Author's Notes: Yay! First fanfic! *does yes dance* Also my first attempt at crack yaoi but I think there will mostly be shounen-ai. But if anything along those lines changes then I'll change the story rating accordingly. So, no worries there. This is basically a strange little crack-fic of Lavi replacing Jack in Jack and the Beanstalk. And fitting in all of the DGM characters in is gonna be fun. If everyone could R&R please, then that'd be great! And I hope that everyone enjoys the craziness!

Disclaimer: I do not own -Man or any of its characters. They all belong to the great Hoshino Katsura-sensei. I only own this story which is purely fan made and I make no money off of this in any way.

"What took you so long?" The old man snapped at the youth who came down the hill with a satchel at his side.

"Nice to see you too, panda-man." The youth replied tiredly as he ran a hand through his hair.

He was a tall young man of 18 years old and all those years were spent living on the farm with his grandfather. Having done hard labor for so long left him with a toned physique as well as tanned skin. The youth also had bright red hair that could be spotted from yards away. Another identifying feature of his was the black eye-patch over his right eye leaving him one dark green eye so see the world with.

"What have I said about your ridiculous nicknames?" The old man growled.

"But is fits you perfectly, gramps!" A crooked smile formed on the young red head's face as he laughed at his grandfather's expense.

The old man really did look like a panda though. He was a short old man with pale skin and dark circles around his eyes. His face certainly resembled a panda's whereas his stature and demenour didn't. Unlike pandas, which were known as "gentle giants," the old man was terribly bitter and would barely come up to his grandson's chest even when he didn't hunch his back.

"Boy, I will forgive your insolence this one time only if you ran your errands properly, like I told you to."

"Ran my errands properly?" The youth repeated. "Since when were you so damn posh?"

Thwack!

"However, I will not forgive your cursing. Be sure to watch your tongue, Lavi."

"Oww,"

The youth, Lavi, whinned as he nursed the growing lump on his noggin. His grandfather had long since learned to make up for his lack of height by jumping to necessary heights.

"Yessir, sorry, gramps." Lavi finally apologized under his grandfather's scrutenizing eye.

"I see that the cow is gone. Does that mean that you sold it like I told you?"

"Of course, I did!"

"And you didn't trade it for some strange trinket from those gypsies that moved into town?"

"What kind of idiot do you take me for? Don't answer that!" Now it was Lavi's turn; he was dangerously eyeing his grandfather who didn't even try to his smirk as he chuckled softly. "Besides, I didn't even get a chance to enter the store."

"This wouldn't be because you were hitting on that young man's lover now, would it?"

"God no, I thought she was his sister." Lavi laughed.

The old man shook his head at his grandson's ways.

"So, how did it go at the butcher's?"

"I was able to hagle for a higher price with Yuu, and we still get first choice of the meat cuts." Lavi explained as he produced a small bag full of coins from the satchel that he wore at his side.

Lavi handed the pouch to his grandfather who in turn examined the contents of said pouch. The young red head tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for his grandfather to finish counting all the little copper coins. Twice. Thrice. Three times the old man counted all of those little coins!

Sure, they'd been having some money trouble recently, hence, the selling of ol' Bessy, but this was getting ridiculous.

Lavi heard his grandfather mutter something to himself.

"Huh? What was that?" Lavi's grandfather turned away from his as he spoke:

"Not too bad." He replied half-heartedly.

Lavi was outraged.

"What're you talking about? Have you gone senial? I think I did pretty damn great-hurk!"

The old man's fist landed squarely in the center of Lavi's chest. Effectively knocking the wind out of him sending him down onto his bum.

"You ungrateful brat! What did I just sau about your cursing?"

"You should be grateful to me you stubborn old goat! I'm the one that sold the cow for a higher price and-"

A soft and tentative voice interupted the cascading shouting match.

"Umm, excuse me?"

Both men turned to face the voice and saw a young beauty who couldn't have been much younger than Lavi was. This girl had fair skin with dark eyes and equally dark, long hair that she wore up in pigtails.

Now Lavi's grandfather was bewildered by this mystery girl and her strange clothes that wrapped around her, hugging her form perfectly. But Lavi instantly recognized her as the gypsy store owner's lover that he was failing to woo earlier in the day.

"Hey, Lady Lena!" Lavi exclaimed as he ran up the hill to meet the girl, with his grandfather following right behind him.

"I thought I told you, my name is 'Rinali.'" She huffed.

"Yeah, I know, I know. But you gave me a nickname already, so, I figured that I should give you one." Lavi said with his crooked grin.

"But that was a mistake and,"

"A nickname?" Interupted the old man.

"Yeah, 'Lavi-kins.' Cute, right?" Lavi's chest swelled with mnaly pride.

"No, I said 'Lavi-kun.'" Rinali explained. "It's way of refering to boys where I come from."

Another small chuckle wofted from the throat of Lavi's grandfather. Ignoring this, Lavi continued on hiding his bruised ego:

"So, what brings you here Len, uh, Rinali?"

"I wanted to apologize for the way my brother acted to you earlier."

"Your brother? I thought that guy was your husband, or lover, or something! I mean, the way he acted and what he said-"

"Oh, no, no, no!" Rinali shook her head furiously. "He really is my brother. It's just that we're the only family we have. And he's the one who raised me, so, he tends to be over protective of me."

"I guess that makes esnse then." Even though he said this calmly, Lavi was jumping for joy on the inside. This meant that he still had a chance with her!

"Miss Rinali, is there something that we can do for you?" Lavi's grandfather asked as he approached the girl.

"Ah! No, but here, I've got something to give you as a token of my apologies." As she talked, Rinali unhooked a small dark green pouch from her sash and held it out to the old man. "Here, these are some magic beans, Mister uhh,"

"Forgive my rudeness, please. I am Lavi's grandfather but you can call me Bookman." He said accepting the small colored bag.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Bookman. My name is Rinali Lee." She said bowing deeply.

"Wait, seriously? Magic beans?" Lavi scoffed as he snatched the bag from his grandfather.

"Don't be rude, brat!" Bookman scolded.

"Well, they're not really magical or anything. But my brother did cross-breed and pollenate them himself so that they can grow in any kind of soil." Rinali explained with a hint of pride in her voice.

"Wow, really?" Lavi was mildly inpressed as he took out one of the beans and examined it.

"Yes, my brother likes to think of himself as a scientist." She explained. "We've traveled to many different countries over the years and have acquired the knowledge of those countries."

Bookman's eyes seemed to glitter as he listened to all of what Rinali had to say. Lavi however, was still more than a little skeptical. Earlier he'd been at the recieving end of an insane verbal assault from the spectacled man with short curly hair. What ever a "Komu-rin number four" was, it did not sound pretty.

"I remember that outside the store, you said you had just sold your cow. And I'm sure its none of my business, but I thought that these could help." Rinali further explained.

"I see now, thanks, really." Lavi gave her another one of his trademark crooked grins as he put the suppossed "magic bean" back into the little bag.

"Yes, thank you very much for this gracious gift, Miss Rinali." Bookman bowed to the girl, following her customs.

"Hey, Rinali, why don't you stick 'round for dinner? It'll be our way of saying thanks." As polite as Lavi was being, he had ulterior motives.

"I'd love to but I promised my brother that I'd come home once I dropped your present off. We're still new to town and all, you know?"

"Of course! We understand perfectly, right, gramps?"

Bookman eyed his grandson questioning his new cheery disposition.

"Thanks for that. I'd really love to stay but maybe some other time?"

"Sure! C'mon over whenever you feel like it."

"Great. I'll see you next time then." Rinali smiled as she waved the two good bye.

"It was nice meeting you, Miss Rinali." Bookman bowed again as Rinali bowed back.

"It was nice meeting you too, Mr. Bookman. Oh, before I forget; hey, Lavi!" His one eye lit up as she turned to face him. "I made sure to tell my brother that we're just friends. So you can come by and visit whenever you like."

Lavi's heart sank a little when he heard her say "just friends." But he wasn't about to let that stop him from getting one of the most beautiful girls he'd ever seen.

"Okay, then. Later." Lavi waved to her as she left.

"Bye-bye!" Rinali called back as she dissapeared over the hill.

Lavi continued to wave absent mindedly as he watched the fair Rinali leave. Her foreign clothes weren't exotic in design but they hugged her every curve outstandingly. Giving Lavi a glorious view of the girl's backside.

The only thing that brought Lavi back down to earth was feeling the intense stare of his grandfather on the back of his head.

"What?" The red head demanded.

"At least you sold the cow like you were supposed to before you started slacking off." Bookman answered.

"Aw, shut up, old man!"

Bookman took the beans back from Lavi as he walked by.

"I'll soak these in water overnight before we plant them. Meanwhile, you go and ready part of the field for planting them."

"WHAT?"

"You don't want Miss Rinali's generous gift to go to waste, do you?" Bookman asked, eyeing the youth again.

"No, but, can't you just give me a break already?"

"You'll get no such thing. Now hurry up and plow the field!" Bookman roared.

"Alright, alright, aready. I'm going now. Sheesh!"

Lavi headed for the barn to get the farming equipement to do just that. Plow the fields so that in the morning, he and his grandfather could plant Rinali's supposedly "magic beans."