Title: Sudden change of heart

Chapter: Where to go?

Author: sodapoplover

Warning: Guy/Guy

Pairing: Dallas & Tim

Book: The Outsider (I own nothing! All of these characters are property of S. E. Hinton)

I couldn't move. I couldn't talk. I didn't know what else to say. I just stared at him as he looked back at me with frozen eyes. Not now. Not you. "Buck…" I finally spoke as I slowly backed away. "What is a matter with you?" He didn't say anything. Maybe he didn't know what to say either. Well if he wasn't gonna say anything I wasn't just gonna stay here. "I don't have time for this," I sighed angrily. Once I reached the door knob Buck murmured. "I know you're with Tim. I've known." Again he left me frozen. I turned around. "How… did you …know?" He sat on the couch and sighed. "I'm not stupid Dally. Why- I mean why are you with him?!" I didn't answer. He seemed uncomfortable and tired. I don't know why. But I was beginning to feel mad. Mad at Buck. Mad at Tim. Mad at the whole goddamn world. "Buck. I don't know exactly what I should tell you but right now I don't care. You can tell me how you feel about me tomorrow but right now I don't wanna listen. Right now I don't wanna talk. Right now I'm sick. Sick of it all. Fuck all. Just fuck it." My tears began to sink down and my sadness was beginning to go away. Instead anger was rising. "Fuck, Buck, I'm sorry but right now I couldn't give a shit about anything." With that said. I left. I wasn't thinking about his feelings. How I might have hurt them. Might have? How I did hurt them. I wasn't thinking about how Tim was feeling. I just wanted to think about me. I needed to push everyone away and think about myself. Fuck everyone else. If they were less concerned about how I felt why should I give a shit about them? I walked and walked and walked. That's what I needed. A walk. No… That wasn't all that I needed. I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone to listen. But right now there was no one to listen to me. No one to talk to. And when it came to me, there weren't often many people to talk to. God this feeling really does feel ugly. I kept walking. Walking, just walking. I didn't care where I was headed or how long it took. I just really needed to walk. I knew I was lying to myself but right now I just didn't give a shit. I was staring at my feet and not watching where I was going I hit someone.

'Shit watch where you-" I quickly got on my feet. "Fuck Ponyboy ! What the hell are you doing walking out at a time like this? Darry probably wants you back home."

Pony looked at me awkwardly. "I asked for permission. I needed to take a walk."

"You and me both…"

"Huh?"

"Nothing…" I was trying to keep that sad look off my face but I guess when you're feeling the way you're feeling you can't.

"Dallas? I know you hate when people ask you questions or try to butt in your business but… are you ok?"

No… No I'm not ok. Just a while Tim hurt the little heart I have and Buck kissed me and I feel so… so lonely. I didn't answer.

Pony sat down on the sidewalk. "You know Dallas… if you need someone to talk to. I'm right here. I know you and I don't get along and we're not the best of friends but if it has anything to do with Tim or even if it doesn't I am here to listen. If you need someone to listen to you I'm here. I may not be as a good listener, as Soda, when it comes to problems but you seem really hurt."

Again I didn't say anything. I stayed quiet.

"I may be wrong. Maybe you're not hurt or feeling bad but …" he stopped. "I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting." He got up and said, "well, since there is nothing to do here I'm gonna head back home. See ya."

I saw him walk away from me and I couldn't help it … I just had to say something. "Tim and I aren't doing so well."

Pony stared at me and then smiled. "I knew it."

I glared at him angrily, ready to punch him.

"AND if you need someone to talk to I'm here. I can listen and understand. I won't just listen."

"I just don't know what to do about him."

Pony just stared at me.

"Does he lo- like me or doesn't he. 'Cause he always seems to find a way to be an asshole or something. Especially when I least expect it," I sat on the sidewalk and pushed my hair back.

"I'm changing…" I sighed. For once I was right. I am changing and definitely not in a good way. "I don't know who I am anymore…"

Pony sat down somewhat close to me. "You're Dallas Winston…" he said.

We both seemed uncomfortable because I never talked about my feelings and if he ever needed someone to talk to it would definitely not me. It would be Soda or Johnny.

"I know who I am," I said angrily.

"I'm just trying to help. And hell if you know who you are then why don't you know who you are anymore?"

I looked at him but said nothing.

"You're changing 'cause you're in love and love can be blind sometimes. Whether you love Tim or like him a lot the feeling you have is new. You've never felt this way before that it scares you and worries and confuses you but that the same time it makes you… happy. This feeling is building up inside you and you don't know how to control it. It's a new feeling. It's so new that it changes you." It is changing me. "But it doesn't change who you are." I stared at him blankly but I didn't tell him I didn't get what he had said. Honestly it didn't make any since at all.

"You probably didn't understand a word I said," Pony said laughing a little.

"Excuse me? Are you calling me stupid?" I said getting up.

"No… " Pony stood up and put his hands in his pockets. "Well I hope I was of some help." He looked around and said, "I should be heading home now. See you around." With that said he walked off back home.

I stood there hoping he was of some help. Now… where to go?