A/N: I'm going to take my turn on a fallen!Cas fic since I finally got to see him actually fall with Season 5. Warning guys, this one can get very dark and touchy with subjects as suicide, drugs, drinking... Reason why the rating is up so high just to be safe. This may end up a Sam/Cas but for the moment they are friends here.

Reckless:

By: LOSTrocker

Chapter One

Sam has been hovering over him ever since he came home. Now, he understands the meaning of personal space, and Cas tries to apologize to Dean now, but Dean is avoiding him, and he doesn't blame him for it.

"Sam," Cas pleads.

"Forget it Cas, I'm not going anywhere."

"I just have to go to the bathroom," Cas hates to admit that because he doesn't like this part of being human. He finds it disgusting.

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Sam reminds him.

"I'm a big boy Sam, I can do this." or at least, he thinks he can. Cas has been practicing and he has the jest down by now.

"They're razors in there,"

Cas sighs, and has no choice but to let Sam follow him into the downstairs bathroom of Bobby's house.

"Can you at least turn around?" Cas tries and fails.

"No."

And Sammy doesn't either. He stands his ground as he watches Cas unzip, pull down his pants, and underwear so he call pull it out and take a leak. Sammy is at least nice enough to make sure his eyes don't travel to far down.

It's humiliating as Hell. Then again, he supposes this is what he gets. The bandages on his right and left wrists are the constant reminders of what he done, and dammit if Sammy haven't been the one to find him.

Cas is quiet as he finishes up his business, pulls up everything so he's decent again before going to the sink to wash up. Sam is right, there are razors in here. The one on the sink is tempting him, just like knives that Dean had given him for protection. Funny how topsey turvy that ended up going. The one gift that Dean had given him ended up being a weapon on his self.

"Don't even think about it." Sammy warns him and takes the razor. He's starting to wonder if he shouldn't go through out the whole house, and hide everything that is sharp. The problem is: this is Bobby's house, and there are more sharp objects here then one can keep up. The worst part of it is, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't hide them. They were hunters. They needed them.

A few minutes later, they're both in the kitchen. Sammy goes about making lunch. Cas is at the table nursing a beer, slowly.

"What are you in the mode for?" Sam questions. Since it's just them for the time being lunch can be easy and simple.

"Do what ever you want, I don't want anything."

Sam sighs. "Dude. You. Have. To. Eat." he urges. "You're human."

Cas doesn't need the reminder. He knows and it sucks. The former Angel thought he would be able to handle it all for Dean's sake but the truth was now that he was human, he didn't want to be. He felt small, powerless. He can't help the boys as much as he could in this state.

Cas goes quiet. Sam ignores that small silent treatment and makes him lunch anyway. Today's menu includes PBJ with the crusts cut off (because old habits die hard), some chips, and Sam replaces that beer that Cas has been drinking with milk.

The silent treatment goes well into lunch. Well, Sam is the only one eating, and don't think he doesn't notice that. "Cas, come on," Sam pleads with him. He pulls out those puppy dog eyes.

For a split second, Cas begins to cave. With that one look, Sammy can bring anyone down under their power. Then leave it to Dean to break the tension and enters with Bobby coming up behind him. They've both come back from the hunt and by the looks of them covered in mud, muck, and blood things had gone well.

Dean pretends not to notice Cas as he walks in but he can't help but notice how full his plate his while his baby brother's is nearly gone.

"Make any fer us?" Dean asks Sammy.

"If you called I could have."

"Well, we would've loved to drop ya a line an all Sam but we were kind out of reception. Y'know, middle of a swam in New Orleans. Idjit."

Sam laughs. "Missed you too Bobby,"

"Someone can have mine." Cas suggests as he gets up, and without thanking Sam he takes his leave.

"How's he doin'?" Bobby questions Sam.

"How do ya think?" spats Dean as he helps himself to Cas' chips. Bobby glares at him. "What? He's not gonna to eat it anyway."

"Dean," Sammy warns him. "We've talked about this."

Dean wasn't getting this. They were all fussing at him because all he wanted to do was throttle Cas into the nearest brick wall for what he did. Why didn't they see that Cas needed the fussing at? Not him.

"Whatever. I call shower." Dean dashed out before Bobby could.

Bobby lets the boy at it. He'd rather let him shower first anyway. He just hoped he had some hot water left.

There is some hot water left by the time Cas gets to it. This part about being human, he likes. The water is very soothing. There's an old saying that water washes the sins away. He doubts that. Still, it feels good on his tense body, relaxing his bones some. He winces as the soap gets into cuts. They are very fresh.

"You okay in there?" Sammy asks him through the closed curtain.

Cas is at least thankful that Sam will let him have the curtain closed. "Yeah,"

Sam took care of any razors that was in there before Cas got in. Sometimes Dean's lady friends would leave a razor or two behind. "Are you sure?" Sam asks. Better safe then sorry.

Cas turned off the water. Before stepping out, he grabbed the towel, dried off some in the shower before wrapping it around his waist. Then pulled the curtain back so he could step over the rim of the tub.

Sammy let his eyes gaze travel up and down the former Angel. He wasn't doing that to be a pervert. He wasn't Dean. He just couldn't help but notice how thin and fragile he was becoming these days. Add the paleness to it and it made him shiver slightly. Sam could easily blame Cas for not taking care of Jimmy like he should have but somehow he doubted that Jim would let him go like that. Sam had to wonder just how long Cas has been doing this to himself. He was oddly strange as it was so it wasn't his fault that he didn't catch the oddity sooner.

Cas dresses in silent, he just tosses on some sweats. He has to replace the old bandages with new ones.

"Let me help you," Sammy offers and gets what he needs. Cas isn't really familiar with them. He's use to Touch and Go to Heal. After Sam gets the first aid kit out, he's ready to get Cas taken care of. The wounds aren't deep, but they were long. With his thumb pad, Sam gently rubs the around Cas' right scar. "Jesus Cas,"

Cas can't bring himself to look him in the eye. He just lets him be and wraps him up without saying a word himself.

"You're not sleeping with me to are you?" Cas is learning his sarcasm from Dean and all ready Sammy can see what a bad influence Dean is being.

"No," Sam answers him by grabbing a chair and pulling it up next to Castiel's bed side. "I'm going to keep a close watch over you though."

Cas rolls his eyes. Once again, Dean has proven to be right. Having someone watching over you while you sleep is just a creppy idea. At any rate, he gets himself comfortable under the blankets. He grumbles a good night Sam's way before turning on to his side, shuts his eyes and wills himself to sleep.

There is a comfort to Castiel's breathing. Sammy can't put his finger on why. It just is. Maybe because it's simply that: he is. Sam doesn't even want to consider what would have happened if he hadn't found when he did...

Sam jumps slightly when feels his brother hand on his shoulder. "Shifts over Sammy. My turn."

It's what they agreed to do in the first place. Sam is hesitant though. He can see that anger in Dean's eyes. He can see that Dean is a time bomb ready to go off on Castiel at any moment and he just couldn't do that. Sometime much later, sure, but not right now. It's not what Cas needs. Sammy tries to warn Dean with his eyes but Dean gives him that swift nod of his head to telling to get the Hell out. Sam wants to fight, ask if he can stay longer with Cas. Also play referee if Dean does go off on him.

"Sam," Dean orders. He doesn't want to play push and shove with his brother. He wants to use that all on the idjit Angel on the bed who decided it would be a good idea to kill himself.

Sam sighs and leaves Dean alone with Cas.

TBC...