So, I haven't written anything in a really long time. I want to go back and finish my Kim Possible story, but I'm afraid of going back to that when I've been out of the fanfic game for so long. So, I'm doing this bit of silliness as a warm-up, I guess. I really enjoy Harry Potter. The 'next-gen' kids fascinate me too, so I'm writing about them.

Anyways, I don't own anything related to Harry Potter, JK Rowling, Sonic the Hedgehog, processed pork products, or the Yaskawa Corporation. I do own a 1990 Volvo 740 Turbo wagon, a small black-and-white cat, and some really cool HVAC tools...but those have nothing to do with this story.

Scorpius Malfoy strode through the Hogwarts Express, oozing confidence and class with each step of his highly-polished black dragonhide shoes.

'Finally off to Hogwarts! This is going to be bloody brilliant! I'm going to learn so many charms and spells and hexes, and I'll be the most powerful wizard of my age! And I finally get to leave that dusty old manor! Oh yes, things are definitely looking up for me...I feel as though nothing could possibly go wrong today!'

It was Scorpius' maiden voyage to Hogwarts on the Express, and he was thrilled at the prospect of it. Seven years of magic, seven years of making new friends, snogging girls, casting spells...he couldn't wait!

But before any of that could happen, he needed to find a bloody seat already!

'Cursed mum, she kept kissing me and hugging me; wouldn't let me leave and get on the bleeding train...crying over how her 'baby' is leaving her! How embarrassing! I'm a wizard now, I can't have my mum hanging onto me where all of my future classmates can see it...'

It was also thanks to his mother's fawning that Scorpius was the last firstie to get on the train, and now he couldn't find a place to sit. Scorpius listened to the thrum of the trains wheels on the tracks and the patter of rain against the sides and tops of the carriages as he walked along.

'Ruddy train...how do they fit so many students onto it anyway? Oh, wait a tick...I think this one has some space.'

Scorpius noisily threw the door open with a flourish, causing the two occupants of the car to jump in alarm, sending several exploding snap cards flying.

'Oh shite! Perhaps that wasn't the best idea...' thought Scorpius as he realized that he was now face-to-face with the children of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, the two kids his father had specifically told him to be wary of while they were at King's Cross.

The Potter boy looked just like his father, and everyone who wasn't blind knew what he looked like. You couldn't take three steps into any magical library without being bombarded by books featuring the life and times of Harry Potter, complete with photos from nearly every year of his life.

The girl, on the other hand, didn't look like anyone Scorpius knew. She had a freckly face, a long nose, and a bushy mop of red hair that seemed to have a life of it's own, judging by how it wiggled and wobbled about at the slightest motions the girl made.

'Oh, sod it. I'm tired of looking for a seat. What could they possibly do to me anyway? I'm no coward.'

Not even bothering to ask if any seats were available, Scorpius strode in with his incredibly confident air and sat down at the unoccupied seat nearest the window. Only after he'd smoothed himself out did he make his introductions.

"I'm Scorpius H. Malfoy, and this is my first year." he said as smoothly as possible. Scorpius extended his hand to the bespectacled boy that sat across from him.

"Albus...uh, S. Potter, and I'm a first year too." replied the boy, shaking Scorpius' hand in a wary way. "And that's my cousin, Rose Weasley."

Scorpius looked at the girl, and took her in.

When he'd called her 'freckly' earlier, he hadn't done her justice. Scorpius wondered if a person could have more freckles than they did unblemished skin without having some sort of condition. As he looked down, he could see brightly rainbow-colored socks peeking out from under her school robes, and there were several odd bangles and baubles around her wrists. She was also wearing a pair of earrings that were made out of butterbeer corks, which Albus would later tell him were a gift from 'Madam Luna', whoever she was.

She'd also not said a word since Scorpius had made his entrance, and was staring at him intently.

"Uh...hello?" Scorpius tried.

Rose still said nothing.

He turned to Albus. "Is she okay?"

"You're pretty." Rose spoke for the first time. Scorpius noted that her voice was as loud as her socks.

"...excuse me?"

"You're really pretty. Like a girl." she repeated. which immediately set Scorpius to fuming.

'Pretty? Pretty like a girl! Men aren't pretty! I'M NOT BLOODY PRETTY! I'm...handsome. Manly. Masculine! A ruggedly masculine manly-man is what I am! My bollocks practically scratch themselves, I'm so bloody manly! Who does this barmy bint think she is?'

Before Scorpius could inform the barmy bint of any of these empirical facts about himself and his manly bollocks, she continued speaking in her loud voice.

"I wish I were as pretty as you. My uncle Bill keeps telling me I'm 'a handsome girl' but I say that only boys are handsome. Besides, he married a Veela so he has absolutely no credibility when it comes to judging real beauty..."

"I'm not pretty!" Scorpius finally ground out.

"Oh, of course you are, silly! Just look at how high your cheekbones are. And you've got nice pretty blonde hair too, just like my cousin Dominique. Plus your nose is so cute and delicate..." Rose looked like she wanted to reach over and touch it. "Someone as pretty as you should really have higher self-esteem. It's the first step towards self-actualization, you know."

Scorpius just growled, his face growing red. Albus was shaking with barely contained laughter.

"Anywho, I'm Rose Weasley with no middle initial, and I'm a firstie too. I can't wait to get to Hogwarts...I hear the sorting ceremony feast is amazing and I'm really hungry..."

"You're always hungry." piped Albus.

As if reading Rose's thoughts, the compartment door slid open and the snack trolley lady poked her head in.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?"

Scorpius purchased a box of Bertie Bott's Every-flavor Beans to nibble. Albus bought a chocolate frog and a licquorish wand.

Rose bought three pumpkin pasties, two chocolate frogs, and a sugar quill "for dessert."

'Bloody Nora...the nutter weighs...what? 80lbs? Where is she going to put it all? Everything she eats must go to her hair...that's the only explanation for it.' thought Scorpius as he watched Rose viciously tear into her food.

"Mmmff! Ooooh! I lovsh theesh thingsh!" moaned Rose as she took a giant bite of her pumpkin pasty and began talking with her mouth full, bits of pumpkin falling into her lap as she did. When she noticed Scorpius' slack-jawed stare, she spoke again. "Oh, did shyoo want shome?" she asked as she held the bitten pasty out to him, complete with a very thin trail of saliva leading from the pasty to her mouth.

To Scorpius' credit, only about half of the revulsion he felt actually made it to his face. "Pass."

Rose just shrugged and resumed her noisy chewing.

"So Scorpius, which house do you hope to be sorted into?" asked Albus as he polished off his first frog and looked for polite conversation.

Scorpius grimaced a bit, but answered honestly. "The family house is Slytherin, as I'm sure you know, so I'd be pleased with that. But, I will trust the sorting hat's judgement, probably. Maybe. Possibly."

Albus nodded. "Hoping for Gryffindor myself. My git of an older brother says I'll be going to Slytherin, though."

"Would that be bad?" asked Scorpius with a raised eyebrow. Albus gulped.

"W-w-well, I don't think I'd hate Slytherin or anything. It's just that my whole family is Gryff, you know. I don't want to be the odd one out."

"I see."

While this conversation was happening, Rose had gotten up and made her way to the window.

"What are you doing?" asked Scorpius, wary of anything the crazy redhead might do.

"It's warm." she said simply, as she began prying at the window.

"Uh, Rosie? This train goes rather fast, and it's raining outside. I'm not sure if..."

Albus never got to finish his sentence.

"Just a little...oomph! There!" cried Rose triumphantly as she threw the compartment's window open.

And a hurricane-blast of wind and water blew in. Pasty wrappers, exploding snap cards, and Bertie Botts' beans flew about the compartment in a whirlwind of colorful, exploding debris.

"AAAARGH! Bloody...WEASLEY YOU DOLT!" screamed Scorpius as he was hit by the blast. He attempted to shield his eyes with his arm.

Rose had fallen to the floor in surprise, leaving Scorpius and Albus to attempt to close the sticky window.

"No, don't pull on it...that's opening it more, you idiot!"

"Push!"

"OW! My fingers!"

"Sorry."

"THERE!"

As soon as the window was closed, Scorpius rounded on Rose.

"What in the name of Merlin's beard is wrong with you?" he yelled.

"Um...heh...oops?" Rose looked very sheepish.

"Bloody nora...everything's wet. And my beans are all gone. Oh well, I'm sure you aren't warm now, are you, Weasley?" Scorpius glared.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, Scorpius! I didn't mean any harm, I just wasn't thinking I suppose..."

"Really?" Scorpius rolled his eyes. "And here I thought you'd carefully planned every move."

"You don't need to be sarcastic, you big mean...poo-face!" snapped Rose childishly. "If it bothers you that much, I'll clean all this up!"

Rose drew her wand.

Scorpius' mind immediately went into panic mode. Rose had proved to be destructive enough on her own. He didn't want to imagine what damage she could do with a wand in her hand."

"Oh...uh...heh-heh, on second thought, this really isn't so bad. The water is quite, y'know...refreshing! And wet. Yes, I think that was just what we needed...a brisk, cool, wet thunderstorm...inside the train..." rambled Scorpius as he tried to edge as far away from Rose's wand as possible.

"Nonsense! I can fix this. My mum taught me a bunch of charms. She was the brightest witch of her age, you know." tutted Rose.

"And when it comes to wand work, you're probably the dimmest." murmured Albus under his breath.

Of course, there was no way the Potters and Weasleys would've allowed their children to practice underaged magic. With Hermione Weasley as the head of Magical Law Enforcement, that was exactly the sort of bad example they shouldn't have been setting.

Right.

"Now, what should I do first? Dry the water up or clean up the debris?" Rose looked about, before her eyes settled on Scorpius' shivering form.

A grin.

"I know! I'll fix that pretty hair of yours!" she exclaimed as though it were the greatest idea anyone had ever had.

Scorpius scowled. His formerly pristine, blonde, earlobe-length hair was in a wet disarray on his head, sticking every which way.

"Let's see, I think the spell was..." began Rose.

The scowl quickly gave way to look of great fear. 'Oh Merlin, I've got to get out of here right now!' thought a panicked Scorpius.

As Scorpius began edging towards the door, Rose idly waved her wand about trying to remember the appropriate charms. As she did, a burst of magic shot out of it and hit Scorpius in the head, causing him to scream and shield himself with his hands.

A second later, he opened his eyes and slowly dropped his hands.

He was still alive.

And his hair was moving.

Scorpius turned to look at his reflection in the mirror, only to find that his hair had been replaced with hundreds of tiny, wiggling snakes.

"WAAAAAAAUUUUGH!"

"Shite! Let me try again."

*Poof!*

Pink feathers.

"Weasley."

"No, that's not right! I could've sworn it was pronounced..."

*Poof!*

Scorpius' hair was now replaced with tiny, multicolored wildflowers.

"Weasley..."

"Oh! Well, that's rather festive, isn't it? One more time..." Rose screwed her face up in concentration and stuck her tongue out.

*Poof!*

Now, Scorpius' hair was returned to it's usual length, style, thickness, and texture.

Only, it was a blindingly bright blue. Which clashed horribly with his enraged red face.

"WEASLEY!"

Rose looked up to see Scorpius forcibly keeping his breathing under control, with his eyes closed and his fists clenched.

"Weasley. If you don't want me to kill you with my bare hands right now, I suggest you put the wand away and sit your arse down." he ground out through gritted teeth.

Rose, being bright enough to recognize impending death when it spat upon her shoes, quietly did as she was told with her eyes wide.

Scorpius sank back into his seat, still breathing deeply in an attempt to calm himself.

On the other side of the carriage, the sight of Scorpius' new hair was the final straw for Albus, who had been fighting laughter all the while.

He fell out of his seat and began to roll in the floor in hysterics.

"Oh my god! Your hair...and...snakes...looked like a bouquet...hahahahaha!"

Scorpius just glowered.

"I'm glad you find this funny, Potter."

Apart from Albus' snickering, the rest of the train ride to Hogsmeade Station was conducted in an awkward silence.

'Well, I FELT like nothing could possibly go wrong today. Clearly, I was mistaken.' thought a thoroughly put-out Scorpius Malfoy as he listened to Albus try to hold his laughter in.

During the boat ride and then walk to the famous castle, no fewer than three people asked if Scorpius was a metamorphmagus when they saw his bright blue hair.

When the third person asked, Scorpius' frustration at the day's events finally overcame him completely and he screamed at her, sending the poor girl, who he later learned was named Alice Longbottom, away in fearful tears.

At the sorting ceremony, the hat sent Albus and Rose to Gryffindor, as was to be expected.

Nobody was surprised when the hat sent Scorpius to Slytherin. Of course, Scorpius refused to be sorted until after Headmistress Minerva McGonagall fixed the damage Rose had done to his hair.

When it happened, the silence of the ceremony was broken by somebody – Rose – shouting from Gryffindor table.

"Oi! Malfoy! Why didn't you ask to come over to Gryffindor with us? We're your friends, you big mean poo-face!" yelled Rose as Scorpius made his way confidently to the Slytherin table.

Even as the hall erupted into laughter that had to be shouted down by Headmistress McGongall, Scorpius scoffed at the word 'friends.' The girl had to be out of her mind.

That the hat had originally planned to put Scorpius in Gryffindor, and that Scorpius had begged it to place him in Slytherin just so he wouldn't have to share a house with the redheaded lunatic who'd made his first train ride to Hogwarts such an ordeal was a secret that Scorpius was to take to his grave.

In first year, Scorpius almost never got to eat at the Slytherin table with his housemates.

Every day Rose would make him sit with her and Albus at the Gryffindor table. Sometimes she'd drag him over by force, and others she'd threaten to 'fix' his hair with her wand. Eventually he started going straight to the Gryffindor table by default, without even attempting to sit at Slytherin.

Eating with the Gryffindors did wonders for Scorpius' relationship with Albus, who quickly became his best mate.

He still couldn't stand Rose. Rose, on the other hand, seemed to consider Scorpius one of her best friends, and herself one of Scorpius' dearest friends as well, much to his perpetual irritation.

Of course, that wasn't nearly as irritating as Rose eating half of his food at every meal.

The rest of the Weasley-Potter clan (all Gryffindors, natch) were initially wary of the young Malfoy. However, when they saw his friendship with Albus, his general harmlessness apart from his smart-arsed mouth, and the way Rose made him constantly do things against his will, the wariness became bemused familiarity and Scorpius was welcomed into their group.

Scorpius found most of the Weasleys and Potters to be an alright bunch. Except for that irritation called Rose.

In second year, Rose set Scorpius on fire during Potions.

She claimed it was an accident.

"Dammit, Weasley! Have you lost your mind?" yelped Scorpius as he removed his robe as quickly as he could and began stomping on it to put out the flames. The flames that were a result of a cauldron explosion, which itself was a result of what Scorpius Malfoy considered to be Rose's complete ineptitude at Potions, Magic, and Life Itself.

"It was an ACCIDENT, Scorpius!" she sniffed.

"ACCIDENT? I told you not to add all of that pickled newt skin, and you did anyway! That's not an accident at all! That's the complete opposite of an accident! Why the bloody hell did you do it in the first place?" raged Scorpius.

"Becuzmfftooseehappn." mumbled Rose.

"What?"

"Because I wanted to see what would happen." she muttered.

Scorpius began to repeatedly beat his head upon the table. "I don't know how I managed to get YOU for a potions partner, but it must be some sort of karmic punishment." he groaned.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic. It's not like I killed you or anything." said Rose breezily.

The rest of the class could only stare in awkward amusement at what was transpiring between the straight-faced Slytherin and the flighty Gryffindor.

"Ahem!"

Both Rose and Scorpius turned to see Potions Master Tracey Davis looming over them.

"As amusing as this little lover's spat is, I'm afraid I'm going to have to deduct house points. Rose, 70 points from Gryffindor for ignoring the potion instructions, wasting newt skins, blowing up your cauldron, and setting fire to your potions partner."

The Gryffindors in the class hissed, while Rose tried to shrink.

"And Scorpius, that will be 10 points from Slytherin for making a scene in class, and for generally being a whinger."

In third year, Scorpius Malfoy issued a genuine, if extremely late apology to Alice Longbottom for screaming at her on the very first day.

"Are you finally feeling some remorse for that after two years, or is there another reason you're apologizing to me?" asked Alice with a raised eyebrow.

"Perhaps...both?" replied Scorpius with a grin.

"Go on."

"Well...I was thinking the best way to apologize to someone would be to...take them to the next Hogsmeade outing? And, while we're at it, treat them to lunch, butterbeers, and maybe even some sweets from Honeydukes." Scorpius flashed his most winning smile as he said it.

Alice blushed a bit, but still seemed hesitant.

"If I promised not to scream at you if my hair turns blue, would that help you decide?" asked Scorpius with a wink.

Alice couldn't stop a fit of giggles, and soon agreed to let Scorpius take her on the upcoming Hogsmeade trip.

A week later, Scorpius could say with certainty that he had his first girlfriend.

He always made sure to keep Rose away from Alice. The two never seemed to get along.

It was also in third year when Rose Weasley began to date Lorcan Scamander. It only made sense. He was quite possibly the only person in the school who was flightier and barmier than Rose.

Albus was not thrilled with Rose's new relationship. Scorpius thought it was the best news of his life.

"I just don't know, Scorp. They're both so...free spirited and irresponsible. I'm afraid they're going to hurt each other someday." sighed Albus to his best mate.

"I disagree. I think it's great that Rose and Silly Salamander are dating. And I hope it lasts a long, long time."

"Are you kidding me?" burst out Albus. "He's such a...such a...loon. The other day I saw him standing on his head by the lake in nothing but his underwear and necktie, and when I asked what he was doing he said it would attract the 'snargling wimbleskimbies' out of the water."

Scorpius just laughed.

"I'm serious, Scorpius. I don't think I like this."

"I think it's great. In fact, I think it's wonderful. I hope they date for years and years and get married and make lots of ridiculous, idiotic babies." replied Scorpius.

"Why!"

"Simple. As long as Rose is dating Scamander, that means she won't be nearly as able to direct her weirdness at any other targets. Namely, me."

Albus just rolled his eyes.

In fourth year, Scorpius and Alice stopped seeing each other. It wasn't an ugly breakup that generated gossip and drama through the halls of Hogwarts, but merely two people drifting apart as they changed with age.

Scorpius was disappointed, but recovered. He agreed that the two of them didn't really make sense as a couple anymore. Alice was to remain a friend for the rest of his time at Hogwarts, but nothing else.

The two of them were able to hold onto fond, untainted memories of their first loves.

Scorpius began to date other girls; nothing serious, just some dates here and snogging there, all in good fun. But every time, it seemed like something was missing. The girls just weren't...exciting. Instead, they just seemed dull and lacking in a certain...spark.

It was to the surprise of everyone that Rose's relationship with Lorcan Scamander lasted until their fifth year at Hogwarts. Nobody expected the two nuttiest students in the school to keep a relationship together for that long.

However, it was also to the surprise of nobody that the relationship ended during their fifth year at Hogwarts, not long after Rose's sixteenth birthday.

"God Lorcan, I just don't get you! You're more interested in looking for your bloody barking barfblobbies or whatever they are than you are in spending time with me. Or even shagging me! Shagging. You know, sex? Penis in vagina? Feels quite nice for both parties? Comprendre?"

"It is unwise to join one's body to another when the moon and the stars aren't aligned into their proper orbits. It leaves a person vulnerable to having their brains eaten by the moon sprites." replied Lorcan in his airy voice.

Rose rubbed her temples. "Lorcan, I'm not sure if this is going to work anymore..."

By the next day, word of Rose and Lorcan's breakup had completely gone around the school.

And that's where Scorpius Malfoy's troubles really began.

EWW! The cliched 'on the train' first chapter!

From here on out, the rest of the story takes place from fifth year on, with our three heroes all being sixteen and up.

I'm not sure why I characterized Scorpius and Rose as I did. Maybe I've just read too many stories involving SneeringSlytherinSexGod!Scorpius and GryffindorVirginNerd!Rose so I tried to get away from that.

I rather like ExasperatedEveryman!Scorpius and GoofyClumsyKook!Rose.

I'm not sure how many chapters this one will have. Probably a few.

Thanks for reading!