving the informant his slasher smile.

"Ha… ha ha… you idiot. I can still break you. How foolish for you to think it'll end like what you hoped, Orihara Izaya…"

Izaya quickly became alarmed when 'Yadogiri' use his phone and mumbled a 'Bring em ere.' His suspicious was proved when he heard a familiar girly scream he knew so well. The fear which had been long gone slowly came back to his body, and the cold temperature on the top building seemed to be even more merciless as the information broker of Shinjuku saw the direction of the door which he came from just now.

Izaya smiled bitterly.

Even though he predicted it, he still hoped that the scene in front of him wasn't real.

A pair of female twins was brought roughly by few muscular men as they kept on struggling. There were no deep wounds or fatal injuries for the raven's relief, but what those men did fuel Izaya's hidden rage he himself never knew as a big brother.

Mairu… Kururi…

Those marks and bruises… those tears… and the ripped clothes like they were almost naked…

The younger information broker's eyes turned cold and he gritted his teeth as he gazed unto the man above him. "You…"

"What? Are you angry? ARE YOU ANGRY ORIHARA IZAYA?" The fake Yadogiri laughed and laughed crazily, with a proud and mocking tone in his voice as he turned his eyes to the raven, who was now trembling in anger. "I thought Orihara Izaya cared for no one but himself? ! I thought you have no weakness and can't have any sympathy for humans, even your families? ! But you're angry I did this to them aren't you? AREN'T YOU? !"

It was hard to stay calm when all he was seeing was red. It was painful to keep himself from choking and beating Yadogiri to death for what he had done to his sisters. But the raven held his anger and his rage because if he did so, he knew that something worse would be done to his sisters.

They…

Did they get ra—

"Don't worry, they haven't gotten raped… yet." The mischievous tone came back and burnt Izaya's ears. If anything, he wished just to forget anything and just beat that bastard to a pulp. "It all depends on your acts."

"Aren't you getting a bit unfair here, 'fake' Yadogiri-san?" Nonetheless he replied. "What are you going to do to me now, now that you have my sisters on you?"

Izaya spoke slowly—still calm and mischievous, yet carefully—so that nothing from his words would make the other informant to hurt his sisters in any worst ways possible.

'Yadogiri' however, sighed in disappointment at Izaya's lack of response. "You're no fun, Orihara-san. Do you really have no sympathy to your family?" He clicked his tongue and turned to the bodyguards who held the twins—much to Izaya's horror. "Fine then. Maybe it's okay to let them be raped in front of yo—"

Mairu's shriek of fear is enough for Izaya to lose his cool. Screw trying to keep calm—he had already lost Shizuo, if he was going to lose his sisters too… after everything he had already done…

He would never forgive himself.

"Stop!" Izaya quickly yelled. Felling of disgust quickly surfaced back when the old man in front of him turned back with a satisfied smile in front of him.

"Ooh? You do care for them after all?"

"Iza-nii…" Mairu sobbed as she stared at her brother. Never once she had seen her brother this desperate, even when dealing with his enemies.

He does care for us after all…

Izaya bit his lips in humiliation. He was once known as human observer, whose position was like a god. Yet now… he was nothing. The taste was bitter yet he could do nothing but to bite it.

"Promise me," The raven began quickly. His eyes were shut and cold sweat result from the cold wind and his own forced submission. "You will not do any harm to my sisters. Release them now at once, and in exchange…"

Izaya found himself stopped as the words choked in his throat. This… this feeling…

Fear…

He was scared.

"In exchange of what?" Yadogiri smiled cruelly as his hand took Izaya's chin closer. The raven gritted his teeth and tears swelled up in his eyes.

"You may do anything … you want to me." Izaya finished with a bitter tone. Humiliation ate him up and he was nothing but a human now. "You may beat him up to death if that will satisfy you… Or torture me until I am begging for forgiveness… or enslave me… and use my body, like a cheap whore…"

Everything suddenly blurred. It was when he realized his sight was blurred with tears. He was sobbing and crying, broken in front of his enemies he hated so much.

He, the one who was as high as a god…

A loud laughter of victory quickly erupted in the cold night. Izaya bit his lips so hard until it bled, yet he couldn't stop his tears from flowing from his eyes. The twins stared at their brother with sad and painful look, regretting everything that had happened to lead this breakdown to their beloved brother.

"Look at this! The great Orihara Izaya is admitting defeat TO ME! THAT IZAYA, said he's ANYTHING FOR ME TO DO AS MY PLEASE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The humiliation didn't stop there—Yadogiri suddenly hit Izaya so he was on his fours. When the raven regained his senses, he was in front of Yadogiri's boots.

"Lick it clean then, you little scum."

He smirked when Izaya sobbed. He stayed still for a while in disgust, and the man had to kick Izaya and inserted his boot to Izaya's mouth to make the younger informant do his job. Angrily, Izaya started to lick his boots. It was humiliating and not supposed to be a sexual act, but somehow, Izaya felt ashamed as Yadogiri kept shoving his boot to his mouth like a cock while kept Izaya on fours like a dog—ass high in the air. The way Yadogiri treated him or talked to him, though was not anything close to sexual harassment, it was in no doubt how someone tried to humiliate a prostitute.

It just made Izaya felt worse. Tears of remorse kept falling from his eyes to the dirty floor.

He had prepared for this. He knew he would receive any kind of humiliation. All he had to do was to receive it and accept it, so everything would be all over and he could atone for his sins.

"Aren't you enjoying yourself a bit too much, Orihara Izaya?" The man snickered again. A cruel smile played in his face, to Izaya's was too happy to have the man he had revenge on to be on his fours like a slave—ready to be toyed and tortured as he please. "Are you actually expecting a certain kind of punishment? I did hear you are a masochist after all. Do you actually want to lick something else?"

Izaya wanted to scream back and spat on that old man's face, but knowing her sisters' lives and dignities as women were on his hand, the informant held himself back. Instead he sucked harder on the dirt, licking the boots clean. Unbeknownst to himself, he let out low moans and swayed his hips up and down in the air while licking on the man's boots. The man's smirk only got wider on the sight.

"You truly are a masochist… You do actually get hard by doing this don't you?"

That's not true…

"Then what about you have some fun get beaten up by him? Since you are such a masochist."

Him?

Izaya slowly turned his head to the door which leads to downstairs when Yadogiri said those words. And he wished for once, that he was dead already. His red eyes widened in shock and humiliation, as he was being seen doing humiliating thing by the person he wanted the least to see it.

No… No way…

That person can't be…

But he is. Those blond locks of hair—those old fashioned bartender clothes—that tall posture…

It's Heiwajima Shizuo. His Heiwajima Shizuo.

No way…

Why is he here?

How… Why…

"Shizu… chan…" Izaya choked on his own voice. He couldn't move from his humiliating position. His eyes stared fixed on the blond who was staring back at him with a silent glare. Regret and fear also shame fulfilling his entire system as tears slowly fell from his eyes again.

Technically, he and Shizuo, despite having had sex, were still not lovers. And this morning, Izaya did say all those mean things, calling him a monster and abruptly crushed their relationship, despite Shizuo's efforts to keep him together. So even though he was on all fours, in a shameful manner for another person, he didn't have any reason to feel so bad. He wasn't even doing anything sexual. He couldn't even be called cheating if he indeed were in a relationship with Shizuo.

Yet… these weird feelings and this guilt… it felt like he was betraying Shizuo altogether…

The raven's heart pounded.

What should I do…

What should I say to him…

Shizu-chan…

It's not like what you see… I…

I… my feelings for you… only for you…

The raven quickly thought it didn't matter if he made a complete fool of himself. He had already humiliated himself enough anyway. And he knew soon enough, he was never going to see Shizuo again, if Yadogiri truly intended to torture him or to kill him. If that so the least he could do was…

"IZA-NII, DON'T COME NEAR HIM! HE'S—"

Mairu's scream shocked Izaya, but by then it was already too late for the raven to understand what the warning meant.

Eh?

What was she thinking? That person was totally—

Izaya stopped when he felt a disturbing shadow looming over him. He turned his head slowly as he found those unnatural orbs which were staring back at him with such weird gaze.

Those red eyes…

He saw them before.

Ah… Mairu was right.

"—HE'S NOT THE SHIZUO-SAN YOU KNOW!"

Too bad she was too late warning hm. Before Izaya made his move, Shizuo already pulled his jacket coldly and—

—punched Izaya hard in the face.

No.

He's not Shizuo.

Those unnatural red eyes… he had seen them before.

"Kill… Orihara Izaya…"

Izaya didn't know which was hurt more—the fact that his back was probably broken due to the impact caused by Shizuo's punch after being slammed repeatedly on the floor, or the fact that the voice of the person he loved so much just stated that he wanted to kill him.

"IZA-NII!" Mairu and Kurui's screams echoed through the night, along with Yadogiri's vicious, satisfied laughter. The twins had tried to struggle free from the muscular men's hold with no avail. Izaya crawled in the ground, coughing blood as the man he loved so much walked closer mercilessly to him—gaze coldly fixed on him with full intention to kill.

"Kill… Orihara Izaya…"

"SHizuo-san, STOP!" Mairu's pathetic scream was not heard by the ex-bartender, but she continued anyway, holding on the faint hope that the bodyguard will turn back and regain his real self. "You don't want to do this, ne…? You love Iza-nii,… ne…?"

"Love…(You love Iza-ni…) No kill… (Don't kill him… please…)"

Izaya weakly turned his face to his sisters, seemingly not too surprised with the revelation of his sisters knowing Shizuo's real feelings for him. But it didn't matter how they knew about it. It didn't matter what was happening right now. Because now he was—

"You're going to be killed by the only person you love by your truly heart. You are going to die by the hand of the person you love, while he will beat you to death without being able to hear your pleas and cries." The older informant stated for Izaya… like adding salt to the injury, he wanted Izaya not only received humiliation and torture, but the feeling of helplessness, loneliness, betrayal and breakdown. He wanted Izaya to feel the bitter taste of agony until the end—until he breaks into pieces and lose his own will to live. That way, his revenge would be truly paid.

Finally he lost his calm and laughed what he wanted to say to the younger informant's face, satisfied with his victory over the wounded man.

"HOW DOES IT FEEL, ORIHARA IZAYA? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO FACE DEATH AND HUMILIATION IN FRONT OF THE PERSON YOU LOVE AT THE SAME TIME? DOES IT FEEL EMBARASSING? HUMILIATING? DOES IT HURT? DOES IT MAKE YOU WANT TO DIE FASTER? AHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Izaya gritted his teeth angrily. His sight was blurry, and his head was dizzy. He couldn't hear what Yadogiri said clearly, although he knew it was another mockery towards him. He hadn't gotten up yet, but another hard—familiar hand shoved his neck already and lifted him, so that his body was up in the air.

"Kill… Orihara Izaya…"

Izaya gasped for oxygen. It hurt. Everything in his body hurt. And he needed to breathe. But he couldn't. Shizuo was strangling him.

He was going to die.

The raven remembered then—the first time everything began. It was also happened in this very place, almost on the same cold night. Ironically, he remembered the same scene in which Shizuo was trying to kill him out of anger by strangling him because he thought Kasuka was killed by him.

But back then… you were your true self, ne, Shizu-chan?

Tears began to swell up in Izaya's eyes again. But this time, he was wearing an unmatching vicious smirk.

The man in front of him, who was strangling him, was no in doubt, Heiwajima Shizuo.

But that man was controlled by Saika power.

He was not his real self.

He was not his Shizu-chan.

If in the end I would end up killed by you, it'd be better if I were killed back then by your hand rather than now…

At the very least… you were your true self…

"Being killed by the person you love, eh…?"

Izaya smiled sadly, and for some reasons, Shizuo's hand trembled a bit.

"If it's you Shizu-chan, I think it'd probably be the most precious moment of my life…"

The raven lifted his hand, and stroked the blond's face softly, before holding the ex-bartender's hands which was strangling his neck. And to the other's surprise, the raven hummed something akin short melody.

A familiar, nostalgic, short little song he was supposedly to remember.

Faithful, faithful friend, I shall not betray you, for I am your friend who thinks of you the most…

This time, his supposedly cold eyes widened as the raven face leaned closer to his face while holding unto the blond.

Please don't let you be a dream. There aren't many people…

"…as special as you."

It felt like the time suddenly stopped when a pair of soft lips met his lips. The familiar coppery taste of blood could be tasted almost quickly on his mouth. The cold temperature quickly affected his system, and the wetness of the smaller man's tears could be felt on his face as they kissed—trying to feel each other's warmth. But they were not what made him realized what he had done.

No… it was…

"Kill me, Shizu-chan?"

Izaya whispered with a sad, yet sincere smile.

And this time, those shocked, fearful hazel eyes were back, replacing the unnatural red ones.

"…Izaya…"

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Yeah. You can kill me for the long hiatus. I had a massive writer block back then, not to mention college was trying to eat all my time for refreshing, so I did go a bit nuts.

But I was very, very grateful on the overwhelming reviews from the last chapter. I was crying from happiness when I read them all. It means really much when you said you still won't leave this fic till the end. Thank you so much! You are the most wonderful readers I ever had!

I really meant it when I said I want to finish this fic. I am so sorry that I took so long and you guys have every right to leave this fic. Yet you didn't. And it moved me so much that I wish I could meet you all in person and hug every each of you.

Thank you Thank you Thank you I can never thank you enough.

I probably only have a very few readers left, but for the remaining ones that still stick, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will look forward the last chapter.