A/N: I'm not writing an accent for Victor Krum. I personally think Victor is a cool guy, and I just can't do his accent justice.

PIMPHARRY lives!

"Excuse me, may I have a word with you Harry Potter?" asked Victor Krum, knocking on the bathroom stall.

Harry Potter, Hogwarts supposed lothario was sitting in the stall wanking it to a wizard magazine. Harry loved his wizard porn. Better then the internet with how the pictures moved. "Um…yeah, sure. Just give me a minute to finish." Twenty seconds later Harry exited the stall. "What can I do for you?" Victor motioned that they take a walk. The two wizards walked for a moment in silence.

"I've noticed you're close with the bushy haired girl that lives in the library?"

"Oh, you mean Hermione? Yeah, she's one of my best friends. What about her?"

"I want to ask her to the ball. I was hoping you could tell me about her." Harry stopped walking and gave Victor an appraising look.

"Let me ask you something Victor, I can call you Victor, right?" Harry asked. Victor nodded. "How high do you stand?" Harry gave an inflection in his words. Victor picked up his meaning.

"About ten centimeters."

"Don't bother Victor. You need to be at least twenty five centimeters tall in order to ride that ride." Victor's eyes went wide. Harry shrugged. "Hermione's a bit of a size queen. She lost it to my dorm mate Dean Thomas last year, and he's hung like a god damn mule. Which is something else I've seen Hermione fuck. Man the World Cup got wild." Harry grinned at the memory of the party.

"But what if I don't want to bed her?"

"Oh. Then she'd be an awesome date. She's smart and witty, a great companion to any event. Be a complete gentleman, and she'll be a lady." Victor nodded in acknowledgement.

"Why do you not take her then? Do you not stack up either?" Victor smirked at the joke. Harry smirked back.

"Nah. I just don't want that mule's sloppy seconds."

End