Recovery

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When he's eleven, he puts a serving of Easy Mac on the coffee table in front of the TV every night for his dad. He always goes to CVS because the old lady pharmacist there will smile and overlook that he's buying his dad's nicotine patches and forging a signature for a Xanax prescription. He loses his lunchbox and he doesn't get a new one all year. Woo gives him a shiner and a chipped tooth and his dad doesn't notice for five hours. His dad forgets to shower for almost four days straight. The wedding tape is constantly in the VHS player. Every once in a while, he can convince his dad to go bowling with him. Sometimes he sits up at night and tries to remember what his dad sounded like when he laughed.

When he's thirteen, he and his dad order takeout every Friday and eat it while watching TV. They still go to CVS but his dad picks up his own Strattera order. The zipper breaks on his backpack and his dad gets him a new one that's got so many pockets and cool compartments that it's almost like an apology for the lunchbox two years ago. He loses a limb in combat and when he comes home, his dad's at work. He showers after every battle. The wedding tape is in the drawer under the television. They both buy new bowling shoes. Every night, before they go to bed, they make each other laugh.

When he's fifteen, his stepmom makes something with too many herbs and not enough salt every night. His dad's off the benzos and the uppers. He loses sleep over some of the decisions he's made but never asks for help. When he comes home at half-past-twelve on a weeknight his dad always asks him if he's okay, even though they both know the answer to that is a non-committal grunt and a goodnight. He knows that his dad and stepmom shower together. The wedding tape is in a box in the basement, along with the bowling shoes. There are nights when he lies in bed and is ashamed of how much he hates the sound of his dad laughing at Nora's lame jokes.