DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, Akatsuki, or anyone else used in this story.

YAY! It's my next big story! CHIBI AKATSUKI!

DEH R SO COOTZ U JUZ HAB 2 LUB DEM!

... Why do I have a sudden realization that no guys would read my stories? ... Why do I have a suspision that very few guys write Fanfiction?

Am I a member of a female dominated workplace? I feel so steriotypical!

Okay, now that my masterpiece SOS is almost done. Now it time for ANOTHER Akatsuki AU story! Now I'll probably just leave this single chapter up for a while untill I finish SOS, but since this is all done and ready- I'll give the sneak-peek.

In this story- we get more action from the series' main cast! not to mention slightly more put-together family lives, and there shouldn't be any deaths! OR Asylum break ins!

BWHAHAHA! FEAR MEH WRATH!

Now, originally this was going to be a doujin. But I can't get onto my DeviantArt any more, so even if I did have a scanner to put it up there- well. I write slow and my drawing is supremely amature.

But I wansta be a MANGAKA when I getz big! Den I can be JUST LIKE JIRAIYA-SENSEI! ... XD no, that's my dream. To be like Jiraiya, be incredibley immature, epicly perverted, and still be wise, cool, awsome, famous, and RICH!

Kishimoto-Kun says Jiraiya's fortune is the same amount as Tsunade's gambling debts. So you KNOW he's loaded!

Yay for porn!... Now for BABIES! Because in all reality, we all know that babies are always the result of porn...

-Open for Buisness-

"What do you mean my brother left me his Daycare?"

Yelled Madara Uchiha...

Just last month, Madara had received a letter from his old rival- I mean old best friend...

Hashirama Senju was Mayor of the state of Konoha, and had been since his friend left to fight the Wars. They'd known eachother since they were young, so Hashirama knew that, to assure Madara would read his letter. Put it in a big, bright red envelope that read 'Very Importaint! Open and Read thoroughly, and Answer, or I'll come to your Camp and Take You by Force'

Madara had a habit of being the steriotypical, big, strong, and dumb man sometimes, despite him actually graduating with a 4.0 grade point adverage, and being the top of his army class, enough so to be MVK. Most Valuable Killer. So Hashirama knew he would have to capiatalize the right words to get him to realize this was urgent.

"Well, Madara," He started, standing up from his desk so that he could better communicate and go to an area where his friend might not destroy his desk. "I expected such from you. I'm guessing you were hoping for his half of the family inheritance?"

"I'm going to get that anyway." He noted, then taking a deep breath, dreading his next sentance. "What I mean is- Izuna had a Daycare Center?"

Hashirama blinked, and then face-palmed. Madara was in one of the moments where he decided to be an idiot, although his friend knew this was so that he could seceretly get all the information he desired, it didn't make things any less annoying. "Yes, Madara, Izuna was running a Daycare Center. Did he never tell you? He wrote you a letter almost every day."

"... I skimmed them." Hashirama blanched, stared at his camo-clad friend. And decided that he was a imbecile.

"He was your only brother!" He shouted, almost making a show with waving his arms about. "How could you be so calm?"

Madara sighed, now he had to explain the workings of his mind to this imbecile again. "Well, I'm sure if I had done something that had caused his death, I'd go crazy, gain a retarded second personality, start an evil organization and try to take over the world over it. But it's not like I ripped his eyeballs from their sockets so he couldn't see that giant bus about to run him over."

Hashirama stared at the other man long and hard. "... You know you disgust me, right?"

"Since the forth grade."

"... Ugh," He groaned moving to pick up a paper on his desk so he could avoid any more direct eye contact. "Anyway. You have a while to get things in order, but on Friday you have to hold your sign-ups. With the owner changing, the parents have to re-sign-up and make sure they want to intrust their kids to you now. I've delt with all the rennovations and money matters, and Tsuki's telling all her friends and-..." Hashirama blinked his eyes. Heat raising to his temples, because he had a feeling he was about to get very, very aggrivated. "...Madara?"

"Yea?" Said the man. Crossing his arms and starting to feel very bored in the Buisness room.

"...Have you kept in contact with Tsuki?"

"Huh? well, she sent me letters, but since we broke up when I left, I figured they were all death threats."

Hashirama knew he should have expected this. He swallowed his pride and anger, set the prop-paper back down on his desk, and glared a hole through Madara's skull. "Tsuki had a son, Madara." A few seconds of silence. "... Your, son."

Now, as we've already seen, Madara doesn't take serious news in the normal fashion. "...Cool, wuzzhiz name?"

Hashirama took a deep, deep breath. "... Tobi, Madara. Your sons name is Tobi."

"As in- Keith?"

"Who?"

"Nevermind."

"It's Tobi as in Tobirama. My brother's the one that's been helping her with being a Mother and all since you left."

Madara nodded, "Cool, so they screwin?"

Hashirama felt a heart attack coming in his very near future. "No, Madara. My brother is married." There was silence for a few minutes, and Hashirama had time to wonder if Madara was acting so incredibley stupid because he wanted to give him a heart attack... That was probably true, but another thought hit his head. "...I'm married too, you know."

"To who?"

"To Mito! Mito, Madara! you were there when I proposed! we have a daughter!"

"Heeey, Mito Uzumaki? not cool, you know I was totally crushing on her in highschool!" Hashirama felt the muscles in his face twitch.

"...Madara, you've seen my daughter, and you arranged my hell-bound bachelor party. Remember? The mattress on the roof thing?"

"Yes Hashi-Chan, I remember your little twerp. That girl was blonde wasn't she? did you ever find the real Father?"

Hashirama- really had nothing to react to that sentance. "... Mito's Mother is blonde, Madara."

"Oh, I get it, Mr. President can't have bad press coverage or he won't get re-elected." Hashirama felt his hands slowly going up, begging his mind to let them strangle the Uchiha's neck.

"... Moving on Madara." He growled instead. Steadying his hands. "This is a serious issue Madara, what are you going to do?"

Madara thought for a second. "Uhhh, run it?"

"Really? you're not going to break down and sell it to the next pedophile you see?"

"Hey, I can take care of a house full of kids for an extended period of time!" Haha, Madara knows Hashirama hates detailed speech patterns.

Effectively, Hashirama twitched again. "I'm not sure."

"I can do it Hashi-Chan, the army said that I need to take a break anyway, after the whole massacre I completed all by myself." Madara paused, for annoyance effect. "I can do it, why couldn't I?"

Hashirama had a list of reasons. And a melee of ones legally related, be he chose the one that would strike the thickest cord in his friends skull. "You're not exactly responsible, Madara."

"What? how am I not responsible?"

"In Junior High, you got so enraged that the teacher gave you B+, you stalked him for three months trying to get him suspended."

"Hey, I saved the town!"

"Yes, Madara. I know. No one had guessed Mr. Gokuma had a collection of kiddie porn. But you certainly went through stupid extremes to reveil it."

"I can handle a couple of snot-nosed suger addicts. Seriously, I'll see you Friday."

Madara turned out and left the place before Hashirama could decide wether to let him or not. After reaching the front porch, Madara was allowed to take a moment and switch off the 'Annoy Hashirama Mode' in his brain. So now that his thoughts had been drawn away from such matters. He began screaming curses very, very loudly.

-Friday

"Damn Brother, what were you on when you designed that?" Madara Uchiha was currently staring up at the big, colorful, bulging, and slightly scary, sign above the building that read 'Akatsuki Care'

It even looked like there were traces of sparkles on the sign. Ew, sparkles, Madara believes sparkles are the work of Satan. And Satan is like, the worst badguy in history. Like worse then whoever The Flash fights...

His giddy little brother had even thought up a corny slogan, under the sign had 'Preparing your children for the new Dawn' wow, if he was still alive, Madara'd probably beat him up for thinking up something like that.

Madara had settled back into his Uchiha mansion. The Uchiha family went back thousands of years, and was now branched out in many directions. Nope, no way the family could suddenly die out.

On the outside, the Daycare was colored in pastel blues, pinks and yellows that slightly made Madara want to vomit. There was a small, white, steriotypical picket fence surrounding the front yard, which had a little garden, stone walkway, and currently a booth that read 'Reopening sign-ups, free today only!' in thick, red lettering.

Around back, the backyard was wide and surrounded by a little river, which on the other side led to thick, dense woods. Toys and other crap Madara would be dreading seeing the next few-... ah crap, he was stuck with this thing forever wasn't he?

He shook his head and went through the glass sliding backdoor. Which led to the big, main room. At the head of which was his desk, which had a cute little chalk board on the front, currently reading 'Welcome all newcomers'

-Five Minutes Later

The bathroom had a couple changing tables, some training potties and three stalls. Along with a small bath. Madara flushed the toilet he'd just puked in and returned to the main room.

The floors were light wood and covered with multi-colored rugs. Along with three diffrent tea tables, complete with plastic tea sets. The right wall was lined with baby cribs, each decorated diffrently. And if Madara hadn't had a small breakfast he probably would have re-entered the bathroom.

There were many other toys that would make any child glee. From doll houses, a entire toy box full of Barbies and other types of baby dolls, toy cars, several things that were too unique for a catagory, a bookcase full of story, coloring and pop-up books, a stack of puzzles and boardgames, and in the corner of the room, a small TV, with tiny little couches surrounding it, and one love seat. Next to his desk was a small counter, fridge, and a small oven.

Madara rolled his eyes, this place was big enough to hold over twenty kids, not to mention the cribs for small infants that a few of the surrounding states have probably forbidden him to handle... Which reminded him, was he still wanted for anything?... Oh well, at least the fridge was stocked.

-Later

Hashirama exited his limo at the exact moment the clock struck the time that sign-ups were open. To his surprise, Madara was actually at his post when this happened.

He walked up the the tiny booth Madara sat behind. "How much for a kiss?"

"Fifty ryo, plus your car." Grumbled the man, suddenly feeling rather gay inside the pinkish booth. "Whatta you want?"

"Tsuki's busy, two jobs plus college classes and all."

"Always was one for smarts."

"Wonder what she saw in you." Growled the Mayor. "I'm signing your sons name in."

"Yay, when do I get to actually see the little spawn of evil?" He grumbled again quite boredly.

"Tommarow, for your grand opening." He noted, signing the name 'Tobi Uchiha' in. Then another. "I'll be bringing him, and my daughter."

"Kay," He mumbled, leaning his head on his hand. "Anything else you need kind sir? My soul maybe?"

"How about a promise you won't let any of these children get killed? A Daycare just last month caught fire and killed people. So tell me you'll remember to turn the stove off."

"Yes Mommy. I know the number for emergency too."

The two heatedly stayed there and glared fiercely for a couple of minutes before Madara noticed a rusty station wagon tumbled into place, narrowly missing Hashirama's limo. Damn.

"Am I early!" Yelled a scratchy old voice from inside.

"No ma'am, you're right on time." Answered Hashirama.

"Dammit! And I was looking forward to something to complain about!" The gray-haired woman pulled herself out of the car, she wore her hair partly in a bun and was wearing a pink moo-moo with a poka-dotted apron. "I'll just have to go to the grocery store and argue about the vegtable prices."

Madara and Hashirama both stared at the cranky old woman come up the walkway, before the former nudged the latter. "How much do you have to cooperate with the grown-ups in this business?"

"Are you thinking of holding any fund raisers any time soon?" Yes, Madara had been hoping to have one so he could- well, he actually didn't have anything to spend on, but he did want to do something that- um, included money. Yeah, money. Money is nice.

Speaking of such. The old woman threw a few pennies into the tip jar, and then basicly lunged onto the table and started scribbling. "I need someone to watch my grandson when I don't feel like it. He's anti-social and annoying. Just sits there all day and breaths, enough to drive someone crazy. My dead cat is more active then him."

Madara looked up, but in the time it took him to blink, Hashirama was heading for the limo, and away from the scary, short old woman. "Uhhh, yeah, just sign your name, your kids name and-"

"I know how to sign in the instructions are right infront of me you stupid old coot!" Old? He was barely forty! She was the one with all the sagging wrinkles and grayness. "Now he'll be here whenever I feel like bringing him here... You don't do all nights do you?"

Madara checked the rule sheet, it was easier to follow his brothers old rules then come up with new ones. He read off the sheet: "Any children whose parents have not come or are not able to be picked up by the closing time, will be allowed to sleep over at the Center with it's volenteered employees. If a parent has failed to contact-"

"Yes yes, fine... Think you could make all-nights sometimes? Cause me and my girls' Bingo matches can go all night."

Madara sneered slightly. But he brought up the rule book and took out a marker. "Fridays will allow sleep overs for any or all children. But they must then be picked up by their spawners by evening the next day."

"Good," The old woman finished scribbling and smacked the little pen down. "See ya' later suckah!" She turned around and trotted back down the pathway. As another car, a white van with lettering on the side about something, Madara quickly pulled out his black notepad that he was going to use to keep 'personal notes'

"Note." He checked the name the lady had written. "Charge Chiyo Akasuna extra for everything." He underlined the last word three times. When he was done, a red-head with long hair up in a messy bun walked up to the booth. The woman was in a black buisness suit and had mild eye shadow over her eyes. "Well hello nurse." He said almost automaticly.

"Hello Madara," A few seconds untill he regonized the voice.

"Mito?"

"Yes, Madara." She crossed her arms and gave him a coy grin. "Nice to see you again. Sorry about Izuna, Congratulations about Tobi,"

"You missed your hubbie."

"He's obsessed with trying to catch you slip up." She noted, "But enough about that. I've been elected head of the orphanage I used to work at. I have a couple customers for you."

"Aren't orphanages, like, daycares for all the time?"

"Usually, but we've lost a few caretakers last month and need to enroll a couple kids for mornings to late evenings. Plus it'll help make you look better."

Madara grinned. "So you're on my side?"

"Well, I'm on actualities side. Because I trust you know what you're doing and that Hashirama's just paranoid. You're not at all as bad as you act you are."

"Aww, you never got over me did you?"

"Cute," Was all she replied. She took one of the sign-in sheets. "We have one troublemaker that the remaining caretakers which to have very little of. Then we have three newbies, and one child that's very withdrawn, so I'm hoping you can take care of them all. They'll be the ones here mostly, along with any others that the help can't handle."

"Nice, I'm almost thinking about being alittle bit close to maybe feeling slightly nervous." Which was true, because Madara is very indecisive. "I don't gotta hire any help, do I?"

"As long as you don't have too many infants, child services should leave you alone." She straigtened up and waved him goodbye. "Have fun."

Madara took out his notepad. "Note to self, Mito still digs me." It was fake, and he knew it, but it was nice material to bug Hashirama with later.

The next person didn't come untill about fifteen minutes later. It was a silver, buisness man car. And out of it came a gray-clothed, buisness man. The back door opened and a smaller person came out. They both strolled up to the booth.

"I don't have much time, so I'd like you to answer a few of my questions quickly." Said the dark-skinned buisness man.

"Yes sir,"

"How many children are you expecting to care for?"

"Well, the limit is thirty, but I've only gotten under ten signed up so far."

"What foods will you be serving?"

"Uh, finger foods unless the kids are here past seven, then probably make a dinner, depending on how many kids are left. With all the edible ingredients." Madara had already thought through all this. But nothing relaxes you more then a good-old fashioned smart-assing session.

None the less, the man seemed to hardly care. "Do you have any past convictions?"

"No sir," Flat-out lie. At least several probably.

"Are you sure." Okay this was a smart one. "I trust the goverment not to let a convicted sex offender run a Daycare, but at least tell me what you have on you in this state."

Ah that was an easy one. "Lessee, I broke into my School a couple times in Junior High and High School. I was thrown out of three concerts and one park for disturbing the peace. I was in a four-car-pile up infront of the Police Station, fifteen bar fights in my college days, and... oh, I shop lifted a novel for a birthday present when I was twelve."

The man registered everything in his brain for a few seconds. "Alright, you're approved." Either by some slim chance this guy has a sense of humor, or he's the biggest asshole in history. "My own warnings: My son will only watch the classic Disney movies, he hates sweets, will not sleep with a light in the room, and might have a dust mite allergy."

"Might?"

"He might just be being smart. But he starts sneezing whenever he cleans something." While the man filled in the sheet. Madara leaned over the booth to look at the child who was effectively shorter then it.

"Hey kid, you tryin' to get out of chores?"

The boy looked like his father, except for a pair of bright green eyes, and his dark hair reached his shoulders. He had healed scars on his face. He looked up at Madara, sounding and looking far more proffesional then a normal child. "I don't know what you're talking about. The Doctors are convinced."

"Yeah, well, some Doctors like money, some Doctors like ladies, some Doctors like cars. And some are just idiots. Just like some kids are smarter then they should be."

"True, I approve also." He noted then turned his head to signal that he no longer desired to talk to him.

Madara flinched, a smartass already, and he wouldn't be allowed to cuss around them. Great.

The Father finished the writting. "He'll be here after School untill at least nine o'clock. Or else he may have to stay the night. Weekends he shouldn't need to be here unless I have a buisness trip."

"Friday's super-fun sleep-over night." Madara gave one of his signature evil grins.

"We'll start tomarrow, thank you for your time." The adults shook hands, Madara stood up for a second to reach down and shake the childs. Then the two turned and stolled away back towards their car, while two others pulled up.

One of the cars doors opened immidiantly, a woman ran out and up to the booth, earning annoyed looks from the last Father. The woman worriedly muttered apoliges and other words under her breath. She got there and stood straight up with a worried face. "Are you racist?"

Madara was effectively thrown off by the comment. The woman had a green summerdress on with a designer purse, her car had been a fancy sports car. She had navy hair and sun-tanned skin. "Uhhh, no ma'am. I except all people according to their personalities. I even like gay people as long as they don't hit on me."

The woman smiled and clapped her hands giddily. And started digging in her purse. "Sorry, my baby was born special. I have to ask."

"Okay... not too special? I think I need a special paper to take care of those."

"No, no mental, just physical." She pulled out a picture, Madara raised an eyebrow at what looked like the spawn of a pug, bass fish and a midget wrapped up in a baby blanket.

"Um, don't worry. He can still... fit in." He tried, cocking his head to really make sure he was looking at it right.

"He's six now, sweet boy really, and so polite. He just doesn't have very many friends, and the kids at School keep picking on him." She hurridly filled in the paper. "I have to hurry, he's at my sisters, and she has three cats. Cats make Kisa depressed, but thank you, thank you, the last Daycare I went to was Catholic and the woman started screaming when I showed her his picture."

Madara Uchiha once met a man who had a tree growing out of his face and couldn't walk because his legs had turned into stumps. He stayed with him for two weeks while the Army decided weither Madara was more lethal a force to the enemy or to themselves. He was a nice guy, and had a good music collection. So he wouldn't be bothered by a blue-skinned six year old. Pug-hybrid or not.

While the woman was writting, the other woman from the other car had finally gotten to the booth, after- as Madara noted, she had to drag her son over with her. "Hi, I'm Kamiko Ai, nice to meet you." She gave Madara her free hand to shake. She had pale violet hair in a pony tail, with a bag slung over her shoulder.

She picked her child, he was in a white t-shirt and shorts with silver hair straying all over his pale face. "Why do I have to go to a stupid Daycare? Chi-Chi gets to go to Aunt Mein's."

"Because you keep being rude to Aunty Mein Hidan that's why." The distraught mother tried to fill in one of the sheets with one hand while the other Mother waved happily and rushed back to her car.

"Well she's a stupid bitch- and put me down you smell like that dead fish Papa dropped in the dishwasher!"

"Okay honey just wait a second I'm sorry that's my perfume and please don't call Mommy that it hurts her feelings." She jumbled all the words together.

"I don't care! I change my mind I wanna go back to the car now!" He started squirming around and the Mother had to drop her pen to keep him still.

"Just a- second- Jin- Jin come hold your son!" Almost at the same moment she said it a tall man with a buzz-cut wearing a polo shirt and golf pants took the squirming hellian from her arms.

"I wanna go to the Ice Cream store!"

"We have to help Uncle Gen move his couch Hidan-"

"I said I wanted motherfucking ice cream you stupid retard!" Shouted the foul mouthed creature. Madara was biting his lip and politely holding the Mother's paper still while she wrote as fast as she could.

"Listen, ask nicely and you'll get ice cream on the way. Alright?"

"PLEASE can I have some motherfucking ice cream stupid fucker!"

"Honey where does he learn this stuff?" The Father asked, despite his size he looked like he was about to break down and cry.

"I don't know- you blocked all the bad channels right?"

"Your stupid channel password is 0000 how stupid do you think I am!" The child yelled, kicking around still.

"Honey change the password!" The Mother basicly pleaded.

"I'll just figure it out again you stupid heads!" Madara looked over at the child who was somehow upside down now.

"We can change it to his birthday then!" The Father yelled triuphantly.

The childs face pouted. "Well shit, what's my birthday?"

"Now say 'please' nicely."

"MOTHERFUCKIN' PLEASE NICELY!"

"Close enough." The parents took the child back to the car without another word. After the car drove off, Madara started laughing histarically.

He was on the floor inside the booth by the time the next person got there, and he didn't need to look up to see who it is. "Hiii! Madara-San!"

Madara reared his head above the table and stared wide-eyed. "Hi... Mikoto you... spirit you..."

Mikoto tranced up to the booth giddily, with a little boy hanging onto her hand. "It's been so long! oh and you really did take up Izuna's old place, bless you." The raven-haired woman lifted her son to where he could see over the table. "Meet your Uncle Madara Itachi!"

"Hello~ nice to meet you." The little boy cooed, he looked slightly more like his Father, and had a raven pony tail that reached barely past his shoulders.

Mikoto put him down. Madara had many reasons why he didn't like this particular branch of his family tree.

One, his cousin Fugaku, this boys Father, was a big, scary, and extremely stern police chief. And had been telling on Madara to the coppers since before his Academy scolarship had come in.

Two, his cousin Mikoto, was already and Uchiha. Those two were kissing cousins, which made this little bright-eyed kid, as cute as he was, an inbred.

Three, Fugaku, was stricter then a aged veteran, more judging then cult leader, and saw evil and disgust everywhere but in himself... He was probably a racist Nazi too. But Madara had proof for the other ones.

Four, Mikoto, the kind, sometimes annoying soul, was madly in love with him, so she wasn't the nagging wife he needed to set himself straight. Which ment that that little kid behind he dress was either going to end up just like his Father, or, probably commit suicide/run away before he was old enough to drink.

And Five, well, Madara's slightly anti-social. So he hates a great deal of his realtives anyway. The only one he didn't hate was his brother, and, well, he's kind of being scraped off the wheels of a bus right now.

Madara, because of reasons one through four, suddenly felt extreamly sorry for the little boy now.

"We had him right after you left, the little darling, apple of his Mother and Father's eye. He beat me in a game of Shogi just the other day. And we're going to have another one sometime-" Oh sweet Mother of Lord, please drop a bag of bricks on Fugaku's balls before another poor being is tainted... Were Madara's thoughts that drowned out the rest of Mikoto's blabberings. "I could sit here and talk all day!"

"Oh, please, Mikoto, I know you have things to do. And- oh, another customer!"

"Oh yes, I won't trouble you any more, but you really should come over sometime when you're free. Say goodbye Itachi!"

"Goodbye Uncle Madara~" The boy waved, before following his Mothers lead to the car.

Madara had been lying, but a car did pull up just as Mikoto and Itachi got in their own car. It was a polished-up old fashioned bentley, out of it came a grumpy-looking old man. 'Great, another one.' Madara thought to himself absently. The windows were tinted in the car so he couldn't see what was inside.

"I said no! Now sit there and make sure Akatsuchi doesn't spit up in my car again!" The man closed the door which silence a bout of screeching- or maybe the car was sound-proofed. Madara had a feeling the old man didn't want people seeing what he had to tow around sometimes.

The man was in a buisness suit, he got up to the booth and eruptly said. "I have a three-year old, and infant, and one on the way, can you take them?" The last part sounded pretty desperate.

"Yes I can, but aren't you alittle old to still be playing that way?" Madara asked,

The man grabbed a paper. "I'm too old for any of this. The infant's won't be here all the time. But my stupid son married a good-for-nothing whore who wants to beat up on their child all the time so I have to take care of him. The kids not even genetically related to me, for reasons you can guess. And when she has the next kid, I get saddled with it, cause I have all the money, and they're all stupid young people an-" The man ranted on for almost fifteen more minutes, then he handed the paper back. "Is that readable?"

Madara looked at it, it was scraggily cursive, and everytime he dotted an 'I' it looked like he attacked the paper, but he could read the writting. "Your name is Onoki Nen? Yeah, I can read it."

"I'm going to kill my family." Madara looked up at the old man. "if people turn up dead, I'm giving you permission to tell the police I said that."

"Yes sir," Madara said, he kind of was getting tired of calling people sir, but this man was farther on the edge, that if he wasn't a buisness man he's probably be on Jerry Springer. Madara and the man both heard a car door open.

"DEIDARA SHUT THAT DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

The car door shut.

The man turned around muttering curses, Madara watched him walk off. And then get into his car. He took out his notepad and scribbled down the license plate. Not for identification purposes, but for if he ever sees it on the street he can laugh at what's probably happening inside.

-Later

After a few more people arrived, Madara had around fifteen customers, who, because of Hashirama's marketing idea. Would get their first month of not having to take care of their own children for free.

A dumpster would be much easier. He thought.

-The Next Day

It was the day of the great GRAND OPENING!... So the sign in the front said.

Madara expected very few if not none of his little bundles to be dropped off today, seeing as how it was Saturday. But then he got his first shipment of brats... And a third, and a fifth.

Apparently, the fanciest resturaunt in town had been booked, and the parents all decided that, since is would be for free. They should just throw their children into his care even though they wern't orginally going to do anything.

By noon, Hashirama arrived. "Hello, Madara." He said almost cockily, with a bundle of blankets in his arms.

"Well, hello Hashi-Chan. Hey, your wifey was flirting with be yesturday." Hashirama's eyes got wider and he flinched.

"Wait, she was here?"

"Yea," Madara replied, his previous miserable mood being lifted. "She didn't tell you?"

"On the contrary, I told her not to." Hashirama grumbled. "I told her to take them somewhere, anywhere, but here."

Madara pouted his lips. "What? why? what's wrong with good ole' Maddie-Kun?"

"You're insane, that's what's wrong with you." He grumbled again.

"Daddy! can you stop arguing so I can go play now?" A little voice whined from next to Hashirama. Madara looked down at the little blond girl with a ponytail and green jumper-dress.

"Go on ahead sweetheart." Hashirama almost groaned as the girl let go of his hand and ran off. "Madara, listen-"

"She pissed I didn't read her letters?"

Hashirama paused, but chose not to yell infront of children. "...No, actually she had predicted it." Hashirama pulled the bundle back, "And you were right, some of them were death threats."

Madara looked down at the blanket in his arms. "Wait, how old is he?"

"He's four. and-" Hashirama moved the blanket again before getting very pale. "... And he's- somewhere in the general area."

Madara loved this, he smiled evily. "Don't seriously tell me the big and mature Hashirama Senju has lost my child?"

"... You're sons hyper active, Madara. And he knows his 'Daddy' is here. He'll turn up... eventually."

A thought crossed the new Daycare owners mind. "... Does this happen often?"

"Yes, actually. Almost daily. He reminds me of you a great deal, it's freightening. However you talked more." Hashirama stood there to ponder if he'd say his next planned sentance. But, decided Madara can find out on his own. "Goodbye."

After he left, Madara leaned back in his chair. Infront of him, a couple kids were sitting, staring at the TV as a scarily bright creature danced around the screen. Toddlers were throwing cars at eachother and Hashirama's daughter was straightening a few things up and apprently pretending that she was teaching the baby dolls something. Madara had a photographic memory so he could easily remember the girls name was Tsunade. But playing dumb was too entertaining, so he decided to call her 'that kid' for a while.

Madara heard the door open on his right. "You're back." Fugaku Uchiha kind of droaned. "It really was true."

"I know how depressed you are to see me." Madara replied cheekily.

Fugaku stared at him, impassive, and possibley dreading having come here. "...Mikoto had a doctors appointment. We're trying to have another child."

"Oh the poor thing- the child I mean."

Fugaku sighed loudly, then he lifted his hand and pointed down. To Itachi, who was holding his hand. "Hello again Uncle Madara~"

"That kid is too sweet to be yours, it scares me." Madara commented.

"Yes, well, I have a job that doesn't involve sitting and making sure toddlers don't swallow things. Goodbye Madara."

"Goodbye Officer." Madara saluted him off. And Fugaku gave Itachi's raven head a pat before leaving. Madara bent down. "Hey, kid, you know your Dad's evil?"

"Oh, yes I know." The child blinked, Madara was actually taken off by that answer. "But you just keep your head down and get used to it, that's what Uncle Izuna used to say."

The boy bid goodbye and went to play with things. Madara blinked, "Yup, that's what Izuna used to say." It was usually used when he was lecturing him, and Madara started internally checking his personality, looking for anything that resembled 'crazed dictator'

Madara checked Itachi's sheet, he was four years old, and was- wait, top of his kindergarden class? what's that supposed to mean? he knows his ABC's? But then he heard a familiar clunking outside. But before that was done, he saw none other then Mito Senju enter the door.

"You missed your hubbie again."

"I know, I was waiting untill he had to be at work. No need to argue about you when there's small children around."

"HIII!" One of the children Mito brought in with her yelled. "My name's JIRAIYA! and I'm really cool- it should say that on my paper." The white-haired hill billy child established.

Madara looked at the record. When it got to the part about 'childs information' the paper said 'Talks alot' "Uh-huh, you kee-"

"HI TSUNADE!" He yelled before running off and seemingly attacking Hashirama's daughter. She replied with rapid punches to the face.

Mito smiled nervously. "So, I'll leave these kiddies with you now."

After Jiraiya ran off there were four other kids she'd brought. One- uhhh, yeah that was a boy- was hiding behind her skirt. He had long black hair and was wearing a polo shirt, besides that he was really pale and wouldn't look Madara in the face.

The two other boys seemed to be fighting- well, one was. The other just covered his head and made whiny sounds. The fighter had spiked orange hair and was dressed all in navey blue camo. The wimp was almost as pale as the before mention child but not quite. The other one seemed white where this one had more zombie-colored. His hair was thin and red that reached his shoulders, and his clothes were messy and earth-toned. Madara predicted the carrot-top had pushed him in the dirt somtime today.

He hadn't noticed the girl of the group had moved untill she was pulling on his pantleg. "My name's Konan." She said with a voice so sweet she'd make the perfect Horror-Movie-Little-Girl. Maybe the little sister of the twins from The Shining. Her hair was blue and the same length as a zombie-wimp while her dress was eerily white and neat.

Madara looked down his paper. "Lessee, if you're Konan. Then you're the five-year old girl." Madara had long ago made note that it's easiest to get his way if he's sugerly pleasant. And the children will often bend to your very will if you are so. "Okay little miss. Can you name off your friends for me?"

Konan smiled and clapped her hands in glee. She pointed at the carrot-top asshole. "That's Yahiko," then she pointed to zombie-wimp. "And that's Nagato. They're my age." Then she turned at the character that was currently visable by a length of hair poking from behind Mito's leg. "That's Orochimaru. Him and Jiraiya-Kun are six."

Mito was patting Orochimaru's head to try and get him to peek himself out. Which he didn't seem ready to do anytime this year. "Well, I have to go now. I'm sure the other children will be arriving soon." She patted the one named Yahiko's head to get his attention. "Now I don't want you picking on anyone else today Yahiko. And if I see any mroe bruises on Nagato you'll get dishes duty tonight and tomarrow." The carrot-top whined loudly, letting Nagato finally be able to lower his defensive position.

Konan clapped happily again. Then she took the two boys' hands and said goodbye to both adults. Orochimaru was still standing ground. "Maybe the kids' just tryin' to look up your skirt Mito."

The woman giggled while the boy hid even farther behind the skirt. "Orochimaru, go play with Jiraiya and Tsunade. I'll be back sometime after the sun goes down."

He didn't come out from behind, but he seemed to let go of his hold on her. She moved to the doorway and he stayed where she had been. Mito called goodbye to her daughter before leaving.

Madara looked down to Orochimaru's level. The boy was fully able to dress as a convinsing Samara from The Ring. And his gold eyes seemed to be rimmed with purple coloring. "Hey kid, are you a blooming pre-vert?"

His white cheeks tinged pink before he skittered off to the center of the room to stand there silently watching Tsunade continue beating Jiraiya. Madara rolled his eyes- they might be annoying. But if enough of the other kids come up that shy, he might just be able to live through this.

Madara hit his head on the desk. He didn't come home to do this! All he wanted to do was attend his brothers funeral, say a corny speech, leave dramaticly, and then return to the warzone and threaten his superiors with plastic utensils to let him back in. He didn't want to get a job that consisted of- 'Making sure toddlers don't swallow things'!

While the Uchiha was dreading his current living situation. His thoughts were invaded by a rumbling sound- not just any rumbling sound. A clunking, churning, half-dead-car-sound.

Chiyo Akasuna.

Madara straightened up. Flinched, and then checked himself absently to see if anything he was wearing she could complain about. A red sleevless tank top and cargo shorts. He looked like a overly buff college kid.

The evil mother of satan walked in shortly after her old car stopped coughing. She was still wearing a pink dress and an apron. But the flowers on the dress had changed from daisies to cherry blossums. "Yo, dude." She croaked in the annoyed, old voice that's tone didn't fit the words. "Something I forgot to mention, are you a pedophile?"

"No ma'am. I hate children." He explained.

"Okay, I wasn't going to care, just wanted the statement for any future lawsuits." She pulled her arm up, it was currently connected to a little boys hand. The child was dressed in a black shirt and black jeans. With a extremely blank pink-cheeked face and messy red hair on his head. The boy- it looked like he was glareing- at him with gold eyes. To top it off he was clutching a little wooden doll to his chest. A clanking, black-robed puppet it looked like. "This is my Grandson, he's six, and he won't eat unless you force-feed him. So you can do that or let him starve. I've been doing the latter." She screeched-ed, well, there wasn't a word for how her voice sounded, kind of like a decrepid witch.

Madara looked at this kid, another observation was that he looked the size of a three-year-old, and not six years old. Oh well, he'd just have to mind to not step on him. "I'll take modest care of your little angel, Mrs Akasuna."

"It's Miss nowadays. My husband went on a fishing trip and never came back."

"I'm sorry, I can't imagine what kind of person would leave a wonderful woman like you." His tone wasn't quite sarcasim. He was too scared of her to try that.

"Actually, they found him floating in the river. Stupid bastard." As Madara questioned himself on the possible causes of death the woman gave the boy the peace sign before walking away. "Sasori, I'll be here around- ahh, maybe midnight. If I'm not, just go to sleep."

The boys gaze returned to looking at Madara- he could swear that six-year-old was really glaring at him. "...Okay, shrimp, you can go-... Kill a mouse or somethin'."

Sasori then walked away, leaving Madara feel alittle weirded, and making an assumtion that that kid would make the perfect serial killer.

But moving on.

Madara leaned back in the chair. The room was modestly full by now. Only a few more kids scheduled to apper-

"HELP ME!"

"Skiii-hee-hee-hee!"

Madara turned his head. The other old person- Onoki he could recall. The man that wanted to kill his family. The poor unfortunate man was currently being strangled by a near-infant. Madara finally rose from his chair to lift the child from his neck. "I got him, you can leave if you want."

"Poison that childs cookies before I return!" The man begged desperately. He then ran outside, screaming to the heavens.

Madara turned the child in his hands and brought it with him as he sat down to check the records. "Okay, you're Deidara Nen. The three-year-old-" He raised an eyebrow when he read the paper. "Male?" He looked at the child. He had a gold sheet of fluffy hair and bangs, big, bright blue eyes, thick eyelashes and was wearing a 'little angel' white shirt under a red sweater. "... You'd make a lovely drag queen little man."

"Whazzat?" The boy asked in a high-pitched but still notabley genderless voice.

"Umm, Nevermind." He noted.

"Do I really gets' a cookie!" He gleedly asked.

"...No, I don't wanna get shut down that quickly. It'll make Mister Hashirama too happy." He lifted the boy from his lap and sat him down on the floor. "Go get em' poodles."

"WEEEEE!" The child yelled as he ran off into the room. Seemingly tackling a teaset. And effectively scaring the bejeezuz out of little Orochimaru, who then had to run off into the bathroom.

He looked up, the clock called for the exact time that the rest of the parents had said they'd be dropping their own little angels off. And as the little birdie sang three notes, the door opened yet again. Mister Big-bag-buisness man and his little baby-buisness-tycoon. "I have a importaint presentation. I will be picking my son up at likely eleven thirty."

"Yes sir." He called. The he shook the mans hand as he left his son. "Yur Kakuzu?"

"Yes." The boy monotoned. Today he was wearing green clothes and carrying a large glass jar.

"You're seven? what's that jar for?"

"Father said to use it as a swear jar so he can continue to measure you up. He's looking for reasons to get his paying price lowered."

"Thanks for the input. But it's already free because of the re-opening."

"Only for the first month. And I'll likely be spending my time here untill it is legal for me to be home by myself." Madara nodded. The kid walked away, and headed straight for a little play-counter. Where as Madara watched, he noticed him setting it up as a mini-conveinance store... Cute.

Madara blinked. Then he sat back. Fifteen minute of thinking of ways to murder people later. (he's thinking of writting a serial killer novel) The door opened and one Mother held to door open as another struggling one carried her child in- these two had met before. They'd checked in at the same time yesterday.

Kamiko Ai was holding her son Hidan still, just as she had been yesterday. "Hello, I have to drop Hidan off and leave. My Husband booked a dinner and there's traffic."

"Of course, Ma'am." Madara was usually only an asshole to Hashirama or his fellow assholes. He'd be a gentlemen for these poor, frazzled mothers. The woman gladly put her sons feet on the floor before he shoot off into the room yelling profanities. The other Mother waved goodbye to the former before starting herself.

"Hello~ remember me?"

"How could I forget?" The baby picture was burned into his mind. And the side of his brain that worked overtime to make him act decent kept yelling at him not to scream like the nun the Mother had mentioned.

"Yes, I'm Etsuko Hoshigaki. This is my little presious boy Kisame~" She bent down to her six-year-old son. His skin was infact vivid blue. And- okay, Madara will not compare those marks on his face to gills. "Kisa-honey, this is a nice man, you can ask him anything. And if anyone says mean things to you, just ignore them, they don't understand."

"I know Mom." The boys voice was huskier then the adverage childs. He was dressed in khaki's and a polo for his first day at the Daycare. His hair was spikey navey like his Mother. "I love you,"

"Love you too baby~" She pecked his cheek, before blabbering thanks and little talks to Madara that his mind didn't totally register she left.

Madara's eyes went down to Kisa. "Tell me who makes fun. I'll ruff em' up for ya'." That seemed to assure the boy better then his mothers words. He smiled, nodded, and then scambered off.

Madara didn't let his brain register how pointy the teeth looked. Nope, not at all.

He banged his head on the table. Wait- he thought. That was the last of the kids that would be arriving today.

He looked up. The room wasn't full at all, not even slightly crowded. A couple kids were circled around the TV. Hashirama's daughter and her two friends were playing a boardgame. The Tycoon Kakuzu was standing contently at the register of his little pretend store, Konan had taken her boys Yahiko and Nagato and gotten them to sit with her and some baby-dolls for a tea party, and Sasori Akasuna was fiddling his doll in a corner. Hmm, maybe he could handle this.

He stood up, like he'd planned to when all the kids had arrived. And walked along the walls of the room. Surveying all the children like a prison guard. No hair-pulling, no screaming, no crying over nothing, and no excessive drooling. Good.

His head turned to look intfront of him as he stopped short. There was a little boy, dressed in colorful clothes, he was up against the west wall in the room. He had a brown-black tuff of hair poking out from a paper mask wrapped around his face. It was a piece of paper, with a orange swirly pattern drawn badly with crayon, emmiting from a single eye-hole. Madara searched his head for when this kid was brought in- or at least if any of the kids had been wearing those clothes. Untill a theory hit him.

He blinked a few times. Double-checking his memory banks, half-wanting to be wrong about his conclusion. "Tobi?" The child silently brought a hand up to wave enthusasticly. Then trotted over, hugged his leg. And then ran off to join the other group. "Holy fuckin' shit that was my son."

Then he felt a tug at his leg. He looked down as Kakuzu raised his jar. "A dollar and twenty-five cents please."

-Later

It had been about an hour since the last of the children had arrived. Story honing activated: Chosen target... Itachi Uchiha.

Itachi, at four years old, was quite bright. By the ending months of his two-year-old-...ness... Was when he figured out his Father was a evil bastard. At three, he was beating his cousins at Go. And by four, he was comfortable with life. Happy that he had finally found out the true reason of why people buy curtains.

He was thinking of what size of a city he could make with the amount of blocks at his disposal when he heard the harky laughing from behind his back. He turned, his little ponytail flapping. And spied for the one making the noise.

He'd payed attention when kids were being checked in. The noise was comming from the silver-haired boy that's parents were going on a date. He'd run from his Mothers arms without a word yelling bad words. Now he was laughing at the one named Kisame, who'd he had made surprising note had blue skin.

Itachi looked back at his blocks. He had enough to make a small market place, but he could always wait for later and make a building if other kids take some. He got up, brushed himself off and scambered away.

Over in a corner, Kisame was kicking invisable dirt on the floor around as Hidan continued to laugh randomly. When he looked up, he noticed the new kid that had come over, probably to join in the laughter.

"What's your name?" The raven asked the kid that was pointing at Kisame and laughing.

The boy looked at the new arrival stupidly. "Uh, Hidan."

"Why are you laughing Hidan?"

Hidan brought a arm up to exclaim. "Because that kid is blue, and blue is weird!" He restarted with the laughing while Kisame groaned tiredly.

"Really?" Itachi pondered. "Well, Hidan. You have pink eyes." He lifted his hand to mimick Hidan's previous action. "And pink is girly!"

Hidan stopped and started at Itachi wide-eyed and open-mouthed. "GAH! GODDAMMIT!" He then stomped off growling loudly.

Itachi smiled proudly at the effect he made before turning to Kisame, who seemed to currently be in awe. Itachi got closer up to him, " My name's Itachi, and you're Kisame?"

Kisame blinked a couple times. When he realized he didn't know what to say he nodded his head. "...Uh, thanks."

"Why have you been alone this whole time?" He asked uber-sweetly.

Kisame, also being rather bright for his age. Wondered where this alien child hailed from. "Umm, cause no one... wants to talk to me?"

Itachi cocked his head, looking supremely innocent. "So you don't have any friends?" Despite Itachi's smarts, his kindness still gave him a minor naivity at this age. As in he at least didn't understand why no one would like this boy.

Kisame was in utter, complete, almost nervous awe by now. "...No..."

Itachi perked up and smiled. "Can I be your friend?"

Kisame's jaw dropped and he almost gasped. That was only the second time he'd ever heard that before. The first time had been at school when a girl walked up and asked the same thing. He didn't know how to answer, and her friends came and re-claimed her before he could say anything. So, before the same happened again- however it still took a few minutes- he breathed out: "...Yea..."

"Okay~" He gleed and grabbed Kisame's hand. "Common, if we hurry you can help me make a block-neighbourhood big enough for the Barbies to live in." And so, Kisame was then dragged off to build a Barbies dream house.

-Meanwhile

Hidan was growling and cussing at himself for failing so epicly. Then he made a mental note not to make fun of people too much more, or else a kid as smart as that one might pwn him again... He learned these words from his account on Gaia online. The adults and teens that talk on there have the same level spelling skills as him. So no one notices he's four years old.

He sat with his back up against a toy. Pouting over his resent fail. Then a little voice from above him. "You're blocking the line, sir."

Hidan blinked, then looked up. Kakuzu was leaning over his mini-register and glaring at him. "What the fuck'ta you want?" He asked for confirmation.

"If you're going to use language. I ask that you must leave the store, sir." He monotoned.

Hidan looked around. "Where's the door?" He asked.

Kakuzu seemed to realize this, too. The Daycare was just one big room, the only doors were the front, the back, and the one leading to the bathroom. So Kakuzu would have to make a boundery to display his stores area.

He checked in the toybox behind him for some particularly ugly Barbies that no one would want to play with. He put them in a square pattern surrounding his store. "The Barbies mark the walls." He confirmed when everything was set up.

Hidan looked at them. "Okay... So..."

"You must leave now, please." He monotoned once again.

Hidan nodded, then he got up and walked onto the other side of the dolls. "...Now what?"

"Now you may do as you please. You are not in my store, and therefore no longer my problem."

"Okay." Hidan nodded. Then he looked around. And a idea popped into his head. A child walked over, about to enter Kakuzu's store. Hidan ran over to him, flailing his arms. "THE WORLD IS GUNNA END! THE WORLD IS GUNNA END!"

The child screamed and then ran off. Hidan smiled at Kakuzu, who twitched at his lost customer.

-Meanwhile

"Konan-Konan-Konan! Yahiko-Yahiko-Yahikid-doh-yi-k-koh...doh... Yahiko!" Nagato shook his friends.

"Nagato, you'll make us spill the tea!" Konan cried, pointing to her cup full of imaginary tea.

"That kid said the world was gunna end!" He yelled, pointing to Hidan who continued to scare off anyone who tried to cross the Barbie-wall.

"Yahiko- do you think that's true?" Konan asked. The carrot-top cocked his head thinking.

"I dunno... Are there comets outside?"

Konan got up and her and Nagato went to look out one of the wide windows. "... No!"

"Then I don't think the world's ending. Maybe he was talking about in a buncha' years in the future."

"How would he know about the future?" Nagato asked.

"Oh! maybe he's been possesed by the guy that goes through time and-and- possesses people to change the future!" Konan tried.

"The one on TV Land?" Yahiko confirmed.

"Yea-yea! that one! He's funny!"

"Well what're we supposed to do about it?" Nagato asked.

Yahiko thought for a while. "Maybe the comets sense fear! and if we know they're comming- but aren't scared about it- they won't come! Like Jeepers-Kreepers!" He concluded.

"Yahiko, that's stupid." Konan lectured. "How do you know comets can sense fear?"

Here, we are brought to Yahiko's moral: When in doubt, ask Jiraiya. "JIRAIYA! CAN COMETS SENSE FEAR?"

"YES!" Their elder answered. Without even looking up. He was on his stomach, and currently losing in a game of Monopoly. "Hey, Tsunnie, how do you win this game?"

Tsunade 'hmmd' a while. "I think it's when everyone else is bankrupt, and the last one with money wins." Tsunade looked at the money in her hand, that she held like cards. Which wasn't hard, she'd lost alot of money, because she insisted to buy everything she landed on. And she'd landed on quite a few lots early on. So she had a few twenties, a fifty, and lots of ones. (Jiraiya liked to pay in ones)

Both of the other players turned to look at their third. Orochimaru currently had the most money. He moved his little metal shoe and it landed on a lot. "How much is that one?"

"350." Tsunade replied.

"How do I add that up?"

"You can give me seven fifties." Tsunade, playing the roll of banker said.

Orochimaru took out the said amount. Tsunade was slightly upset that he had seven fifties to spare- and was that- when'd he get five five-hundreds? Tsunade internally whined, while Jirayia outwardly whined.

-Meanwhile

Wittle baby Deidara was looking for something to do. The Play-Doh didn't taste good, the Barbies were being used as a barrier of some sort, the trucks and playsets were all taken. And all the baby dolls were naked, with the supplied clothes not fitting any of them. This was boring!

So he was wandering around, looking for something, anything to do. Which he wasn't finding. The movie that was playing on the TV was Kiki's Delivery Service, and Grandpa Onoki played that movie for him almost all the time. Boooring...

And, when Deidara Nen is bored. He does only one other thing. Torment those around him, weither he means to or not. So the new plan was: Find someone to torment.

He scanned the place, no one was interesting enough. Untill his gaze fell to a corner. A little red-head boy was playing with his dolly- target aquired!

Deidara trotted over and landed on his hands and knees infront of him. "Whazzur name?" The boy looked up at him silently. Deidara cocked his head. "Hello?"

Deidara knew that look he was giving him. It was what the scary-looking man at the grocery store gave him when he tried to talk to him. But he didn't know the meaning of it, so he just did was he did when someone wasn't answering him. Poke, poke, poke, poke.

The boy wacked his hand away and Deidara cried out. That's not what everyone else did! they either answered him or yelled at him. And Deidara wanted one of those actions right now.

Someone tapped Deidara's shoulder. He looked up and a kid wearing bright colors and wearing a paper orange-swirlied mask held up a piece of paper. Scribbled on it was 'Sasori' and he pointed to the red-head Deidara was tormenting. Deidara did what Grandpa Onoki taught him and sounded out the letters then looked back at him "Your name is Sasori?"

Sasori didn't speak or nod. He just continued glaring a hole through Deidara's face.

"Okay!" Deidara gleed, getting slightly more chipper. The other boy tapped him again. He turned the paper he'd held up before, on the other side it said ' I am Tobi ' "And you're Tobi." Deidara confirmed. Sasori's glare seemed to change to being at the wall. Deidara crawled closer to him smiling happily. "Can I play wif it?" he looked at the little puppet Sasori held.

Sasori replied with tugging it as far from Deidara's reach as possible and growling at the dissapointed toddler. Deidara began to pout momentarily, untill Tobi got donw next to him. He nudged his shoulder.

"What?" Deidara asked, Tobi grabbed his arm and pointed to the toys. "I dun wanna play wif you. I wanna play wif him." Deidara pointed to Sasori who had scooted farther into the corner.

Tobi looked at Deidara, the mask making any emotion invisable. And Deidara was still too young to notice how eerie the blank mask-face staring unmovingly at him was. Then Tobi tackled Deidara and he started screaming very, very high-pitchedly.

After a few moments of Deidara putting cracks in the windows, Madara appered and lifted Tobi off the poor baby. "No raping untill you're thirty kiddo." Madara dragged his flailing son over back to his desk. "Hash' was right, you're a fuckin' devil like your Dad." He put him up and held him still on a counter. Then he reached into a cuppard next to the fridge. "Ah-ha, genius. Secret weapon time!"

Madara opened and dumped out a box of cookies onto the counter. Then handed one to Tobi. Who immidiantly stilled. And jumped off the counter and scampered away.

Madara grabbed a plate and moved the cookies onto it. Then he turned and gave the plate to Kakuzu. "Here brat, sell these." Kakuzu gladly excepted the plate of tremedously desired chocolate-chips.

Back over in the corner. Deidara was recovering from his ordeal, and spotted the plate. He then zoomed across the room.

"THE WORLD IS GUNNA END! THE WORLD IS GUNNA END!" Hidan yelled at him.

Deidara giggled. "Ha-ha, you sound like those boys Gampa talks to!" He then passed by the Hidan the Hellian and to Kakuzu's counter. "Canni have two?"

" That will be two dollars." Kakuzu informed. Deidara patted his pockets, he doesn't know why- but that's what Grandpa Onoki does when people ask him for money. Then he looked around, he left the Barbie-wall, and scampered himself over to The Monopoly game spread out in the floor.

"Canni have two dollars petty-pease?" He asked Tsunade. With her and her little triad, Jiraiya had already lost. Somehow. And Tsunade was down to her final ones. She gave them both the Deidara, feeling quite ready to weep. She'd never heard of a game of Monopoly ending so fast!

"I wanna play Life next." Jiraiya quickly cheered on the idea as Deidara returned to 'The Store'

Hidan tried yelling at him again, but Deidara just listened again, nodded, and re-entered. "Herya go!" Kakuzu took them, put them in the cash register and then handed Deidara two cookies.

Deidara returned to his new hubbies- I mean, Sasori's special corner. "Wanna cookie?" He handed him the one. Sasori glared at him, but his look softened at the cookie and he grabbed it. Deidara cheered for himself and plopped down next to him.

-Meanwhile

Tobi had failed at trying to befriend Deidara. But try-try again!... Later, after he was done with his cookie.

He found his was over to a seperate corner. A little space behind the TV. He leaned against a piece of cardboard. He was about to put the cookie under his mask like he did when at dinner, and when he was about to, a knocking on the cardboard.

Tobi moved the folded box away. It his a hole in the wall, which must have not been gotten to to be repaired. On the otherside of the hole, was a little creature. He had giant leaf-looking things on his shoulders, and he was half-in the dirt. One side of him was black and the other white. He had lime-green hair and giant, yellow, adorabley chibi eyes. The creature waved nicely to Tobi, and he waved back.

Tobi broke his cookie in half and handed him a piece. His leaves caught it and he gobbled it down.

-That Night

Madara was groaning. He hadn't done much- but it was tiring just getting finger-foods ready and then making sure the kids didn't fight over them, why did he have to do this?

The final wave of parents were due to arrive soon. He'd kill himself if there was the slightest excuse to make him lose a minute of sleep tonight.

Hashirama appered in the door, this time his wife was by his side. "Hello, Madara. Casualties?"

"I locked them in the bathroom, then they started to eat eachother. But you're early, and I'm afraid there might be more then one left." Madara moaned along.

"Looks like some got out." Mito confirmed. She was watching the now much smaller group of children lazily sit around waiting to leave. "Tsunade darling, round your friends up."

The blonde girl got up and grabbed everyone in her group. Hashirama spotted the orange paper-mask. "You found him."

"More like he came out. He reminds me of someone actually, like this serial killer in a novel I read once." He commented. "I'm so proud."

"You don't sound much like a proud Father Madara." Hashirama growled.

"Retract your claws boys." Mito lectured them both. Just as a group of children began to pool at her feet. "Come on children, the babies have to wack at eachother."

Madara and Hashirama both went silent as they saw that a gathering of six-year-olds were laughing at them. Mito left with them and Madara grinned. "Ya hooked a killer Hashi."

A vein in Hashirama's temple pulsed. "I hate you, sir." He announced. Then he went out the door. Tobi had waited in the doorway for Madara to turn and then waved goodbye.

Madara replied the same and then he leaned onto his desk to wait for the rest of the evil spawns to go away.

Kamiko was next. She was in a pretty cocktail dress with her hair up. But the good mood she was probably in dimmed down as she placed her coat infront of herself incase her son tackled her while covered in anything.

Hidan seemingly attack the coat, and his Mother fought the thought to wrap him in it to carry him away. "Hi honey- oh, Hidan how'd you get that mark on your face?"

She trailed a finger along his forehead that he absently explained. "Oh, I tryed to shoplift from some bastard twerp."

Madara took a glance at Kakuzu, the bastard twerp. "Just a sprawl ma'am. Being boys."

"Yes, He's had worse." She lifted him up, apparently, he was tired. Because he was being supremely silent and still. Or maybe Kakuzu had actually knocked some brain cells into place... Nah, he's probably just tired. "Common honey, I'll make you a nice big dinner all to yourself for behaving."

Madara didn't care to mention that the fight he'd gotten into wasn't exactly behaving. But it's hard to blame him when Kakuzu perfectly held his own and effectivly kicked his four-year-old ass.

Five minutes after Kamiko drove away with her demon child. Madara heard the puttering of Chiyo's wagon. The woman took her time getting inside, "Okay, where is it?" She asked when she finally waddled in. Madara pointed his finger towards the area the kids were waiting in. "Sasori! over here!"

Sasori stood up, but the child clinging to his arm followed him to the door. "Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-bye Sori-no-Danna! Buh-"

"Will you leave me alone!" The red-head yelled at the little golden-head baby. Whose eyes started to water as he began sobbing.

Madara spat out a chuckle as Chiyo stood there, seemingly dumb-founded. "That's the first time I've heard him talk all day." Madara chuckled.

Chiyo blinked a few times. "Damn straight, that's the first time he's talked since his parents died."

Madara himself blinked a few times. Sasori stomped his way to Chiyo as Deidara continued to weep, before he sputtered out: "Bye-bye Sori-no-Danna! I lub you!"

Sori-no-Danna stopped in his tracks, after a few seconds he spun around, and threw his doll at Deidara. It wacked him in the face and he started crying again. Sasori went over to pick up his toy and then returned to lead the way to Chiyo's car.

Madara watched out the window after him before turning to Chiyo. "Cute kid,"

"Takes after his Grandmummy." After Chiyo followed the boy out the door. Madara stood up to grab Deidara and set him down in a chair instead of thriving around on the floor. He then returned to his desk to calculate how much nap time Sasori would need to stop being such a little jackass

After Chiyo pulled away, Madara spotted the proffesional-looking car that had Kakuzu's father. The man strode up the walk and came inside. "Kakuzu," He called.

Kakuzu got up, and as he walked over the money in his jar jingled. "Madara cussed five times. And then there was this one very dim boy whose record I lost count of, but I conviscated all of the change he had in his pockets."

"Alright son, nothing else to tell."

"No, none." Kakuzu lied. Apparently his sprawl with Hidan had completely slipped his mind. Meanwhile, his father thanked Madara and the two left. Madara took Kakuzu's file out are wrote. 'ingenius smartass' in marker on the front. Madara looked at the room now. 'And then there were three.' The restless toddler Drag-ara. His nephew Itachi. And the blue pug-baby Kisame.

Next up to arrive, roughly fifteen minutes later was Onoki, who limped his way inside, looking very tired and upset that he actually had to take his grandchild back now. Along with the Uchiha's. Both sides of the pair of kissing cousins arrived through the door, much to Madara's distress. "Where's my wittle Itachi!" Mikoto cooed holding out her arms.

Onoki was less enthusiatic. "Call the child. I don't have the energy." Onoki whispered to Madara.

As Itachi got up and scambered over to his parents, Madara whistled, and it was somehow able to signal for Deidara to come as well. "Ohhh! There's my little Itachi-Kuns you look so handsome today! Oh Mummy luvs you!" Mikoto Squeed.

"Bye-Bye Itachi! I'll see you again soon!" Kisame called from the couch him and Itachi'd been sitting on, waving enthusasticly. Itachi waved back.

"Okay Twerpachi." Madara called. "Next time you go shopping with your Daddy, if you see something you want, start screaming and begging for it as loud and as long as you can. Okay?"

"Okay Uncle Madara!" Itachi cooed brightly, humoring him. Fugaku glared at Madara for a couple minutes. He then left the place without a word and Mikoto giddily followed him out with Itachi in tow.

Blink. blink. blink.

"Common." Onoki called, tugging at Deidara's sleeve as he turned to leave. Deidara stayed put a few seconds. Madara was grinning that he only had was child left now. Quiet, Deidara thought.

Deidara's new friend didn't tell him goodbye. Deidara's Grandpa didn't welcome him happily with open arms. Madara didn't give him any parting words when he left...

Deidara, the apparently extremely bright and observant three-year-old. Growled internally. What made Itachi so special?

After a few seconds. He walked silently out of the place and after Onoki. Madara didn't notice the hostile aura eminating off the toddler whose vocabulary wasn't even fully mastered yet.

Now it was just down to the blue kid. Who was sitting very well-behaved on the couch. Closing time was now his favorite time of day.

It took five more minutes of sitting there and doing nothing. But Etsuko Hoshigaki eventually arrived looked very frazzled. "Sorry I'm so late! The traffic down by my work was impossible!" Kisame hopped up just as she entered. "Oh~ there's my baby. Did you have fun?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Make any new friends?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Oh very good! Thank you~" She bowed and giddied at Madara and then danced out the door. Well, that was an easy part.

All of the kids were gone now... So, now what? Oh, this is the part where he locks up and leave... Goodie.

He was contemplating weither he should straighten up the toys or not when he started snoring into his desk.

-End Chapter-

WEEEE! Finished! Okay. So...

Latest Naruto chaper: LE GASP! Kisa's dead? And now it's Konan VS Madara? OH MY! It's funny, because I'd been reading fourms of the fans predicting what would happen next. They were pretty on-key with Kisame getting the info to Maddie in the end. But they were all expecting a big, lavish fight between Naruto and Kisame. Instead, they got a flashback that made the KisaIta fangirls scream! Those poor fools! they'd made romantic fanfics about it being friendship and luvvies at first sight- when Kisame actually held his sword to his throat! OMG- But that ending might have cheered them up. "Itachi-San... I guess I'm not so terrible after all." XD LOL

Lessee, what else? ummm. I can't remember what I was gonna say. I think it was something smarter then my put-down of the KisaIta fans- wait!

Oh yes, I have a Wikipedia page! I didn't know that! I guess if you get an account on FanFiction, then a bot automaticly puts your first few fanfics and your screenname up. Everythings blank untill a fan comes around and does something- or you could always do it! I'm working on mine right now. WEEE! I'M FAMOUS!

Okay, now I'm gonna finish SOS before I put any more chapters up. But I'll be writting for it whenever I'm in the mood. Chapters 1 through 7 are planned out. It's pretty plotless, just short-stories following Akatsuki through the years. OKAY OKAY OKAY! HELLO! The next few chapters are gonna follow the partners on what they do for Sunday, before they return to the Daycare on Monday. So tell me which you want the next chapter to be for! YahNagKon. KisaIta. SasoDei. KakuHid. Or ZetTobMad. Weee! Okay, soooo... Hmmm, whattami gonna do now?... Oh, right, work on SOS. Time to cause hell for Hidan. Bwhahaha. Little hellian.