Crack Still Killz

Chapter 1: Cagalli and Murrue- Men Are Pigs…But Women Are Psychos!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed/Destiny, nor the characters, but the pairings…hehehehe…yeah I'm a little crazy. But not on drugs, I promise.

Okay, some explaining before I begin: This is in fact (finally) the sequel to Crack Killz, so I suggest reading that story first before reading this (unless you like watching your brain explode). So the couples have all broken up and got together with their neighbors, and a few new couples have moved in. Athrun, Andy, Rey, Auel, and Gilbert are all still in jail under the watchful eyes of Siegel and Shiho (which is the only couple still together, go figure). I believe that is all…ONWARD!

"Ah, this is the life. I don't have to worry about my husband dressing as a hobo in order to have sex with whores, even though the only whore that kept falling for it is now dead." Cagalli said as she ate dinner with her wife.

"Yeah, and I don't have some annoying kid calling me old and wrecking the highways every day with his crazy cab driving!" Murrue replied.

"You know, I'm glad I decided to swear off men, having a wife is much better, because we understand each other." Cagalli added.

"Exactly! Do you like dinner? I made it special!" Murrue asked, a glint in her eyes.

"Yeah, it's good." Cagalli replied and shrugged.

Murrue's face twitched. "What do you mean? You don't like it? It's not good enough for you?" she asked again, now a crazy look in her eyes that Cagalli didn't notice.

"No it's not that, it's just…Rau would hire a chef sometimes and he was amazing! The food was always delicious! But this is good too." Cagalli answered.

"WHAT? Well I'm sorry my cooking isn't as good as your ex-husband's chef!" Murrue cried and stormed away.

Cagalli had a shocked expression on her face. "What was that about?" she asked.

Later on after dinner she went to check on Murrue, who was on the computer.

"I'm really sorry about earlier, honey, I didn't mean to say your cooking was bad." She said as she stood behind her. Cagalli peered closer and started reading the messages her wife was sending to someone named iRockstar in a chat room. Her eyes widened as she read the dirty words.

"Oh, I don't care about that anymore, I was just…Cagalli? What's wrong with your face?" Murrue asked as she turned around to see Cagalli's face not only changing expressions but also colors.

"Are you CHEATING ON ME?" Cagalli shrieked.

"What? No!" Murrue replied hastily and exited out of the chat room.

"I ALREADY SAW THE MESSAGES! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH AN ONLINE GUY!" Cagalli yelled again.

"Uhhh, well, I LIKE MEN!" Murrue burst.

Cagalli gasped. "Great! My first husband cheated on me with whores, and now my wife is cheating on me with an online guy! WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?" she cried and ran away.

"Wait! It's not my fault! I've always had a crush on rockstars!" Murrue called and chased after her.

Cagalli ran outside of the house and cried, sitting on the curb. Murrue ran out and saw her sitting there.

"Cagalli, come on, I'm sorry." She said.

"Leave me alone! I hate you!" Cagalli told her.

Murrue gasped, but then turned angry. "Well you said my cooking was bad so it serves you right!" she yelled.

"YOUR COOKING IS BAD! NO WONDER AUEL WAS A PSYCHO BECAUSE YOU FED HIM RADIOACTIVE GARBAGE!" Cagalli screamed.

"I DID NOT! AUEL HIT HIS HEAD TOO MANY TIMES AS AN ADULT! BESIDES, RAU KEPT CHEATING ON YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT FEMININE ENOUGH!" Murrue screamed back.

"DIE!" Cagalli roared and lunged at Murrue.

"NO YOU DIE!" Murrue roared back and tackled Cagalli.

They started fighting while making cat-like noises on their lawn, so the neighbor threw a beer bottle at them, then he realized they were two chicks fighting so got the hose and sprayed them and the ground until everything was covered in mud, but they kept fighting and screaming, while still making cat noises. A news crew came by and started filming the scene.

"As you can see, there is a cat-fight-mud-wrestling-contest going on in Destiny Oaks between two wives. The reason for the fight is unknown, but the neighbors are sure getting a treat tonight!" the reporter said into the camera as Cagalli and Murrue continued fighting behind her.

"DIRTY CHEATER!" Cagalli yelled.

The reporter winced and said, "Ooo, that one hurt."

"DUMB BLONDE!" Murrue yelled back.

"Ouch, that was sharp!" the reporter said again.

"YOU'RE A HORRIBLE CHEF! I'M GLAD I SURVIVED WITHOUT BEING POISONED!" Cagalli screamed.

"That's gotta sting!"

"MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE POISONED YOU! BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE THE ONLY WAY TO GET SOME ACTION OUT OF YOU!" Murrue screamed back.

"Ohhhhhhh!"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Cagalli shrieked at the reporter and tackled her.

"YEAH! WE'RE TRYING TO FIGHT HERE AND YOU KEEP INTERRUPTING!" Murrue shrieked as well and helped Cagalli beat her up.

"I'M JUST TRYING TO REPORT THE NEWS!" she screamed.

"And there you have it; conflict is always solved when the people fighting have a common enemy…or if you just kill everybody." The cameraman said and started laughing maniacally.

"QUIT LAUGHING AND HELP ME!" the reporter cried.

"Why? This will make the ratings soar! I LOVE MONEY!" the cameraman replied.

"LOVE THIS!" Cagalli yelled and punched the cameraman. Murrue tackled the camera and started dismantling it.

The anchors of the news broadcast stared at the fuzzy screen for a moment.

"And now to the weather!"

Cagalli and Murrue dusted off their hands as they surveyed the havoc they wreaked. The camera was split into thousands of tiny bits and pieces all across the lawn and street, the microphone the reporter was holding was now dangling from the street lamp by the cord, and two bodies law strewn across the road. The van the crew had come in was also smashed, bent, disfigured, misshapen, destroyed, hammered, sawed, nailed-

"OKAY WE GET IT!" Cagalli and Murrue screamed at me.

-and yeah, totally annihilated.

"What were we fighting about again?" Murrue asked.

"I dunno." Cagalli said and shrugged. They hugged and then started making out.

"Woohoo!" a man called from the bushes.

Murrue took the baseball bat she got from the house to bash the car up and threw it at the bushes without looking while still making out with Cagalli.

Bam!

"Ow…"

Thud!

"Honey? Are you alright?"

"YEAH TOAST!"

Just then, the car started shooting sparks and then exploded.

"Oh yay! Fireworks!" Cagalli said and they watched the fire from the car, holding hands.

Ahhh, to be in love.

"Your cooking still sucks."

"WHAT?"

-Author's Note: And I'm back…with another fic that will probably have very slow updates…sorry guys. I decided I can't wait to post this because you guys need to guess a few things! First: who is iRockstar? You have a few chapters (cough nine cough) to figure it out if the name alone doesn't ring any bells (cough chapter 11 of Crack Killz cough). Second: who are the reporter and cameraman? You have eight chapters before it is made known, and Third: who threw the beer bottle and made the mud? (Hint: the people from the second and third questions are all new, two are from Gundam Seed, and one is from Destiny) And no Rey didn't throw the beer bottle because he's still in jail for shooting Athrun in the leg, who is unable to create more haros of destruction…or is he? Please review and tell me what you think! Peace-