Title: The Morning After the Night Before

Author: FactVsFiction

Rating: T

Pairing: ShunsuixNanao

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach Tite Kubo does.

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Nanao Ise was awake seven minutes and thirty six seconds.

She knew.

She'd counted.

Anything to stop her moving an inch. Anything to suppress the urge to cry.

Seven minutes, fifty four seconds...

Fifty five.

Fifty six.

Fifty seven seconds...

Fifty eight.

Fifty nine...

Eight minutes ago exactly. Nanao Ise had woken up in her captain's arms.

In her captain's arms without clothes.

In her captain's arms... Naked.

She hadn't allowed herself move an inch. Instead she counted, listening to the soft breathing of her captain as it fluttered against her neck like butterfly wings.

It was starting to sink in now, eight minutes later.

She'd slept with Shunsui Kyoraku.

Damnit she'd lost count!

Her mind unoccupied it turned treacherously to what had happened the night before.

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She was called out to pick up Shunsui at a little after one. It didn't surprise her. It was a little early maybe, but she made such excursions a few times a month. Ukitake was ill again and Nanao had been expecting the call.

She just would've loved that extra hours sleep...

Grumbling she rolled out of bed, swatting the hell's butterfly irritably as it hovered around her head. She didn't know why the tenders bothered sending actual messages anymore. She always knew where he was anyway and her temper in her sleep deprived state was more than legendary in rukongai's sake bars. When she'd had her extra sleep she always felt a little guilty for damaging the butterflies. It wasn't their fault her captain was a drunkard. Right now though she didn't care. The stupid creature had dared wake her up.

She pulled on her uniform tiredly, ensuring her hair was up perfectly and her uniform tidy. She stuck her Zampaktou up her sleeve and headed to the door.

The flash step to the bar, as always, woke her up a little. Enough to know that she would not be sleeping immediately on returning to her bed and just irritating her more.

As always, her glare was firmly in place as she entered the dingy bar

It stunned her a little, to see how far gone her captain actually was. It had been a while since she'd picked him up in this state.

The bar keep, Haru, if she remembered correctly, apologised profusely for waking her. Nanao simply nodded, using her toe to roll her captain over. When she received no response she kicked him swiftly in the belly.

Now he was awake.

Forgetting the discomfort immediately he rose, swaying slightly.

"Nanao-chan!"

His eyes were glassy as they looked into hers, the sake almost a force field, defending him from the outside world. This was exactly what he wanted, though over the years he'd become so used to the drink that it rarely happened. The amount of sake required was far too ridiculous these days.

Her face softened slightly.

If he'd gotten this far he must be extremely worried. Worry for a friend was one of his better reasons for drinking himself senseless in her opinion.

"Come on taichou." She said soothingly. "Let's get you home to bed."

"To bed?" His confused expression was almost adorable and Nanao sighed.

"Yes taichou to bed. You've drank a little too much."

"Jyuu..." He slurred.

"Are you worried?" She questioned gently.

He nodded his head, worrying his lip not unlike a child about to cry. Nanao prayed he wouldn't cry. She couldn't take it when he cried...

"Don't be taichou... Ukitake-taichou will be fine. Unohana-taichou says he's getting better."

"Really?" He asked hopefully.

"Really." Said Nanao, thanking her foresight to check on the sickly captain before the fourth closed for business that evening.

"That's great Nanao-chan!" He said, perking up immediately.

He shivered as they left the warmth of the bar.

"Where's your haori sir?"

"Dunno." Said Shunsui, the cold sobering him just a little. "I thought you didn't like my haori Nanao-chan."

"I think it's ridiculous sir. But it keeps you warm."

"I'm sorry you had to get up for me again Nanao-chan."

"It doesn't matter." She said with a sigh. "Better I know where you are."

He rested his head on hers as they walked, she supporting him, down the road.

Another chilly gust of wind set Nanao's teeth on edge.

"Sir will you vomit on me if I flash step?" She asked through chattering teeth.

"No m'am! I solemnly swear my stomach contents will stay where it should be."

"It had better." Said Nanao warningly as she hefted him more securely across her shoulders. He knew she didn't do vomit.

With her warning heeded she flashed onto the next roof and they were on their way.

True to his word Shunsui wasn't sick over her when they stopped on his doorstep. She'd learned a long time ago that Shunsui rarely ever lied about such things. He knew she couldn't deal with it and if his stomach couldn't take the flash step he'd willingly suffer the walk for her. He'd learned his lesson the first and only time he was ever sick in her presence.

She plucked his keys from his obi deftly, knowing he probably couldn't find them at this point, let alone manage to fit the correct one in the lock. She flicked through the division related keys, her own, Ukitake's and the key to the first division offices before finding the right one and unlocking the door.

He stumbled as he stepped through and Nanao flash stepped in front of him, catching him with a sigh. She'd have to put him to bed. It was one of the unfortunate side effects of flash stepping with him. Flash stepping under someone else's control was off putting while sober. Drunk it was completely disorientating.

"Sorry Nanao-chan..."

"It's okay." She said simply. At least he was always kind enough to try.

She brought him immediately to his bedroom, unsurprised to see he hadn't put his bed roll away that morning. She sat him on said bedroll with orders to get changed and into bed before leaving the room and manoeuvring her way down the dark halls into the kitchen. She didn't bother turning on lights. She knew this house better than she knew her own at this point.

When she returned to her taichou's bedroom he was sitting on the edge of the bedroll in an... almost... tied sleeping yukata. Better than normal. She noted with a slightly amused smile.

She knelt before him, handing him a glass of cold water and two painkillers, an effort to curb his headache in the morning he always appreciated even if he didn't remember her presence.

"Thanks Nanao-chan."

She simply nodded, tying his obi correctly as he took the pills and drank the water down. She leaned back on her heels once done, watching him place the glass down with an emphasised "Ahh!"

He almost looked sober now, but for his soft swaying.

Nanao stayed stock still as she felt his warm lips touch hers. Nope. He was definitely still drunk. This wasn't the first time he'd kissed her when she brought him home and she sincerely doubted it would be the last. She was used to it. He meant nothing by it. Shunsui Kyoraku was an extremely affectionate drunk.

He pulled back when he received no response from her, his eyes deceptively serious for a drunk man.

This was her cue to get up.

But she didn't. He'd locked her eyes with his.

This time when his lips touched hers she did respond, ignoring the voice in her head that told her she'd regret it. She poured all the emotion she had for the stupid man into the kiss, hoping to god that one day he'd understand. It was deep and it was meaningful and now it was really time for her to leave.

She broke the kiss, steadfastly ignoring the regret the voice in her head had promised as it hit her. It was nothing new. This wasn't something new either. She rose to her feet gracefully, placing a hand on his hair gently.

"Have a good night's sleep taichou."

She turned to leave but was immediately intercepted by a strong frame.

She swallowed hard.

This... This was something new.

"Taichou go to bed." She ordered. Her resolve was in no position to take this right now. Didn't the stupid man know how hard it was to walk away from him after something like- Oh!

Thought left her logical mind momentarily as his lips touched the hollow behind her ear.

"Stay." He rumbled against her throat.

"Taichou... No. You need to go to bed. I need to- Oh..."

The end of her defiance was lost in a sigh as he placed open mouthed kisses down the length of her throat.

"Taichou. You're drunk."

This time it was more for her sake than his.

"You're drunk." She repeated to herself, lifting her hands to gently push him away. Even as she began the movement her heart screamed out in pain.

She found her hands caught against his chest and looked up sharply to meet those incredibly clear ale brown eyes of his. Her third utterance of her mantra died in her throat as his lips came down on hers.

Oh screw it. She couldn't take it anymore.

She returned the kiss with a passion she'd never allowed herself in their brief drunken run ins. She'd never allowed him know her want before. It was far too dangerous... The passion he returned was far too much to fight as they stumbled backwards to the bedroll.

It was the beginning of the end.

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Tears ran silently down her cheeks as she remembered.

She had no excuses.

She was all out of them.

The shame... It ate her. He was drunk! She knew it! She couldn't even pretend she'd believed him sober when she'd looked him in the eyes... She couldn't lie to herself.

Oh gods the shame... Hatred ran through her veins in a rush. But not hatred for her captain. No. Ise Nanao hated herself.

Only one person had been taken advantage of last night and it hadn't been her.

More bitter tears.

Carefully she rolled out from under his arm, holding her breath as she watched him snuggle back down into the covers. She sat for a moment on the edge of the bed roll, his bed roll, before pushing herself to her feet.

She clenched her fists at the tell tale ache between her legs, dug her nails in hard enough to draw blood at the bruises forming on her hips. She wouldn't allow herself look at the love bite just above her heart but bit her lip viciously for it anyway. She didn't need to see it. She knew it was there.

"Fucking whore." She thought viciously. "You're no better than the rest of them!" She berated herself, her words like venom. It felt good. She deserved it. She deserved every miserable filthy word her mind could throw at her. She deserved the sting. She deserved the tears. Actually, no. She didn't deserve to shed tears. Not after what she'd done.

"User..."

She wanted to scream. She wanted to scream and shout and roar. She wanted to throw herself off the tallest building she could find.

But she didn't deserve that.

She deserved to suffer.

Pulling her clothes on silently she forced herself to look at the man sleeping peacefully on his bedroll, the sheets pooled around his waist.

Look what you've done. Look at your weakness. You've ruined everything...

She deserved to face this. She deserved to have him know that she was no better than the whores he brought home with him. She deserved to have him know he owned her... That she was another notch in the proverbial belt. She deserved to have his thoughts of her defiled beyond recognition.

"Whore whore whore..."

She deserved to hear him utter that word.

But he didn't deserve the disgrace. He didn't deserve the pain and the self hatred that knowing would cause.

No he'd done nothing wrong.

This was all on her. She'd taken advantage of the situation. She'd been in the position of trust. She was the one who was meant to have morals. For fucks sake he depended on her on nights like the previous one. He trusted her to put him to bed and not to let him do anything stupid!

She'd fallen down a slippery slope that he wasn't even aware she was on because she only dared kiss him when she knew he wouldn't remember!

She deserved to suffer this one alone.

With that thought she rose to her feet. Creeping across the dimly lit room and letting herself out the door, out of the house.

She'd suffer the guilt of what she'd done.

She had a few hours to fix her mask before her captain appeared in the office.

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Shunsui lifted himself up on his elbows as the door clicked closed, blinking blearily, a headache just beginning behind his temples, but not bad...

His hips hurt.

He turned to glance at the other side of the bedroll and smiled bitterly at the empty sheets. He wondered who's life he'd ruined last night.

Had she a husband? A boyfriend? Did he know her?

He listlessly dropped back down onto the roll. He didn't want to get up today. His sheets were warm and empty but for the gentle smell of lilacs.

Lilacs...

Oh gods no... His head shot up, eyes falling on the toppled glass on the carpet beside his bed. They darted upwards. Pill container on the dressing table... To the corner... Blades leaned carefully against the wall...

"Nanao..." He whispered sorrowfully.

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A/N: Alrighty so this is the first thing I've written in the guts of a year that hasn't been pure and utter rubbish. YAY! Though it still isn't exactly fantastic. Far more angsty than I'd intended but this was the way the story went anyway.

Please review!