Scared

Summary: Nathan reflects on basketball and life. Takes place after 8x03.

Love emo Nathan. James is doing a wonderful job and after last week where we didn't see him for 30 minutes, it was nice to get him back in the forefront. Not my favorite episode but definitely had some really good moments, Actually, when I watch it again, there was a lot lol. Anyways, while I think Nathan is going a little too Bromance on Clay, (I've much prefer to see this type of devotion to a character who has done a lot more for Nathan and his family .. Lucas.. ahem) Anyway, this one shot helps to flush it out with everything that is going on while still keeping the Bromance. Although similar to "Happily Ever After" where i wrote what was going on inside Brooke's and Nathan's heads, this one won't be flashing back too much.

I still like the letters to Lucas and hate the theme song renditions, end it now and bring Gavin back. I also like Mouth's podcast commentaries, you can clearly see Mark writing this episode and it's nice to bring it back to the core of these characters and having these characters interact with each other.

I do plan on doing another one shot of Haley in my "Happily Ever After" series but I think that can wait, I just had to get this one out while the episode was fresh in my mind.

Enjoy and please review.

"You okay?" Haley walked up to Nathan and wrapped her arms around him from behind. Nathan reached down to his stomach where Haley's hands were currently.

"Yeah, I feel like I can breath again." Nathan muttered.

"I know the feeling." Haley muttered against Nathan's back.

"Clay is resting in ICU. His body hasn't rejected the kidney so things are looking better."

"That's good."

"Yeah." Nathan sighed.

"So what's bothering you?" Haley went around him so now she can see him in person. His eyes looked heavy and even though Clay was awake, he still seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Am I that obvious?"

"I'm you're wife, I'd like to think I know you." Haley attempted at a joke.

"You do know me." Nathan caressed her cheeks.

"Actually, no I don't." Haley took a step back and went around Nathan and sat down on their bed.

"What're you talking about?" Nathan asked puzzled as he took a seat next to her.

"I didn't mean that I don't know you.. of course I do but.. you.. you surprised me." Haley replied. "You're willingness to give up the game and donate your kidney to Clay, the way you opened up to me at the chapel."

"Oh you mean my pity party of one." Nathan replied, not liking the fact that he felt so vulnerable but then again, he was with Haley and it was only her that he would ever break down like that to.

"You were hurting Nathan, we all were." Haley caressed his cheeks. "And I meant it in a good way." Haley chuckled. "I know that you've been worrying about me lately and I love you for it but I'm here for you too..You know, I couldn't help but remember when I first started tutoring you and Lucas found out."

"From what I remember, he wasn't too happy."

"Oh he was livid." Haley sighed. "He asked me and I quote 'What can you possibly see in the guy?' .. and I remember telling him that you're not the guy that everyone thinks you were, that you open to me. I like how you open up to me.. actually I love when you open up to me. That's when I knew you that deep down you were a good guy behind all the bluster you gave everyone else. I know you're good man .. a good husband to me .. a good father to Jamie, a brother for Lucas and to see your devotion to Clay surprised me a little bit. It's like I already knew I was married to this amazing guy but you just got even more amazing." Haley smiled. " Everyday, you surprise me Nathan Scott. Everyday, I fall a little bit more in love with you."

Nathan smiled, a genuine smile in what felt like weeks, months. "And if I haven't told you today, I love you too Haley James-Scott."

"You did but I never get tired of hearing it." Haley rested her head against Nathan's shoulder. "So you want to tell me about it? What's bothering you?"

"I don't know. Everything is bothering me."

"Is it about your back?"

Nathan nodded. "It's like I'm back at that moment remember. When you thought my mom was taking my pain meds. When we went to the doctor and said I might be back on the wheel chair."

"We always knew there was that risk."

"I know and this time was no different. I thought to myself that it's okay. I'll go to camp, if I start feeling something then I can worry about it then, but then.." Nathan trailed off and took a deep breath.

"Then you called me and told me what happened. And suddenly Clay and Quinn are fighting for their lives and you were a wreck, Jamie's a wreck, I was a wreck. I couldn't stop and think because I had you guys to worry about, I had the baby to worry about." Nathan rubbed Haley's belly. "It was just another reminder of how short life can be. Being back in that hospital brought back all the bad memories of my accident, when you and Lucas were in the hospital.. all of it. Even though you, Jamie and the baby are fine, I felt like I was loosing you guys somehow, that in all this madness you guys can be taken away from me too."

"Nathan, nothing is wrong with us. We're fine and the police are looking for that Katie person."

"I know that but then there's also basketball. I love basketball so much, it was the only thing I was ever good at, we worked so hard to get me to the NBA but the thought of all the practices, the games, the training, the stress on my back, the thought of not being able to run after Jamie, not being to hold our new baby..."

"Nathan, nothing has happened yet." Haley interrupted him. "We can monitor you're back, weekly visits if we have to."

Nathan kissed the top of Haley's head. "I don't know if that'll help. I was so torn up and so when they needed a kidney to save Clay. I took it. If I was going to end my career, I want it to mean for something other than me punking out cuz I'm afraid of getting hurt. Doing it for Clay, it would give it purpose, you know. Clay was married to the love of his life but one morning, she dropped dead and he never got a chance to say goodbye. One minute they were sharing a life together, the next he was struggling how to make it another day with out her. Last night we talked about how they deserve to have their someday, Clay needed his chance at that cuz if it were me and I lost you.. " Nathan sighed. "I know it makes no sense."

"It makes all the sense in the world." Haley replied. "Nathan, you know what ever you want to do, I will support you, you know that right? I love you okay, not basketball star Nathan Scott .. in case you forgotten, when I met you, I didn't even know what basketball was."

"Funny since you were best friends with Lucas and he dragged you to the River Court so many times."

Haley shrugged. "I never had a reason to pay attention until he joined the Ravens and then I met you." Haley sat up and kissed his cheeks. "But I'm serious Nathan, if you love the game, play.. play with your whole heart and know that your family will be with you every step of the way. We worked too long and too hard."

"I know." Nathan muttered and held Haley tighter. "When I was little and dreamt of playing in the NBA, a family was never part of the mix. Back then it was just me and the game.. and now it's different. Now I have more to lose."

"You haven't lost anything. Clay and Quinn are still here. Jamie, the baby and I are still here and Charlotte is still waiting for you." Haley hated to hear him sound so defeated.

"I know." He said softly. "But no one expected Clay and Quinn to get shot and look what they went through. Every time I step on the court, I have to wonder if this basket will be my last one. If I get fouled too hard, will I be able to get up? If the practice is too intense that I can't feel my legs that I can't play with my own children or hold my wife…" Nathan said frustrated.

"I'm just.. I'm just scared.." Nathan admitted.

"It's okay to be scared, Nathan." Haley caressed his cheeks. "We can be scared together." Haley held his face in her hands.

He leaned forward and kissed Haley and then mumbled against her cheeks.

"Thank you for making it less scary."

The End.