Chapter Three

He was gentle with me. You would think that a man of such inner passion could have accidently hurt me with his threefold strength, but he didn't. A short while later, my naked body is blissfully entangled with his, warmly nestled beneath the sheets.

As we lay comfortably in our silence, I find myself glancing around his bedroom. Just like in the other room, there are several items hanging on the walls, though these seem to be more personal in nature.

Most prominent among them is a giant portrait sitting ominously on the wall across from us. It is a painted image of a formidable-looking Vulcan standing in front of a dark background. He is dressed in full military uniform. Judging by the sheer array of medals, badges, and insignia on his coat, he seems to be very high up in rank.

It's his father. I feel myself shiver as his stern eyes peer down at me, as though he can actually see me and is not pleased that I am here.

In my universe, Spock has no pictures of his family displayed in his quarters. He is very private about that aspect of his life. Once, I practically begged him to tell me about his parents. It was kind of a nosy thing to do, but I really wanted to learn more about him. Finally, I got him to bring out a little hologram of them. They looked so sweet as a couple, despite their obvious differences. So now, in this universe, I can't help but wonder why his mother isn't also in that painting, or why there's no image of her at all in the bedroom. Maybe there's one in the other room, one that I didn't notice earlier. But for some reason, I find myself doubting it.

My eyes wander to a spot on the wall near the entrance of the bedroom. There, I glimpse something that shocks me when I recognize it: a ka'athyra. The strings and the tone modulator are clearly present, but it's not like any ka'athyra I've ever seen. The body of the instrument is jet-black, as though it was carved from ancient obsidian. It also has tendril-like projections that branch away from the corners, giving it an almost spidery appearance. Still, it looks strangely beautiful in its own way.

"I tried to give him another chance," he says suddenly.

I turn my head on his bicep, which happens to be serving as my pillow. "You mean, the Captain?"

He nods. "When I left the bridge, I attempted to persuade him to take action against the Halkans."

"But he didn't listen, did he."

He shakes his head. "No. And I had no recourse but to inform Starfleet. They said they would notify me of their decision within the hour, but I believe I already know what that decision will be." He pauses, swallowing. "I believe they will want me to kill him."

I decide to probe a bit deeper. "Is this what you wanted to talk to me about earlier?"

He nods again.

"But you don't want to go through with it...do you."

He glances at me, grim-faced. "No. I have no desire for the captaincy. It would only distract from my research." He appears to hesitate a moment. "And you say he is my friend." He shrugs slightly. "Perhaps he is. But friend or no, if he does not change his mind, I will have no choice in the matter."

"Unless..." he says, after a few moments.

"Unless?" I ask.

"Unless there is another choice." Moving his head from side to side, he looks despondently at the ceiling. "I do not know the cause of the Captain's new found defiance, but his words have given voice to doubts within me. How many worlds have we left in ruins?" A look of distaste crosses his face. "And now we will leave one more, all for the glory of the Empire. I have found myself growing tired...tired of the bloodshed. If I kill him and then proceed with Starfleet's orders, more blood will be spilled. And this time, it will all be on my hands."

I can only look at him. It seems that the so-called monster has a conscience after all.

He gives a quiet sigh. "But what if I chose to leave this all behind? Flee. Defect. Perhaps to Romulus. No matter what the Empire's propaganda would have us believe, I know that there is peace there. Freedom."

I almost feel my jaw drop. Peace? Freedom? On Romulus? This really must be a twisted universe if the Romulans are the democratic ones.

Turning his head, he looks deep into my eyes. "Would you come with me?"

"Yes," I say without thinking. But then reality crashes down, as I remember who I am, and what can never be. If the boys' escape plan goes as smoothly as it should, there won't be any future for us. But whereas that thought may have given me comfort only a half hour ago, right now I'm not so sure.

"You are lying," he says forcefully, as a renewed coldness enters his eyes.

"No, I'm not," I stammer in protest. But as he pulls his arm from me, I realize that my reluctant face must have given me away.

"Keep your secrets, then" he says, with a dismissive wave of his hand. "You know what will happen if you betray me."

There is a long silence.

A short time ago, I would have felt mortal fear at what he just said. But now I find that I'm feeling something else.

The silence grows further until he glances at me with a slightly chastened face. Coming from him, it is an alien look, in this or any other universe. And then he finally speaks.

"I...apologize for my words."

It may not sound like much, but I know that it's basically the Vulcan equivalent of falling down on your knees and begging forgiveness. I can't help but quiver at his vulnerability...at his need for me.

"I know you didn't mean it," I reply, my lips curving upwards as I slide a finger down the long rim of his ear. "Besides, do you really think I could ever let these things out of my sight?"

"You are incorrigible," he responds, his half-smile surfacing as he takes me by the shoulders and throws me on top of his hard, naked form. Capturing my eyes with his, he begins to run a soothing hand down the back of my hair.

But it is not long before his smile disappears, and his face takes on an almost haunted look. "I know why you hesitated. Such talk is foolishness. I am going nowhere...and neither are you. The Empire keeps order. The Empire must be preserved. We live to serve the Empire. It is logical."

Well, logical or not, he can't deceive me. Because now I know that there is no such thing as "Not Spock." No. This is Spock, a Spock living in a universe that has taught him nothing but hate. And maybe it's this hate that has driven him to find love. I also know that I could use that love to bring him fully into the light, if only I had the time.

Suddenly, an invasive buzzing sound emerges from the comlink across the room. As he glances at it, a look of irritation passes his face, followed by resignation.

"That will be Starfleet. It would be best if you returned to the bridge." Once more, the half-smile makes an appearance as he touches my lips with his. "I will see you shortly."

Gently placing me aside, he exits the bed. But as I lay there, watching him dress quickly so he can answer his call, I find that a large part of me doesn't want to leave. I mean, not just his quarters, but this ship. Part of me wants to let the boys find their own way home, while I stay here with a man who is not so different from another one that I know, a man who will love me for as long as this cruel universe allows.

But then I think of Marla McGivers, and how similar words must have been passing through her mind when she abandoned her duty and betrayed us to Khan. I think I'm beginning to understand her a little better now. But the thing is, I'm not McGivers. No. I know my duty. The Captain and the boys will get us out of this. Somehow, they always do. But they will need my help. I also know that if the plan doesn't go as smoothly as we intend, the next time I meet this Spock it may be as his enemy.

I can only hope that this is somehow not the end, that the other Spock holds some kernel of love for me, and that one day he will reveal it like this one has.

Yeah. I can hope.

The End