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During the car ride, all I can think about is how…well, beautiful Eli really is. His facial features and complexion are perfect. I didn't realize I was staring at the object of all my affections until he turns to me. "What? Did you forget what I look like?" He asks all smug.

I blush profusely. He reaches over and grabs my hand. His lips graze my knuckles. "I've missed you too," he states.

I smile gently and grasp his hand tightly as he drives. I can't help but laugh when I realize where he's taken me. "I figured we haven't done much public embarrassment in a while."

I just stare through the windshield at the bench; our bench. Knowing me, at some point during our much needed talk, I'll probably let the tears I've been holding in fall. Public embarrassment it is. "Smart choice." I respond.

"Oh, I almost forgot." He reaches over behind his seat and pulls out a thermos and two cups. "Thought maybe you'd want to pick up on that rain check?" He asks.

I nod and smile. "I can't believe you remember that."

He smirks in response. That's Eli. His smirk says it all.

We walk over to the bench and take a seat much like before. I can't help but notice he sits a good distance away from me. I can't tell if I'm appreciative because he's respecting my need for some distance or hurt.

"So…" He starts.

"I'm not going to pretend like everything is alright Eli."

"And I'm not asking you to do that. Just tell me what you're thinking Clare."

I take a sip of the coffee he poured for me and think. He waits and allows me to gather my thoughts. Here goes nothing. "First, I'm just happy you're alive. When Fitz thrust the knife towards you, I…I can't even put what I felt into words. I was terrified, Eli. You not only put my life at risk, but you almost made me go through exactly what you went through when Julia died. I mean did you even think before you slipped Ipecac into Fitz's drink? Did you not even consider the fact that he would be pissed and want to get back at you? You knew I was with Fitz that night and you still acted against him. He could've done something to me, Eli!" Passersby turn their heads towards me. Public embarrassment ensues. I take a moment to analyze Eli. He's staring straight at me and I almost break at the sight of him. He looks…tortured; regretful. I take a deep breath, calming myself down. "No matter how pissed off I was at you for poisoning Fitz, when I saw him take the knife out of his locker, all I could think about was making sure you were safe. I needed you to be okay. I realized that no matter how frustrated I was, I couldn't lose you. My parents aren't getting any better Eli. They fight all the time. When I come to school and hang out with you, Adam, Alli, Jenna, it all goes away for a little while. To think that I came this close to losing the person I care most about. All this drama is breaking me down Eli." Oh no, here come the waterworks. The tears gently stream down my face. "You can't scare me like that again."

I can tell he's contemplating what to do. Slowly, he lifts up his hands giving me chance to back away. When I don't, he gently cups my face, brushing my tears away. "Don't get me wrong Eli. I'm still incredibly pissed at you. But, like I told Ms. Dawes, I need you in my life. I just-"

"Hold the phone," he jumps in, "You talked to Ms. Dawes about us?"

I blush and glare at the same time. "I'm being serious right now Eli."

"Right, right. Sorry."

"Anyways, it doesn't matter how many mistakes you make because nothing compares to the butterflies I feel when I'm around you. Nothing can take away how ecstatic and cared for you make me feel. Yes, I'm angry. But the fact that you're alive and safe here with me right now is all that matters." I end it there. Finally, I've let go of what I've been holding inside for two weeks. I can just imagine how horrible I must look right now with my puffy eyes and free flowing tears. Now I just have to wait for Eli's response. I pray that he doesn't push me away after I just poured everything out to him.

He faces away from me and bends forward, his elbows resting on his thighs and his hands rubbing together hastily. "I spent the whole break hating myself for what I did. I was so set on revenge and this stupid war that I completely neglected your wants and desires. I was being selfish and stupid. Fitz played all his cards right. I on the other hand flopped. You should hate me. Hell, I despise myself. When Fitz was coming towards us with the knife, all I could think about was getting you safe. And then he called you of all people a bitch. If I wasn't so scared of him hurting you, I would've attacked him then and there. I needed to get you away from his path so that's why I told you to get away from me. Then, Fitz focused his attention on me and I was shit scared that I was going to die. I couldn't help thinking that I had it coming after killing Julia. For a split second, I almost wanted him to do it because I think I deserved what was coming to me." He looks over at me. "You made that clear enough at the dance."

I can't believe this. "How could you even think that Eli? Don't ever believe that you deserve to be killed! I said what I said because I was mad and annoyed. I didn't mean it. Did you not hear everything I just said to you? Again, do you not understand that you dying would make me feel the way you do because of Julia?"

"Of course I understand that Clare!" He gets up in frustration and walks over to the wooden pole and backs up against it, without my help this time. He looks down and runs a hand through his hair. I don't want Eli hating himself. I don't want to see him so pained. But my God is that boy stubborn. I can tell he is remorseful about what happened. But everything in my life is hanging on by a thread right now. If I am going to be in a relationship, it has to be stable. Not like this. I get up and follow Eli's path and stop a couple of steps in front of him. I look around. People pass by with their dogs, some are laughing, some are talking on cell phones. And then there's Eli and I. Both pained. Both a little lost and confused. "Eli?"

He slowly lifts his head up looking straight into my eyes. "I'm sorry Clare. Please understand that I never wanted you to get hurt. Hell, the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. Too bad I seem to do that a lot. But I promise you that if you give me a chance, I can prove to you that there's more to me than just the violent kid who's obsessed with death or whatever the rumors say."

I honestly don't know how to respond. "Eli, I…things in my life are so unstable right now and I just…" I take a breath.

"If you need time, I'll-"

"That's not it, Eli. I don't need time to think about this alone. I've had two weeks to do that. I've spent two weeks crying and lonely because I didn't know what to make of what happened! I don't want to be away from you." I take a couple of moments to gather my courage. "I just need one thing, one promise. I need you to remember what I said at Vegas Night. If you're going to resort to violence and revenge for everything, then I can't be with you because I need stability somehow in some part of my life."

He must've only taken a few seconds to respond, but it felt like an eternity. "I promise you Clare." I smile and walk towards him, grabbing his hands and interlacing our fingers. I rest my head against his chest and I feel his lips touch the top of my scalp before he rests his chin on my ginger curls. For the first time in two weeks I feel hope and happiness.

I look up at him. He smirks back down at me. "I like you Eli."

He laughs. "I like you too much Clare. I don't think it's healthy."

We walk back over to our bench and talk about the small talk that would have felt so awkward and forced before. I tell him about my unadventurous dealings with my grandma and he informs me about a bunch of guy nights with Adam. Eventually, it starts to get dark and I ask Eli to take me home knowing my mom will worry if I'm not home soon.

We arrive at my house and Eli parks Morty. He exits the car and quickly jogs over to my side and opens my door. That's my boyfriend, the gentleman.

"Clare, if you need anything, if something goes wrong with your folks-"

"I won't hesitate to call." We both laugh and he reaches his arms for their familiar place on my waist and pulls us closer together. I lift up my head as his lips catch mine for the first time in two weeks and for the second time that day I feel hope and happiness. Eli's right. All the feelings and effects we have on each other can't be healthy. Suddenly, he pulls away from our kiss. I look up at him curious.

"Can I just ask this again: you talked to Ms. Dawes about us?"

I blush. "Just shut up and kiss me boyfriend."

"As you wish girlfriend."

The End =] Hope you liked it! Reviews are always welcome. OCT 8 IS ALMOST HERE :)