I Have No Idea

Summary: Light. Alcohol. L. Something about this picture is very wrong. And rather cracky… Dedicated to iflip4dolphins and Amanda

Disclaimer: Don't own.

A/N:Ahh. The crackiness. This story can be blamed on iflip4dolphins and Amanda. I have forgotten Amanda's pen name, but she knows who she is. Sometimes. Sometimes, she doesn't even know who I am. Sometimes I don't even know who I am. Wait what? What is this again?

X~X~X~X~X~

Light was bored. Light was terribly, terribly bored. This, the investigation team had learned, was never a good thing. The reasons as to why were taped up on the mini-fridge. A rather long list of things that Light was never again permitted to do. This list grew exponentially longer every week, as no further clues came in on the Kira case.

In reality, the Kira case was as good as closed. Misa, in a fit of idiocy (and drunkenness, those little colored drinks had a much higher alcohol level than was apparent) had burned Lights Death Note because, as she had later explained to the management of the club, the flames "feel nice" and, when the contents of the salt shaker had been added "made pretty colors". Needless to say, this did not appease the owners, who wanted the money from their, now burned to the ground, establishment back NOW. Misa, hung-over and dopy, and proceeded to give them all of her considerably large fortune and use the dregs of her money to buy herself a plane ticket to Bermuda. When she finally emerged from her haze, she was stranded and penniless.

None of this changed the fact that the Death Note was in fact, gone, and Light would never regain his memory. And so we are left with a pointless case that was frustrating and boring the world's two greatest detectives. Actually, if you counted L's aliases they were the world's four greatest detectives. And there's always the tiny little fact that Light technically didn't even have a job and was therefore not actually a detective at all, we're left down at three. Really, if you took into account the events of the previous night, which involved a very bored Light conning an equally bored L into drinking large amounts of pure liquor mixed with lime juice and ice, you only had one detective. L's mind wasn't exactly functional at the moment.

"Light."

"Yeah?" Light turned eagerly to his companion, anything to alleviate the boredom. Maybe he should call him something else. Best buddy, BFF, sweetheart maybe? They were quite literally chained together for the foreseeable future, so associate didn't really cut it.

"…I have a headache."

"…It's called a hangover, L."

"I do not like this hangover." It was disrupting his thought process and his ability to properly calculate Light's Kira percentage.

"L, no one likes hangovers. " Duh.

"How do I get rid of it?" Light really hated L's deadpan voice. Couldn't he show some emotion for once?

"Generally? Ibuprofen, Advil, or more alcohol. Sometimes all of them at once. Uhhh, sugar probably isn't the best way to go. Hey, I've heard raw eggs can help?"

"…?"

"…!"

"You will go and get me the ibuprofen in the kitchen."

"Why can't Watari get it?"

"Watari is out getting me cake."

"L? We're chained together at the wrist. You have to go anywhere I go."

*clink*

"Your letting me go? Just like that?"

"Get. Me. The. Ibuprofen."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Right! Leaving! Now! Before you tear my head off!"

Light tore out of the room like Ryuuk after apples. Not that he remembered what Ryuuk looked like when he was chasing after apples. Or what Ryuuk looked like period. Chances are, even if he did have his memories, the only thing that would be running through his dead right now, was exactly what was running through his head right now. Which was-

"MwahahahahahahahahahahaHA!"

…

…

Let it be noted that the narrator is terrified out of her wits.

…

Back to Light and his… unique… state of mind. Light, despite being freed, was still bored. Fetching ibuprofen was not a complicated enough task to use all of his considerable brain power. He had already deduced that the Ibuprofen would be kept in the right bottom drawer, and his mind had moved on to bigger, better, and more interesting things.

'Hmmmm. There has to be more alcohol around here somewhere. There's no way Watari does his job every day without needing copious amounts of alcohol at night. The trouble will be to spike the forces drinks without anyone noticing. Matsuda won't notice. He doesn't notice anything. I can almost see the glitter in his brain. I wonder what happened to Misa? I haven't seen her for a few days. Hm. Note to self, convince the force to throw a party celebrating her absence. Ahh, here we go, orange cognac. Watari has good taste. Little of this in the coffee, tell the force it's a new flavored brand with extra caffeine and no one will notice a thing. That stuff could be sewer sludge and no one would notice in the morning. For L… … … I wonder if I could put the stuff in his sugar, dry it out, and crumble it again without his noticing. Ah, ibuprofen. I'll just take this vodka with me. L's not gonna notice it in his tea right now, and it will help him get over his hangover. Right. I'm so evil! *mental smile**giggle*'

Two Hours Later

"Light."

"Yes L?"

"The ceiling is pretty."

"Doesn't that position hurt your neck?"

"But it needs more color."

"I think you've had enough… tea…"

"I am going to hire contractors to paint it lime green"

"You have definitely had enough tea. L, maybe we should turn in early?"

"Nooooo. We have not solved the case yet. I only sleep when I solve my case."

"L. That was not a proper sentence. How much… tea… have you had?"

"I drink the whole pot. Pottie. Potter. Did you ever read the Harry Potter books, Light-o?"

*whack*

*thud*

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well Son, I'm going to turn in for the night! I'll say hello to your mother for you!"

"Bye Light! Have a nice evening"

"Good bye Yagami-san."

The door shut, leaving a drunk, unconscious L, and a bored, slightly tipsy (who could resist vodka?) Light, alone in a hotel.

There is something very wrong with this picture.

Two Hours Later

"L? I'm sorry I'm late, there was a very long line at the cake… shop… … …"

"Aiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

"Did you hear something Light?"

"Noooooooo."

"Why are we naked Light?"

"… I have no idea."