HUMOR, PEOPLE, HUMOR.

FOR FANGIRLS ONLY. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR NOSEBLEED/UNSTOPABLE GIGGLE/ANGER.

This is prompted by Kouchagumi's Ka_Yakusoku's comic strip. the newest one. the one I woke up to and shouted at. My day started soo good because of her.

Thank you for my dear beta Blind_Alchemist sama~! She is sooooo awsome :3

Rating: M.

Main pairing: U K C H I N A. dont like dont read.

Enjoy!

Hi, my name is Elizabeta, a.k.a Hungary. I was once married to Austria when we were still young, but now he realized his real orientation and is always busy screwing around with Prussia. Not that I mind, because I realized my own orientation too. But that isn't my point. I just wanted to say that I am a very devoted yaoi fangirl. I love being the paparazzi for the growing yaoi fangirl community that I co-started with Ukraine and Taiwan. Although we have only one community, we have many different shipped pairings, and each of us follow a different shipping. My personal pick is Gilbert X my (ex) husband, but Belgium has always wanted me to change to Germancest. It sounded wrong, but it wasn't the only incest growing in our community. Taiwan, the cute, innocent-looking female Asian nation, actually ships her own brothers. She confided me to believe that every role is reversible; because although China X Japan is hawt, Japan X China is hotter. Taiwan even showed me the video once, I remembered it wasn't really consensual, but seme(!) Japan was very wonderful. In fact, I started to find the truth about how grown up younger brothers always topped their elder (for example, let say: Japan X China, or US X UK, or Germany X Prussia)….Oh, I think I got carried away. I need another new essay to prove my hypothesis.

That aside, I am not here to blabber about pairings I ship. I am here to report a very, very amusing and surprising and wonderful incident that happened last week. It was just a casual accident that I ended up inside the cupboard in my (ex) husband's room with a camera on my hand. I was innocently there, just to wait for a good scene when suddenly England and China opened the door harshly, and closed it as fast as they opened it. Now, I need to warn you, my dear community members. This is a very rare case report that none of us can predict, or ship. But it has really wonderful potential and I believed after you know what happened, you will start to love this pairing too.

They were so harsh; I was afraid that my (ex) husband's door would break. But then, I realized why they were so impatient. They were too busy locking lips—yes, my fellow sisterhood, they were kissing—no, make that French-kissing. They were all over each other; very, very hot; until even I forgot to turn on my video camera for a minute. Their lips, tongue, liquids… I was amazed. Such techniques: you cannot just imagine it, you need to see it. It is true that both of them are one of the seniors of nations—the ones old enough to be called grandpa, especially China, whom birth day dated back to the Italian twins' deceased grandparents.

Yes, they were busy locking lips and coiled around each other. As my visual field was a bit limited because of the damn cupboard doors, I could only see England's hands around China's waist and hip while China's hand was around England's chest and neck. Now, my dear sisters, I don't know where this may go, or how. Because both of them are ukes; ukes doesn't end up together. Somehow it felt wrong, due to its similarity to yuri. So I observed as close as I could, dying to know who is the bottom.

Ah, I forgot about noises. Nice noises were heard through the walls. I believe it was because both ukes have more experienced in making really sexy noises to amuse their tops. I am not a China pairings shipper, thus I only know that China has a very feminine voice. Yes, Taiwan, I am sorry, but even though you always ask me to listen to him, I never pay really attention. And I experienced firsthand the absolute endearing voices of the 5000-year-old beauty. Hands down, he even sounded sexier than my (ex) husband. To be honest, I think I need to see him afterwards to make him teach me how to moan that delicious.

And so, the endearment continued on the bed. The bed, I need to describe was very tidy king sized bed. Knowing my (ex) husband, he probably washed it every day by hand since he didn't want to pay for laundry. That aside, I need to emphasize that it was tidy, very. Because by the end of my video, the bed sheets were so soaked like it was immersed into a sea of liquid of various origins. So they continued, and now I can see where that goes. People, hold your breath! My hypothesis is true: The older a man is, the more desirable he is as a uke! China was the bottom! Yahoo!

He was pinned down by the Great Britain; who seemed to have quite an enormous strength to hold the struggling older nation down. By the way, Taiwan, I need to agree with you that the struggling nini is very cute, indeed. And I think England agreed with me, because his pirate mode was turned on; his vintage sadistic smile returned on his face, and I felt my own spine shuddered in excitement when he suddenly said, "I'll fuck you till you can only think about me, Yao."

Let me take a deep breath from fangirling first.

Yes, where was I? Oh, the wording. It was really good, and I needed to wipe my own drool. That aside, China started to cry out for help and I could see real tears—now, we all know that tears = hot scene. True to it, England played his role perfectly. His sadistic hands tore open China's shirt in one yank; I held my breath when I saw the white chest and pinkish nipples. Buttons flew everywhere, and one of them actually flew to the cupboard door I was hiding behind. Luckily it didn't shoot through my forehead, that button bullet. I was distracted for a moment because of that bullet, and I missed the scene where England tore the pants too; the next thing I saw China was only wearing boxers and the residual sleeves of his torn clothes.

The boxer was in Shinatty-chan prints. Not really what I call hot underwear, but England didn't care. Maybe because it has the small slits on the front, which usually used as the convenient windows for guys to slip their thing out and pee; somehow England viewed the pee window as a convenient tunnel. I totally agree with him, and almost squealed when I saw his hand slipped into it; and China moaned louder. My fellow sisterhood, please don't mind my nosebleed. This is just the usual reflex reaction.

The milking part would make a farmer proud. I never know that England was such a good farmer. I thought he was an industrial nation. I zoomed my video camera and watched how England juggled between milking the bottom rod and the upper pinkish nipples. Nice sucking; it was harsher than Russia's style, but not as harsh as what Prussia has done to my (ex) husband. Meanwhile, China looked like he was enjoying himself. Well, according to our uke-tionary (courtesy to Dangerous Pleasure scanslation's Seme handbook); 'no I don't want this' means 'fuck me'; 'stop it' means 'fuck me'; 'I need to sleep' is 'fuck me'; and 'what's for dinner' is 'fuck me'. So when China shouted, "let me go, you opium bastard—I am not your dinner so stop it I am tired", I think it translated as 'fuck me oh opium bastard fuck me for your dinner until I pass out fuck me harder and harder' in England's ears.

And true to the guide number 25 (Rape = love. the more you love your uke, the more right you have to rape him), Arthur used his uke-tionary instinct and started to suck on China's neck while he fingered the bottom hole of the older nation. It's OK, I am fine. These nose bleed is nothing. Oh, and I need to tell you that England still had his gloves on. People, we knew England's tendency to see dragons flying over our rooftop, and so his dragon skin gloves were the harsh kind which you use to garden with. Or scrub your dirty cooking pot with. But it did very good job in fingering his uke; and China moaned even louder. He was in pain because his hole was still dry.

Then, something wonderful happened. Remember that both of our main actors are ukes. So they know how hurt it was to be entered while dry. England stopped for a while and opened his gloves. Then, somehow I think China regained his consciousness and strength, because he flipped around and sat on England by the next second. China hissed that he refused to be a bottom for England. I thought it was the turning point of everything, and apparently, they are really reversible. Yet I was wrong, my dear sisters, because England shut China's mouth by shoving his fingers into the Asian's mouth.

England smirked while ordering China to suck on it. China tried to bite the fingers, but he lost his balance when England's other hand slipped two fingers into his naked ass. England regained his status as the seme in no time, and he changed the dry fingers with moist ones covered in China's saliva.

By this point, I think China has already surrendered completely. He became very meek, ass moving and struggling, trying to get those fingers out, but he failed. The movement even encouraged England to shove those fingers deeper. But apparently, England has switched on the 'uke mode' of China, because the older nation started to grope England's pants and tried to pull out the blonde's device from his pants. In no time, the Great Britain's 'Great London'—vital area—was free for action. China sighed deliciously, which signaled that he was ready.

So began the rarest, most wonderful kind of endearment I had ever seen in my entire career as the main paparazzi for this community. I need to excuse myself now, due to this massive bleeding from my nose; but I am proud to say that the rest is available in the video, and you can see it yourself in our locked community in Live Journal. And also, I need to say that England has a really good stamina, since he came thrice and still inside. Oh, and China was exhausted to the point of having dry orgasm, and fainted. If you want to discuss or ask about anything, please send me a message at my facebook account. I am sorry, I need to excuse myself; I am getting dizzy from blood losttttttttttttttttttttt

Headline news Heterosexualia community at LJ:

Dear members, we are currently weeping over Elizabeta's inability to supply new gossips and photos; she is currently on strict bed rest by Roderich due to the massive blood loss yesterday night. We need to pray for her to get well soon and thank her for her struggle against all odds to provide us with such a delicious video.

We are currently seeking moderators and contributors for temporary substitution of her. If you are interested, please comment below and state your name, ability and favourite pairings. Any contributions will be greatly appreciated.

Also, we need to warn you: please watch the video in caution (best with a first aid kits and towels nearby) because we have received 7 cases of hospitalized sisters due to severe nosebleeding after watching the video.

Sincerely yours,

Taiwan, moderator Heterosexualia LJ Comm.

PS: IT IS REALLY HAWT. I THINK UK X CHINA IS THE BEST NOW.

review?