Messing Around at the Raccoon Police Department

AN: For some reason the site won't let me use the "at" symbol or any dot coms/file types. Sorry for the eyesore.

Jill leant back in her office chair at the RPD, deep in thought. A very interesting piece of information had been sent to her by an anonymous source. She had tried back-tracing the sender's email (daturoboros_69[at]hotmail[dot]com) but it didn't turn up any results.

The door to the offices flung open to reveal an exasperated Leon.

"Jill!" He gasped and pulled up a chair for himself. "I got here as soon as I could. You said it was... important, yeah?"

She could feel the horniness radiating off of him. This wasn't surprising as Leon had recently been hitting on her; nor was it a secret to their co-workers, as he was quite forward in his advances. However, Jill had a feeling this bit of news she had for him would end his interest in her.

"Alright, I'm gonna give it to you straight, Leon. I have here an email from a very anonymous — and very reliable — source that says that we're... well, we're... related." Jill said, ending with a nervous smile.

Leon raised an eyebrow and grinned at her, expecting a punch line. When she stayed silent and serious as ever, he shook his head. A flat "What?" escaped his lips.

Jill shrugged. "Hey, it makes sense. There's some compelling evidence. Here, come see the email."

To: Jillian Valentine: masterofcockblocking(at)rpd(dot)net

From: Anonymous: daturoboros_69(at)hotmail(dot)com

Dearest Jill,

I couldn't help but notice that Mr. Kennedy has been trying to win your affections recently; during work hours no less. Let me discourage anything you may have planned with him, as you two are, in fact, siblings. How I came into such knowledge is irrelevant. This is simply to give you a heads-up before engaging in incest and, more importantly, a workplace relationship (which is strictly against the RPD's policies).

Attached: compellingfabricatedevidence(dot)pdf

Leon observed the hard evidence before him, leaving his mouth ajar from the shock.

"These are some pretty convincing files..." he said, notably saddened. "B-but, that doesn't mean we can't mess around!"

Jill looked at Leon with disgust. "You've got to be kidding me!"

He ignored her comment. "I mean, it's not like we grew up together. It's not the same! If we fuck around here and there, it's A-okay! Er, as long as you don't get knocked up-"

Jill struck him in the jaw. "Do you ever think before you speak? Look, I wasn't interested in you before I knew you were my biological brother, what makes you think I would be now?"

Leon looked away from the brunette and got up. She stopped him.

"Oh, who am I kidding? You're my brother... and I've never been more turned on in my life!"

Before he could object she had him sprawled on the floor and was tugging at his belt.

"J-J-J-J-" he stuttered.

She laid on top of him now, their faces almost touching. "Don't tell me you're not man enough to follow through, Leon."

He flipped her over so that he was now on top of her, pinning her arms over her head. She gasped and gave him a seductive smile; he began to push her shirt up and trail kisses down her neck.

"F-fuck..." she breathed as he squeezed her breasts.

He smirked at her. "You dirty little slut,"

"This is awfully troubling." Their captain's voice drawled.

The incestuous lovers froze and saw Wesker staring down at them, arms crossed. Jill quickly pulled her shirt down and giggled out of embarrassment. Leon put a hand through his hair nervously.

"Sir, I can explain!" The young policeman said.

Wesker raised his eyebrows. "Really? Go ahead then, Kennedy. Explain why you and Ms. Valentine were in such a compromising position."

He looked down in shame. "I... I guess I can't explain, sir."

"Get back to work, both of you. I won't hesitate to suspend either of you if I ever catch this kind of behavior again." Wesker left them and returned to his own personal office.

He began to laugh. He had thought convincing them that they were relatives would douse any flames between them; not ignite it. He wondered if any other members of the RPD had such odd fantasies. He then remembered his own tastes and unlocked the bottom drawer of his desk, only to find that his revealing photo of Rebecca Chambers was missing. Taken aback that someone had dared to break into his office, he left to find the culprit. But first he had to use the restroom. As he entered he heard someone grunting.

"Yeah... I'd rather have some Rebecca flat bread than a Jill sandwich," a familiar voice said.

Wesker's mouth dropped in disgust. "Barry?"

Silence.

Wesker sighed. "Barry, I know you're here. Answer me."

More silence. Wesker was not going to be ignored; he kicked Barry's stall door open and the man yelped, covering his shame. Wesker frowned and noticed his photo of Rebecca on the floor covered in what was obviously Barry's knuckle children. He grimaced.

Barry laughed nervously. "Hey... you do it too!"

Wesker glared at him angrily. "You know what I don't do? Break into a superior's office and steal his property."

The balding man frowned. "Am I fired? 'Cause you know... I technically wasn't the one who broke into your stuff. I got Jill to do it for me."

Under any other circumstances he would have terminated him. However, this would make Wesker's plans easier. "No, no I won't."

Barry smiled up at his captain. "Really?"

"Now, unless you want your family to know you get off to minors you'll do as I say. On the next mission with S.T.A.R.S. you will get rid of Valentine by any means possible."

Without missing a beat, Barry nodded furiously. "Deal!"

He then held out his hand for Wesker. The blond man backed away. "That's quite alright, Barry, we need not shake on it."