A n g e l s

Raphael had never believed in angels. He'd always regarded angels, religions and superstitions as false hope that humans clung to in order to find some sort of meaning in their lives. People wanted insurance. They wanted to know that when they died, it wasn't all over. They wanted to have a guarantee on eternal life filled with joy and peace and all those lovely, good things. Raphael, as it was, had always scoffed at the idea.

Now however, he found himself desperately hoping that he'd been wrong.

He'd never make it into heaven, but maybe he could.

All the warmth seemed to have been sucked from the world, or at least, sucked from hisworld. There was the pain too. This terrible, aching pain in his chest that seemed to grow every passing moment. The cold had seeped to his fingertips, maybe from where he had last touched the body, or maybe the icy hand surrounding his heart had finally begun to thaw.

If there were angels, then there was heaven, right? There was a place that the good went and were happy forever.

He let a bitter chuckle past his lips. If there was a heaven, they were in for a surprise. Eternal happiness was something he'd been seemingly born with.

Somewhere in his head, there was a dull ringing that he couldn't quite shake. It was a soft sound, going dong every few moments. It may have been from the blood loss. That could be it.

Dong….

There was a heaven, because he couldn't be gone forever. Or maybe reincarnation and everyone would meet and be happy again...

Dong….

Raphael feels physically ill at the desperate thought. He clutches his stomach. Maybe even heaven would be too much to ask. Anything would have to do, as long as he wasn't finished… as long as he didn't disappear from the universe completely.

Dong….

He's too still.He isn't moving at all and it's not like him, and as Raphael watches, he closes his eyes, hoping, oh kami, hoping, that when he opens them again it will have all gone away. Hoping that the closing door of his sanity will remain open for just a few more seconds; that he can stay here and be with him without hearing that awful, selfish voice in his head, telling him to run away like he really, really wants to do.

Dong….

So stares into the eyes, hoping that he can find the answers, find the light he wishes to see. That light so bright and full of life, just like they used to be. At the memory, his own eyes close in shame.

The eyes that meet his, with that that blank stare, they look wrong, so, so wrong. It can never look right. Not on him- not on him.

And he feels something wet land at the base of his neck. One hand reaching up to touch his eyes finds them moist, spilling over.

Dong….

Maybe the ringing sounds in his head are the bells to his penalty. Maybe when the ringing stops he'll be dead. Maybe he can get what he deserves. Because Raph can't do anything. And because he can't save him, it's his fault. He's a murderer.

Murders should be killed.

Murders don't deserve to visit their victims. But maybe this is fitting, watching his life being stripped away, useless to do anything. Maybe, his thinks, he deserves to be shunned. No-, that's not it, he knows he deservers it. He deserves everything. Every…last…second.

Dong….

He feels the touch of hands on his shoulders, pushing him towards the door, ushering him out of the room. And Raph feels sick to his very stomach- because he doesn't resist, no, can't resist.

So he turns, and walks out on his own.

And he hopes beyond hope that there are angels out there.

Because no one deserves an angel more than Michelangelo.

If it is unclear- Mikey it dying and in the process, slowly loosing his mind. Raphael blames himself. The blood loss on Raph's part is from the fight where Mikey got injured.

What did you think?