Forbidden Touch:

Chapter 3: What If...

"Obi-Wan, I really don't need your help." Satine stared at him through a brave face. He didn't turn around to return the glare.

"Don't be stupid Satine, your cuts are deep and need to be treated at once, you've got no where else to go, and in the state your in.." He unlocked the door. "Well your in no state to be walking around Corusant with no were to go." The door slid open. "I think you should just stay with me for tonight." He said as they stepped into his residents. She followed him into the kitchen.

"Wait, what do you mean by "the state I'm in.." Satine quickened her pace to catch up with him and tugged on his sleeve to grab his attention. Obi-Wan turned to stare down at her. She reminded him of Anakin when he was younger, he would always wear things that were oversized and the Jedi robe he had given her was too big for her skinny body. The sleeves where much too long and hid her thin hands, and the bottom collected on the floor like pools of clothing. She looked like a youngling playing dress up with her parents old clothing.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." He looked away from her icy stare. "I just...well look at yourself, your so worried your shaking.." He reached out and placed a gloved hand on her shoulder. She shrugged off his hand as she turned her back to him and walked out to the balcony. Obi-Wan stared at his shoes for a moment, why did he even try. He was so bad at this "love" thing, he could never find the right words to say and be always messed the moment up. He decided to give her a few minutes on her own, sometimes a little bit of personal space was good. He hadn't a clue as to why she was being like this, maybe it was the fact that she was with him, or even that she was almost killed. Whatever the cause he wanted to give her some time to breath it out.

Satine stood out on the balcony of Obi-Wan's personal living quarters in the Jedi temple. The night was as dark as pitch but the stars seemed to be shining extra bright, just for her. A shiver ran up her thin arms as she lost herself in the bright lights of Corusant. But it was too good to last, the memories of earlier flooded her mind, perverting all her thoughts. She relived all; she saw the red lights, the screaming, glass shattering, her body hitting the wall, metal twisting, and finally the impact. She remembered the force of the crash as if was happening right them on the balcony of the Jedi's apartment. Her eyes shot open and she reached for the railing. What I'm I doing? Satine thought to herself. I need to stop acting like such a frighted child. I'm safe now, I'm with Obi-Wan. I'll stay here for tonight then in the morning he'll take me back to the palace. Yes, she thought, just that and nothing else. She stared out into the star filled night and sighed, even though every thing seemed to be going down hill for her, she couldn't help finding herself lost in thought thinking about how her life would have been if Obi-Wan and her had gotten married. She thought of all the things; what they would have done together, would they have children, what would they look like, girl or boy, which one would he prefer? These questions would all remain unanswered, she knew that, but sometimes she couldn't help herself to wonder; what if they had. At such a young age too thought, would it have worked out financially? Would they leave the core worlds and seek out a home in the outer-rim, would they have been able to avoid this war? What would Qui-Gon have said if he found out, what would he say now if he where still alive? Better yet, what would his padawan say, Skywalker?

How could she think of such things, how dare she. She felt ashamed of her own thoughts, she had no right to wish for anything like that. If Obi-Wan had left the order for her then Anakin might never had become a Jedi, even the padawan that Obi-Wan spoke of; Ahsoka might have not been trained if it wasn't for Obi-Wan still being in the order. But if he had left it wouldn't have been the first time he had done so. She also remember her duties as a representative of hundreds of planets and systems, she was a voice to the people who wanted peace in this war. She despised her own selfish thoughts and ambitions. How could she be so self absorbed when there were innocent people dying in the streets because of what this war had brought upon this galaxy. She turned away from her reflection in the window, too ashamed to face her own image and continued to stare blankly out into the city. Yes, she thought, we made the right choice, the selfless choice. She heard foot steps approaching the balcony. Yes, she thought, it's better this way.

Half an hour had passed before Obi-Wan decided to go check on Satine. He was getting worried about his, was she going to be ok? He thought this to him self while lying on his bed, he closed his eyes for a moment and pictured Kryze. She was beautiful in every way, he sighed and sat up. Why was he so obsessed with her? He hung his head between his legs. Well I'd better go check up on her, he thought, he got up and walked down the hallway. He could see her through the glass halfway down the hall, every time he thought of her he couldn't help but think; what if...What if they had done it, what if they had gotten' married and he had left the order? Always the same question over and over again; what if? It was almost enough to drive one insane, sometimes even during battle he thought of it. He stepped through the doorway and walked behind her, waiting for her to turn around. But when she didn't he spoke;

"I'm sorry to bother you Satine but, it's quit cool outside and your wound are in great need of treatment." She didn't turn, just stared into the cold nights air.

"Very well then." She finally answered. "Do what you must." With that she turned and walked inside leaving Obi-Wan to stand out in the nights cruel chill. He just stood there, and stared into space thinking; What if?

Inside Satine had already seated her self on the couch, she looked around the room; it was pretty pain with nothing really special to it, a kitchen and a dinning room as one and a large screen to watch the Holo-Net on. In front of her was a large coffee table with a first aid kit neatly placed on one side. She didn't look up as she heard the door shut and foot steps came towards the couch. Obi-Wan leaned over the kit and pulled out some bandages and medicine oils. Then he walked over to the sink and got a soft cloth with warm water to wash the dirt off. Obi-Wan sat down next to her, he sat so close she could feel the heat from his body. They didn't look at each other, as if they could tell what the other one was thinking. Satine looked away from him when he tried to make eye contact, she couldn't look him in the eyes after what she had though before . She didn't wan to like at him, because she was afraid of she did then all the feeling that she had before would come rushing back and they would be madly in love again. The doors she thought she had closed, all the walls she had managed to put up would all come crashing down again, just like when they first met. Obi-Wan gently reached out for her arm and slowly removed his coat from her, she shuttered as he began treating the first cut. His hands were so large compared to hers, but they were so soft. He tenderly washed away the mud on her upper arm, she closed her eyes as his fingers worked heir way around the wound. For a while neither of them spoke, they couldn't even hear each other breathing the silence between them was almost unbarring.

"Obi-Wan..." Satine began, starring down at the floor. "I need to know something..." He stopped what he had been doing and looked down at his hands, which where now mud covered.

"What is it, you know you can ask me anything." He moved closer slowly putting an arm around her. He tried to catch her eyes but she was avoiding him entirely. She shivered to his touch, his skin was so warm.

"I need to know...I want to be sure that..." She looked him right in the eyes. "We made the right choice..." Satine returned her gaze to the floor and sniffed. At first he was confused, but then as he processed her words it began to make sense.

"I'm sure of it." He said gingerly. "From the bottom of my heart and with all I am...I believe it was the right thing to do, it was the selfless choice. Anything else would have been wrong...I mean just look at how many people depend on you and I. Me as a Jedi; I keep the peace, and you, the people depend on you to be their voice. A voice to express peace in this dark time of war." Satine looked back up into his misty blue eyes.

"Do you really believe that?"He nodded.

"With all my heart." Satine fought back tears, she looked away so he wouldn't see the tears that fell, rolling down her cheeks.

"Satine, what's wrong." Obi-Wan sounded so concerned for her. She turned and threw her arms around his neck, she loved how he was always concerned for her. Satine rested her head on his chest as he put his arms around her. "If that's what you truly believe Obi-Wan, then please tell me..." She whispered. "Why do I regret it so much?" She began to cry in his arms, his attempt to calm her down resulted in failure.

"We don't have to regret it..." Satine stopped and looked up at him, confused.

"What do you mean by that?" She looked at him with her big eyes. Obi-Wan cleared his throat.

"If you truly believe in your heart that the choice we made was right." He said, running his fingers threw her hair. "If this is true, then there should be no reason to regret our decision."

"Your right Obi-Wan...I just..." She began.

"Shhhhh.." He put his finger to her lips. "It's all right. Now I think you just need to rest for now. Your probably tried and want to freshen up." He gave her one last hug before standing up, even though every thing in him screamed to hold her forever, but he knew he couldn't. Satine watch him as he made his way down the hallway and into his room. She wondered what it what like in there, though she dare not enter. She sat there in the living room pondering; What if...

Satine stepped into the bathroom of Obi-Wan's room, after much talk he had finally convinced her to take a shower and to put on fresh clothes. Even though she insisted on waiting till she got home to take one and change into her own clothes, she finally gave into his pleading. He had also said she might as well because it would have made no sense to have dressed her wounds only to have the bandages get wet, this way she would only take one before. Satine striped herself of her dirty clothing and stepped into the already warm shower. She drenched her hair under the shower head and watched as all the stress washed off her body and down the drain. Eyes closed she tried to think of better thing then all the work that awaited her return. She washed her hair with a nice shampoo. After a while of just enjoying the warm water, she picked up a well used bar of soap off the holder and began to wash her sorrows away, but the soap had an interesting fragrance to it. She brought the bar up to her nose and sniffed; was she right? She sniffed again, yes she must be, it was him. Well what did she think it was his soap so it most certainly smelled like him, but it just seemed so magical to her, she inhaled the fragrance with every breath as she washed her self clean. Then when she was all done she turned off the shower and wrapped the bath towel around her self. She sighed, it was so nice to be fresh and clean again. Once she had brushed out her hair and changed into the new clothing Obi-Wan had laid out for her, she stepped out of the bathroom and walked down the hallway. When she didn't see him, she sat on th couch and rested her head on the arm rest. She yawned and closed her eyes, she was so tired, the clock on the wall read 3: 47am. Before she knew it she was off and asleep.