Authors Note: So I decided to keep this on this page and the way it is. Sorry it took so long to post, I've been real busy (ten library books tend to do that to yah ;)) BUT, alas, I'm back and I hope you lurrrrve this chapter.

Also. No trees were hurt in the making of this (;

Disclaimer: Bella's name isn't B-Izzel and I don't own Twilight. Happy?

The next day was good… and bad.

It was good because it hadn't rained yet-rain makes my hair frizz up really bad, and it makes me look like I've got an air-fro-, though the clouds were dense and dark. It was good because I knew what to expect that day: Mike stalking me; Eric trying to also stalk me, but Mike not letting him, causing him to glare at me and Mike the whole day; which was creepy.

People didn't stare at me like they had the day before, which pissed me off, because I wanted attention. I'm super sexy, and people need to stare at super sexy people.

I sat with a big group of people at lunch, which was awesome because they all talked to me like I was a shiny new toy, and that made me feel better about myself and made me feel popular: my life long goal… Well, that and becoming a hobo. I began remembering their names and faces, so I guess that was good (for them).

It was bad because I didn't sleep at all the night before, because Charlie made me clean the mess I made and rebuild the wall I ran my truck through.

I still have debris in my hair, but that's probably because I forgot to shower last night. Oh well. It was horrible because Mr. Varner called on me in Trig and my answer was 'red'. The whole class laughed and Mr. Varner assumed I had been asleep, which I wasn't, I actually thought the answer was red. How was I suppose to know there are no colors in Trig? Of course, I didn't say that in fear of looking stupid. It was horribly horrible because in gym I was forced at gun-point by Jessica to play Volleyball with her. She didn't want to look stupid and horrible at it, so she made me play, to make her look better, because I make everyone look better in Volleyball.

I'm going to add her to my hit list.

B-Izzels Hit List

1. Phil

2. Jessica

3. Subways

4. Evil dog that keeps humping me and pooped in my car

Oh, wait. She's already on my hit list. Oops.

Anyway, the number one reason my day sucked:

Edward Cullen was not at school today. I couldn't stalk, ehem, I mean, admire him from afar. Yeah, that sounds so much better.

All morning I was dreading lunch, fearful of his very sexy glare. A part of me wanted to walk very sexily up to him, demand to know what his problem was, and then rape him. Wait. You can't rape the willing, and I'm so sexy we all know he'd be willing! Yay! Anyway, while I was lying in my bed awake, picturing him shirtless I imagined what I would say to him. I knew I'd never actually say any of those things, because no matter how sexy or confident I am, I am a total coward.

And a whiney baby, not that I'd every admit that to anyone.

But, when me and Jessica cat walked into the cafeteria like all the Cullen's had, I eagerly searched the cafeteria for him. My (very sexy) eyes found the Cullen table, but there were only four people seated, not six. Wait, four plus one is six right? Oh, of course it is!

Mike immediately grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder, leaving Jessica behind to cry because, and I quote, 'my one true love has found another woman to rendezvous with!'. Ugh, what a baby. I really hate that girl.

When Mike dropped me down onto the seat beside him, all I could think was, Either Mike is really strong or Phil is just really weak. The first option seems way too far-fetched and I have no problem believing the second.

Mike went on to chat loudly to me, talking about anything and everything, I ignored him, though and stared shamelessly at the Cullen table, hoping and praying to Buddha that my true love would walk through the door, come over here, and take me.

Needless to say, he never came and I grew more and more tense.

Angela walked with me to Biology again, and Mike tagged along, acting less like a person and more like a dog as he walked every where I did. I even walking in a complete circle in the middle of the hall, and he followed behind me. I pictured him with a spiked dog collar and a bone in his mouth. It was so funny, I had to bite my lip really hard to keep from laughing. When we got to Biology, I held my breathe at the door until I turned purple… Oh my god! I'm choking too! What do I do! AHHH!

I started running around in circles, screaming at the top of my lungs. "I'm choking!" I yelled to Mike, who jumped at the chance to have his arms around me.

His scrawny arms circled my waist and squeezed, until I realized I wasn't choking, I was just holding my breathe. I immediately hit Mike over the head with a huge Encyclopedia, and then took my seat dejectedly, disappointed and a bit relieved that Edward wasn't there. Mike walked over to my desk, and lingered as long as possible. He chatted excitedly about some up coming beach trip. I mean really? A beach trip? It's freezing cold outside! He's going to catch phenomena and die! …On second though…

Anyway, Mike stayed by my desk until the bell rang, chatting about something or another. Then he smiled wistfully at me and headed to his desk to sit beside some chick with an air-fro and front teeth as big as a beavers… literally. It looked like I was going to have to do something about Mike's stalkerishness, and I wouldn't be easy. Even though I'm super sexy, I've got zero practice with over friendly, stalkerish boys who want to rape me.

I was relieved, yet sad that I had the desk all to myself, that Edward was not attending class today. Even though I told myself that over and over a million times, I could not rid my small brain of the nagging suspicion that I was the reason he wasn't here. It made me feel good and bad. Good because it would be so awesome to have that affect on someone. Bad, because that some one is a total sex god. But, it was impossible. And yet, I could not help but worry that maybe it was true.

Edward will never love me now!

When the horrible day was finally over and my over-used blush(the make-up) was fading from the sweat, I quickly changed back into my baggy jeans, over sized tee, hi-top Nikes, and my chain. I rushed out of the boys locker room (no, I was not spying… okay, yes, yes I was.) pleased to have evaded Mike the Stalker. I ran to the parking lot, which was not crowed with students anxious to get home, and threw myself in my truck.

I quickly dug through my bag to make sure I had my shopping list and jar marked 'food money'. I was put on cooking duty because Charlie is to lazy to do anything. After attempting to make dinner last night, I discovered the only thing in our fridge was expired pig liver.

I was on my way to the Thriftway. What a dumb name for a grocery store; it sounds more like a thrift shop than anything.

Anyway, I coaxed my loud car to life, waving at every student that looked over at me, and ran over all the cars in my way to get out of this hell hole. As I sped away (29 miles an hour, what a speed demon I am, huh?) I glanced back at all the cars my truck had squashed, I noticed the Cullen's and Hale's getting into their car.

A Volvo.

I almost hit a tree, staring at their sexiness and the realization that they owned the Volvo. I can't destroy my one true loves' family. It's just so unethical. Dammit.

Wait. How in the world did a tree end up in the middle of a school parking lot? Man, this town is weird.

Anyway, the Cullen's and Hale's stared as my car passed them and almost hit the evil tree; I waved to them.

The Thriftway wasn't to far from the school, lucky dad. If it was across town or something, I'd have thrown a huge fit and scowled and growled at him all night. He'd be scared if I did that. Very scared.

I got in and out of that horrid shopping center as fast as I could. There was this creepy piece of lettuce that keep staring at me, like it wanted to rape me or something. It was creepy. For a few minutes in side the store, I pretended I was back in Arizona. The store was large enough, that I didn't hear the rain on the roof, so it was easier to pretend. I imagined Mum and Phil behind me, making out and yelling at me to 'get my fat ass off the ground'…. I fall a lot.

It was nice.

Well, until mum turned into the Incredible Hulk and started throwing people and aisles of food. Then it got scary, so I stopped pretending. Instead, I walked around like the gangster I am, and winked at old people. It was fun until some old lady came over and asked me out on a date! At least, I think it was a lady. Eww, right?

After that, I ran for my truck, forgetting to pay for the food. The alarms stared going off, and the next thing I know fat cops are coming out at me everywhere. And I mean, everywhere.

One dropped from the ceiling, while another popped out of the water fountain facet.

Deciding I couldn't let them get me because it wouldn't be very Gangster-ish of me, I jumped into my truck and we were on a high-speed chase. I was going a record thirty-five miles an hour, and I decided I needed some theme music, so I turned my radio on.

Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

I was jamming to my music, speeding along the abandoned roads towards the La Push county line, when suddenly something ran out in front of me. Deciding it was the only appropriate thing to do, I screamed.

Hitting the breaks and screaming at the same time is a difficult feat, but I managed. I swerved off the road, effectively dogging the cops. They flew right past my truck, which was now located in the ditch, not bothering to glance in my direction.

I quickly got out and did a happy dance, before going to see what I almost hit or did hit.

It was a Chihuahua. Not just any Chihuahua, though. THE Chihuahua. Oh Em Gee. The thing was stalking me! AHH! What do you do when you're being stalked? Deciding it was the best thing to do in this dire situation, I started running around in circles, with my hands in the air, screaming 'Stalker Chihuahua, help!".

Suddenly, at about my fiftieth circle, the dog started becoming a human. Not just any human, though. It was…. It was….

Lord Voldemort?

Huh?

-xXx-

Authors Note: Muahahahahahah- cough. Ehem. I am so evil, I know. I was aiming for the whole second chapter, but I only got to the top of the fifth page. I know, I'm horrible. I just couldn't resisit the Cliff Hanger. Haha, I bet you all were expecting Jacob right?

I'll let you in on a little secret. So was I! Haha, I'm a retard.

So, I can't resist asking who can guess how many times 'Sexy' or 'Sexiness' or anything having to do with attractiveness with the word 'Sex' in it?

Now I have to go count. Dammit!

Anyway, for those of you who don't read Harry Potter (What is wrong with you!), Lord Voldemort is an evil wizard trying to destroy all the muggles (non-magical peeps) and all the half-blood (Wizards or witches whose mom or dad is either Muggle Born (parents who are not magical) or Muggle) and muggle born witches and wizards…. Yeah, I've just confused myself, so I'm going to go and work on my HP parody (I LOVE doing parodys (;)

Ciao!