The Real Pink Elephant Story

When I tell this story, you will learn two embarrassing things about me. One, you already know, and therefore shall be overlooked, is the fact that I have a pair of yellow underwear with pink elephants on them. The two things you do not know are the actual way I acquired the underwear, and what the other pairs look like. Yes, they came in a pack. It's not like I actually went into the store thinking, 'I'm going to buy a pair of yellow underwear that have pink elephants on them.' No, that is not what happened at all.

Going into the store, I had originally thought that I was going to buy only necessities, such as new clothes and food. What I didn't expect, was basically what happened. After walking almost aimlessly around a store full of clothes and food, I don't know the name, because I didn't risk looking up when I entered, even with the very dark sunglasses I had on.

It was nearly unbearable, walking out in the sun, even in the shadows. I had to do it, though, because all of the stores that had decent clothes and food closed around sunset in this area. Entering the store, I got a cart and started pushing random food items into it. There was no need to check the price, I had plenty of money. Something about a hundred years of interest giving me somewhere around a million dollars.

Not that I'm bragging or anything, because I'm not. I didn't even know the interest thing was happening until I checked my old account about ten years ago. After I finished filling half of the cart with food, I changed my direction and headed towards the area with clothing in it.

When I was done getting all of the average clothing, trousers, shirts, jackets, socks, and even a couple pairs of shoes, I headed to the last place I needed to go before exiting. The underwear isle. It probably shouldn't have been awkward for a grown vampire to go and get underwear, but it was. Only because of the little girl that I had noticed following me earlier. I had taken no notice; just a small human girl, not a problem. Now, she approached me and butted ahead of me in the isle. She stood grinning and pointing at something on a shelf.

Vaguely interested, my gaze follows where she was pointing, and saw what had caused her to grin. A six pack of boxers, all with an animal and two vibrant colors on them. The little girl then turned to face me, to watch my reaction. I glanced at her, the boxers, then to her again. Smirking, I reached out a grabbed the pack of boxers, and, after checking the size, plopped them into my cart. I then steered the cart around the young girl and towards the check-out lane. I could hear her giggle behind me.

I tried to make myself believe that I had bought the boxers because of that girl, and my wanting to make her laugh – as she was still watching me at the check-out lane. But, if I told the truth, I actually wanted to buy them for myself. I was sick of all the dull colors Generals had to wear so often, and decided to silently get back at them. Apparently, with colorful boxers.

The check-out line was the most awkward part of this shopping trip, and I tried very hard to ignore the strange looks the clerk gave me when he rang up the boxers. After paying, I put on the sunglasses again and ducked my head. It was still painful, but less so. I kept the cart with me and decided to leave it wherever I ceased to need it.

After a while of walking in a forest, difficult with a cart, I came to a large rock where I could sit comfortably. I sorted through my belongings and changed into some new clothes, yes, even the boxers. The ones I put on were bright yellow and had pink elephants on them. I figured that if I somehow got caught with these on, I could just say they were a gift. That would surely cause minimal embarrassment.

Looking through the pack of boxers, I saw: bright purple ones with neon green hippos on them; light orange ones with bright blue camels on them; startling white ones that had black cats on them, with silver lining; then there were teal ones with bright red mice on them; and, finally, a rainbow of bright colors with the previously mentioned animals on them.

Sighing, I packed them into a water proof bag, along with most of the other stuff I had bought, and left them there for safe keeping. Dressed in all gray, I started my journey to Vampire Mountain.

The End