DISCLAIMER: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters, situations etc, or the song this is named after.
A/N: This Is a one-shot that I came up with after watching the seasons premiere, although to make it work this happens before that episode. It is not meant to offend anyone and I hope it doesn't. I am quite excited to write this as this is my first fic after completing NGB and this is a little different. A huge thanx to everyone who has read and reviewed the last chapter of that by the way you guys rock. Thanks to my sister for betaing this your input is much appreciated. So please read and let me know what you think.
IT'S TRICKY
"Haley James?" Nathan Scott called as he moved down the stairs in his large house
"In here" Haley answered from the living room
"Hey Baby" he said as he plopped himself down on the couch next to her.
"I think we need to adjust the parental controls on the computer" she said distractedly as she flipped through the pages of a large scrapbook in front of her.
"I don't look at that stuff anymore Hales" Nathan replied
"Good to know" She looked up at him "But it's not for you, it's for Jamie"
"He doesn't look at that stuff either"
"Once again good to know" Haley rolled her eyes at her husband. "I'm serious. Do you think he'll miss Google?" she asked as she started to read the page in front of her.
"What did he find this time?" Nathan sighed taking the scrapbook from Haley.
"Apparently I'm going into business as a celebrity wedding celebrant" she said in a slightly sarcastic tone.
"To be fair you are an ordained minister"
"This isn't funny Nathan" Haley bit back
"I know, we shouldn't joke about the church"
"Can you be serious for one minute?" she asked frustrated
"Sorry Minister" he quipped but instantly stopped smiling when he saw the death glare she was shooting him.
"He keeps finding all this crazy stuff and then he puts it all in this damn book" Haley snatched the scrapbook back from Nathan.
"Haley it's just a bit of fun" he soothed "Our son likes to Google our names. If that's what we're worrying about him finding on the internet then it's not that bad"
"Not that bad!" Haley said incredously
"Weren't you the one that said the internet has only two purposes?" he asked
"Yeah" Haley replied not getting his point.
"From where I'm standing, or sitting as this case may be; it seems Jamie's participating in the second purpose; complaining and reading made up stuff" he explained
"What's your point?" Haley asked crossing her arms
"Just be glad he hasn't found the first purpose" he smirked as a look of horror crossed Haley's features
"No No No! Not my baby!" she wailed
"See my point?"
"That's it I'm banning him from the computer! No wait I'm getting rid of it!" Haley began to stand up before Nathan wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back down to the couch.
"Hales calm down. He's not looking at that stuff" he soothed
"He never will" She snapped
"No he won't" Nathan agreed
"Promise?" Haley asked
"Promise" Nathan replied kissing her on the top of the head and making a mental note to talk to his son in what he hoped was going to be a lot of years down the track. "Look, Jamie's just curious and he's a kid they're easily entertained. Googling us is just a bit of fun. It's a guilty pleasure" he tried to explain
"Don't say guilty pleasure" Haley said sullenly
"Hales" Nathan tried to stifle his chuckle "It's like you and mini golf and me with mac n cheese"
"How is Mac n Cheese your guilty pleasure?" she asked confused
"I love it" he shrugged
"Everyone knows that" she argued
"No, they think I eat it because you love it" he smirked while Haley rolled her eyes in response.
"Whatever"
"Look at this" he said pointing to the scrapbook Haley still held in her hands "This is completely innocent. He knows this stuff isn't true and besides he's making us a pretty good souvenir of our lives in the spotlight" he said looking at a picture of Haley and Julian outside Clothes Over Bro's. Their arms were partially around each other and Julian had a goofy smile on his face. The attached story claimed a secret love affair between the two, which Haley and Julian had found hysterical at the time. The photo was of Julian catching her after she tripped down the front steps of the boutique. Nathan and Jamie who were exiting the store behind her, had been photo-shopped out. Nathan had not been amused when the story had hit the tabloids, but Haley felt a wave of comfort that he could laugh about it now.
"I guess" Haley finally relented as she looked at her son's scrapbook.
"He's proud of his Mom and Dad, although I kinda wish this one was true" he laughed as he turned the page to a story claiming Haley was to be the next member of the Pussycat Dolls
"Shutup" she punched him in the shoulder "We're his parents Nathan. We're supposed to protect him from all of this" she flicked through some more pages
"We are" he said tightening his arm around her "And we will" he promised "Besides, the parental controls are already pretty restrictive, you made sure of that Tutor Mom"
"That's true" Haley giggled remembering the two hours she spent watching over Mouth's shoulder as he made the computer G rated in Haley's eyes.
"It's not that big of a deal, trust me in twenty years time we'll be sitting back laughing about this" he said positively
"Really?" Haley asked with a half smile
"Sure" he replied "When we're watching the Nathan and Haley Scott segment on 'Where Are They Now'" he quipped
"I love you Nathan Scott" Haley laughed out
"I love you" he replied tossing the scrapbook over their heads as he leaned down and connected their lips in a soft tender kiss.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Two days later, Nathan got home from his workout at the gym to find Haley playing her piano in the music room.
"Hey Baby" she greeted him with a kiss as he sat next to her.
"Hey right back" he greeted returning her kiss "Where's the boy?"
"He's playing in the yard with Chuck"
"Those two are trouble" he chuckled
"They're fine" she replied as she put the lid down "How was you're workout?"
"Good. How was yours" he said nodding at the piano
"It was good" she smiled before leaning in and giving him a soft kiss "Eww you're all sweaty" she said as she wiped her cheek
"I thought you liked me sweaty" he wiggled his eyebrows at her
"Not when our son is outside. Go take a shower" she pushed from the piano bench "Alone" she added before he could open his mouth
"I wasn't gonna suggest that" he said innocently
"Sure you weren't" she snickered as she lifted the lid again.
"I wasn't" he claimed staring at her. Haley ignored the petulant look on his face and started playing a soft melody "Fine" he gave in as he picked up his gym bag.
"I'll kiss you later" she promised with a smile
"You better" he grumbled as his phone started to ring. Nathan was trying to find his phone in his bag when Haley cocked her head towards the back door.
"What is that?" she muttered as she made her way to the sliding doors.
"What's what?"Nathan asked distractedly as he found his phone just as it stopped ringing. "Hales?" he called when he realised she was no longer in the room. "Hales?" he called again stepping out on the patio. He walked over to where Haley was standing watching Jamie and Chuck dance around to "It's Tricky".
"Skills and his hip-hop collection" Nathan shook his head with a smile
"He kind of reminds me of you when he dances likes that" Haley laughed
"Except he has rhythm" he added "And a left and right foot" he lamented
"Skills and Mouth have probably been teaching him stuff again" she smiled as she watched their son dance to an imaginary audience.
"It is Mouth-like" Nathan agreed "Wait a minute" he muttered as he narrowed his eyes as he watched more intently. The steps were Mouth-like in fact they were very familiar. "OH HELL NO!" Nathan yelled as he started to make his way across the patio towards the two boys.
"What Nathan?" Haley asked confused "Nathan? OH MY GOD!" she shrieked as the boys unzipped their sweatshirts and ripped them off leaving them in just t-shirts and sweats. "NATHAN! MAKE THEM STOP!"
"STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" he hollered as he hit stop on the CD player
"But Dad" Jamie complained
"But nothing! What the hell are you doing?" he asked flabbergasted
"Dancing" Chuck answered with a "duh" expression
"I can see that Chuck" Nathan replied agitated
"Dad that's how you dance to that song"
"No it's not" Haley replied as she made it next to Nathan
"Who taught you that?" Nathan asked
"You did" both boys replied simultaneously
"Nathan!" Haley exclaimed staring at him in disbelief
"I didn't teach them that!" Nathan spluttered
"Where did they learn it then?" Haley asked pointing at the boys
"The video" the boys piped up together
"What video?" both Haley and Nathan asked
"Dad's video" Jamie answered shrugging
"I do not have a video of that" Nathan threw his hands up
"Yes you do Mr Scott" Chuck retorted
"You're on a red stage" Jamie added as realisation hit both Haley and Nathan
"Where did you find it?" Haley asked as Nathan stood staring at the boys disbelievingly.
"You-tube" they replied
"WHAT!"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Nate, it's not that bad" Haley tried to calm Nathan. After sending the boys upstairs and taking away the cd and the laptop, Haley had called Clay to come over while Nathan concentrated on pacing a line into their kitchen floor.
"Not that bad!" he looked at Haley incredulously "There is a video of me stripping on the internet! How is that not bad!" he ranted
"Don't panic"
"Haley I'm half naked on that thing! I think it's officially time for panic! Yep!" he said looking at his watch "Definitely time for panic!"
"It could be worse" she tried
"Jamie saw it! How could this possibly be any worse?" he exploded
"You could be wearing the gold costume" she quipped to which she received a death-glare from her husband
"Not funny"
"Honey what happened to it all being innocent and a life souvenir?" she asked
"That's before it involved me ripping my pants off! Where did that video come from anyway? Don't they need my permission to post this stuff? Didn't they need my permission to film it? I bet Skills was behind this, he has a sick fascination with stripping and dancing and doing whatever with people's Moms! And the competition was his idea in the first place" he ranted
"Nathan calm down" Haley said sternly
"What if it was you on there Haley?" Nathan asked frustrated
"I'd be busy bailing you out of jail after you'd murdered whoever filmed me half naked" she deadpanned
"Don't even joke about that" he said seriously
"You wouldn't want me to bail you out?"
"You know what I meant"
"Would I be mortified?" she asked as she moved over and placed her hands on his waist "Yes. But I'd be comforted in knowing that you were there for me while it was happening, and that you were threatening physical harm to anyone that dared think about looking at it" she added with a smirk
"Haley" he closed his eyes
"It's gonna be okay Nathan"
"What are we gonna tell Jamie" he asked opening his eyes to stare at her.
"The truth" She replied seriously "His Daddy was poor and needed to buy his baby-mama a new dress so he did the only thing he could. He shook his money maker for hordes of horny women" she grinned
"You make it sound so dirty" he grumbled
"It was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me" she brushed his hair back. Nathan stared intently into her eyes for what seemed like an eternity to Haley before leaning down and capturing her lips in a tender kiss. The moment was broken a second later by the sound of the front door banging open.
"What now?" Nathan growled before spinning around and coming face to face with Clay
"What the hell took you so long to get here?" Nathan barked.
"I was making a copy" Clay held up a disc in a clear plastic case.
"I don't think that was really necessary considering it's all over the INTERNET!" Nathan yelled
"Yeah, but the You-tube video is kind of grainy. Quinn thinks it was made on a cell phone"
"Great my sister-in-law's seen it" Nathan threw his hands up.
"Dude they probably all have, it's got like over 100,000 hits, this things going viral" Clay explained as he loaded the disc into the DVD player and turned on the widescreen TV. "Besides hasn't your other sister-in law seen more" Clay snickered
"You can be fired" Nathan deadpanned as Clay grinned like an idiot
"Quinn used some program she uses for digital prints to clear up the image. The sound's still pretty bad" Clay explained as he fiddled with the remote
"I can't be hearing this" Nathan grumbled
"As I said you can't hear much" Clay replied as he finally got the video to play. Nathan shuddered as his image filled the large screen. Nathan turned and glared at his wife and agent as they danced stupidly next to him while it played. When it finished Nathan walked over and harshly removed the disc from the player and threw it at Clay.
"Dude be careful! After you sign that it's gonna be a collectors item" Clay chastised Nathan
"Aren't you worried about this?" Nathan asked his agent in disbelief
"At first" Clay admitted "But then I noticed the pretty blonde in the front row frantically waving singles and I realised Haley was more than alright with it" Clay bumped hips with Haley who blushed lightly.
"Can you be serious?" Nathan asked seriously "Can't this hurt my image?"
"We already sell you as a sex object, this isn't that different" Clay dismissed while Nathan looked at him incredulously "Plus think of the endorsements Nate, Stripper poles, man thongs, ooh you could even do your own range of stripper-cise videos!" Clay exclaimed.
"This is not funny!" Nathan exploded as both Haley and Clay dissolved into hysterics.
"It's a little funny" Haley managed to gasp out between breaths
"Haley please focus, thousands of women are ogling your husband's almost naked body" Nathan instructed
"And I think a few thousand men" Clay added chuckling at the look of horror on Nathan's face.
"And I have to remind you that I am your agent and we have a contract" Clay informed him seriously "And as such I must request ten percent of all your tips" he finished before they both cracked up laughing again.
"Just great!" Nathan grumbled "My wife and my agent think that my naked ass is on the internet for their amusement!" he exclaimed
"Nathan" Haley tried to get out
"No!" he replied petulantly "It's not ok! I need you to be my agent" he glared at Clay "And you" he pointed to Haley "are supposed to love me unconditionally and be mad, upset and insanely jealous when someone posts a naked video of your husband on the internet!" he said frustrated
"Nate don't be such a baby" Clay started to calm down
"Don't be a dick, and do your job!" he yelled
"Ok I'm sorry" Clay stopped laughing and took a few deep breaths before staring straight at Nathan "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING NATE? HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SELL THIS? DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT ME BEFORE YOU DID THIS?" He yelled
"What the fuck!" Nathan said taken aback
"I'm sorry man I tried" Clay replied before looking at Haley and they cracked up laughing again.
"You're a dick" Nathan growled
"Nate you need to relax" Clay finally started to speak normally
"This is bad Clay, My half-naked ass is on the internet and my 7 year old son and his friend saw it" Nathan told his agent as Haley placed a calming hand on his back.
"To be fair, you're wearing pants" Clay put in "But on the bright side they're of the basketball persuasion"
"Not helping Clay" Nathan deadpanned
"Look I've made some calls, and considering you obviously didn't give your permission we've made a request to the site to have the video blocked"
"Can we do that?" Haley asked
"Getting the stuff off the internet once it's posted can be tricky, but as I said you didn't give your permission.."
"Of course I didn't" Nathan exploded "I didn't even know it was filmed in the first place. I was still in high school for Pete-sakes!"
"And believe it or not that helps"
"It does?"
"Nate was a minor when it was made"
"What about the person who posted it online?" Haley asked
"We're waiting on some information from the website so we can try and track down the person who posted it" he answered "I know this is frustrating Nate but I need you to keep your cool, don't make any comments to anyone and don't do anything stupid, I'll deal with it"
"Just get rid of it" Nathan ordered crossing his arms
"I'll do my best for you guys" Clay replied honestly
"Thanks Clay" Haley smiled rubbing Nathan's back
"Now, Nathan why were you stripping?" Clay asked taking a seat on the couch and leaning back.
"He was doing it for me" Haley answered
"If that's how you get your kicks" he smirked at Haley before muttering to himself "I think I'll come up with another explanation for the press"
"That's not what I meant" Haley flamed red as Nathan began to smirk.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Haley Made her way downstairs later that night and found Nathan scowling at the answering machine
"Everyone's seen that damn video" he grumbled when Haley wrapped her arms around him
"I'm sure it's not everyone" she replied
"Really?" Nathan replied sarcastically as he pushed play. After a few minutes Haley had to put a hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud
"Hey man, it's Luke, just wondering if I need to be worried that you're considering a career change.." BEEP
"It's Mouth, do I need to get an agent.." BEEP
"It's Peyton…Since I picked the music do you think I can collect royalties? hahahaha" BEEP
"Nate dawg! I told you my moves were tight!" BEEP
"Hey guys it's Quinn, I've been playing with the video and I re-dubbed the sound and cleaned up the picture a bit more, we could totally sell this…" BEEP
"It's Luke again, Mom and Andy want to know if you hire out for private parties? hahahaha" BEEP
"It's Millie, just wanted to know if I can get a hard copy? I've never seen Marvin like that before…" BEEP
"It's Junk, just wondering if you could teach me a thing or two…" BEEP
"Haley it's Miranda, please tell me that's not you in the front row?" BEEP
"It's Fergie, not sure if Junk called you about lessons…" BEEP
"Nathan it's Mom, I thought I told you to keep your clothes on in public, if you're that desperate for money than I can help you…" BEEP
"Just wondered how much for a lap dance? hahahahahahahaha" BEEP
"Oh and it's Brooke" BEEP
"Bow chicka bow wow!" BEEP (Lucas and Peyton)
"Julian wants to know who your director was? Hahahahahahahaha" BEEP
"It's Brooke again" BEEP
"Hi Haley it's Sam, Just thought you should know that your husbands internet porn, okay bye" BEEP
"Haley it's Mia, is it true hubs got his gear off? Nevermind I just found the link. Holy smokes!"BEEP
"Nathan it's Brooke again I just remembered something didn't you learn anything from the last video?" BEEP
"And you better have gotten rid of that Nathan Scott! Sorry again for that Haley" BEEP
"Hey guys It's Taylor, it seems Nathan did remember something he learnt from me hahahahahahaha" BEEP
"Yo Nate the club is having another amateur night tomorrow , after this we can't lose…." BEEP
"That's it" Nathan growled as he turned off the machine. "Haley this isn't funny!" he cried as he noticed her bent over laughing hysterically.
"I'm sorry Nate" Haley replied wiping her eyes.
"That's not even a tenth of the voicemails on my cell! Everyone has seen it, and we still need to explain all of this to Jamie" he reminded her
"I think the look on your face this afternoon told him enough"
"We need to talk to him"
"And we will, Clay's gonna take care of the video, Everyones gonna forget about it in a day or two and Jamie will understand"
"How do you know?"
"Someone smart once told me that he was a tough kid, plus he has a pretty damn good Dad" she wrapped her arm around him.
"His mom is not too bad either" Nathan smiled softly at her.
"Yeah she is, and I think she needs an encore performance"
"Really?" he smirked as he leant down and kissed her
"Mmm" she nodded when they broke apart "So tell me Nathan Scott How much for a lap dance?"