And now, as promised, my challenger's Lewisized version of a rather famous scene from Lord of the Rings.

The Bridge of Khazad Dum-CS Lewisized;

A swarm of orcs flew towards the Fellowship, of such kinds and descriptions that were I to describe even a few your parents would not let you read this book. Then, suddenly, one could see a large shadow, coming up through the orcs. And if you looked closely enough you could even see that the orcs themselves were a little frightened. Boromir blew his horn loud and true until the orcs stopped in their place and the Fellowship saw that even the large shadow hesitated.

"All of you must get over the bridge! Quickly, now", commanded Gandalf, lifting himself a little higher. "You must run, for only I can fight an enemy of this power!" Aragorn and Boromir didn't respond quite at first, still stubbornly standing next to Gandalf. The small Hobbits gathered in the doorway at the other end of the hallway to see what would happen next and what Gandalf would do.

The Balrog put one foot on the bridge while Gandalf stood in the centre, his staff helping him to keep his balance. In his hand the magic sword Glamdring glowed brightly. Then suddenly the Balrog stopped. All of the sudden the shadow unfolded even larger. Have you ever seen how an umbrella pops open on a rainy day? It was like this now, and the Balrog's shadow moved out from its sides and fell upon the walls. And there it was, larger than anything any of them had ever seen before. In it's hand it held a fiery whip, which it swung around menacingly while it looked at Gandalf.

"I will not let you pass!", Gandalf shouted. The orcs had stopped moving, watching what their massive leader's next move would be. Gandalf spoke again. "I will not let you pass! I am the holder of the knowledge of the Secret Fire, wielder of the magical fire of Anor. Your weapons cannot hurt me, monster of Udun. Go back from where you came, but you will not pass me here!"

And now, the original for comparison:

The Bridge of Khazad-dum as Tolkien wrote it:

The dark figure streaming with fire raced towards them. The orcs yelled and poured over the stone gangways. Then Boromir raised his horn and blew. Loud the challenge rang and bellowed, like the shout of many throats under the cavernous roof. For a moment the orcs quailed and the fiery shadow halted. Then the echoes died as suddenly as a flame blown out by a dark wind, and the enemy advanced again.

"Over the bridge!" cried Gandalf, recalling his strength. "Fly! This is a foe beyond any of you. I must hold the narrow way. Fly!" Aragorn and Boromir did not heed the command, but still held their ground, side by side at the far end of the bridge. The others halted just within the doorway at the hall's end, and turned, unable to leave their leader to face the enemy alone.

The Balrog reached the bridge. Gandalf stood in the middle of the span, leaning on the staff in his left hand, but in his other hand Glamdring gleamed, cold and white. His enemy halted again, facing him, and the shadow about it reached out like two vast wings. It raised the whip, and the thongs whined and cracked. Fire came from its nostrils. But Gandalf stood firm.
"You cannot pass," he said. The orcs stood still, and a dead silence fell. "I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to the Shadow! You cannot pass."

Shadowlander (my challenger's username) and I had a lot of fun with this. We both agreed that it was a tie. But I think his effort is hilariously on target.

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