What up with all those diaries recently? Man, you'd think everyone turned into little girls or something. By the way, this ain't no diary. This is just where I write about how stupid everyone is. So if you're reading this: hope you enjoy seeing nasty stuff about yourself, losers! And that goes double for Robbie. I see all those diaries, so I wonder if Robbie has one, so I search his room. Of course he has one. And it's pink. Man, what a dweeb. Now I gotta write on pink paper.

Oh, right: sorry I took the paper out of your diary, Rob. NOT. Hehehe. He'd just write stupid stuff anyway. Here's the first thing he wrote on the first page:

Dear Diary,

Tori said 'hi' to me in the hallway. I think she was flirting with me!

Sure, Rob. Keep dreaming.

-x-

Oh, and then that Tori chick. I'm telling you, that girl gets around. Since she got here, she already made out with two guys who had a girlfriend. I heard Danny got to second base, too. And if he can get that far, imagine how far she'd let a real man go. C'mere, Tori, I got some wood for you!

Man, I should be writing comedy instead of being stuck with these losers at their lame-ass performing school. It's not like Robbie has any talent anyway. Or any of them. I can outsing, outact and outdance every single one of those failures. Especially that older Vega, Trina. She's a fine piece of lady, as long as she keeps her mouth shut.

Damn, Robbie's taking me outside… Rex out!

-x-

Oh man, I gotta write this down. And then tell everyone tomorrow. Robbie just molested a girl. Says it was an accident, but he ain't fooling nobody. He's buying some kind of soy shake from a stand, and smacks it into the girl behind him. Got all over her shirt. So he's all 'oh my god, I'm so sorry, what can I do to make it up to you, whine whine bitch bitch'. And then he tries to rub it out with his sleeve. Here's some advice, Rob: there's better ways to feel up a girl's tits. But I guess you wouldn't know about any of that. HA!

Speaking of tits: Trina just posted a new picture on TheSlap. Damn, that girl needs to wear more low cuts, because they look good on her. I'd write more about them, but I think this is more suited for an article online.

-x-

They took down my article five minutes after it was posted. This is censorship, man. I guess free speech doesn't apply if you're under three feet tall.

Note: Cat agreed with me. At least the part about Trina needing to wear more of those low-cut shirts. Either she's confused as hell, or she's gayer than that chick from Glee. Jamie Lynn or something like that. Here, let me quote exactly what she said:

Wow, that's so true! Trina, are you reading this?

I rest my case. Also, Glee is for losers.

-x-

Asked Cat if she was gay earlier. She started rambling about how 'gay' actually means 'happy', and how she's happy most of the time. I think there was some childhood trauma in there, but I zoned out about ten seconds after she started talking. I swear, that chick needs to learn answering with just 'yes' or 'no'. Then when I tell her that, she gets all upset. Women… If they weren't so hot, I don't think I could put up with them.

Five more minutes until class starts. Gonna repost my article. They'll never bring me down. I'm sticking it to the man!

-x-

Trina read the article I wrote, and word on the street is she ain't happy about it. I regret nothing. It needed to be said. Besides, Robbie will protect me if she comes for me. Not that he stands a chance, but he could distract her long enough for me to have someone carry me outside. It sucks having such short legs. I can't walk very fast.

-x-

Got through the day unharmed. Robbie's off to see some lame movie, so I got the house all to myself. Time for me to kick back with a beverage in my hand and some hot ladies in my arms. Now, who do I call… Steph, Rache, Lissa? Man, so many hotties to choose from, and I only got two arms. It's hard to be me sometimes.

Huh… Some voice downstairs. Lady's voice, so that's cool with me. Probably came looking for me 'fore I even called. I'm like catnip to these girls. Man, they just can't spend a day without me! Come on up, sugar. Rex is waiting for ya.

Oh crap. If anyone finds this: it was Tr

Hello Robbie. Your puppet is no more. You can stop pretending he writes his own stuff now.
-Trina

P.S. How the hell did you write all that in advance? Seriously, you're messed up.

-x-

HA! You think I'm going down that easy? Man, it feels good to be alive again. That crazy bitch tore my head off, but the doctors fixed that right back up. Medical science can do miracles these days. You should've seen the look on Robbie's face when I came back. He's such a wimp. Kinda touching, but still a wimp.

Anyway, this is the last piece of paper I got left. Robbie took it all back, 'cause he's all attached to his girly pink paper. I think I'll set up a blog on TheSlap or something. Much more convenient than this stupid diary.

Journal. Not a diary. Diaries are for little girls like Beck. I'm cool and soon to be on TheSlap. See you there, losers. Rex out!

A/N: How in the…?

As you may have already guessed, this is my contribution to the diary fics that have been coming out recently. Take Rex off the checklist, baby ;D