Never Have I Ever

Disclaimer: I do not own, I just fan, and I hope you all enjoy. This is kinda like my other stupid humor fic (Marry, Fuck, Kill), only probably more stupid, and therefore possibly more enjoyable. Well, maybe. I'll let you all decide! :]

Chapter 1: Never Have I Ever… Elliot's POV

I honestly went into work that day prepared for just that: Work. Straight up, no nonsense work, but of course, life has this way of taking your plans and shitting all over them, as if to say, 'Ha-ha, you moron. You thought you could actually plan your day? You're a silly asshole.'

So, of course, I honestly thought that once I and my partner had done our business in court that that would be it, and we could go and get on with everything else that needed to be done, such as paperwork, interviews and making sure I spoke to my wife.

And, granted, it started out that way. Kinda.

"What a crazy day." Olivia sighed, tossing her empty coffee cup into a trashcan just outside the courthouse. "I hope we don't have to be here for too long."

"Eh, you and me both." I agreed, grabbing her arm as she reached for the door. "Shouldn't we wait for Munch?"

"You don't think he's here already?" She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, indicating that she was either unhappy or cold. Possibly both. "Anyway, can't we wait inside? It's cold out here and I'm not dressed as appropriately for the weather as I'd like to be."

Ah. So she was cold. I shrugged and held the door open so that she could get inside (ladies first), looking past her toward the bottom of the stairs as she walked in.

She sighed again, looking tired, "Something wrong?"

"Is that-"

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she realized what I was looking at and she pushed her way back out into the cold, "Oh shit, is that Casey?"

Well, yeah. Oddly enough, it was.

"Casey?" Olivia called out, jogging towards the top of the steps, trying not to look over eager or some shit like that as she made her way towards our blonde former ADA.

And Casey turned up to look at us, because obviously she hadn't seen us before. It was a wonder I saw her, I had just turned to see if Munch was heading up or something, I mean I don't really know, you know? I was just checking out the scene behind me and bam! There she was. Just walking up and chilling at the bottom of the stairs like she owned the place.

"Olivia? Elliot? It's so great to see you!" She ran up the stairs and wrapped her arms around Olivia, giving me a big smile over her shoulder. I was next for a hug, once she let Olivia go, and I accepted it with a little less ease than my partner had. Not that I had a problem with her or anything, but it was just, you know, weird. Weird that she was here, not that she was hugging me. But whatever, she was talking and so I had to stop thinking about the odd coincidence.

Olivia shoved her hands into her pockets and kinda nodded towards the door, an action I understood to mean 'hey, let's get inside before I freeze my ass off'. Well… More or less that. "Yeah, it is! What are you doing here?"

"I'm…" Casey blushed as she walked through the door that I found myself holding open yet again, followed closely by my partner and then myself. "Uh… I'm picking someone up, actually."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at the same time as me, and I kinda rolled my eyes, at least the eyes in my head, because we were always doing things like that, and it was kinda funny to me. It wasn't really funny to anyone else (like Kathy) but it was just one of those things that only she and I got, you know?

Not that that's important or relevant to the story or anything like that.

"Who uh… are you picking up at court?"

I'm glad Olivia asked it, because she sounded genuinely curious whereas I would have sounded sarcastic, like an asshole, because honestly we both knew who she was there to see, and it took everything in us (well, I say us plural, but you know I can't know if it applied to her as well as it applied to myself) to keep from laughing.

Casey blushed, sweeping a hand through her hair and pulling us toward a corner. I wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want people to hear her or see her, since she would be easily recognized in her once home away from homes, but if she didn't want to be seen then why in the hell would she be here in the first place?

"I, uh, Fin… didn't tell you?"

"Well, he told us once you broke a faucet."

"I thought you didn't remember that night, Olivia."

"I…" Now she was blushing. Jeeze, all we needed now was to bring up Munch around Alex and I'd have enough tomatoes to throw into a salad. Wow, that was a stupid metaphor. "I remember some things."

I rolled my eyes and Casey giggled, "Oh. THAT night, I heard about that night. Didn't you and Alex-"

"No!" Olivia snapped quickly, "Ahem. Anyway. Fin didn't tell us what?"

"That… We've been… Dating?"

"Eh." I shrugged, smirking a little. "Fin kinda keeps to himself. Probably didn't want Munch knowing, you know?"

Of course, it would be my fucking luck for Munch to walk up when I was talking about him, which he did.

"Fin doesn't want me knowing what?" The old bastard slinked up behind us and I swear his jaw nearly fell off his face when he saw who we were talking to. "Holy shit, Casey No-"

Casey gave him a light shove, "Hey, shut up!"

I chuckled a bit, after all, you would too. Munch had gone from looking solemn to shocked to hurt in about two seconds flat. "Hey… Why'd you do that?"

"I'm not exactly the most popular person around here, Munch."

"I'm sure all that stuff about you being disbarred has blown over by now." He said sarcastically, rubbing at his chest where she had shoved him. Pussy.

"Ha. I'm sure."

"But I actually am curious, what does Fin not want me knowing? That you two are an item, because I know that."

Olivia rolled her eyes and shoved a hand into her pocket as her cell phone started to go off, "Munch, we ALL knew that."

I smiled a little at her as she flipped her hair back and pressed the phone to her ear, trying my best to not look like I was watching her, though I'm sure I was. I wasn't deliberately trying to be weird, I just liked to know what she was up to. To like, watch out for her, you know? I'm sure you know.

"Hello? Yeah, we're here already. Well we're not really going to go in without you, are we, asswipe?" She giggled and looked up kinda self consciously before clearing her throat a little and turning her back to us. "Sure, we'll wait. We're all kinda waiting anyway. Yeah by the- Oh wait, I see you."

And as quickly as she had answered she hung up, snapping the phone closed and shoving it back into her coat, throwing her other hand into the air as she headed towards the door. I swear too, the first thing I thought was she better not go outside again, because damn it she'd done it like twice already and I didn't want her to keep bitching about being cold. But that was only a thought in my mind for maybe a second, because I soon saw that what she was really headed toward was not, in fact, a door, but rather the other ADA she was fond of.

"Oh sweet." That was Munch. He always said something like that, with a goofy, stupid ass smirk whenever Alex was around. I rolled my eyes and glanced at Casey, trying to convey how weary this guy made me through my stare, but I think all I did was confuse her because she kinda screwed up her face like she was confused as to why I'd even look in her direction. Well, I probably would be confused too, if I was her. After all, she was unaware of the history and shit there. Blissfully unaware. Lucky bitch.

Olivia dragged Alex up to us, and the blonde smiled at Casey, extending her hand. I always forgot that they hadn't ever really met. At least, I didn't think they had.

"Casey…" Alex smiled as Casey took her hand, and it kinda looked fake, but she could have just been tired, or she could've been really irritated because Munch was around. If that were the case, it wouldn't have shocked me if my smile were fake too, and that made me feel kind of bad, because I like Munch, honestly, I do, but get him and Alex together and I swear they're enough to make you want to cut your ears off. Anyway, back to Alex and her fake/tired/irritated smile, "Nice to see you again."

Oh, well, I guess they had met then.

"Like wise." Casey smiled, and it looked pretty normal. "Well, it was nice running into you, I should probably go."

"Well why don't you come up with us?" Olivia stopped her departure by placing a hand on her arm. Clearly she wasn't ready for our reunion to be over. "After all, you're waiting for Fin, he'd be up there anyway."

"You're waiting for- Oh. Yeah, never mind." Alex blushed slightly. Well, there I had it. Three tomatoes.

What a stupid metaphor.

Casey grinned and shrugged, looking over toward the elevators, "Well… Fuck it, why not?"

"Great!" Olivia grinned. "You can keep us company while we wait to testify."

"Liv?" Alex raised an eyebrow. "Is that a good idea?"

"What, you think she'll overwhelm and distract me and I'll forget what happened, Alex?"

The ADA rolled her eyes in my direction, I guess hoping to gain my sympathy or something because she's my partner and I guess she thought I'd understand her irritation (I didn't) and started off towards the elevator.

"Someone's in a bad mood," Munch piped up, sliding past us as he followed after her.

I laughed, reaching out to place my hand on Liv's back to, you know, lead her to the elevator. Not that she didn't know where it was, obviously, but just because that's how we did things, I guess. "I'm sure your presence is of great comfort, too, buddy."

"Funny, El."

"I really am."

"Come on, you four." Alex sounded exasperated as she held the otherwise empty elevator open for us. "I don't have all day."

"They won't start without you." Casey said, slinking into the elevator after Munch and Olivia. I was the last one on, and I hit the button because… Well fuck, who cares why, I just did. And, I swear, like, I kid you not, I hit that button and we had just started moving, up enough to get off the ground and past the doors that sealed off the elevator from the hallway, that the power went out and we stopped. Dead in our tracks, in the pitch black, right in between floors and out of the way of help, we fucking stopped.

And Alex sighed, now definitely exasperated.

A/N: I'm just… insane. And I wanted to follow up my ridiculous drunkard fic with another insane fic, so I did, because I could. Can. Whatever. I hope you enjoy, and I also hope you like the switch to first person perspective, which I typically don't do because I get a little carried away, as you can tell. :]