- Scene to Ride of the Valkyries -
(Halo (c) Microsoft Studios, Bungie & related creators; Red vs. Blue (c) the Rooster Teeth team. Text (c) L.Q. Coverdale. Ride of the Valkyries now in the public domain, but originally by Richard Wagner circa 1851. Content includes mentions of death and violence.)
And so he was charging,
With gun and blade in hand!
The Warthog his muddied mount,
All across the barren land!
"Onward, comrades!
The day of victory be ours!
To the sunset of the West,
We rise from the East,
Onward from afar!"
Cue the ravens flying,
Croaks of battle and gore!
The whirling dust, besieged Blues,
Their base and souls nevermore!
Burn of the sun,
Spent bullet case and wasted breath,
We march to the Blues,
To a most Blue-decked death!
Glory of the Red team,
We shall plunder on through!
On Donut, on Grif, on Sarge and the Warthog;
To the glory of lands anew!
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors of Blue
That is who we are!
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors of Blue
That is who we are!
Boil in your skin as you are incinerated!
Fall to the wrath of the sniper's weapon!
No Valkyrie be on your side,
As you trip clumsily, cursing the heavens and stars!
Your Freelancer may not help you,
The witch has left you to eat dirt!
To crawl on your belly, vile serpents!
And so, bravely, we march to your side,
Blue trodden beneath our feet!
Long live Red as long as we may live and breathe!
Foul beasts with no Heaven to help you,
We shall march to your destruction!
Glorious Red team, MARCH!
To victory, to everlasting fame,
MARCH!
Spent bullet case and wasted breath,
We march to the Blues,
To a most Blue-decked death!
Glory of the Red team,
We shall plunder on through!
On Donut, on Grif, on Sarge and the Warthog;
To the glory of lands anew!
Jump no more,
Oh yes indeed!
From lofty heights you shall fail,
Knaves no more than damsels in need!
Noble knights of scarlet, maroon and vomit yellow,
We hold high the Excalibur of our times!
(Your sword is a puny excuse.)
Most noble and brave, most Red,
We ride in a glorious flurry of war!
WAR!
And you shall do nothing to stop us,
For as I sing,
You cower in absolute fear!
Let my ranting slanting screeching frighten you,
Let it burn, BUUUUUUUUURN!
And,
Spent bullet case and wasted breath,
We march to the Blues,
To a most Blue-decked death!
Glory of the Red team,
We shall plunder on through!
On Donut, on Grif, on Sarge and the Warthog;
To the glory of lands anew!
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors of Blue
That is who we are!
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors in red,
Conquerors of Blue
That is who we are!
CONQUERORS OF BLUE —
"Simmons! What in Sam hell are you doing?"
Ride of the Valkyries is still blaring in the background. Simmons stands, clad only in his underwear and a pair of overalls. He stares at the rest like an owl, Sarge giving him a look, Donut with sparkling eyes and Grif with a jaw-dropped grin. Simmons begins to stutter, almost falling off the box of laundry detergent he stands upon.
"Well, uh, ... you see, I, uh ... uh ... uhm ... "
"You didn't even keep the right metre at the end, for God's sake!"