For a bleak moment in time, she had seen only gray.

She had cried once, when her sister left her all alone in the slums

She had cried again, when the world gave her nothing but pain and a tinge of hate for her to breathe life and live

The skies above her head elucidated nothing but a dark scene that made her think she lost everything.

And she did.

Why did she even exist?

What was the purpose?

She saw him die. And when it was time for unremitting measures, he had left her.

She had screamed her voice cracking in terrified hopelessness, acidic tears streaming as his eyes fluttered closed, his labored breathing gentled, and his blood dripping onto her skin, sticky in its warmth causing her to burn.

The world was her own enemy

She felt like an exile out of all the living she had once mingled herself with but now that her struggling heart made it difficult to accept, she cried for the third time

Pinned to the bottom, her leg mangled, ribs broken, her soul dangling from the seat belt above her head and she had been helpless.

An inferno fraught with aloof made her willing to live

After a deliberation with her own being, she became the person she was again.

But, for over 150 years…humanity became another problem.

She didn't know where to begin now that everything was gone…

Once more

Summary: Rukia was given a home, a life and a new beginning but in the end she lost them all from the man she least expected to take it all away from her. Ichigo Kurosaki. She had cried once and didn't think she would again, all for the sake of his death. Ichiruki Pairing.

Cold.

Quiet.

But not dark.

She got curled up on the bench, a gentle light shining down and illuminating her as her head dropped into her hands and she wished for tears that weren't going to come. A gentle winter breeze brushed over her as she sat there, the fragrance of the flowers that surrounded her washing over her as she drew in a shaky breath. She felt so, so stupid and gullible. How could she not? She'd believed every word that had come out of his mouth and now, now it felt like everything he'd ever told her was a lie, lies that had been so transparent to everyone but her. Looking back, she could see why she'd believed them. It was more than ignorance and being naïve, despite of her long years; she had just been caught off guard causing her own heart to burn down in his deceit. Every candle light stood abrupt at every corner in the manor, the guests that arrived for the past hour were the infamous faces of Soul Society and were greeted with very intruding welcomes because everything that had happened so far, made no one—especially her—tangible enough to offer salute in the classiest gestures.

She never believed in life. She never deemed for a minute that she was worth resided for.

She didn't feel alive, she never was.

The light she was supposed to see faded more than a hundred years past, along with the last of her sister's remains of the painful memories leaving her alone in a chaotic neighborhood, down outcasts of Seiretei's walls. It wasn't destiny. It wasn't fate. It wasn't just torment; it felt more than that to live single-handedly as a street rat surviving for life in the squatters every single day. It had been misery, a plunged of anger and strength colliding within the remnants of what was left of her and whatever emotion succeeded within, it was just that and nothing more. She was hurt because she'd been so blind, if she'd been more aware of it before it wouldn't be swirling inside her, waiting for her to feel it. But she couldn't go back and make herself late; she couldn't go back and warn herself that he would be the one that hurt her even when he swore that she wouldn't get hurt again. She could warn herself that all that was going to happen was a bunch of lies woven so intricately the even though they were transparent to a point that she couldn't see them but it'd still happen.

This was more than heartache, MUCH more.

Slowly, one tear slid down her cheek at the thought and she wished that she hadn't decided to let him stay, to let him be here, to make him feel welcome and when her brother ordered him to fall back, he still didn't listen. It was a blunder. A mistake. A sin.

God, she'd been so stupid. So, so stupid.

Everyone in the household of the manor was quiet, speechless and shocked. It happened so fast, not expecting what to come because it seemed like more than an eternity to have him here right now, sleeping peacefully and dressed in a neat shinigami robe with flowers of different kinds, especially red roses because those were his wife's favorite, were laid all over his loose ends. It was too soon. Too early, but it still had to come at rest.

He is going to be remembered. Especially in her heart because her gave her a home.

A family.

A life.

A new beginning.

Rukia Kuchiki will cry again for the last time.

Byakuya Kuchiki

May he rest in peace,

and his being shall be exalted for the years to come

He was a loyal servant to Seiretei's commitment

And his existence shall never be ceased

Gone….

A tear fell

….forever.

A heart bled

She shouldn't have met him.

A life consumed

Because if she didn't, he wouldn't die. He would still be here.

A fate crushed once again

She lost everything.

A home.

The darkness settled her back into the defense of despair

A heart.

Her blood rose to her core with hate and anger

A family.

But this wasn't the person whom she was before

It took her a century to find what she wanted, and only a minute to loose it eternally

She screamed her cries to the Gods.

She knew he would come for condolences but she didn't want him to. She didn't want him here; anywhere near the ultimate of his being would be a great offense to her and to him, to the both of them. If he ever did the intention of showing up to her right now, begging on his knees to forgive her no matter what was at stake, she wasn't sure if she had the courage to do what was right. She didn't know what was right anymore.

Define it for her.

That day she had stood, her eyes hollow and empty, her cheeks dry, her hand desperately clenching his as her world disappeared from her sight. She knew it would all change now.

Kaien died. And it was her fault.

He had taught her to smile again, assured her that she was allowed to laugh, to smile, to glow. She could breathe because it was allowed. This had been his idea.

For her seventeenth birthday, to celebrate being alive, to move forward from the past, to put the nightmare to peace.

And they would face it together as they always.

Because he was her best friend.

Now that her brother had sought death, it was her entire fault. All over again.

Rukia Kuchiki had never been so cold.

But he, he had been her warmth.

Through the darkness, through the pain, he had been the one thing that remained constant, her strength. Her armor. Her protector

Their names had never not been intertwined, a constant unit, an unspeakable bond many did not understand.

He was her shield, her guard; he had seen her at her darkest moments, forcing her to move when she would rather have stood still. He made her change; he melted away the ice draped around her for yearning times that gorged to the vicinity of her presence to mold her into a redeemer, a fighter, a person. A person who understood her purpose

And yet, the one man who did all these things for her…made the circumstance divert to a whole new era.

She believed in him, trusted him, and all the more wanted him to be the one that would make her rain stop forever. But he was the reason why she lost it, lost a love she longed to have. Rukia curled up her knees to her chest where her chin rested on of them and her slender arms hugged around, tucking her legs up in an effort to make herself as small as possible, her body aching and she shuddered with the rasping sobs that tore through her.

It hurts. A lot.

Ichigo was a complication, the only one that had breached her defenses.

A friend that held her from side to side. Saved her from death from her inevitable execution. A shoulder he lent to her when she didn't have a place to cry, he gave her everything but he made her loose everything she had in return.

Confusing?

For her, it made perfect sense out of all else. She was an astray. Like a helpless little dog on the street, she was a goner.

He had failed her.

And it began to rain.

God, what are you doing?

No more than a substantial misunderstanding

No more than a communication gone

It was agony.

It was irrelevant

Everything was. And always were.

The blue sky faded.

Inviting back all of the cries of the suffering to heaven to be heard.

"What are you doing here?"

A mistake.

"I came for Rukia. I want to talk to her"

A sin.

He was forbidden. But the way his mind forced him to get to his feet and fly all the way back to Soul Society wasn't much of an argument to win over with when you were currently fighting over your self conscience. Renji gave him serious matters though; his zanpakotou was just on his side and he wasn't that much alert whenever he knew that one of his closest friends, or maybe just one his favorite jerks, would slash him with a critical stroked dagger with his sword. He didn't know why he was here when he wasn't supposed to be because even when she didn't talk to him, he knew. He just simply knew.

She hated him. Along with everyone else.

He caught a scalpel of eyes starring back making the hair on his neck to involuntarily stand up, he was a dead man but he couldn't be detained. He was strong and he wouldn't loose a chance for her. To at least just talk with her, alone.

On the other hand, red-head was still a problem "You aren't allowed here, you are wanted amongst the palace walls. You should leave even before they find you"

"I'm not going anywhere. I just want to talk to her" He was in his soul form, the huge Zangetsu that escalated his entire frame hung behind his back while the form of his features changed nothing from the previous times that he had last saw him except for the additional stress lines appearing on his upper forehead. The boy has serious problems, he had once concluded

He stood still and for a few minutes, he said nothing, but the persevering eon they were both in wasn't enough for him to remain as he was, "She wouldn't want you to nor would I even let have the chance to see her, you caused more havoc enough. Go"

"I won't, I need to explain things to her. She needs to hear me out"

"What is there for you to explain?" the sudden outburst of the pine-headed man left him for good, "You killed my Captain! You killed her brother! You killed a great warrior! What more is there for you to say? There is nothing you can do to change that, you killed Byakuya!"

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The words repeatedly stayed in his head, this wasn't supposed to happen. He did nothing wrong, but with Renji's sense of saying there was nothing he could do much about. He constantly remained speechless and calm; thank God he didn't pull out his sword because if he did, another liability would have been done. "Look I'm sorry but I—"

"You're sorry won't do anything anymore!" He made him believe. But didn't really "You did an action that would not amend for anything you could ever do, not even if you offered your life on the line, it wouldn't be worth it because it's a useless piece of shit! Rukia is not in the state for piteous deliberations. Get out!"

"You know it wasn't my fault, so let me pass!" He shoved his entire body into the front steps to a force that made Renji even more vigorous with what he had to do. They both struggled as Ichigo tried with all his might to fight off with his arms but his efforts seemed worthless when his back was smothered in the wet dunes of the grass. And he felt the gentle taping of rain mocking up the orange masses on his head. He allowed the damp ground tolerate his presence because he knew being sulked miserably in the downpour of the water is what he deserved. What he had to pay for a reckless act

Renji knew better than to pity the person that extinguished away the life of his captain, and friend but he was one of those people too. He helped him before so could he do it again? To make her happy, smile and be the Rukia everyone once knew?

He knew the answer,

It was a no.

Nothing could bring her back to something she had died along with long before, because when she was adopted by her brother into a life she least knew it would come after her, she lived everything according to rules and didn't abide free will for anyone much longer. She became heartless, unkind and violent. She was now one of them. She was a Kuchiki.

However, being all-noble wasn't always negative to his stance, Renji was her childhood friend and they picked her favorite flowers along the riverside when they were still very young during the good old days because he wanted to see her pleased but he still never gave her that. He never gave her that full hearted smile where she would show them with full honesty, she always forced them to her lips until that curve of duplicity would be what he could only produced and yet, still didn't make her feel like she was worth it.

But then… they came. Byakuya and Ichigo.

They gave them what she asked for. Food, shelter, care, a home. It was dream. A life-long wish that took her almost a thousand wishing stars to fall from the sky to be a genuine gifts she pleaded to a God. Their God.

She was smiling for once in her life, and it was real for all the more that he knew.

He looked again at the man drowned in the torrent rain-washing over his body who once changed everything there was in her, and now…he changed it again. But for what they all didn't covet. Ichigo sat there like a dependent man and didn't budge his legs to even stand because he had lost all strength that forgoes everything he once did obtain. Mainly, it was her. The rain didn't stop bothering him, and he began to loath it even more like the time when her mother died down at the river bank in his arms and for the second time; he was going to loose someone who was important to him all over again. Much more important than that to be least expected.

A moderate breeze clamped in his ear but didn't tolerate the words it was trying to say. The pitter-pattering of drizzle was the only thing obscuring his thoughts.

"Go. Before I would skin you to death myself. She isn't in the mood for your visit right now, nor will she ever will. The greatest cause of death in Soul Society was gained in your hands Kurosaki Ichigo and everyone in Gotei 13 honored you, even me. But now that you have become a murderer…you are expelled to visit us once again"

Go

It was all what he could hear except for the punishment of water. Should he go and leave her crying in one corner? Was he that diligent with orders? Fuck it. No he wasn't, and never was. He never gave up a fight but now that he lost everyone's faith and trust in him, he'd be a looser for the rest of eternity.

Amber irises stood forward at Renji. Being impassive with his looks because that was his main forte, it gave him a tough time to know what were the expressions swirling inside his head and constantly failed because he locked out all of the emotions there was, and were expected to be seen from him nostalgic stature. No word was said for a brief minute, for a moment Ichigo sat still, contemplating on the thought of leaving Renji without another exchange of pained words being said and then as his eyes swept to the room once again, he saw all those other people in black and others in white. They weren't giving attention to the brawl him and Renji had encountered little while earlier because all were to attentive to the man who lay in front of the chest with lightened candles all over.

He sensed pain.

A void.

Hate.

It took just one blink for Renji when he saw Ichigo standing in front of him again but closer than the usual. He had flash-stepped his way there out from the rain, stood grave and furrowed brows in a V shape. He got the opportunity to grip on Renji's shinigami black robe "You know nothing about what happened down at the hill because you weren't there but Rukia saw everything I did and she will understand. You can't assume that I just killed him with two bare hands since I am not that kind of man I really am. You know nothing!" Ichigo pronounced, the dangerous glint in his eyes giving away the calmly controlled tone of his voice. He hissed at him, his eyes flashing furiously, his jaw set dangerously as the offended male struggled to pull his robe out of Ichigo's grip. When he didn't answer, he slammed him into the wall. Hard. Causing a notion that got everyone alerted.

"You let me pass or I do it myself trying to make a scene in there until I do see her"

"You killed my captain! What else is there for me to find out? It's speaks for itself doesn't it? So how can you just act so stupid when you're telling me that I'm so oblivious to your ways!" He still managed to burst and Ichigo tightened onto the grip of his clothes even more. Not knowing what else to say.

"What makes you think that you're time is worthy enough for her?"

"Because I respect her brother no matter how pissed off I can sometimes get, he is still her family. He is one of the best captains I have seen out there and he is what Rukia had left. He is what still made her live. And I care for her. Do you think if I really cared for her, which I utterly do right now, I would just throw away the one thing that made her be a living soul again residing away all the moments she locked herself with when she was just young? When she was just with you back then? Would I? I wouldn't because I hate seeing her cry. I wouldn't destroy her world because I care. I didn't have the intention of killing him, it was just an accident" He turned to him, his eyes sharp as he looked up. Feeling thoroughly disconcerted that he hadn't responded at all to his words the way he'd expected him too. It must be a thorough decision.

God, was he going to let him?

It was rational but coherent ideas aren't excuses anymore. He should know what the best was. For her.

"Well it's too late for that now isn't it? No matter how much you would convince people that it was an accident, the record of you killing him with your piece of metal junk is what will remain a stain forever in the heads. No one will be convinced, especially Rukia so just leave!" he shook his head as he realised just how many memories this placed, called the living dead stored so much. Returning his attention back to the defenseless person, Ichigo continued to pilfer through his resembling hands that caused him to shake with anxiety, his blazing emotion not wavering.

He pushed him one more time yielding an immense vibration that would cause the wooden floor they both stood on, to break. Renji shut his eyes tight, trying to suppress the pain but the bastard was much stronger and he was pinned ultimately against him and the wall. He wouldn't get the chance to break free, "You'll show me to her or I can dangle you here with me all day until sundown. You choose"

A terrifying scowl left Renji's eyes but he made no other sudden movements as his expertise for Ichigo was just remain too aloof "I'd rather let you beat me right here, right now instead of you barging in without her consent. You're tearing her apart, this is enough"

"No it is not enough. She won't be once she gets a conversation with me. Be considerable for what I have to say"

"You? What about Rukia?"

"She's important. I know she is but I want to try and make amends, I'm her friend and I won't leave until she's convinced with what I have to justify for my actions. I don't what to see her appalled. We all don't so in the littlest way, I'm still trying to help out"

"Fuck"

"This is one way of helping her too"

"How? To let a moron like you ruin everything by showing up that stupid sore look on you face? I wouldn't think that helps"

Ichigo was silent, as if contemplating his answer before he turned back to face him. His face was solidified; his mouth set in a straight line. "No, you imbecile boob. It's being accommodating"

"What's the gesture in that?"

"You don't believe me? Then fine, let her live hell all through out the days of her life"

"Asshole"

What more were the possibilities for him to decline? God, he was the kind of sweet talker but it made so much sagacity to his ears. He couldn't abandon her because he cared too much. Damn emotions. He was right, everything about it was true. About admiring her brother, trying his best not to kill him, making her always smile, and being a great friend—it was understandable while he got through all of the trouble to surpass Kisuke for the Senkai gates—it was because he didn't want to leave her. Leave in a world she was once born in. He'd try to make it up. He'd try to plea or beg but first things first, he still needed Renji's approval.

The background didn't much help him think because the rain was trying to screw his mind. If he'd readily agree to this, he was so sure that without a doubt, he'd bemoan for it immediately. What to do Renji? What to do?

She wept automatically, holding herself together with a desperate control as she stared unseeingly ahead, her eyes unfocused through the dense rainfall. She attempted to empty her mind, contain the brigade of unrelenting memories, but it was impossible.

How could she be so numb, but hurt so much at the same time?

Her petite frame shivered as her damp clothing stuck to her clothes from the shower, sitting still for a long while, allowing the cold water to beat down on her, willing the heat to thaw the bone-deep cold that shook her.

Threatening her with the truth that she could never be warm again.

What was it with the humans? Why was it that she couldn't accept the truth of what she really is? She was once one of them before but only for a minute then left to be turned utterly into a soul for eternity. It could be a phase in her life where she'd give one wish away that it's either for her or for the life she longed to have once again. It'd be selfish. Imprudent. And not her.

Rukia was exhausted. She couldn't sleep at night, she couldn't eat; resulting in her losing 8lbs in weight, and she didn't speak. She went through the motions of vice-captain duties, barely registering anything or anyone. Even picking her feet up from the ground felt like a chore. She knew it would be tough, but never had she expected it to be as tough as it was. She found herself struggling to remember why she had been with him in the first place, wondering whether the pain she was suffering being away from him was any worse than it would be actually being with him.

Ichigo slipped, his feet skidding across the drenched grass as he stumbled down the hillside, narrowly avoiding stumbling across various tombstones. He wouldn't come if he dared but it was necessary. He had to come. He hadn't forgotten.

He simply hadn't.

It was impossible.

His breath caught in the back of his throat, threatening to spew the contents of his stomach. His hands came to a rest on the back of his neck, interlacing, he turned, eyes clenching shut, titling his head back, rain pounding on his face.

Forcing him to accept one simple truth.

He had failed her.

And he screamed his denial.

Another flash of lightening illuminated his entire figure and helplessly she caught her breath.

His face was strong, sharp bones, the curved sculptured lips, and a reflection of haunting male beauty with bronzed skin that was rapidly paling. His leanness was dangerously deceptive, for it was all muscle, graceful strength conditioned from years of swords practice and a running addiction.

His orange mass of hair was matted to his forehead almost black in appearance, his gray thermal knit skirt damply clinging to his torso, rain dripped from the tip of his chiseled nose.

But it was his eyes burned that her.

Amber glossed with regret and sorrow.

Silently he pleaded her forgiveness, for him to enter what he had taken for granted.

Silently he begged her to complete their connection.

But Rukia moved nothing of her; resolve hardening her features, allowing her face to drop, separating what they had once been.

By the Gods, it hurts so much to avoid him but she did it with a choice. Whether she would give him an immediate stare or not, he still isn't welcome. Not at all.

He stared at her. Amber meeting Violet. Soul looking at rival soul. She looked so miserable without what she needed, his brother. She changed his life and so did he, but in not in the best way it turned out to be. God, why was he born a fool?

He moved closer.

Go back.

Struggling so unruly because he knew she'd dare burry him alive

You are disowned

Which way was he to go? A place to where he wanted to penance his sins? Or to a home where he could forget all about them?

You aren't who they thought you were

This wasn't right. She was wrong.

For you, you are the wounded but in their eyes; you are guilty

It wasn't something that had even entered Ichigo's brain. He couldn't process the thought of the failing interaction, not even after days. It was hard enough thinking he had lost his best friend. His light. His moon, the one that made him complete, but to know it was he who had caused it, made him sick to the bone. He couldn't comprehend how he had been so stupid as to tear them apart, to cause her pain by his actions. The only way he could possibly justify letting her go, was that she had a right to be happy, just as she had told him when she'd made light of his behavior and the effect it was having on not only her, but the people he called friends.

Was it to test his courage? He'd go for it all the way. For her and only her.

Once he was in proximity around her boundaries, Rukia didn't budge and remained her visage impressively emotionless which he understood the situation why. She didn't need to explain because he'd mostly do it for her. The rain dispensed on both of them and their talk would start from nowhere but the bitterness of the impression she was giving him where he wasn't that tolerant to take it all in. She sat there like a mindless statue, giving it her best to ignore him in so many ways like for instance, avoiding any necessary eye contact and just stares idiotically at the wet ground. It would be a stupid action to hang your head low all day but it was more laudable for her to do so then, talking to him instead.

Ouch.

No one said anything because the tensions folding them into partners of ordeal were more than based words. It had been action. He knew she was tired because the dark circles around her eyes revealed so much to his sight and he was just in apprehension of her to absorb all of the sadness alone because no one understood her surprise to espouse within the restrictions of a great noble. No one understood the line of stealing was the only way of survival as a little child. No one understood of killing your own vice-captain had to be necessary for the sake of her own good at stake. No one understood the essence of killing were only a list of duties. No one did.

She wasn't valued

She heard a desperate sigh, not knowing if he was waiting for her to start or for just the rain to stop. This is their rain and they didn't know how to ban it from their hearts together because they is no together for them (at least only to her) anymore. That string that had them once attached is now gone, ruined and cut off from reality. They are no longer one. They aren't partners because for the purest of minds, it had been said that she needed to come back home. Here in Soul Society, where she originally belonged and not on earth. Because she was dead.

Because she killed.

Because she wasn't human.

More feelings in the air arouse. However, for Ichigo, he still had to make the first move. As he had always done when they were "once" together

"Rukia…"

"What are you doing here?"

That question again.

The ice of her voice matched when her venomous stare brought back the expression she was always known for. She looked up to meet his face but still didn't have the support to stand up. She felt so weak.

"I came here to explain" Fists clenched tight and she felt them even when they weren't seen. He hid them behind the folds of his robe but still like a chain having them linked, she knew his every move even without the help of her perfect, beautiful but sorrowed eyes

Her lips stiffen and her voice felt frail under the cold water, she dressed her sword at her side and never left it because when the time comes that she'd might need it, like right now, she wouldn't hesitate to start the attack.

"You have nothing to explain yourself for. How dare you show up to me, how did you pass the walls? The captains around to not sense your riatsu? I requested—"

"Renji gave permission. I was allowed"

Well that said most of it. He was officially not her childhood friend anymore, "The bastard. Go away; you are of no worth to be here. Kurosaki Ichigo is erased from my memories"

Those were the words he anticipated to hear and the ones she was prepared to declare. No matter how hard it was to admit. His orbs scanned her entire figure and though she was small, she did feel like it too. Very much. "You're mad at me and you have every right to be but I also have the privilege to say a few words before you expel me for good"

"What freedom do you have to speak? What earned it?"

"Your life"

She frowned deep at his words and did her best to stop her own hands to give him a hard slap on the cheek. He wasn't given the authority to speak for what he audibly earned for because even if he utterly did, she still makes the decisions. She was already dead and had more power over the living.

"What of my life? You saved me only because it was your mission to do so, you were ordered to bring me back. That gives you no will to speak; if you stay here any longer I'll turn you in myself without the regrets"

It wasn't true. About the whole 'without the regrets' thing, it just seemed a convincing phrase to enhance the other words along and to be very frank, she would regret it. Because she didn't want him to leave. Ever.

"I risked my entire soul for your dumb ass and I was determined to save you from execution not because it was an order but because I wanted to. You are a part of me now and I—"

"If I am piece of you now then why can't you feel my pain? Why can't you cry away your tears like what I did? If you considered that to be even true why take away something that a part of you cared for so, so much? Why?"

She screamed. She hollered. She cried. It was expectant to come because the emotions wouldn't hold her back. It left for its own. He didn't know the right answers.

A throbbing sound behind the clouds echoed to everyone's ears who heard. The rain fell beat down on both structures, sending down like a soaring pain adding up until it was too much too bare and her tears debarred it all down the valley of her very pale cheeks. He froze. Speechless once again.

He retreated one stepped back when she stood up, seeming that her legs got enough power to hold her slim weight but fairly struggled as she felt them shake but quickly regained a strong composure. He didn't know what to do next whether she was going to punch him hard in the face or get jumbled up in an ice cube from one of her great attacks. He'd deserve whatever of the outcome, eventually.

Water streamed down continuously. They stared at each other. Hard.

"I didn't…", he lost a sum of words not knowing if it was right to even say and exchanged it with another deep sigh. After collecting a few thoughts, he talked once more "We all didn't want this to happen, Rukia"

"You don't fucking care do you? You don't care, you expected this. You wanted this, didn't you? That's why you kept pushing, ever since I let it slip that it doesn't hurt anymore. Doesn't it bother you that I got to witness—out of all the people out there—the one wrongdoing that turned into a great felony YOU have done? A scene that struck to my very interior which you try to deny it for yourself only because you don't want to loose our conviction when you already did! You think I'm dumb to have not realized it sooner for the reason that you're even here in the first place, huh?"

"That wasn't my purpose"

"Then what is? To beg on your knees for forgiveness? To explain yourself guilty for the act? Fuck you for all that! You killed him and that's that! Nothing else is to judge, you have caused more than enough"

"I didn't kill him. I wouldn't dare"

Uh oh. Not a good sentence to start of with.

"You didn't kill him? Then you must be telling me that you didn't fuck up for the past years we've known each other thanks to that growing head of yours. I saw it! I saw everything! I was there; didn't you feel it? I was within the vicinity that to a point that my riatsu could be noticed by anyone, especially you. Are you this insensitive even to me?"

His arms stiffened when he just wanted to gather her in a warm embrace because he saw how torn apart she had been for the restless nights. A voice loss once more and it were gripped down deep inside his throat, too terrifying to face the shorter shinigami flesh. What was he going to answer to that?

"You saw what I did. I wasn't—"

"I saw, I saw…how many times do I have to repeat the scene for you Ichigo? You were there! Why do you need me to repeat them over and over again?"

"I didn't do anything wrong"

She laughed so bitterly, "Didn't do anything wrong? Which part were you 'not wrong' then? Let's enumerate them shall we? Was it the part when you sank your teeth into his flesh and tore away his inner limbs? When you dodged the immediacy of his attacks and pampered him with very skilled blade technique and sprouted out his blood to the very ends of the ground?"

"I—"

"Or," she raised her voice to signal authorization "When you choked him after you slaughtered his entire body with just your bare hands? Which one is it Ichigo? Tell me, when were you innocent?"

It wasn't a question really; she just wanted to relinquish all of the hate she concealed. Whether it was one or not, he didn't know how to respond in the most upbeat of ways….he just wanted to make it up for her.

The world grew black to his eyes and not one single light shone except for the figure he stared at for an amount of heavy minutes. Then, the influence inside him came back "You saw what he did. He killed Byakuya. It was my hollow that did all those things, didn't you see my mask? Didn't you see the way I moved? I acted? I would never do anything to hurt what mattered to you the most. I wasn't myself. I didn't kill him!"

So convincing. "Che. And I'm not 4 feet and 8 inches tall"

"Why won't you believe me?"

"What is there to believe? No one thinks any further of you, everyone that was present at our arrival is aware of your sacrifices but now they all go down the dump. I want you to leave!"

"No. Not until I am innocent for the act I DID NOT do"

She pressed her lips harder. Putting in all of the effort to drive away all of the aches and the urge to not kill him immediately, why wouldn't he just leave? Did he really care for her? No, she needed to erase that thought. Nothing is to give in no matter how badly she wanted to break down on her knees. Rukia Kuchiki was weak.

"None of your thoughts matter to me now! Why should I? You think I'm still the girl you once knew a few months back? Well I'm not because she's changed! YOU changed her! YOU made me be this way! I just want you to leave, please!"

"I want to stay and assist you in the slightest way I can. Just tell me what to do"

A liquid of hot tears began blurring her eyes for the numerous of times. "Go home, forget your duties to Seiretei and live your normal life as it was before. You have no more business with the living dead and especially to me. That's the only way you can help me if you really want to, so just…go away forever. I beg of you, Ichigo. Just pls go"

"Make me do anything but that. Don't try to lock me out because no matter how many times you would beseech from me to run away and forget everything we've done won't help you nor the both of us much more, I can stay with you—"

"No you can't stay because I don't want you to stay! Is it too hard to simply understand that! I want you gone forever!" Rukia yelled and Ichigo glared at her. Processing all the defiles she once consumed for all.

"My hollow took over at that exact moment, you saw what happened there"

Rukia locked away her indigo eyes. Locking all of the possible bile that was erecting through every end of her muscles, she howled in a bucket fool of oxygen and released it through her nostrils and when the time she felt that she had recovered, her irises peered back. "It was your hollow; you blame everything on your hollow when that was still you. There is a hollow living within you and you are one. You share the same body, mind, soul. Hichigo is nothing different from Ichigo"

"I have a heart. Hichigo doesn't. There's a huge difference to that! I amend for my mistakes while hollows enjoy the pleasure of killing. Did you ever see me laugh after I kill an enemy because of the fact that I've won? Never. I am who I am"

"You once told me before that you were stronger. You said you could tarnish everything that stood in your way so what happened to the man who said those words to me in the past when he couldn't even stand against himself? Where was the use to those words? Why couldn't you fight off your own being? Tell me" She said sarcastically and Ichigo glowered at her wickedly, causing Rukia to regret the human comment. Why was she easily giving in?

"We aren't the same"

"No matter how many times you deny your own monster, you still deny yourself. He is a part of YOUR soul. You both killed him! And that is that"

"But I would never murder him like that!"

"Just leave Ichigo, you will never get me to be persuaded"

"Rukia, I—"

"Leave or I'll make you"

She drew out her slick blade from where it hung around at her side and Ichigo withdrew a few steps back to get away from the sudden distance of her sword. The pointed edged starred into his soul almost as if trying to warn him that this conversation was going to bring things out of nowhere, which he knew from the start but never anticipated. He saw it between oblivious stares the trembling of her hands when she held her weapon tight; it was an image he never saw it coming to have Rukia here—under the heavy rains, taking a chance of tearing his own limbs with a sword he slightest imagined to flesh him apart. It seemed to enduring to glance at her once angelic features, which had him then and there so pulsated in a beat he never took time a time to understand. Why did it have to be this woman? A shiver traveled down the length of Ichigo's spine. He couldn't believe he was here. He had waited so terribly long for this to end. He had dreamed of this moment day and night that it would come but who knew of the chances that it had?

That he killed for a wistful reason.

It was out of love

"Rukia, don't"

But hate came clashing in the end.

She paced a little more closely, waiting to meet the end with his eyes "Make me"

He wouldn't be forgiven…

"You can't do this"

The world knew because reality came in a certain whisper

She smiled, cynically "How'd you figure, Kurosaki Ichigo?"

You ARE a monster.

It was seen so easily. How Rukia could always sense all of his thoughts and emotions without a jumble of words unlike most people wouldn't try to emphasize. The sensible part of his mind told him to run for it, to avoid her if possible. For one, he did not like being so easy to read. His emotions and pain should be his own, not broadcast uncontrollably to the flawless dead by his traitor eyes. Ichigo was afraid of how much of him Rukia could see, not caring even if she was the one in greater pain, she could still feel all of it on how much she would read in his eyes. He labored intensely with himself to control his feelings, but he was certain that when her icy stare froze him in his place, he would not be able to reign in his tumultuous thoughts. It never succeeded, even right now.

The edges of her lips curved upward in a slight smile. It was faint but definitely there. Although not at all in a very appealing way. It was…devilish, sort "You stay here then I will kill you for the pride of my brother or you will leave and get away unharmed. Which do you think is more content?"

Ichigo searched her eyes until he concluded that she wouldn't beg to differ with her own choices and simply not toying around with him. His confidence restored, he threw her another tiring frown and replied, "You still have me Rukia, your friends here in Soul Society, Renji. You don't need to cry. You aren't alone anymore like before"

"What do you know of my past? You have no right to speak about it!"

"You became a different person but you are still who you are. I won't let you be that way again, I'm always here for you that's why I came here. You still have everything"

Everything? What was everything to Rukia? Family, home, a life, friends…was that what he meant? It seemed too good to be true. Such feeble deceptions. She didn't want anymore-false beliefs, she was tired of hoping.

"Everything you say? How could you say I still have everything if I lost the one thing I had left! A home to where I grew up for the coming years is now gone! A family I always loved is dead! I have nothing!"

"You have us. A home. A family. Friends. Karakura. You belong with us"

Home? What is a home? Where joy is brought to a bundle of people being united in livelihood and does not foresees the boundaries of tomorrow? She is prohibited from that. Death and life do not combine. It is an exception of her because she always lived for the future. There was no moment of fun, laughter and hours of smiles, unless she was tolerable enough to be handled to forget the duties of ahead since her brother would be displeased at that and she always wanted him to be proud because she was his dignity

Family? What is a family? A compilation of 4 people more or less sharing love, passion and bliss will surpass immortality for her acquires. It wasn't just next to impossible but, it was the impossible. Where is love among the dead? Would you rejoice to know you have died? To live a place you once called your own on earth isn't likely figured as infatuation, it is—and always was—great isolation to bear the enclosure of seclusion. What was joy to her? Fighting for justice, reign and power? Does that sum up to a ball of thrill? It was the exact opposite.

Friends? What was a friend? Was it Kurosaki Ichigo? The man that took her to believe in self-less motivations was more than innovation of a noble's moral fiber. The mortal who gave her more expectations than the gods that brought her to life and in a duty she forever detested. The heart of her being that made her understand what was it like to do things right and fair without considering the lenience of open commandments and revised otherwise the forthcoming consequences shouldn't be cared. Was that what friends do for other friends? She wanted to believe but refused. Because if a friend like him truly cared, he should've have just listened to her and muddled his spirit incessantly exclusive of his own thoughts to the conclusions of suffering. He wouldn't care if he really did mind, he'd just follow.

Where is Karakura?

A small town that bordered across the midpoint of Rukongai to a small location in Japan

What is Karakura?

It is a place where she felt united where the endless streets greeting her with 'hello's' and 'hi's' erased the twirl of foggy death in a matter that for once, she had felt alive.

It was a place where she learned new things that not most shinigami's would understand, nor would try to comprehend but she, she felt the purpose of each one's use and existence that made it matter to her even for just one small juice pack. It felt amazing.

It was a place she saw all of the things she wanted and needed to have. Like unity, sisterhood and all those that felt affection to an extent made her want to see and experience more for her own sanity but never came.

She once called it home

It took her more than fighting power to struggle away the tears but failed terribly. Once the thought had screamed the contradiction in her mind, the abrupt screaming follows by then. The younger substitute shinigami felt his strength to grab her by the wrist and scoop her up in his arms while her zanpakotou fell helplessly to the ground. He felt a shiver of vibration in his chest as she continued to cry miserably and wasn't controlled to stop. She didn't know how to stop the pain.

But, better yet, Ichigo was there to make it go away.

To help her believe in other things that were still existing and it was them.

His friends, their friends, everyone was going to help and he wouldn't let her down anymore.

Because he swore to be her protector

Her shield,

Her knight,

And her sun,

But dawn suddenly faded.

That's the end of that! It's long isn't it? Do you want a part 2 or not? Please leave me reviews for me to know your answers!

Hope you enjoyed it! Sorry if there are any wrong grammars thought….I'm not that good!