A/N: Hey there! This fic is written for The girl with the ink-heart's 'The Starry-Eyed' Challenge! My song was The Wolves by Ellie Goulding! It's about how Lily feels about James leaving for the full moon every month. First time I've ever written a fic like this! Read and review!

Harness your blame and walk through

With the Wild Wolves around you

I never told him how much it hurt. I didn't tell him how much I feared for him. How I couldn't sit still all evening and couldn't sleep all night because of him. How much I wanted to go with him to make sure nothing happened. I never told him, how it broke me every time he left. How much it hurt that every time he kissed me goodbye could be the last time. Didn't he notice that it was devouring me on the inside? That I couldn't bear the constant worry about him? Or did my smile, my forced, fake smile, convince him after all this time? Didn't he notice my pain? The constant pain, the worry that there wasn't enough time left? That our time could be up next month? Someday my pain would mark him. I was sure of that.

Sometimes I asked myself, wondered, why I didn't tell him how it hurt to see him come home with a scratched face, wounded body, walking into the apartment with a limping leg, giving me the always-existent grin on his lips which obviously took him a lot of effort. I only needed to say one word and my pain would be over. Stay. Just one word. Why was it almost harder to say that one word than to watch him leave? I knew the answer. I knew he would stay. He would stay, if I asked him to, he would stay, with me, and at a full moon, he would lie in bed, next to me, holding me, instead of running around with the Wild Wolves around him. Stay. That one word would destroy him. Because for him, there was no fear, no distrust out there. 'Cause he trusted him. And I … didn't. As a human, sure. But not as a wild wolf. He couldn't control himself, 'cause he wasn't human. He was an animal and he followed his instincts. And those instincts meant 'kill'. But my husband, my dearest – he would be devastated if I told him it hurt, because I was scared that his best friend might kill him. Stay. No. That word would never leave my mouth. 'Cause no matter how much it hurt, how much it pained every month, this one word would cause him more pain than I could tolerate. He would have to betray one of us. And I couldn't do that to him.

So I put on the far too familiar smile. He held me in his arms. Clasped my face with his hands. I looked into his eyes.

Hazel.

Our lips met. I wished, time would stand still. But it didn't. It never did. And I let him go. Saw his smile, his sanguine smile on his lips, while he walked into the night. The door closed shut. And I stood alone. Hugging myself. Looked at the clock. I heard a whine in the distance. Someday my pain would mark him.

A/N: I hope that was alright :) Review!

Lilylou