A/N: I um. *adjusts collar* So much horniness. All in one place. I'm told I need to get laid. This may be true. Enjoy?

Tease

Prompt: Sam/Dean, obviously. Dean has a sneezy sneezy cold and they're working a case, and they're interviewing someone when they realize its not something Supernatural. So Sam is trying to figure out how to politely leave and Dean decides to have some fun, and he lets himself sneeze and directs his sneezes in Sam's direction and basically is purposefully trying to turn Sam on when he can't do anything about it. He can make it up to Sam once they get out of there, of course.

s&d

"You're saying it was a raccoon that made those markings?"

The lady glances guiltily at Sam. "Yes."

Dean coughs into a handful of tissues, then clears his throat. "Why didd't you say eddythigg to the police?"

"I like that raccoon."

"And...?"

"I thought she might get hurt."

Sam rubs his face. Dean chokes again, but this time it sounds suspiciously like a chuckle.

"Well, thanks for your time, Mrs. Mackey, but we-"

"Just have a few bore questiudds."

Sam turns to Dean and catches a wink and a flare of tantalizingly flushed nostrils.

"How logg have you dowed the raccood?"

"Oh, he's been coming around for years now."

Dean strokes down the bridge of his nose and his eyebrows crumple. "Hgh. How beddy?"

Sam stares. Dean's pink nostrils twitch.

"Hmm, well let me see. Bill still lived here..."

"Hh-hh..." Dean flourishes a fresh tissue and holds it to his nose.

"...so that would make it..."

"HXXTCHSHHSSH!"

"Bless you! I guess that would make it three years."

"Had you beed feedigg it?" Dean blows his nose with a soft, rough crackle. Sam swallows and pinches his own thigh.

"Not at first. At first she was getting into the garbage. You know how raccoons are."

"Do we ever."

"But then I thought maybe if I left her out some food of her own she would stop. I was tired of the messes."

"Dot everybody likes messes." Dean snuffles loudly.

"So then I started putting out scraps for her. Nothing much. Chicken bones, apple cores. I'd leave them on a corner of the porch for her."

"You're very gedderous." Dean brushes the tip of his bright nose with his thumb, over and over.

"Later, of course, I got to spoiling her."

Dean's breath hitches but he regains control. "It cadd be hard to resist."

"Cans of tuna. A piece of cake on my birthday."

"Soudds delicious."

"Once..." She blushes. "A steak."

"Wow. HH-" Dean presses the Kleenex to his nose and exhales shakily. Sam squirms.

"Bill was gone. I guess I just wanted to take care of somebody."

Dean pants, lashes fluttering. He smirks at Sam through watering eyes. "TZZSHSHSH! IH-TCHCHCH-DZZHZH! HATCHZSHZSHSHSHOOOO!"

"Oh! Well."

"We really have to be going," Sam babbles, standing and herding Dean to the door, one hand discreetly shielding his own groin. "Thank you so much for your time."

Dean sniffles in his ear and drags him down the front steps. "Where's the fire?"

"Get in the car and take off your pants."

"Sabby," Dean wheezes as they stumble across the street. "I get all tiggly whedd you take cudtrol like that."

"You evil bastard." Sam drops the keys twice. Dean sneaks a hand down his pants while he's trying the lock again. "Agh!"

Dean grabs his face and kisses his jaw, his throat, his chin, his buzzing mouth. "Jesus! Whoa, whoa."

The back door gives and Sam holds it open for his brother. "Ladies first."

"Eat bee."

"God. Yes."

Dean's blowing his nose again when Sam crawls in after him. "Hnngh," Sam whines, producing a new Kleenex from his pocket and nudging Dean's aside. "Please."

Dean kisses his wrist, his palm. He nuzzles Sam's knuckles until his nostrils flare. "Ehhh..."

"Fuck."

He burrows into Sam's tissues and gasps. "EHH-TCHSHSHSHEH!"

"Oh. God." The explosion almost sends Sam over. He dabs Dean's overheated nose and waits for him to blow. It's a sweet, hissing rumble, and Sam pinches his leg again.

"You're such a freak." Dean drags his nose across Sam's cheek and kisses him hard. Then he undoes his own belt and shimmies out of his pants. He crawls forward until Sam has to lie down under him, grinds slowly against Sam's thigh. Sam's face is glowing, mouth open wide.

"God you're hot. Hh-hih..."

"Oh, God. Don't. I'm gonna come."

"Hg-xih... hh-HHH..."

Sam massages Dean's gaping nostrils shut and tries not to notice the way they glisten.

"HHHHHH..."

They stare at each other, one on top of the other in the backseat of the car. Then Dean lets out an enormous sigh and sags against Sam.

"Fuck. That was close." Sam kisses the top of his head. He strokes his ass and slips a hand around front. "Let's catch you up."

Dean presses his cock into Sam's hip and wiggles it around. "OK. Tell bee how sexy I abb."

"Oh, man. Like a Greek god. Your perfect ass, and your perfect legs, and your perfect cock, and your rock star red nose. Fuck. I wanna eat you."

Dean rolls over to comply. Sam cups his shaft through his black boxer-briefs and groans. Dean snuffles and thrusts up into the warm palm.

"Whoa. Hello there." He teases the shorts down and fingers the elastic mark at Dean's waist. "Mmm." He dips down and kisses the indentations. "Dean-skin."

Dean's breath catches and he steeples his hands around his face.

"Oh, my God. Again?"

Dean shrugs sheepishly, unable to speak.

Sam produces more Kleenex and captures Dean's swollen, quivering nose. "You're sex incarnate. There's nothing hotter than you. Nothing."

Dean grabs the scruff of Sam's neck and works it with the pads of his fingers. He gasps but holds the sneeze, locks his crotch to Sam's.

"Oh, fuck. Dean. I'm gonna..."

"Hah..."

The nostrils under tissue expand. Sam whimpers.

"Eh-heh..." Dean works their loins in a slow revolution. His forehead creases, damp with exertion. "Ghh-HHHH..." He gets a double handful of Sam's ass and squeezes. Their mouths fall open. They pant together. "Ah... HAH-ah..."

A drop of sweat patters to the leather seat. A bicycle whips by out the window. Trees swoosh in a sudden gust.

"HHH-DTCHCHCHSHSHZHHZHSHSH!"

Later Sam feeds Dean soup and cuddles him warm in bed, and Dean kisses his chest and takes his medicine and dozes, and they listen to the wind outside and think of this.

The End

Prompt: Well, this is just unfair. Dean traveled into the future and apparently he managed to catch a cold from himself. And it looks like the cold virus put in a lot of R & D in those five years, or this one is just tailor made for his system, because it's a doozy. Luckily, back in 2009, he's back with Sam, and even though Sam's not quite sure of his welcome, at least Dean sick means there's something concrete he can do.

s&d

Dean slouches on the exam table, socked feet dangling over the side. He shivers in the thin blue smock and crosses his arms, staring vacantly at a poster of the circulatory system. When he sniffles it's a hard suck, like the last water draining from a sink.

Sam pulls a tissue out of his pocket and holds it out like a flower. Dean glances at him, glassy-eyed, then claims it and tucks it around his red nose. The contents of his sinuses stutter out with a sound like pine needles in a vacuum cleaner.

"Gonna feel better in no time," Sam murmurs. He drapes his arms around his brother, who stiffens, then nuzzles into him with a crinkle of paper. "Doc'll fix you up."

Dean coughs determinedly into Sam's side. Sam strokes his bare back up and down.

"You gotta say doe." A hot cheek presses against Sam's belly.

Sam plays through the hair on the back of Dean's neck. "I know, man."

Dean's chest swells and contracts. "Hhh... hhh... HDZHGSHSH!" He spasms in Sam's embrace, and again. "HHH-CHCHOO!" He blows into a fresh Kleenex, then rubs his forehead, nose glowing in his peaky face. "I cad't watch you... I cad't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere." Dean shudders again and Sam peels open his jacket, tucks Dean in against him. He smoothes a palm from his temple down to his cheek. "I'm here."

Softer

Prompt: Dean's sick with a cold, and his nose is red and chapped from constant sneezing and blowing. Castiel notices, and manages to find handkerchiefs for him somewhere. Dean's too tired to wipe his own nose properly, so Cas does it for him. Dean/Castiel, and I'd love it if Castiel had a kink for caring and/or sneezing.

d&c

Castiel knows it's wrong to enjoy another creature's suffering. Unfortunately, Dean's is glorious.

"HH-HHH-huh... h-HHHH-DTZZSHSHSH!"

"God bless you."

Under the covers Dean grunts and snuffles into a handful of rumpled tissues. "Dot holdigg by breath odd that wud, Cas. Doe offedce."

"Hmm." The angel sits forward on the bed and rests his head on his hand. "Are you in pain?"

"What? Doe."

"Good."

Dean gasps again and presses on both sides of his nose, then sighs expansively. "Hoo. Close call."

"Can I touch it?"

"Touch..." Dean's eyebrows rise, then fall. "What is it with you add by doze?" He coughs into his pillow. "Fide. Dock yourself out. I guess wud of us should edjoy this."

"Mm."

Slowly, gently, Cas explores its contours: the generous curve of the nostril, the raw-looking crease where it meets the cheek, the lovely arching bridge, the sweet, rosy tip. Everything crinkles and flares and Dean waves the angel's hand away.

"HHHH... HUH-TCSHKK!"

The human lets out an unsteady breath, then sniffs, teary-eyed.

"Incredible."

"If you say so."

"HH-HH-ihh... HIT-CHCHCHCHOOO!"

Castiel swallows and touches himself through his pants. "Forgive me, Father."

"Shouldd't you be out gettigg bee bedicidd or subthigg? Isd't that what couples do?"

"Of course." He's on his feet. "I'm sorry. I was overwhelmed by your... beauty."

Dean sniffles and rubs one bloodshot eye. "Beauty?"

Cas gazes at his flushed nose and mouth. "Mmh. Yes."

"Huh... hh-hh..."

Castiel swallows.

"Heh..."

He sits.

"HH-HHHHH-KTCHCHHSHSHSH!"

"Praise be to God."

"Cas... AH-HATSSSHSHH-uh! HRRSHSHHSH! ITSHSHOOOO!"

The angel laces his fingers on top of his head. "Are you going to blow your nose again? I like it when you blow your nose."

"Doe, I'b dot, because it hurts like a bitch."

"You are in pain." Cas tuts and soothes a steady hand across the sick man's forehead. "Tell me what you need."

"You cad't fix it, dude." Dean delicately blots his nose.

"Humans have medicines for everything." Cas kisses his temple and flaps out.

d&c

"YIH-XXDGDGTCHCH!"

"Gesundheit."

Dean blinks up at Cas over cupped palms. "Thagk God. What'd you brigg bee?"

"The clerk was called Tracy." Castiel puts a package of pills on the bedside table. "She was very helpful." He sets down a bottle of juice beside it. "She gave me this." He pulls out a clean square of forest green cloth and holds it up with a flourish.

"TCHHKG! Ugh. What is it?"

"May I?" Cas nudges Dean's fingers aside and caresses his chapped nose with the handkerchief.

"Hey, that feels better."

The material shifts to cradle it. "I... would you...?"

"We will devver speak of this." Exhausted, the hunter screws up his face and pushes air and warm mucus into the soft cloth.

"Mmhh."

"Who dew sdot could bake you so happy?"

Cas dabs Dean's tender nostrils reverently. He kisses Dean's forehead, then his bright pink nose.

"Cubb to bed," Dean yawns.

Cas feeds him a pill and flutters into the sheets, cuddling up behind him. His wings, invisible insulation, wrap around them both.

"H-huh..."

The angel folds the new fabric loosely over his lover's mouth and nose.

"HAH-TSSZSZCHCHCH!"

He moans and kisses the back of Dean's neck. "Hallelujah."

Discreet, or, Sam the Ninja Masturbator

Prompt: Slash. Dean spent the whole day sneezing and exhausted. Now, he's doped up on cold meds and completely down for the count. Sneeze kink Sam teases Dean's nose while he's sleeping and sleep sneezes ensue. Sam is fascinated and turned on. He can wake up eventually if the author wants.

s&d

So. Many. Sneezes.

Sam slips a hand down his pants and takes a shuddering breath.

It's not like Dean didn't fuck him today. Dean knows what the sneezes do.

It's just that there were so many.

On the other bed Dean snuffles in his sleep and shifts his head on the pillow. Now he's facing Sam, and Sam can see that bright, lustrous nose, glowing like a beacon.

A fucking hot beacon.

Sam creeps across to Dean's mattress and eases himself down, slowly, stealthily, dick still in his hand.

Oh, yeah. Good view from over here. The fading summer daylight through the curtains and the warm spill of the lamp frigging lave that nose. Nose like a tomato. Pomegranates, blushing apples, raspberry gelato. Sam wants to lick it.

He leans in close, close enough to hear the faint crackle in those nostrils, the thin wheeze in his brother's chest.

Poor chest. He palms it, gently like a cat, and steals his tongue out, to the tip of Dean's perfect fucking nose.

Dean grunts and turns his head. He scrunches up his gorgeous proboscis and wiggles it around.

Ooh. That's nice.

Sam strokes the nostrils, savoring their inflamed heat. He traces the groove between his upper lip and the underside of his snout, and Dean's brow furrows.

"HEH-IXXGHSHCH!"

Sam gasps. He starts jerking.

"EH-EDZZCHSHSH!"

Dean doesn't even sniffle, just lies still, spent.

Good drugs, those.

"Thank you, Mr. NyQuil," Sam breathes as he tugs his happy, happy cock. "Encore."

He leans down and lightly nuzzles Dean's nose, then feels it flare against his cheek and pulls back to watch.

"IH-BLKGTCHCHCH! AH-KZZISSHSHH!"

"Baby."

Steadily working his wrist, Sam stretches out beside Dean on the bed and gazes into his sleeping face.

"AH-KSSHSHSHHOOOOO!" Dean blinks awake. "KHHKHHKESHSHHOOO!"

"Ohhh," Sam groans, and explodes in his jammies.

Dean sniffles thickly and considers Sam. "You good?"

"Yeah," Sam flushes, "I, yeah."

The sick man eyes Sam's pants and the arm that disappears down them. "Was I good?"

"Oh, babe." Sam kisses his mouth with dedication.

"Still got it," Dean coughs, and snuggles into his chest. "You realize this beads you owe bee a blow job."

"Hey, speaking of blowing..." But by the time Sam tracks down a fresh Kleenex, Dean's snoring.

You Are Here

Prompt: Sam/Dean, where its a very new thing (the slash part) and they're having sexy times or maybe even just kissing, and Dean (who is coming down with a sneezy cold) sneezes all over Sam on accident. And he's horrified, because he never cared all that much before about shraing germs or whatever but now they're together, and so he's terribly embarrassed (and sneezy, don't forget:P) and Sam is just like, hah. Don't be embarrassed. I've always had a thing for that (the sneezing)...

s&d

Sam shrugs out of his jacket and watches Dean lower himself to the bed like an old man with a bad back.

"You gonna shower?"

"Nnminute." Dean gingerly raises his booted feet and stretches out on top of the covers. "Angh."

"What's with you?"

"I'm stiff as a friggin' board." He shifts and makes an unhappy sound.

Sam sits by Dean's hip. "C'mere." He sneaks his hands in under Dean's leather coat and kneads his shoulders carefully.

"Mmh." Dean's eyes shut in concentration, then open to study Sam's face. "You've been holding out on me, kid."

"You don't know the half of it."

Dean adjusts his hips on the bed. His eyes sparkle. "Can't wait to find out."

Sam frowns at the bandage on his neck. "You bled through."

"S'OK." He nudges his pelvis into Sam, then hisses and lies back with grunt.

"I'll change it now so it doesn't stick."

Dean coughs, his eyebrows mashing together. "KGH-kay."

s&d

They're coming up on Des Moines when Dean says uncle.

"Bed. I wadda bed."

Sam glances at him, then back at the road. It's barely 2pm. "You got it. Anything else?"

He's hacking too hard to answer.

s&d

"Guess the forest fucked you up," Sam says to Dean's white-T-shirted back. Dean's propped up on one elbow, furtively blowing his nose. "You were strung up for awhile, and sweating. It was cold out there."

Dean rolls over in bed and faces Sam. He looks flushed.

"And the wendigo-"

"It's fide. I'll be fide."

Sam smoothes back his hair and kisses his overheated forehead. "Yeah, you will."

Dean sniffles and turns away again to dab at his nose.

"You're all shy," Sam smiles.

Dean chokes and coughs into his elbow. "What? Doe I'b dot."

"I've known you my whole life, man. What do you think I haven't already seen?"

Thumbing his inflamed nose, Dean considers Sam. "'Sdifferedt dow."

Sam nuzzles his temple and kisses his cheek. "So?"

Dean cuddles into Sam's chest and shakes with restrained coughs that quickly turn explosive.

"I gotcha." Sam pets his back in soothing circles. "Wow. Maybe we should hit a clinic."

"'Sfide."

"Yeah. I think I heard your bronchioles exploding."

Dean groans and pulls away. "You'll catch it."

Sam drinks in the earnestness in his pale face, cards a hand through Dean's grown-out brush cut. "Really? You're worried about that?"

Dean rubs his bright eyes. "Shut up. HH-HH-HIDZZSGSHSHHSH!"

The spray catches Sam on his chin. He blinks at Dean in surprise.

"Oh by god. Oh. Dude." Crimson-skinned, Dean wipes at Sam's face with his fingers. "I'b so sorry."

Sam breaks into a huge grin. "It's OK."

"Doe, really. Oh buh - EH-HETCHCHCHCHOOO!"

Sam laughs at the expression of horror when Dean looks up from the pillow. "It's fine. I like it."

Dean sits up and blows his nose messily, facing away. "You like it?" he croaks.

Sam pats his hip from behind. "Yeah. You, sneezing. It's good. Kinda turns me on."

"IH-DKKGHSHFGK! EH-DZZHZHSHSHHSHSHHH!"

"Mmmngh." Sam gives his elbow a light tug. "Turn around. Let me see you."

Dean turns, red-faced, eyeing him dubiously. "You're so full of shit."

"I'm not! I swear to God, I'm not. Here." He peels off the covers, exposing his tented shorts. "See?"

Dean stares at his hard-on, eyebrows going up. He bobs his head once. "OK thedd." Hesitantly he ducks his bright nose to the tissues, gaging Sam.

"Yeah. Yeah, I like that. I like watching you."

He blows cautiously, but then his forehead wrinkles up, eyes squeezing shut as his chest heaves. "HAH-TCHCCHSHSHHHH!"

"Oh, God," Sam pants. "You're so fucking hot."

The sick man snuffles. "So I've beed told. Usually idd circubstadces where it bade sedse."

"Hey, come on. It's not that weird. What turns you on?"

"HH-heh..."

"Mmh. You're a machine."

"HIGG..."

Sam fingers his own lips.

"H-HIT-GXXDZZSHSHSH! CHCHCHCHCHOOOO! HET-DCHCHT!"

"Oh, fuck." Sam kisses Dean full on the mouth and brings a clean tissue to his nose. Dean takes it and clears his sinuses.

"Such a good sound," Sam murmurs, hungrily watching his lover's hands.

"You."

"What?"

Dean squelches the Kleenex and tosses it aside. He plays his fingertips over Sam's eyebrow. "What terds bee odd. It's you."

He sneezes some more, so Sam lets him get away with it.