A/N: Chapter 1 is UP! So I didn't make an outline for this, like at all. So I'm just as eager to find out what happens next as you are. And to anyone reading this, I really appreciate it. As always, rates and reviews are [obviously] encouraged, and I will be praying for motivation from my dear, dear readers. I love you ALL!
AU, AkuRoku. M for language, drug use and possible sexual situations.
Oh, and this isn't a slam against people who eat fast food, i eat it all the time. So the idea isn't to offend, some of these things just seem very Axel things to say. ALSO, there will most likely be some OOC shit in here.

"You're stoned,"the dirty blond accused from behind the counter.

"Am not," I scoffed, that's right, I scoffed, because that is what people of seemingly higher intelligence do, and I am one of those people. "You think I'd come to work stoned? Get more creative, dude!"

He glared at me, before clapping a hand to his forehead and down his face while he watched me trying to figure out how to tape the window shut while the folks in the car just beyond it waited impatiently for their heart-attack-in-a-bag.

"You're stoned," he said again. I looked at him for a minute, and I forgot what we were talking about, really. I tried to remember but the freezer door in the back kept opening and it was so distracting I just couldn't come up with anything.

"Wait, what?" I replied, like the intelligent person I am, still trying to tape the window shut while he waited for our shift to end, watching every tick of the clock intently like a little school kid.

"YOU'RE STONED!" Mohawk was starting to get upset, and he was using his whiny, bitchy tone with me and tapped his foot hard on that ugly purple & black tiled floor, catching the attention of everyone in the dining area, and creating a laughing fit amongst those in the back, who are of less importance than I, the window worker.

After I got the window taped shut I turned around and giggled at Demyx.

"Yeah," And soon the giggling turned into a mad fit of laughter. For about a minute and a half (according to him, I still say it was a fucking hour) I tried to get my breath steady, and I straightened my face and said something along to lines of

"I'm fucking fried, dude," and started laughing again because I worked at a fast food restaurant, even though we didn't sell fries, it was still pretty hilarious. When the guys in the kitchen finally got their shit together and handed me the bag of food that belonged to the people at the window, I gave the poor starving fat-asses their food, only to realize I had completely destroyed my window closing mechanism. And with that, Demyx's watch went off as he ran to the back, tearing off his ugly apron and running out with the bag of useless shit he brought to work every day.

"Yes!" I cried out in joy, while I finally came down from the insane high I was under the influence of, thanks to my quick thinking and the early-morning bowl I smoked. I tore the rubber band out of my hair, and that shit hurt, so my eyes watered and I whined a little, but as soon as I got over it, I ran around the kitchen of the joint multiple times, shaking out my long, unnaturally red hair and head banging, just 'cause I know how much Mansex hates it. Mansex, or "Xemnas," as we were to call him, was my manager, who had so much pride in himself as the manager of our friendly hometown Taco Bell. All the unlucky bastards stuck in the back all day nearly died in a fit of laughter, and I can honestly say although I've graduated, I am STILL the class clown. I got my bag of very useful shit that I brought to work every day and skipped to my car like a school girl.

I nearly broke my phone, flipping it open to see how many people loved me today.

I'm not kiddin' man, that shit's unpredictable, one day it's 2 people, while the next it's 32. You never know.

28 New Txt Msgs, read the screen on my dearest piece of plastic.

Two from Namine, one from Larxene, twenty-three from a stalker at school, a new one that Demyx had just sent me, and one from Riku. I deleted the 23 stalker texts, and read the rest in the order they came.

Namine said You left your headphones in my locker and Why were you in my locker...? She spells all the words out, i have many things left to teach the child,

one of which being that you don't spell things out over text message.

Larxene said I'll fuckin' kill u. Her death threats quit scaring me a few months ago, they're empty now, she's really lost her luster.

Riku said Wtf, u hid ur shit? Probably, hopefully, referring to my drugs. Hey, i had to take evasive action. I'm sick of him smokin' all my weed while i'm at work.

And Demyx said You gay? Haha, he probably- Wait, he had to ASK?

He's asking me if i'm gay? That non-chalantly?

How does he... I mean... do i LOOK gay? Do i ac- Well, i do act gay but do i LOOK gay?

I called him, so that i could properly cuss him out.

"Hullo?" He was unsuspecting. Perfect.

"Hey, Dem, I forgot when that thing at wor- I'M FUCKING STRAIGHT, OKAY? S-t-r-a-i-t, straight! I mean, i'm straight as a fucking... a fucking, well, wait... Pencils are straight, but sometimes they have those bendy pencils, lines are curvy sometimes... Oh god," This was my pathetic attempt to think of something indefinitely straight, no matter what. "Well, a really straight thing, okay? REALLY straight.I like titties, okay? I'm fucking straight, god,"

There was a long silence but i could hear him breathing.

Then slowly, he started quietly giggling, then it turned into chuckling,

and within the next 5 minutes he was all-out hysterical.

"Dude, calm down, Ax, it was just a question, jeeze, i mean, When's the last time you had a girlfriend?" And with that, the laughter abruptly stopped.

"I don't fuckin' know man, i think it was that short chick... I totally forgot her name,"

"Dude, you dated her a year and a half ago. When's the last time you had sex?"

A year and a half, really? Wow. And now i'm not even sure- Heeeyy

"Why the FUCK do you wanna know this shit? You're askin' about the last time i fucked somebody? I thought you were the one who said 'What happens in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom,"

"Yeah, but, but i mean... I bet your last time wasn't even in a bedroom. Just tell me dude, unless you got somethin' to hide o-"

"I don't have shit to hide man, and yeah, you're right i think, i'm pretty sure it was that one chick from school who won't leave me alone now," I had to think for a minute, i forgot where we met completely, i forgot her name for a minute, too.

"Oh yeah, Selphie, that's 'er name. At that party, remember, we were both drunk as hell? Now she thinks we're in love, that's the last time i sleep with someone who's fuckin' insane, man,"

"Dude, that was right after you and what's-er-face split. I want you to me-"

"Dude, quit saying dude! I'm not fucking gay, okay? Just 'cause i haven't gotten ass in forever doesn't mean i don't like girls, and i AM NOT meeting one of your friends, i know you're trying to set me up with someone again. The last time you did that i ended up making friends with 'im and now he smokes all my weed. No,"

"But, Axel, man, he's hot! He even kinda looks like a girl, i mean he doesn't have lady parts but he just, come on, man, this kid really wants to meet you and man it's not my fault, i warned you about Riku, dude i really did so don't even give me that, i said 'Axel, dude, Riku loves weed, look out-"

"Bull shit, you did not say that, you're full of it, and Demyx, man i'm not fucking gay, i said no!"

And with that it was silent. He huffed and puffed a little and hung up.

Now he's pouting.

And now i have to apologize.

And i'm gonna have to go on a date with this poor kid that Demyx has tricked into thinking i'm gay.

I sighed.

Breathe, Axel, Breathe. Keep it together.

You can just tell him, just say "Look, i know Demyx told you i'm gay, but i'm not. I'm sure you're great, but you just ain't my cup o' tea," then walk away. That's all you have to do.

A/N: No, i don't wish to die a young death. I know it's short, the others will probably be longer, i need to get used to like 5k word chapters. Anyway, yeah, a story where Axel actually isn't gay. "DO I LOOK GAY?" I lol'd at that part myself... xD Anyway, it's not gonna turn out how you all are thinking. SO STOP THAT THINKIN' AND GO EAT SOME TWINKIES.

Yes, children, YES. Eat the fattening food, eaaaat, eaaaaat.

I'm sorry, i'm a very odd person. All this talk of eating makes me hungry. I really want Taco Bell, that's why i made Axel work at Taco Bell. Wouldn't it be awesome to walk into Taco Bell and see Demyx, Axel & Mansex? Yes, Mansex works at Taco Bell. I figured i'd get some good laughs out of this story... MUAHAHA.

Review, my pets, please review!~