I Still Feel Her

A/N: I don't own Covert Affairs.

My cable's down, my MP3 player is on shuffle, so I'm using song titles as writing prompts. :)

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy it.

In retrospect, he should have seen it coming much earlier. Then again, he was blind. He couldn't see anything. But that was no excuse for his obliviousness, and he knew it.

He should have seen it coming the first day she was at the CIA, starting from the moment she said she listened to Mingus.

He should have seen it coming when they became friends, and she brought him a stuffed St. Bernard toy to confirm it.

He should have seen it coming when he was teaching her hand to hand combat, during those moments when his hand wanted to linger on her arm just a little longer, despite his brain telling him to let go.

He should have seen it coming when she defended Jai, leaving him with a sudden surge of anger.

He should have seen it coming that night when he rushed to comfort her after her breakup with Jai, leaving Bea alone in bed.

He, despite not having his eyesight, should have definitely seen it coming earlier. He should have accepted the fact, rather than rebelled against it the way he rebelled against his family. Moreover, he should have told her so. Because, if he did, she might have let go of Ben Mercer. And then, maybe, just maybe, she would have listened to him and declined the job. She might not have went and got shot during the chaos that ensued after Ben Mercer was spotted.

Then, maybe he wouldn't have spent that bleak night sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, tapping his foot and fiddling with the worn out stuffed dog, while the events from earlier that day played themselves over and over in his mind.

"I can take care of myself!" she hissed at him.

He slammed his cane onto his desk in frustration, "Fine. FINE! Do what you want. I don't care."

And maybe he wouldn't be in front of her grave, involuntary tears leaking from his sightless eyes.

He can't stop thinking about how his last three words should have been "I love you" instead of "I don't care."

Because he did care about Annie.

Because he could still hear her laugh and smell the traces of Jo Malone Grapefruit that always surround her.

Because he missed her so much he could almost see her.

Because he wonders what her lips would have tasted like.

Because he could still feel her, knocking him over, shoving him, and pinning him during their training sessions. He could still feel her hugs.

But most of all, because he could still feel her warmth.