Series: This is the second part of the Less Than Dignified Escapes Series, which consists of the following fics:

Impractical Shoes (and Other Assorted Articles of Clothing)

***Unexpected Kidnappings and Enforced Nudity

Once More, With Nakedness

Exactly What It Looks Like

The Doctor had barely even had time to get out the word 'mermaids' before Rose was practically flying the TARDIS there herself.

The Little Mermaid had always been her favourite movie as a young girl.

"Disney based that film on this planet, of course," the Doctor said. "Well, actually they based the film on a fairytale by Hans Christian Andersen, which was based on this planet, but same difference. You'd be surprised how many films and books from your time are based on other planets or species. H G Wells even wrote a book based on me, you know."

"You're so full of yourself," Rose laughed.

"He did!" the Doctor replied, momentarily indignant. Honestly, Rose thought, for a Time Lord with a massive intellect, he sure was easily distracted. She settled back, only half-listening to his rant about how many authors wrote about time travel and the future after bumping into him. She was fairly confident that the original topic would recapture his attention eventually, like shiny foil dancing in the wind and catching the sunlight. That's how it always was with the Doctor.

"So," she eventually said when it seemed he'd wound himself down. "Ariel?"

"Yes, right. Well, it's the name of the planet, not some ginger girl with a tolerable singing voice and itchy feet – figuratively speaking of course, since she didn't really have feet at all until she went and became human, did she? Otherwise, though, Disney was fairly spot on. That's fairly impressive, considering Ariel is fourteen thousand light-years away from Earth."

'Fairly spot on', Rose reflected four hours after they'd landed on Ariel, was perhaps a bit of an overstatement.

The Disney version, and the fairytale it was based on, had never mentioned that the mermaid community would kidnap her and make her into one of them. What was this, some cult? Sure, she might have entertained fantasies of being a mermaid when she was eight years old, but this wasn't quite what she'd been expecting.

She'd woken up underwater and panicked that she was drowning. After much flailing and screaming at the people goggling at her as if she was the insane one, she'd ascertained that actually they probably weren't trying to kill her, as she was somehow breathing the water without dying.

She'd been about to apologise for abusing them. Really, she had. Then she'd noticed the tail, coated in glistening scales. That tail was attached to her body, where her legs would usually be. That had not been there when last she'd been conscious.

And she was certain her T-shirt had been there, though now it was nowhere to be seen. Of all the things that were bad about this situation, that one immediately topped the list as soon as it was drawn to her attention.

At least she wasn't the only one who was naked. She very quickly discovered, for example, that the widespread phenomena of nudity meant that it was very obvious the blokes didn't look at all like Ken dolls when it came to their anatomy, as Disney had led her to believe. That part of the experience wasn't so bad, actually. She wondered whether it was considered rude to stare, or whether they just sort of expected it.

The answer to that question became completely irrelevant when Rose found herself unable to stop herself from openly gaping as a particularly well-built merman propelled his body past her through the water with thrusting hips and rippling muscles.

Ummmm.

Huh?

What had she been thinking, again?

After that, she'd felt a little less self-conscious about her nakedness. Just a little. It was hard to overcome twenty years of human conditioning. Still, she figured there was little point in travelling through time and space if she didn't adopt a 'do as the Romans do' sort of attitude. It was just like visiting Paris, the Doctor had once said. She had to dive right in, literally this time.

Of course, when the Doctor himself had shown up out of the blue to save her from life in an underwater nudist colony, Rose found herself wishing with her whole being for a clam-shell bra.

"Hi!" his said, his voice much squeakier than usual. Rose knew him well enough by now to know that that meant he was flustered.

Rose crossed her arms over her chest, but she'd caught him looking before he'd made himself look pointedly away.

She tried to hide her smile. She even almost succeeded.

Finally back on the beach – and with the Doctor's suit jacket now pulled tightly around her to shield herself – Rose wondered exactly how it was that she could still breathe above the water just as well as she had below. Then again, that wasn't exactly the weirdest thing about this experience, so she thought maybe she'd let it pass. It didn't really matter how it worked, as long as it did.

And thinking about weird things ... Rose had seen the Doctor lick a lot of things – some of them completely disgusting, actually – in the name of science. She'd never quite imagined, though, that her upper thigh (or its current equivalent, at least) would one day make it onto that list.

Or perhaps she'd just never let herself hope.

"Oh!" the Doctor exclaimed, smacking his lips together loudly. He peered more closely at her. "You've been dosed with hormones," he said. "They're designed to set in motion hyper-accelerated evolutionary mutations to allow ordinary humans to exist under the surface of the water, where it's safe, for 100% of their life cycles. I'd think that that lot down there weren't even aware anymore that they have the ability to walk on land, except that they seem to have known enough to snatch you into the water to save you."

"Why'd they do that, anyways?" Rose asked.

"The same reason they all retreated under the water to live in the first place. To escape the predators that had taken over on land. The hormones are artificial, probably developed by scientists as a last-ditch means of avoiding extinction. And look at them! They've thrived underwater!"

"Probably by kidnappin' innocents to add to their ranks, like they did with me," Rose grumbled half-heartedly. She recognised that she couldn't complain too much. They hadapparently saved her life.

"No," the Doctor said, "because, you see, it's temporary. A few hours out of contact with the hormone – they add it to the food, I'd say – and you'll be back to normal. Considering they just let you wander about without trying to restrain you, that'd be a terrible kidnapping plan."

"Right, well, since we're not safe under the water now, d'you think we could get back to the TARDIS? Before the super-deadly predators come and eat us?"

The Doctor looked pointedly at Rose's tail. "It's a mile inland from the shore. I don't think hopping is really going to be an option."

"Doctor," Rose began seriously. "If you think I'm sittin' here until I change back to normal, you've got another thing comin'. I've come, I've seen, I've conquered, and now I want to get to the TARDIS infirmary yesterday because I'd really like my legs back. And not that I don't like your suit, but this jacket isn't exactly the outfit I had in mind to wear today, so getting to my room would be great as well. And most importantly. We're gonna get eaten if we stay here!"

"Right. I'll just carry you then, shall I?" the Doctor sighed.

"Sounds like a plan."

It felt even better than it usually did to wrap her arms around him as he lifted her off the ground. With his jacket off for once, the only material between her skin and the skin and muscle of his shoulders was a thin business shirt. Rose tried not to be too obvious about memorising the feel of that under her hands.

Halfway back to the TARDIS, with even Time Lord strength being tested by the huge weight added to Rose by the tail, the Doctor said, "I'm noticing that me carrying you back to the TARDIS half-naked is becoming something of a trend."

Rose noticed, though, that extra weight or not, he wasn't exactly complaining.

The next part of this series is 'Once More, With Nakedness'.