-Sasuke-
We had stayed like that for a long while.
My arms locked around your waist, the tiny beads of water dripping from your hair to trickle slowly down the side of my cheek...
Shadows of tears.
There had been silence.
You did not speak for a long time, but you did not push me away either...
You did not raise your voice or curse or glare.
You simply seemed... Tired.
Torn.
And you let me hold you.
You let me cling to you, let me feel the smoothness of your bare back against my chest, let me feel the softness of your throat against the side of my face...
You had felt so warm.
It was the same warmth I had felt so near me on the mattress, the same warmth I had felt briefly in those scattered moments that our skin had brushed so fleetingly.
God, it felt so good...
And it drove me absolutely crazy.
Every second that passed that you remained in my arms, my heart began to ache more and more...
Aching until it felt like I could stand it no longer.
Why do I feel this way?
Why does my pulse race this way, why does the guilt and the confusion and pain and yearning and utter want flood over me like this when I'm with you now?
As I held you, I had been dizzy with those whirling, conflicting emotions.
I had been hurting, hurting because of who I am and who you are and what we have become...
I had felt so much want, so much longing for what I was not sure, for what I could not begin to understand...
There had been envy too.
Inexplicable jealousy that burned me, hurt me, images of you and Sakura and all of you that she had, all of you that felt so out of reach...
And confusion.
Utter, complete confusion.
All of this regret, all of this pain and uncertainty and this strange, thoughtless passion...
I did not understand.
I still don't understand.
Why?
Why do I care so much?
Why does this hurt so much?
Why do feel so undeniably wrapped up in you?
There were so many questions, so many words unspoken...
Why had I hugged you like that? Why had I said what I had said?
You're just another person, Naruto.
Just an old friend, maybe even a best friend.
A boy.
There was nothing more to it, right, Naruto...?
Nothing more... Nothing more that could possibly make sense...
Nothing more that I can bring myself to think about.
After the moments had stretched between us, after I felt like my heart could bear it no longer, I finally let you go.
Empty words, thoughtless words, and I had closed the door to the bathroom behind me.
The water feels good now.
Warm, yet not nearly as warm as you had felt...
I still don't understand why I had said it.
Why I had kissed you before too, why I had been so cruel and then so... Strange.
Why?
Why had I felt so jealous that it drove me absolutely mad?
Why had it hurt me so much when you had gotten that one meaningless phone call, when you had spoken those 5 useless words?
I love you too, Sakura.
Even now, I can't stand to think about it.
It scares me, Naruto.
Because no matter how much I try to deny it,
no matter how utterly illogical and crazy and totally
stupid
that it is...
I'm afraid that there is absolutely no one in this world that I could love
like I love you.