Undoubtedly, I do not own Grey's Anatomy or its characters. But, simply believe that Meredith & Derek are worthy lovers of legends, and as such find write to fill in the blanks when Shondaland, instead, fills the screen with so many other characters.

Every (fan fiction) story I've written was the result of watching Grey's and feeling that something was unfinished, incomplete, completely off-kilter for the two characters that keep me tuned in after seven seasons; the two characters Shonda Rhimes created, told us (even Rose did) they were "legendary lovers" and then for some reason the rug was pulled out from under us…as Derek said, "I fail her…over and over…and over…"

Well…last night's episode, in my opinion was well written, well acted and fairly well edited. However, watching the scene between Meredith & Derek, a total of 1 minute and 14 seconds, of which 32 seconds were devoted to her revelation of the miscarriage failed to meet all my expectations for the emotional intimacy one would have imagined and expected.

Many, including fan fic writers, have praised and hailed the brilliance of the one scene devoted to what Patrick said would devestate Derek. I respectfully disagree, as I needed something more; and as one comment on another board said, "she didn't lose a book, she lost a baby."

Meredith & Derek, it feels like to me, have become the carrot to dangle and then take it away as we've gone through all of these:

We've been shown engagement rings for weeks, but Mer doesn't want it; probably because he called her a lemon, told her there was no fixing her, and Rhimes advocated for Derek to say "fetch" to Meredith after batting the ring away. Thank God Patrick Dempsey had the good sense not to repeat those lines on screen. Their wedding day had promotions galore & its very own wedding registry asking for donations to a wedding that would never be, and we had to accept a post it note, as Rhimes said, fans needed to get over it (paraphrasing). Engagements, marriage…babies…families could be the normal sequence in life, except that Meredith's pregnancy was promoted for season finale, but alas, a miscarriage, then fertility issues.

Need I say more… 32 seconds of miscarriage conversation leads me once again to venting and therapeutic writing to fill in the gaps…the scenes that could/should have been, especially after reading this quote from the writer of the episode:

Bill Harper on "Shock to the System"...

Finally, Derek and Meredith…

Derek is still living dangerously, in the OR and out of it. I like his speech to the Chief about driving. For one thing, Patrick Dempsey's own passion for racing comes through pretty clearly in that speech. But hopefully, it illuminates a little what he's been after by racking up all these speeding tickets: it's all about losing and regaining control, especially after his life went so completely out of control in the end of last season.

And Meredith's going through a similar struggle. Keeping herself busy by looking after everyone else, trying to make sure Alex is okay, that Cristina's okay, that Lexie is okay, unable to see that the reason she's not cleared for surgery is because she's been refusing to attend to the deepest injury she received that day, the miscarriage. It's only when she admits it to Derek, that she can move past it; that she can admit that she has so little control over anything. I think it's interesting that at the same moment that Cristina's marriage is breaking apart as a result of the shooting, Meredith's is getting stronger, as many great partnerships are strengthened by adversity. And it's why Mer tells Cristina, basically, that whatever mistakes she's made, being with Owen is not one of them. And that she should stick. I'm really glad she does.

Based on what we saw last night, a glimpse at what feasibly could have transpired between these two characters between and after these scenes. I'm posting the first paragraph of what should be a one shot, let me know if there's any interest in reading more. Thanks & warm regards, Jasmin

The Deepest Injury

Derek had been stunned by Meredith's revelation of the miscarriage, words failing to express the depth of emotions the loss evoked, and all he could do was hold her; his touch meant to put her fears to rest. They'd walked away from each other reluctantly; inevitably necessary to maintain control; the hospital corridor hardly appropriate for further displays of a heartbreaking emotional breakdown.