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Awakening

Lately I've been considering my existence.
It would seem as though the only solid proof of it is pain. But even so, the mind is a powerful thing, and not all pain is real. I tend to feel pain that isn't there.
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm even still alive.
If I'm even still here.

I think you know what I mean.

Maybe I was never really here. Maybe none of this was.
Like, I just made it all up.

I see you there, just beyond the shore. Knee deep in the water.
Wave and call your name. You turn to look at me.

We smile.
A shared moment.

The sun setting behind you causes you to silhouette. No visible features, save for the shape of your frame. This fills my chest up with a cold feeling I simply can't understand.

Something goes off in my head.
Without even thinking, my feet begin to carry me towards you as quickly as they can, kicking up sand as I dash across the beach, plunging my feet into the water.
Splashing its way up my body.

Struggle to run across the shallow ocean floor.

Waist deep in the salty water. Current pushing, pulling, throwing me off balance.

I can almost touch you...

I lose my bearings and fall.
Submerge.
Eyes burn. Close them tightly. Struggle to rise.
Surface.
Rub my eyes. Waiting for them to adjust. Vision comes into focus.

You're gone.

I look out to the orange horizon, the fading sunlight reflecting off the calm glass sheet that is the ocean before me.
I feel empty.

Looking down, the dark waters barely reflect my broken face back at me.
The waters black, now, suddenly, as if out of nowhere.

I turn, my attention focusing on the shore.

You're trying to tell me something...

Your shouts fall on deaf ears. Your attempts to get through to me have all been thwarted.

I almost feel like crying.

You stop trying to catch my attention, and you look up.
Turn, once again, to see what it is that you're looking at.

It's me...

From the starless sky, I fall.

It's us...

Clinging tightly together. Lips locked.
My tongue invading your mouth.

I feel as though I'm flying, but I'm not.
I'm falling.
We're falling.

Grip tightens, but there's nothing to hold. You're gone, once again.
Or, maybe you were never there.

Close my eyes, and brace for the crash.

The cold, black water feels like cement as I crash into it.
Excruciating pain for an instant - then, numbness.

Blind.

As if eaten by a shadow. An ocean of pain and fear swallows me. Air escaping my lungs, I breathe it all in. I hear a bell tolling in the distance - it rings for me.

My feet plant themselves on hard surface beneath me. Light breaks through the black abyss from below, crows flocking all around me. Sense of gravity returns. I stand on a giant circular plate glass portrait of a gorgeous lady playing the harp. The birds disperse, and I am left alone once again.

"Will you take the sword, Sora? This path shall lead to destruction."
The voice calls out.

Who are you? I ask.

"My identity is of no value to you," the voice says. I can't tell if it's feminine or masculine. "You need to choose."

A sword, a shield and a staff laid out before me.

"Will you take the shield, Sora? This path shall lead to safety."

Take a deep breath.
Inhaling death.
Exhaling razors.

"Will you take the staff, Sora? This path shall only lead to more questions."

What do I do?

"That's up to you. Remember to follow your heart."

Bullshit.
I frown.

Shadows crawl across the plate glass beneath me.

"You don't have a lot of time. You need to choose."

The shadows rise, dim, yellow eyes emerging from the head of the creature.
Emotionless. Unreadable. Empty.

Without thinking, I pick the sword up from my feet, and swing it as hard as I can.
Blade catches its neck - splitting the thing down through the chest. Spray of black liquid hits me in the face, runs down my clothes.

Flinch.

"The decision has been made."

"I bleed for you," you say, looking at me with the most deadly weapon I've ever known directed straight at me. "Will you bleed for me?"

Your eyes.
That smile.

You have me right where you want me, as you hand the knife over and bite your lip. The waves crashing against the rocks behind me.

Do you love me?

Your lips form a wordless yes, and I cut into the palm of my hand. My precious blood draining down my fingers and onto the sand below, staining it.

Our bleeding hands meet, and close tightly around one another's.

Drops of us leak out through the cracks between us.

"We'll never be one," you say, smile fading. "Not completely, anyway. But this gives us something to hold onto."

Light headed, as if it's been drained.

Smile.

"Never let go, okay?"

A sigh escapes my lips.

Plate glass path appears in the darkness on the opposite end of the circle, leading up to another column.

The sword is gone, my hand is empty. Blood soaking through the white material of my gloves.

Fingers curl.

"Your path will not be easy," it whispers into my head. "A long road lies ahead. Looking back is not an option, if you want to make it to the destination.'

Fists tighten.

"Your kingdom awaits you, Sora."

At once, all the stars above me supernova and blink from existence.

In this one instant, everything changes.

I am not what I used to be - nor do I even remotely resemble it.

Ascension.

Your destruction will not bring me joy.
"What do you mean?"
Nothing is permanent, I tell you. And since time is an illusion, I already feel the pains of loss.

Your corpse smiles sweetly, as if you've nothing to say.

I can feel your need to comfort me, but it doesn't change anything. It's already happened, even if I can't see it.

Does any of this feel real to you?
"No," you say. "Not at all..."

Stained glass portrait of me.

Not of what I was - or, even what I am now.

Of what I will become.

Sickening feeling rising in my throat.

The colors begin to fade to black, as my face is eaten by the shadows, followed shortly by the rest of me.

I stand at my own feet, awaiting what's coming.

"Be brave, Sora. Pain is merely what you make of it."

The glass shatters outward, knocking me onto my back.

Quickly roll over and jump to my feet to make a break for it, but the path that got me here is gone. Turn back around to face whatever fate befalls me.

The dark skies rain shards down upon me, as my silhouette rises and grows from the void.

I rise, staring myself down with glowing red eyes. Look myself in my face, and fight the urge to cry.

The weight of the sword drags my hand downwards.
Grip tightens.

Alone again, I say. Stuck with my worst enemy.

I lay the sword down, and make eye contact with myself once again.
Continue to rise tall above me.

"Promise?"

Destroy me. .em yortseD
Please.. ..esaelP

I promise.