Chapter Four: Pinpricks and Un-birthday Gifts
Notes: Sorry this ones so short, but I couldn't be bothered writing in what I had to.
~*~
Dib quickly yanked the shawl off his face, sitting up and turning around, expecting to see the snapping and gaping jaws of the Jabberwocky, but the creature seemed to have vanished as soon as it had arrived. He let out a sigh of relief, then realised the shawl must have belonged to somebody.
"Hello?" Dib got to his feet, still holding the shawl. "Um, anyone here?" he began walking, carrying the shawl along. Suddenly he heard foot steps approaching, sounding very heavy indeed. Meaning, the person's probably big, waist wise. Then in another moment, the White King came running wildly through the woods towards Dib, his arms wide open.
The White King looked somewhat familiar, as did everyone else Dib seemed to run into in this place. He had glasses placed on a round nose, long brown wavy hair hanging around his face, as well as a brown beard. Everything else he wore was pure white, with the crown on his head. Course, most of what he wore was crumpled, mis-matched and so on.
"My shawl, my shawl! I earned that shawl, give it to me!" he yelled, and yanked it away from Dib. "Now, help me put it back on." He said gently, as if he hadn't said the first part to Dib at all.
"If this guy's as dangerous as the Red King…" Dib thought to himself, and quickly tried to put it on the White King. The White King sat on the ground as Dib tried to put it on, which proved difficult since he'd never attached a shawl in his entire life. Dib then realised he hadn't said a word to the King yet,
"Am I addressing the White King?" he asked, trying to sound polite, trying to cover up his confusement.
"Well yes, if you call what you're wearing a-dressing." Said the King, pointing to Dib's jacket, "It isn't my notion of one at all… you're not one of those sexy people so I have no qualm with you, but if you call that a dress you obviously have a problem wrong with that big head of yours." Dib fell quiet, choosing not to argue with the King.
"Well, maybe it'd be right if you could tell me how to do it properly. What's a man doing wearing a shawl anyway?" Dib asked, the King didn't seem to hear this.
"Oh now now, I don't want it done at all!" the White King replied, groaning slightly. "I've been a-dressing myself for the past two hours and I've still got it wrong!" The White King added. Dib thought it'd have been easier to have someone else dress him, since he was dreadfully untidy, but he'd never say that to a King. This one might have hidden weapons like Nny the Red King had.
"Well everything's crooked… you want I should put your shawl straight?" Dib asked helpfully, he might as well be on good terms with another King if he was to become one soon enough once he reaches the right square. Dib then saw what a mess the White King's hair was in, the brown curls were all entangled and messy. "Your hair… don't you use conditioner?"
"The brush got entangled in it." The White King replied with a sigh, "And I lost a comb in there last week." Dib quickly began straightening the White King, and managed to get the comb free at least.
"There! You look… King-like. Yeah." Dib put his hands to his hips, pleased with how the White King looked more better suited to his Kingly duties now then before.
"You know you do such a good job I'm hiring you as my gentlemans-maid. Two dollars a week, and tacos every other day." The White King got to his feet, Dib blinked in surprise. He couldn't remain a gentlemans-maid! He had plans to become a King, if he was forced to remain in this crazy place, at least he'd be in control of something!
"I don't want you to hire me, and I don't like tacos." He said gently, hoping not to anger the King and end up with a butter knife in the eye.
"They're very good tacos." Said the King.
"Well I don't want any today." Dib said sternly, he had never cared for the Mexican food, always gave him bad gas.
"Well you couldn't have any even if you did!" the King pointed his sceptre at Dib's chest, "The rule is taco's tomorrow and taco's yesterday, but NEVER taco's today." Dib blinked in confusion, stepping back to avoid being poked anymore.
"That's crazy! It must come sometimes to 'tacos today'…" he said.
"No, it can't. It's taco's every other day: today isn't any other day you know. Silly boy with a big head!" The White King then bopped Dib on the head with his sceptre.
"OW!" Dib rubbed his sore forehead, "I don't understand anything here, it's too confusing, and my head hurts." Dib said.
"Course it would, a head that size! But still, that's the drawbacks of living backwards. It gets you all messed up in the-OW! OW OWOWOW! ARGH! THE PAIN!! WHY DOES IT HURT SO?!?!" Din almost jumped a mile as the White King suddenly yelled loudly, and hopped on the spot for a little while.
"What's wrong?! You're not going to spontaneously combust are you?!" Dib didn't want to get pieces of King splattered all over him, that's all he needed.
"Oh not really, my finger's going to bleed soon. See, my brooch will soon come loose, and then it shall prick my finger." Dib was about to ask how he knew this, but the brooch did come loose, the White King fumbled and the needle pricked his finger.
"…why not scream now?" Dib asked, looking at the blood dripping down his front.
"Oh I've done that already." The White King replied simply.
"Right…." Dib's shoulders slumped, how much does he have to go through until he's got power of a King? Who else does he have to meet, who'll push his brain to breaking point and hopefully he won't get head explodey. Suddenly he blinked, and rubbed his eyes, er, glasses. Was the White King suddenly wrapping himself in wool? And where did all these walls come from, and trinkets which look like squeaky toys of doom, Doughboys and other such weird things?
Dib shakes his head, when he realises he's now stood in a store, full of doom-full goodies, like the Megadoomer stood behind him and sat behind a counter in front of him, is a sheep! A male sheep, who's kitting with his own wool.
"Well, what is it that you want to buy lad??" asked the ram, eyes glaring through the glasses that sat atop it's nose.
"Uhrm, I'm not all too sure yet…" Dib replied, worrying about his mental health since he seemed to be fading in and out of this world quicker then a moth flies in and out of a flame, course, that's before it's burnt to death.
"Well look around then!! And no shop liftin' or I'll chop ya hand off." Said the ram gruffly, going back to knitting. Dib slowly backed away, and looked at the objects on the shelves. But the oddest thing was, whenever he tried to get a good look at something, the whole shelf would become empty, and all the others full! He managed to get a glimpse of some things which had his Father's face on it, Membrane Merchandise 'n all… also assorted Irken lasers, backpack-Death Ray (As not seen on TV!) boots, robot parts, even a pink bunny suspended in a jar of green goop was on the shelf.
Dib looked back to where the Backpack-Death Ray was, and reached out to grab it, but just as he managed to grab it, the whole place faded away into nothing, then he felt his hand was on something, just not the ray. He then heard a shrill young voice cry out from above,
"Shmee! Let go of Shmee!!" Dib quickly realised he was holding a very demonic looking teddy bear in his hands, it had been sewn up, and obviously seen better days. He then looked upwards, and there sat on the wall in front of him, which had just appeared, was a little boy, probably half Dib's age. His hair was black, and he already had a receding hair line, and looked very paranoid.
"Who are-" he was cut off by the boy again.
"SHMEE!!" Dib groaned and tossed the bear to the boy, who grabbed a hold of it and hugged it happily.
"I guess… you're Squee." Dib remembered Nny the Red King mentioning a little boy with his teddy on a wall, and since he hadn't ran into anyone else, this was obviously the boy.
"I'm Todd, but people call me Squee." Replied Squee, looking down at Dib.
"Oh. Well, I'm on the way to become a King since Nny the Red King told me to become on, I've got to head to certain squares, and yours is one of them…" Dib would have continued, but the young boy stopped him again.
"Don't chatter silly! Tell me your name!" Squee seemed ecstatic that he had someone to talk with, who wasn't disturbing him. Yet.
"My name's Dib, but-"
"Dib's a silly name!" Squee said happily, "What's it mean?"
"Must a name mean something?" Dib asked doubtfully.
"Course it does! Mine means… means.. little boy! Yeah that's it." Squee just hugged his teddy closer, and rocked back and forth.
"Uh, don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground?" Dib asked, "the wall is very narrow…" he pointed out, that a brick had fallen off some time before and he could see straight through the wall.
"Ooo no, cause if I did fall, the Red King Nny said that he'd send all his flesh-eating bed babies and skeletons to get me 'n make me all better! He's really odd, but nice in' a weird way. Shmee says he's evil, but Shmee's so funny." Squee giggled and tapped his teddy bear on the nose.
"Least the bear's got the right idea…" Dib's mind flashed back to the crazed look in the Red King's eyes just before he threw the bomb.
"Y'know Shmee was a gift!" Squee suddenly said, off topic all of a sudden. Dib blinked.
"A birthday present?" he asked, he might as well talk to someone who seemed sane and normal in this place..
"….wha? no! Shmee was an un-birthday present from the White King 'n Queen so there!" Squee giggled, "You're so silly Dib."
"Wait, an un-birthday? What's that?" maybe this kid wasn't sane after all
"A present given when it isn't your birthday!" Squee replied, as if Dib had asked if the sky was blue.
"..I still prefer birthday presents…" Dib said at last, remembering back to when he got his jacket.
"Yer silly Dib! How many days are in a year?" the little boy tilted his head to the side, resting it on his teddy.
"Three hundred and sixty five." Dib replied.
"How many birthdays you got?"
"One."
"If you take one from all that number, what's left?"
"Three hundred and sixty four."
"See? So you got three hundred and sixty four un-birthday presents to get! Shmee was one." Squee suddenly stood up on his wall, "'N I gotsa go cause the Red King said he wanted me at a party today to invite a new King to the land! So bye bye Dibs 'n I hope you have a happy un-birthday!" with that, Squee leapt out of sight!
Dib stood there, scratching his head. So far, he had ran into Old Mouse and the lecture, Tweedle Red and Purple again, Jabberwocky a few times, the Red King Nny, a lice, Zim, The White King, the Ram, and now Squee… what else would be awaiting him once he started walking again?
He wasn't sure, since he didn't walk. He started running, you know that feeling you get when you know something awful shall happen if you remain where you are? Well, Dib got one of those feelings as he felt the wind pick up again. So the little big headed boy ran, he kept running and running as the wind picked up, but then he ran into soldiers! Many many soldiers running through the wood, and soon he was lost in the vast sea of soldiers.
Notes: Sorry this ones so short, but I couldn't be bothered writing in what I had to.
~*~
Dib quickly yanked the shawl off his face, sitting up and turning around, expecting to see the snapping and gaping jaws of the Jabberwocky, but the creature seemed to have vanished as soon as it had arrived. He let out a sigh of relief, then realised the shawl must have belonged to somebody.
"Hello?" Dib got to his feet, still holding the shawl. "Um, anyone here?" he began walking, carrying the shawl along. Suddenly he heard foot steps approaching, sounding very heavy indeed. Meaning, the person's probably big, waist wise. Then in another moment, the White King came running wildly through the woods towards Dib, his arms wide open.
The White King looked somewhat familiar, as did everyone else Dib seemed to run into in this place. He had glasses placed on a round nose, long brown wavy hair hanging around his face, as well as a brown beard. Everything else he wore was pure white, with the crown on his head. Course, most of what he wore was crumpled, mis-matched and so on.
"My shawl, my shawl! I earned that shawl, give it to me!" he yelled, and yanked it away from Dib. "Now, help me put it back on." He said gently, as if he hadn't said the first part to Dib at all.
"If this guy's as dangerous as the Red King…" Dib thought to himself, and quickly tried to put it on the White King. The White King sat on the ground as Dib tried to put it on, which proved difficult since he'd never attached a shawl in his entire life. Dib then realised he hadn't said a word to the King yet,
"Am I addressing the White King?" he asked, trying to sound polite, trying to cover up his confusement.
"Well yes, if you call what you're wearing a-dressing." Said the King, pointing to Dib's jacket, "It isn't my notion of one at all… you're not one of those sexy people so I have no qualm with you, but if you call that a dress you obviously have a problem wrong with that big head of yours." Dib fell quiet, choosing not to argue with the King.
"Well, maybe it'd be right if you could tell me how to do it properly. What's a man doing wearing a shawl anyway?" Dib asked, the King didn't seem to hear this.
"Oh now now, I don't want it done at all!" the White King replied, groaning slightly. "I've been a-dressing myself for the past two hours and I've still got it wrong!" The White King added. Dib thought it'd have been easier to have someone else dress him, since he was dreadfully untidy, but he'd never say that to a King. This one might have hidden weapons like Nny the Red King had.
"Well everything's crooked… you want I should put your shawl straight?" Dib asked helpfully, he might as well be on good terms with another King if he was to become one soon enough once he reaches the right square. Dib then saw what a mess the White King's hair was in, the brown curls were all entangled and messy. "Your hair… don't you use conditioner?"
"The brush got entangled in it." The White King replied with a sigh, "And I lost a comb in there last week." Dib quickly began straightening the White King, and managed to get the comb free at least.
"There! You look… King-like. Yeah." Dib put his hands to his hips, pleased with how the White King looked more better suited to his Kingly duties now then before.
"You know you do such a good job I'm hiring you as my gentlemans-maid. Two dollars a week, and tacos every other day." The White King got to his feet, Dib blinked in surprise. He couldn't remain a gentlemans-maid! He had plans to become a King, if he was forced to remain in this crazy place, at least he'd be in control of something!
"I don't want you to hire me, and I don't like tacos." He said gently, hoping not to anger the King and end up with a butter knife in the eye.
"They're very good tacos." Said the King.
"Well I don't want any today." Dib said sternly, he had never cared for the Mexican food, always gave him bad gas.
"Well you couldn't have any even if you did!" the King pointed his sceptre at Dib's chest, "The rule is taco's tomorrow and taco's yesterday, but NEVER taco's today." Dib blinked in confusion, stepping back to avoid being poked anymore.
"That's crazy! It must come sometimes to 'tacos today'…" he said.
"No, it can't. It's taco's every other day: today isn't any other day you know. Silly boy with a big head!" The White King then bopped Dib on the head with his sceptre.
"OW!" Dib rubbed his sore forehead, "I don't understand anything here, it's too confusing, and my head hurts." Dib said.
"Course it would, a head that size! But still, that's the drawbacks of living backwards. It gets you all messed up in the-OW! OW OWOWOW! ARGH! THE PAIN!! WHY DOES IT HURT SO?!?!" Din almost jumped a mile as the White King suddenly yelled loudly, and hopped on the spot for a little while.
"What's wrong?! You're not going to spontaneously combust are you?!" Dib didn't want to get pieces of King splattered all over him, that's all he needed.
"Oh not really, my finger's going to bleed soon. See, my brooch will soon come loose, and then it shall prick my finger." Dib was about to ask how he knew this, but the brooch did come loose, the White King fumbled and the needle pricked his finger.
"…why not scream now?" Dib asked, looking at the blood dripping down his front.
"Oh I've done that already." The White King replied simply.
"Right…." Dib's shoulders slumped, how much does he have to go through until he's got power of a King? Who else does he have to meet, who'll push his brain to breaking point and hopefully he won't get head explodey. Suddenly he blinked, and rubbed his eyes, er, glasses. Was the White King suddenly wrapping himself in wool? And where did all these walls come from, and trinkets which look like squeaky toys of doom, Doughboys and other such weird things?
Dib shakes his head, when he realises he's now stood in a store, full of doom-full goodies, like the Megadoomer stood behind him and sat behind a counter in front of him, is a sheep! A male sheep, who's kitting with his own wool.
"Well, what is it that you want to buy lad??" asked the ram, eyes glaring through the glasses that sat atop it's nose.
"Uhrm, I'm not all too sure yet…" Dib replied, worrying about his mental health since he seemed to be fading in and out of this world quicker then a moth flies in and out of a flame, course, that's before it's burnt to death.
"Well look around then!! And no shop liftin' or I'll chop ya hand off." Said the ram gruffly, going back to knitting. Dib slowly backed away, and looked at the objects on the shelves. But the oddest thing was, whenever he tried to get a good look at something, the whole shelf would become empty, and all the others full! He managed to get a glimpse of some things which had his Father's face on it, Membrane Merchandise 'n all… also assorted Irken lasers, backpack-Death Ray (As not seen on TV!) boots, robot parts, even a pink bunny suspended in a jar of green goop was on the shelf.
Dib looked back to where the Backpack-Death Ray was, and reached out to grab it, but just as he managed to grab it, the whole place faded away into nothing, then he felt his hand was on something, just not the ray. He then heard a shrill young voice cry out from above,
"Shmee! Let go of Shmee!!" Dib quickly realised he was holding a very demonic looking teddy bear in his hands, it had been sewn up, and obviously seen better days. He then looked upwards, and there sat on the wall in front of him, which had just appeared, was a little boy, probably half Dib's age. His hair was black, and he already had a receding hair line, and looked very paranoid.
"Who are-" he was cut off by the boy again.
"SHMEE!!" Dib groaned and tossed the bear to the boy, who grabbed a hold of it and hugged it happily.
"I guess… you're Squee." Dib remembered Nny the Red King mentioning a little boy with his teddy on a wall, and since he hadn't ran into anyone else, this was obviously the boy.
"I'm Todd, but people call me Squee." Replied Squee, looking down at Dib.
"Oh. Well, I'm on the way to become a King since Nny the Red King told me to become on, I've got to head to certain squares, and yours is one of them…" Dib would have continued, but the young boy stopped him again.
"Don't chatter silly! Tell me your name!" Squee seemed ecstatic that he had someone to talk with, who wasn't disturbing him. Yet.
"My name's Dib, but-"
"Dib's a silly name!" Squee said happily, "What's it mean?"
"Must a name mean something?" Dib asked doubtfully.
"Course it does! Mine means… means.. little boy! Yeah that's it." Squee just hugged his teddy closer, and rocked back and forth.
"Uh, don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground?" Dib asked, "the wall is very narrow…" he pointed out, that a brick had fallen off some time before and he could see straight through the wall.
"Ooo no, cause if I did fall, the Red King Nny said that he'd send all his flesh-eating bed babies and skeletons to get me 'n make me all better! He's really odd, but nice in' a weird way. Shmee says he's evil, but Shmee's so funny." Squee giggled and tapped his teddy bear on the nose.
"Least the bear's got the right idea…" Dib's mind flashed back to the crazed look in the Red King's eyes just before he threw the bomb.
"Y'know Shmee was a gift!" Squee suddenly said, off topic all of a sudden. Dib blinked.
"A birthday present?" he asked, he might as well talk to someone who seemed sane and normal in this place..
"….wha? no! Shmee was an un-birthday present from the White King 'n Queen so there!" Squee giggled, "You're so silly Dib."
"Wait, an un-birthday? What's that?" maybe this kid wasn't sane after all
"A present given when it isn't your birthday!" Squee replied, as if Dib had asked if the sky was blue.
"..I still prefer birthday presents…" Dib said at last, remembering back to when he got his jacket.
"Yer silly Dib! How many days are in a year?" the little boy tilted his head to the side, resting it on his teddy.
"Three hundred and sixty five." Dib replied.
"How many birthdays you got?"
"One."
"If you take one from all that number, what's left?"
"Three hundred and sixty four."
"See? So you got three hundred and sixty four un-birthday presents to get! Shmee was one." Squee suddenly stood up on his wall, "'N I gotsa go cause the Red King said he wanted me at a party today to invite a new King to the land! So bye bye Dibs 'n I hope you have a happy un-birthday!" with that, Squee leapt out of sight!
Dib stood there, scratching his head. So far, he had ran into Old Mouse and the lecture, Tweedle Red and Purple again, Jabberwocky a few times, the Red King Nny, a lice, Zim, The White King, the Ram, and now Squee… what else would be awaiting him once he started walking again?
He wasn't sure, since he didn't walk. He started running, you know that feeling you get when you know something awful shall happen if you remain where you are? Well, Dib got one of those feelings as he felt the wind pick up again. So the little big headed boy ran, he kept running and running as the wind picked up, but then he ran into soldiers! Many many soldiers running through the wood, and soon he was lost in the vast sea of soldiers.
Seems Dib's gotten into another spot of bother, let's see how he gets away from
the soldiers of DOOM!