Freddie,

I guess that our relationship never did change. In the sad song that is us. I learned that it's just best to act like we were best friends. Just like you thought we were. I mean, c'mon we were, but why can't you see that I'm so obviously in love with you. It's hard for me to let my feelings show. I know you trust me, and I don't see why, because all I do is hurt you. I cause you physical pain, Freddie.

Why do you still love me? No, not the love I want. The love that isn't nearly enough to extinguish the pain in my heart. The "just friends" kind of love. The love that sucks. And, I know, I'm not good enough for you. You deserve better than me. Better than this hateful, as you always say: blonde-headed demon.

I understand that our friendship has grown since Carly's death, neither of us could take the pain so we found ourselves in each other. It's even worse because I knew that I was jealous. I knew that I had been thinking bad things about Carly the night of her death.

Why do we live in Seattle? Why do we live in a place with such a high criminal record? She was jumped. Neither of us could have done anything. They had a gun. All we had was my strength, and that front can't stop a bullet.

You told me not to look, Freddie. You sounded so caring, yet so scared. You choked the words out, "Sammie, d-don't look...," and I didn't. Only because of you. Not because I was afraid (even though I was, more so than you can imagine), but because you asked me not to.

And, I don't know if you know this or not, but, the only reason I hurt you is because I like you. Love you. It's my way of showing affection. My version of...flirting. I know, you're thinking Samantha Puckett? Flirt? No way.

But, it's true. It always has been, and I suspect it always will.

I want you to love me, and at the same time I don't. I want to be with you, more than anything Freddie, trust that, but, I don't. I know you deserve better, someone like Carly, but she's not here anymore. Maybe I can suffice? But, no. I can't. I'm not good enough.

I love you, Freddie

Always yours,

Sam

And with that, I sealed my heart in that envelope. Then I tossed it on my nightstand. You thought I'd give that to him? No. I write to vent. I'd write a book, but it would turn out to be solely about Freddie. I'm crazy about him. I chewed on the top of my pen, thinking. I thought about how iCarly had stopped, then started back up again with just me and Freddie behind the camera. We didn't do the show in the studio, anymore. It caused us, and Spencer too much pain.

So, I made my way to my mom's car outside, and drove off to Freddie's apartment. Where we filmed "The Sam and Freddie Show." We decided to change the name, because we didn't know how our fans would take it, being reminded of Carly's death every time they typed in the web address.

We had recently asked Spencer to come join us, but, he was in too much pain. It had only been six months since that night.

Walking down the hallway, I glanced at the Shay apartment, memories flooding me. Tears that I refused to be let shed pricked my eyes. I rubbed at my eyes with my fist, like a small child. I turned my back on the apartment, and knocked on Freddie's door.

Of course, Mrs. Benson opened the door.

"Hey, Mrs. B," I greeted.

She smiled at me, somewhat sympathetically, "Hello Sam, Freddie's in his room." She opened the door for me, and I walked in. I made my way down the hall, and knocked on the door I knew Freddie was behind.

"Come in," his voice called through the wood. I twisted the knob and there he was.

His dark brown hair, that his warm brown eyes always matched. The corners of his lips turned up into a smile, then opened for him to arrange the word, "Hey."

"Hi," I smiled, back.

He tapped his camera, with that geeky grin on his face; he asked, "You ready for the show?"

"Always," I replied flopping onto his bed. He started rolling, and tossed me the remote. He directed the camera towards the bed, and started counting down.

"In five, four, three, two...," he nudged me with his elbow. I pressed the button on the remote that started filming.

"Hello people!" we said together.

"He's Freddie," I said and pointed towards him with both my thumbs. "And, she's Sam!" He did the same to me.

We then said simultaneously, "And this is... The Sam and Freddie Show!"

"Today we'll be doing Tech Time With Freddie!" he announced. I laughed, then elbowed him. He could be such a nub sometimes.

He then went into some rant about some new type of camera, or something like that. I couldn't keep up. That's something else about Freddie, he's extremely smart. Smarter than I can keep up with.

"...and that concludes Tech Time With Freddie." he finished. I rolled my eyes.

We then went into a "Random Debate" we were discussing, curtains vs. shoelaces.

"Before curtains, I was blind!" Freddie declared, standing up. I stood up after him.

"Shoelaces introduced me to the internet!" we continued to go back and forth in a mock fight with ridiculous reasons. I poked my finger into his chest, and screamed my finishing statement.

"SHOELACES ARE BETTER!"

He rolled his eyes, then said, "Okay, okay, whatever."

We then continued to do a series of bits we did on iCarly, the last being George the Bra Who Tells Ghost Stories.

We screamed, and laughed, and had an overall good time, and though I wouldn't admit (for fear of me sounding extremely shallow) I had had a better time today on the show, than I had ever had on iCarly.

We ended the show, asking them to drop by the site next Saturday, for the next episode.

"Nice show," he complimented me.

I smiled, "You too."

I followed him on his way to the kitchen. He got out two glasses, and I got out some juice, and a few slices of ham.

I passed him the carton of juice, and tore off a piece of ham, then popped the piece into my mouth. He poured the juice then handed me a glass.

"Thanks," I said, taking it. "Ham?" I asked offering him a slice.

"Nah, you go ahead."

I muttered a thank you then stuffed the slice in my mouth. "Wanna catch a movie?" I asked through my mouthful of ham.

He rolled his eyes at my lack of manners, then said, "Sure, what d'you wanna see?"

"I dunno, we'll see what's out when we get there. Lemme go home, and change first, 'kay?"

"You look fine now."

I blushed, and hoped he didn't notice, when I covered it up with a laugh, "I'll meet you at the theater in an hour."

"But, why d'you—?"

"Bye, Freddie," I laughed, and made my way towards the door after taking one more sip of the juice Freddie had gotten for me.

"See ya, Sam."

–

Back at home, I walked into my room, and went to my closet. I wanted to put on something that would really wow Freddie, but, I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard.

So, I changed out of my usual shorts and a shirt, and into a cute little outfit that consisted of a black and gray striped romper, a gray beanie, angel wings earrings, and a tiny metal heart necklace. I hoped it didn't look too girly. I finished it off with some bulky looking heels. The only reason I got them in the first place was because Carly practically begged me. This would be my first time wearing them.

I put on your basic make up eyeliner, a grayish brown eyeshadow that matched the gray in my outfit, just a light pink lip gloss. I looked decent. I considered straightening my hair, but, I decided against it. That might make him ask questions.

Walking out of my room, I saw my mom on the couch watching TV.

"Bye Mom, gonna go catch a movie with Freddie," I called over my shoulder, heading for the front door.

"Sam, wait!"

"Huh?" I asked.

"Gosh you look like Melanie, right now." I decided not to comment. "Um, what movie are going to see?"

"We don't know yet." I liked referring to me and Freddie as "we."

"You seem to be spending a lot of time with Freddork." She had picked up on the nicknames. She still used them even after I had stopped.

"Yeah, well...," I was determined not to mention a certain deceased brunette. "Bye, Mom."

I didn't get to see her expression, because I dashed out of the house, and into her car. I drove off towards the movie theater. I was ten minutes early. That rarely happened.

I saw Freddie waiting outside on a bench. I walked towards him, my head down looking at my phone, pretending to text. He would never notice me in this outfit. I walked behind the bench, then made my way to the front, where I sat down beside him.

"Hey!"

"Sam?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, and said sarcastically, "No, it's Melanie."

He laughed, "You look...nice."

I blushed, and there was no way around it, he had seen it. But, he was too nice a guy to say anything about it.

"So," he began, changing the subject quickly, "What do you want to see?"

"Hmm...well, it is Sad Cinema Saturday," I joked. We had names for each day of the week in which we saw a certain movie genre. Like Freaky Flick Friday.

"So," he repeated, "How about we see For Never and Always? That's supposedly a real tearjerker."

"'Kay," I agreed. I then followed him to the front where we paid for our tickets. Then we went inside to get snacks. He bought me nachos, and a hot dog, then, a small popcorn for us to share.

We made our way into theater four, where we sat down in the very back. The previews started rolling, and me and Freddie chatted aimlessly, about nothing in particular. I shushed him when the movie started. It was sad from the beginning, as soon as it started the main character's mother died. Near the end of the movie the main character's fiance died. He had been jumped, and shot.

A bit too much like Carly, for my liking. I immediately began to cry, and I knew Freddie knew why. I looked up at him, and saw that his eyes shone with tears that had not yet fallen. He wrapped his arms around me in a hug, and let me weep into his shoulder.

"You okay?" he whispered in my ear. I nodded and dabbed at my eyes, as the credits rolled. I looked at him, and saw the sympathy in his eyes.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I stated.

He nodded, and followed me. I left him by the door, and ran to the sink. My eyes were red and puffy, my cheeks tear streaked. I twisted the knob and waited for the icy water to warm, when it got to an appropriate temperature I cupped my hands with water and splashed my face with it.

I dried off with a paper towel, and went to go meet Freddie, red faced.

"Hey," he murmured. I wrapped my arms around his neck in a hug. I murmured a quiet thank you.

"No problem, Sam."

–

Later that day, we went back to his place, and just hung out. We watched some TV, and I got so psyched when I saw that The Wizard of Oz was on. I started bouncing up and down (still sitting) on Freddie's couch.

Half way through Mrs. Benson came in and watched the rest with us. She started crying so hard during the "There's no place like home," bit, me and Freddie had to hide our sniggers into each others shoulders.

After it ended, I told Freddie I had to go, and thanked Mrs. B for having me over. I heard Mrs. B say to Freddie just as I shut the door, "You know, Freddie, Sam really is a nice girl."

I pressed my ear to the door, intent to hear his response but, I couldn't catch it.

–

I made my way down to the parking lot wear I had left my mom's car. It was parked by a motorcycle that I knew belong to a certain dead girl's brother.

Said brother waltzed over to his bike, and through his foot over. I knew that when he had things on his mind he either took a shower, or he went out for a drive.

"Hey, Spence!" I called.

He looked around, then saw me, "Oh, hey Sam-o!" He seemed to be in a better mood, now. Which was impressive considering it hadn't been that long ago, since the incident.

"What's up?"

He shrugged, "Oh, nothin', I was just about to go to the junkyard. What about you?"

I copied his movement, "Nothin' much. Just hangin' out with Freddie." He looked interested in this.

"So...how is Fred-o?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"He's good," I said shortly. He had that look that said, Yeah, he's real good, isn't he? You're not very good at covering up your feelings. Or maybe, that was just my conscience speaking.

"Hm." He looked as if he wanted to say more.

But, of course, I wouldn't let him.

"Yeah, well, bye Spencer." I said quickly, jumping into my car and starting it. I couldn't hear what he said, as he revved his bike, but it was most likely a farewell.

–

Later at home, "8 o'clock" on my my digital watch that lay on the nightstand next to Freddie's letter, I changed into my pajamas. I went into my bathroom, and wiped off the residue of my makeup, dirt, and grime from my face. I grabbed my cell phone, and plopped down onto the bed. I sent a quick text to Freddie.

Sup Freddie? ~iLikeFriedChicken Fried chicken had always been my codename for Freddie. Hence my signature.

In barely any time I got a response.

Hey Sam. Nothin' is up, but the sky

My fingers were quick against the keys.

You can be such a nub sometimes lol ~iLikeFriedChicken

What he said next nearly caused me to have an aneurism, just like that freak chick Nora's old man clown.

Yeah, but you love me anyway

Had he found out? Had my outfit been to obvious? Did he know that everything that I've done lately has just been to impress him? God, I hoped not.

I texted back, Ummm ~iLikeFriedChicken

Freddie: What?

Me: You made me feel awkward ;P ~iLikeFriedChicken

Freddie: Why?

Me: Never mind ~iLikeFriedChicken

Freddie: No, wait. It sounds like... you love me?(AN: This line was incredibly stupid, OOC, and just overall cliché. Don't hate me 'cause my writing sucks. =] And, don't you hate it when people do like 5,ooo periods when it's supposed to be three? Ex: Above)

Me: Course I do, Freddie your (AN: I know, that's grammatically incorrect, but they're texting. We can't all type everything out with a comma, and correct grammar, and such. … Like I do. -NERD-) my best friend. My biffle 8D ~iLikeFriedChicken

Freddie: oh

Me: Oh?

Freddie: Yeah, oh. Anyway I gotta go Sam.

I didn't even text back. I immediately hit "1", then the call button. My speed dial.

He picked up after half of a ring, "Hel—," I cut him off.

"Listen here, Frednub," It was the first time in a long time, since I called him by one of those childish nicknames, "I'm not going to let things get awkward between us. You're my best friend, and I'm not going to let anything screw that up. Even this stupid crush I have on...," Aw, crap. Well, too late now. "...you."

And with that I hung up. Of course he tried to call back. I mean, who wouldn't? But, I never answered. I turned my phone off, and forced my eyes shut. It seemed like hours before sleep finally took me under.

–

I woke up with a start. I put on my usual clothes, the long sleeved shirt, the baggy shorts, today I'm not trying to impress, anyone.

I grabbed my phone off the table, and turned it on. There were about ten new voicemails, all from him (I refused to say, or think his name), but I didn't listen to any of them. Today was my day.

I grabbed a piece of bacon, and I didn't talk to my mom on the way out the door. I drove off in her car, and thought hard about the directions to where I was going. I hadn't been there in so long. Plus I didn't want my mind to wander...

Finally I was there. My favorite park. It was early in the morning, so no one was there yet, which was good. I looked at the swing set I had licked.

Sam, don't lick the swing set, is what went through my brain. I blinked hard, and sat down on the swing I always used to sit on. Don't tell me what to do, Benson. Now my own voice mocked my pain.

I stood up. It was too much. I went down the slide once (even seventeen year old me, can't resist the swirly slide), and made my way back to the car.

–

When I got home, I got in the shower. I made sure that I took longer than I usually would. I heard the door to my bathroom open. It was probably just my mom telling me to hurry up, because I was wasting water, which is wasting money, which we can't afford to do. I'd gotten the lecture many times before.

I sighed.

"Sam?" she called to me on the other side of the shower curtain.

"Yeah, Mom?"

"Freddie's in your room, okay? So, hurry up. It's rude to make him wait like that." I made sure she was gone, then I swore loudly.

I shut off the water, then saw that I had brought my pajamas, and not day clothes. Now, the polite thing to do would be put on the clothes I had on before. And, that would certainly be the less embarrassing choice.

But, as I slipped into my pajamas I thought, today is my day.

I dried off my thick hair as best I could with my towel, since I didn't have the time to blow dry it like I wanted to.

I opened the door, and paid no attention to him standing there when I picked up my purple hairbrush.

I sat down on my bed and absentmindedly brushed my damp hair, ignoring him as best I could.

"Sam."

I didn't respond.

"Fine, a monologue, then." I nearly smiled. "Look, Sam, you really took me by surprise there when you said...what you said, and then you didn't even answer me! What makes you think you can do that to me?"

That tore it.

"What makes you think that you can lead me on? I woke up to thousands of voicemails, and I couldn't help but think things. But, no, that could never happen because you don't like me. YOU'RE STILL IN LOVE WITH A DEAD GIRL!" I screamed, then covered my mouth with my hand.

He blinked twice then sat down beside me. "Sam..."

"Benson."

"Sam, you know even before Carly died, that I was over her. You knew that there was someone else. I told you," he explained.

I choked out, in a scared voice, "Who?"

He looked completely disbelieving. "Who?" he mocked. "Isn't it obvious! You! I'm completely head over heels in love with you! How can you be so daft, Samantha Puckett?"

"I...er, what?"

He took both my hands and stared into my eyes, "Sam, I love you. Ever since that night on the fire escape. Maybe even before then, and I just didn't realize it. How do you not see... Sam... I-I love you, okay? Can you believe me? … Trust me?"

I stared at him in shock, saying nothing.

"Maybe...you're feelings aren't as strong as mine... I understand if you feel overwhelmed, Sa—" I pinched his arm, hard. How dare he underestimate my love for him? "Ow! What was that for?" Typical Freddie.

"Listen up, and listen good. I love you, and, don't you dare think otherwise. I love you more than anything. Myself, my family, even food for ham's sake!"

A small smile began to tug at the corners of his gorgeous lips, "I lov—!"

And, suddenly my mouth was on his and we had our lips moving together, and it was a perfect bliss. Sparks flew all around us, fireworks blazed in a beautiful aurora all around us. This was better than our first kiss, this time I was positive that our feelings for each other were mutual.

I had to come up for air, but when I did, I gasped, "Love you, too, Freddie." He smiled and brought me in for another kiss.

Just one of many that were sure to come.

–

Years later, when I had exchanged my last name for something better, Benson, after I had had one great, loving, beautiful child, I sat in our room reading a Dr. Seuss classic to little Joy.

"Sam I Am," I told my five year old pointing to myself.

She looked absolutely delighted that me and a book character shared the same name, "Sam You Are!"

We finished the book and I closed it, smiling. I held her hand as she slid off of the bed, and we walked to her room. She laid down in her bed, with her pink flowery blanket, and covered up.

I kissed her forehead and murmured, "Goodnight Joy."

Freddie came in silently from behind me. He patted her cheek, then kissed it. "Goodnight, little one."

He's such a nub.

I took his hand, and walked out leaving the door cracked, light off, nightlight on.

"We made a good kid, you know," I told him with a smile. He laughed openly, then elbowed me playfully with his free hand.

He led me to the bedroom, and I fell to the bed, and rolled over to my side. He laughed at my theatrics. He switched on the lamp and shut the door. Getting under the covers next to me, he stared.

He didn't say anything and neither did I, for fear of ruining the moment I presumed. Then his lips were on mine, and it was just as passionate as the first few times. Our love didn't die out.

Oh, if Carly could see us now...

=] It's over! Yay! That was fun. Took me a total of three days to do a oneshot. Now, that is a record for me. Rofl. Anyway, I love Seddie(:

But, I despise Carly. Which is why I killed her off. And, just a little snippet: Freddie was given the letters the day after he proposed. =] And, I was actually very happy with that last sentence, and I hope that it made you giggle.

This story has been my baby for the past three days, so, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Because it was fun!

–

Anyhow, please review! I need your reviews, and I cannot stress that enough!

So, thanks.

-Lyss