AN: So it's been about 2 years since I last updated that's a scary thought, but thank you to all those who stayed loyal to this story and those who are just finding it. Starting highschool it's been hard to find free time for anything much less writing, but just know as long as there are readers I will work hard to continue.

Special thanks to ShadowQueen1996 for being my beta.

How many years have passed since we last talked that cold winter's night

xXxxXx

"Yao! Come back please," sobbed a voice in the darkness. Working through another sleepless night, Rhea felt her heart ache at the pained screams coming from Kiku's room. The poor boy had hardly spoken more than a dozen words since his brother's passing. He was closing himself off from the world, from her. She understood that while Yao had welcomed her with open arms as his mother Kiku had always been more reserved. Methodically keeping an equilibrium of emotional distance from everyone except for his own brother and that was her biggest concern. Now that Yao was gone who would Kiku have to turn to, although he was always a polite and soft spoken boy Rhea also understood he refused to let others into his heart.

Sighing Rhea closed the book with its words she had stared blindly at for the last twenty minutes. Placing it on her oaken bedside table she dropped her feet to the ground meeting soft plush carpet. Wordlessly she eased on her slippers and moved to grab her robe from where it hung on her dresser. Tying its cord into a knot as she walked towards her adopted son's room. As she came up to the door she gently placed her hand on the smooth wood pressing it with only enough force to let the door creak before allowing a sliver of light to sneak in.

Slowly she moved, as fast as she dared possible without disturbing the sleeping child. Finally approaching the small silhouette in the darkness she reached out her hand, "unn," a small whimper and her hand stopped just before touching skin. Pulling her hand back she took a moment to observe the boy that lay in front of her, illuminated by the silver tracings of moonlight. Pale skin unblemished and smooth like a china doll, soft lips opened for breath to pass, raven hair that feather over the pillow it rested on. A beautiful specimen of a child by all means excepted for the brow creased with worry, the slight sheen of a feverish sweat, and the continual sounds of anguish.

Leaning down Rhea touched her fingertips lightly to the boy's cheek. Stroking softly trying to ease the discomfort so obviously felt by the youth. "Do-don't," at the sound Rhea halted her ministrations thinking she had woke the boy. "Don't leave, please," surprised by the words Rhea was about to reply when she realized the child was still asleep.

Smiling softly she continued to stroke the flesh beneath her fingers, "Don't worry sweetheart," she cooed. Leaning down she placed a kiss where Kiku's eyebrows creased and felt the skin relax beneath her lips. Ruffling his hair lightly she moved to take her leave back to her own room. "Kiku," she whispered, "Mama will always be here for you," and with that the door clicked drenching the room in darkness once again.

xXxxXx

Dear Agape,

I can't believe how much time has passed since you left the boys with me. They were and still are the greatest gifts you could have ever given me. I have a feeling you know that Yao has passed, it was a hard battle but I know he is much happier now. But you don't need to worry he led a good life up until the end. If he hadn't gotten sick I'm sure we'd be seeing his name popping up all around the town as the most succesful lawyer it's seen so far- that was always his dream.

My biggest concern is for the younger one Kiku. He was doing so well until his brother got sick after that he's stopped talking to his friends and recently it's been nearly impossible to get him out of bed. I can still remember how you you brought him here as that scared six year old. While he clutched to you and nearly refused to let go. And then after you left and I was finally able to get him to the hospital after seeing his eyes and the heartbreak I felt when the doctors said there was nothing they could do. I'm just not sure what to do with him at this point. I love him so much, but I'm not sure he's ready to open up to me even after all these years.

Agape I wish you could help me with this. You were always such a good mother. Please if there's anything you can do just send some advice my way.

Forever your friend,
Rhea

Taking the paper between her fingers Rhea creased it twice and enclosed it in an envelope. Picking up the pen she had placed down to close the letter she uncapped it and in her curly scrawl traced the word Agape on the front of the envelope in blue ink. Sealing the letter Rhea allowed her mind to wander through the years of her past.

xXxxXx

Past

"Oh wow, he's beautiful Agape," Rhea cooed at the baby in her arms. The woman next to her smiled as she readjusted her long curly hair. "And he's lucky to have such a great mommy."

"Thank you Rhea, you flatter me too much," reaching out her hand she allowed her little son to fist his tiny hand over her index finger.

"Have you decided what to name him yet?"

"Not yet, I'm kind of stuck. I mean I know you're supposed to pour through books for hours and in the end find the perfect name. But, nothing seems to be right."

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," Rhea shrugged, "I mean yeah there are those people who have baby names picked out from the time they're in middle school. But just take your time. A name should be the greatest gift you give to your baby, to show that you love and want them."

"I suppose so," her voice trailed off to leave only an empty silence, "Rhea," she said suddenly.

"Yes what is it?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"Well that depends," Rhea joked, "you're not about to ask me to kill someone are you?" Her eyebrows raised in mock horror.

"No, I'm serious Rhea," Agape paused to take a calming breath. "You know you're my best friend and I need to ask you if I'm no longer around, if I can't take care of the baby, I need you to take care of him for me."

"Agape why are you talking like that? Stop being like this you're going to be around for many more years. And you're going to raise this baby and watch him grow until he is ready to start a family of his own."

"But-"

"No buts, now come on don't we need to start thinking of a name."

"Alright," Agape replied allowing a small smile to return to her lips.

"Agape," Rhea starts.

"Uhuh"

"Just so you know this little boy's going to be loved no matter what. I can just feel it."

xXxxXx

Dear Yao,

It's been exactly one year since you passed. So much has happened since then, but I still can't believe how long it's been. Kiku's doing well I'm sure you know that he took your death hard. Despite all that I managed to get him to start going to a counselor and that really seems to be helping. In fact recently he's started smiling more and more and I would like to believe that the part of him he locked away is starting to come back to the surface.

This school year has been excellent for him; I actually think school work is a way for him to ease his mind. And then there's Pochi, how could I forget about him. Pochi is the Seeing Eye dog that I recently got for Kiku and to be honest he adores the thing. More than any doctor, I think that Pochi is the real reason behind Kiku's social advancements.

Yao people may call me crazy, but I know you're still here so if you could just continue to watch over Kiku. I know even now how much he loves his big brother and that is a love that not even death can destroy.

With love forever and always, Mother

P.S. Thank you for granting that title to me. If you didn't already know that was my greatest dream in life that I never thought possible until I met you boys.

Placing the letter down along with a bouquet of peonies, they had been Yao's favorite, Rhea knelt down to touch to cold tile of Yao's grave marker. Closing her eyes she allowed to cold fall air to embrace her lithe frame. It was all rather surreal; beneath the ground on which she stood was her son. No longer the young vibrant man that she remembered but instead a pile of bones which held no love or affection.

And yet, there was something so special about this place at the same time. This was the last place that Rhea really felt that she had left in which she was able to interact with Yao. Even though Kiku had refused to come to the area ever since the funeral Rhea knew that there would always be a piece of Yao there. Standing up she looked down at the ground for a minute allowing a solitary tear to flow. She then picked herself up and was gone as quickly as she came.

xXxxXx

6 years later

"Life is an unexpected journey and if we could predict what happens next then we would lose a vital part of what makes life enjoyable. As a young child I experienced many things that I wished I hadn't. However, if I had known that they were coming I would have hidden myself from the world too afraid to face the world around me. And yet, here I stand before you now leading the march into a strange and distant land. There will be adversity in the future, yes, but there will also be great triumphs. Now is the time to not focus on who we are at the present, but to focus on who we will become in the future. So here we come together today closing a chapter of our lives which we have been living through for the last twelve years and what we gain from it is independence. So although we will be saying goodbye to everything that is normal and comforting we must have hope of what the future will bring."

A chorus of claps filled the air and cheers came from the now finally graduating seniors of Winston Preparatory. And with that a flurry of water boards were thrown up to the skies, boys whooped clapping each other on the backs while girls went to hug their friends. Some even reaching the point of tears at the thoughts of being separated. Freezing in time this was a moment of truth and in it naivety was lost for this was the first instance of reality for those who took part in this rite of passage.

"Kiku you were so amazing!" Cried a curly haired brunette as she grabbed Kiku into a tight hug.

"Yeah like, so totally smart, or like whatever," agreed a blonde boy. Nobody could be exactly sure of what he was wearing underneath the graduation gown because, "It's like totally a dress so you like don't need to wear like anything underneath," he had stated matter of factly the previous week.

"Lizzy, Felix, thanks you guys," responded Kiku, "You're really too kind."

"No way, everyone at school knows if anyone is going to make it out of this town it's going to be you. So you're mom told me you got accepted to Stanford and you didn't tell me."

"Well it never really came up."

"Oh come on. We all know you didn't want to hurt our feelings because we didn't get into some uppity university. But you know what you're going to do great over there. So no hard feelings okay?"

xXxxXx

Standing on the buzzing train platform a young asian man stood accompanied by a soft white dog. Seemingly unaware of the chaotic surroundings that life is prone to bring about.

"Pochi this is it," taking a deep breath the young man took the moment to compose himself. He could hear the whir of train wheels approaching and the very thought of what was coming was intimidating to say the least. Halting in its path the metal carriage came to a stop opening its doors to allow on the sea of passengers it was sure to recieve. Allowing Pochi to direct him through the throng of bodies Kiku held tight to black suitcase he had brought with him. Settling down in a vacant seat he distantly could hear the sound of the doors closing before retreating back to his own personal world.

His reveries were quickly interuppted by a small whine and a black nose pressed into his hand. "Shh it's alright boy, it's just the two of us now." With that the train began to pick up speed and quickly it left the station diminishing all those who were left at the platform to mere granules in a huge world.

Back at the station a solitary woman rose her hand once, already knowing the motion was of no use. "Goodbye Kiku," she finally uttered long after the train had left allowing tears of lonliness to finally fall.

xXxxXx

And yet I walked alone waiting, hoping that you would come back for me