Author: Moosxaxlot

Disclaimer: As if any of you actually believe I'd own any of this. I borrowed concepts from Glee, obviously. All the songs and a great deal of my inspiration is from Wicked which is amazing.

Author's Note: This is my attempt to jump back onto the fanfiction writing bandwagon. I've been toying with the idea of writing Glee fanfiction for over a month now. I have seven plot ideas. I got to this one first, so I thought I'd see what everyone thought before trying my hand at another. I am not adverse to the idea of writing another chapter or sequel of some sort, though I wrote this as a one shot.

Summary: It's just not a normal day without the threat of a slushie attack here, a horrid argyle sweater there, and the green-skinned elephant in the room that just won't stop. unrequited!Kurt/Finn, Kurt/Puck, Finn/Rachel

Rating: T

Word count: 10,497


Appendix

"Fellow Ozians," Kurt stated softly, looking out over his colorfully dressed friends as he prepped himself to start into the song. He was impressed by most of their fashion choices but knew he was the best dressed in the crowd. Not many people could successfully pull off a full silver suit with a matching tie, after all. "Let us be glad, let us be grateful, let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue, the wicked workings of you know who! Isn't it nice to know that good will conquer evil? The truth we all believe'll by and by, outlive a lie, for you and-"

"No one mourns the wicked!" Dave Karofsky suddenly intoned, half yelling half singing. Kurt sort of glared at him, but was cut off from saying anything when Azimio added his piece.

"No one cries, they won't return!"

"No one lays a lily on their grave!" Karofsky and Azimio sang out together and Kurt sighed before jumping in surprise as another football jock rushed into his line of sight yelling.

"The good man scorns the wicked!" the countertenor may have been even more surprised by this if he wasn't gaping at Quinn Fabray, Shelby Corcoran, and Terri Schuester as they ran up holding hands.

"Through their lives our children learn," they sang, smiling triumphantly when Azimio and Karofsky joined them for the next part.

"What we miss when we misbehave!"

Realizing he wasn't going to get a word in edgewise, Kurt resorted to his higher register and broke back into the song. "And goodness knows the wicked's lives are lonely. Goodness knows the wicked die alone." his face took on a slightly sad expression before he could bring himself to continue. "It just shows when your wicked your left only on your own."

"Yes, goodness knows the wicked's lives are lonely," the five from before began and Kurt's eyes kind of widened as several Cheerios and jocks started to join them, all singing along.

"Goodness knows the wicked cry alone! Nothing grows for the wicked they reap only what they've sown." and maybe here would be a good place for him to interrupt again, after all, they were all sort of just staring at him now as if he was suppose to say something.

"Are people born wicked?" he asked, perhaps surprising a few of them as he stepped forward and into their midst. He placed a hand on Karosky's shoulder, smiling sadly, "Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them?" he moved away again, sighing dramatically. "After all, she had a mother," Shelby stepped forward here and he stepped back to encourage the crowd to make room. "She had two wonderful fathers." he smiled as Leroy and Hiram bustled out of the crowd of jocks to smile brightly. "Perhaps this is a bit rare, but she was brought up in a loving home, as so many are."

Music started playing but Kurt could only frown as Leroy sang, totally ignoring Shelby. "How I hate to go and leave you lonely,"

"That's okay, it's only just one night!" Hiram assured him, hugging his husband before pulling away so Leroy could begin forcing himself back into the crowd.

"But know that you're here in my heart while I'm out of your sight!"

"And like every family, they had their secrets?" Kurt asked, a little confused. Shelby came forward now, rubbing her stomach as if there were a child inside. He got the vague notion that perhaps this wasn't entirely correct, but for manner's sake he refrained from voicing his thoughts aloud when Shelby began to sing.

"I'll have another drink, my dark eyed beauty, just nine more months left here in town! So I'll have this drink of green elixir and I'll have myself a little mixer!" she began dancing then with a series of men that worked their way through the jocks and Cheerios who were watching with awe. "I'll have another little swallow, little lady, and then lay down!" none of the men pulled anything on Shelby as she made her way over to a couch that was quickly pushed back into the center where Hiram and Leroy now stood waiting anxiously.

"It's coming!" Shelby cried and Hiram and Leroy looked absolutely pleased.

"Now?" Hiram asked, turning to Leroy. Leroy turned back to him, grabbing his hands tightly as he replied.

"The baby's coming!"

"And how?" Hiram parroted back excitedly.

"I see a nose!" Leroy chimed.

"I see a curl!" Hiram shot back.

"It's a healthy, perfect, lovely, little-" they both cut off suddenly as Shelby looked down and screamed.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Hiram asked, eyes widening as Kurt troubled his lip and couldn't help but to think that these lines were being said all wrong and he knew he should have intervened by now, but honestly, he was curious.

"How can it be? What does it mean?" Shelby intoned, looking slightly horrified. "It's atrocious! It's obscene!" she continued, suddenly getting up and backing away from the two fathers. "Like a froggy, ferny cabbage the baby is unnaturally-" suddenly all the Cheerios, jocks, and generally everyone who wasn't Leroy or Hiram suddenly yelled out.

"Green!"

"Take it away." Shelby muttered dejectedly toward the still confused fathers. "Take it away!" she shrieked when it appeared they still hadn't moved. They clambered to obey her, running off with a little bundle clutched tightly between them as Shelby stormed back into the crowd. Kurt knew now was his chance.

"So you see, it couldn't have been easy!" he scoffed, kicking at the ground in frustration when everyone ignored him in favor of continuing their song.

"No one mourns the wicked!" Karofsky sang loudly and everyone joined him soon after.

"No one mourns the wicked! Now at last she's dead and gone! Now at last there's joy across the land!"

Kurt glared at them, but they merely continued signing. Resigning himself, he echoed their sentiments. "And goodness knows, we know what goodness is. Goodness knows the wicked die alone!" his voice soared as he found himself singing alone once more. "She died alone!" he belted out, trying to stop the tears threatening to fall from his lashes after all this absurd business.

Karofsky again led his fellow Ozians in song, "Woe to those," he began and the crowd echoed him, "Who spurn what goodness is! They are shown, no one mourns the wicked!"

"Good news!" Kurt cried out, earning himself some satisfied smirks.

"No one mourns the wicked!" the crowd supplied helpfully.

"Good news!" the countertenor added in.

"No one mourns the wicked! Wicked! Wicked!"

Kurt took several deep breaths, wiping furiously at his eyes as Azmio approached him accusingly.

"Kurt! Is it true you were her friend?" he asked, holding up a slushie in warning. Kurt scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"God no, you insult me! A girl with her tastes? My friend?" he asked, looking highly offended. He faltered suddenly, really thinking over the question. "Well... It depends on what you mean by friend. I did know her. God, who didn't? With those horrible argyle sweaters and clashing colors and knee high socks and short skirts?" he had to take several deep breaths to stop the onslaught of horrifying fashion crimes that accosted his memory and even then if took him several more moments to wipe his eyes free of the tears and continue his response. "That is, our paths did cross. At school." he growled weakly and ran from the stage with all the remaining adults.

The jocks and Cheerios broke into groups, milling about to gossip. They all jumped as Sue Sylvester stormed into the center of all the commotion with a bright blue track suit and her megaphone held high. "Stupid, snot-nosed babies! Get into your lines! Sing our school's anthem!" as everyone rushed to obey, she scoffed. "You think this is hard? Try getting into a fight with a professional sumo wrestler!" she shrieked much to the dismay of several of the students as they hurried to adjust their outfits. "That's hard!" she added for good measure as Kurt scuttled back on stage in a decidedly less flashy outfit (a pair of simple back skinny jeans, a light blue button-up shirt, black dress shoes, and a silver scarf) and took his spot with everyone else.

"Oh hallowed halls and vine-draped walls, the proudliest sight there is! When gray and sere our hair half turned, we will still revere the lessons learned in our days at dear old Shiz! Our days at dear old-" they all cut off as Kurt stepped forward with a flourish.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, ol'!" he supplied, and his fellow students nodded reassuringly before they joined him.

"Dear old Shiz!"

"Sloppy!" Sue berated, throwing her hands down in frustration. They all sighed and went back to their own business as she approached Jacob Ben Israel to comment rudely about his outfit.

Kurt found himself surrounded by jocks and Cheerios and offered them his best smile as a blonde haired girl draped herself over him and spoke. "I didn't see you all summer, Kurt." she said, voice a bit spacy as she considered him for a few moments. "I guess that means you weren't lost in the sewers."

"I remained above ground, Brittany, thank you for expressing your care." he told her as he gently detached her from his side and the crowd leaned forward expectantly to hear more except for Mercedes who was just grinning knowingly.

"You best tell them before they go apeshit on your ass, white boy!" she said, laughing lightly as he smirked toward her. "And don't you dare go leaving me out of your stories!" she added, reaching down from the step she was seated on. He reached up and as their fingers brushed they wiggled them with a flourish.

"I wouldn't dream of it, 'Cedes!" he answered.

On the other end of the stage, Rachel appeared rolling in Artie. "Rachel! I am perfectly capable of maneuvering my own wheelchair!" he growled.

"But Artie! Dad told me to look out for you..." she muttered, readjusting her pastel green argyle sweater and smoothing down her yellow and black plaid skirt before offering him her most pathetic frown.

"I'll be enough of an outcast in this chair!" he groaned, staring resolutely away from her. "I don't need your horrible fashion sense and overall irritating attitude contributing. Not to mention the elephant in the room, your green skin!" he said and she frowned further.

"Shut it, Artie!" she said softly, crossing her arms over her chest as the boy stuck his tongue out.

"Ew!" Mercedes suddenly exclaimed, cutting Kurt off before he could begin his story. His eyes followed her gaze and his face filled with disgust.

"Oh my Gucci!" he gasped, clutching at his clothes as if completely scandalized. "The sweater! Someone burn it!" he placed a hand over his eyes before stalking over to Rachel. "I hope your religion involves the ceremonial burning of that travesty you're allowing yourself to wear." he growled and she had the audacity to look offended.

"My choice of clothing is none of your business!" she screeched, one hand flying to her hip. Kurt mimicked the action, unconsciously using it to run a hand through his hair first.

"Forcing my eyes to take in the clashing shades of that... that thing and your skin tone makes it my business!" he cried back, seeing Artie trying to wheel away out of the corner of his eyes. Rachel's anger came to an all-time high and she just shrieked indignantly.

Suddenly everyone was backing away, leaving Kurt and Mercedes to stare wide-eyed at Artie as the poor boy's chair began to roll all over the place with no one pushing it. Out of nowhere, Sue reappeared and grabbed the handles, forcing the thing to still as she started yelling.

"Pathetic! Stop this at once or teenaged drama will be the least of your meaningless worries!"

Rachel suddenly looked horrified and the chair stopped struggling in the teacher's grasp. Kurt rushed forward, worry on his face as look looked over the wheelchair bound boy. "Are you alright?" he asked softly and smiled when he received a nod. "I'm Kurt Hummel. That smokin' lady is Mercedes Jones." he introduced, pointing to Mercedes with an ever-widening grin. "Let's be best friends, hmm? Then you don't have to deal with that." he added, grabbing the handles of the chair from Sue. He paused just before they could enter the wing. Wasn't the person in the wheelchair suppose to be a girl? He didn't have to to think of that now though, so he hurried Artie past the curtains. He reappeared a moment later, eyes wide as he started toward the Armani bag he'd left behind. He stopped when he heard Sue speaking, however, and hid behind a conveniently placed bush.

"Rachel, hmm? Well, you're a freak of nature so I'm insisting you join the ridiculous class Figgins makes me run. Of course it will only run during times inconvenient to you because I have champions to teach. My Cheerios have seven consecutive national championships and no green girl with magic powers is getting in the way of their victory." the teacher finished, snorting as she started in Kurt's direction. "Not bad, Lady-face." she sneered as she passed him and he turned bright red. "You managed to conceal yourself for about three seconds. If this were the war, your coordinates would have been reported back to the snipers. However, this is high school and none of your fellow students can be trusted with sniping riffles, so I'll let you off this time. Now, for the soul purpose of you getting your work done so my star Cheerio does get kicked off the team, go get your bag." and off Sue Sylvester went, smirking all the way.

Kurt sighed and pulled himself from his hiding spot. "There aren't supposed to be Cheerios in this." he muttered to himself, frowning as he passed a baffled Rachel and snatched up his bag. "What are you looking at?" he hissed as her eyes found his and she smiled a little sweetly.

"Did that really just happen?" he sang softly and Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Just stop now." he demanded softly, but she didn't pay him any attention.

"Have I actually understood?"

Growling to himself, Kurt fled the stage to avoid the rest of the song. Back in the wing he really started to think about all this. The characters were all wrong. The lines were all wrong. Everything was just... wrong! However, he couldn't bring himself to try and fix it. It was as he were underwater and the only actions he was capable of were those predestined him. He sighed in frustration, wondering why on earth he could hear Mercedes arguing with someone. Why couldn't he understand what she was saying? He couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips as he sauntered back on stage, however, and his worries were forcibly forgotten. Behind him, a group of jocks were lugging bags with them, piling them up delicately and offering smiles as they moved to stand in a haphazard group on the other side of the stage.

"Thanks, boys." he chimed, offering them a flirtatious wave as his eyes moved toward an angry Sue Sylvester as she stalked back on stage.

"Jones, Fabray. Room 15. Go." Sue spat, looking down at a list. Quinn and Mercedes grabbed their bags and made a break for it, passing by Finn who was walking toward the group while whistling loudly. "You! Stop that idiotic noise of joy or I will personally see you abandoned on a deserted island in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico without food or other such essential supplies." she hissed.

He blinked and stopped. "Yes, ma'am. Sorry." he mumbled

"Shut up!" Sue growled, looking back at her list. "Hudson, Puckerman. Room 30. Go." she said next and Finn looked slightly surprised.

"Just in time, I suppose." he mumbled as Puck slowly grabbed his things.

"Hey Hummel," Puck said as he started off, but Kurt was too entranced with the new boy to give him any time. Rolling his eyes, Puck decided to leave it at the for now as he grabbed Finn's arm, jerking to force him to stop staring at Kurt, and dragged him toward the wings. "No fricken' way new guy, Hummel is going to be mine this year."

"He was staring at me." Finn pointed out but followed along behind his new roommate without a fight. It seemed no one noticed Rachel also staring at Finn. That or no one cared.

"Lopez, Pierce. Room 17. Go." Sue went on, glaring after the boys she'd just sent off. The two girls giggled, linked pinkies, and hurried off. "Hummel, Berry. Room 26. Go."

"Coach Sylvester, he's a boy! I can't room with a boy!" Rachel cried suddenly, looking scandalized.

"I'm queer as a three dollar bill, Berry. So shut your green lips and grab some of my bags for me." he answered, though he did not look any more pleased about the rooming arrangements than she did. Glaring, Rachel stalked off without helping him and Kurt sighed. "Whatever, bitch." he muttered, grabbing a few of his things and sending a winning smile toward the boys as he left the stage.

Rachel stepped back on the stage first, only now it was their room. Kurt immediately dropped the bags he'd bothered to grab onto the bed Rachel had been about to claim and started digging through one.

"Hey!" she squealed, but he paid her no mind as he managed to get out a piece of paper and a pen.

"Ah-ha!" he let out triumphantly, ignoring the curses she shot at him as she pulled out her own paper. "My dear and wonderful Popsicle," he sighed out, smiling broadly as two jocks slipped into the room to leave some of his forgotten luggage. "Thanks Matt, Mike." he said with a flirtatious smile as the two nodded and hurried away.

"To my two wonderful dads," Rachel said, casting a glare toward him before they both joined each other to sing.

"There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz!"

"But of course I'll care for Artie!" as Rachel declared this, Kurt couldn't help but to think they had the wrong stage set-up. He squashed these thoughts as it was once again his turn to sing.

"But of course I'll rise above it!" he sang, casting her a glare. She joined him as he continued.

"For I know that's how you'd want me to respond... Yes. There's been some confusion for you see my roommate is-" they cut off and Kurt smirked as he sang by himself.

"Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe!" he took the interlude between his singing and Rachel's line to quickly add in, "She has no sense of fashion!"

"Male!" Rachel said indignantly and as they both stood to glare at each other properly she sighed and made a big deal of erasing the word from her paper. "Rude."

"What is this feeling, so sudden and new?" Kurt broke in and Rachel looked affronted as she took the next part.

"I felt the moment I laid eyes on you!" she yelled.

"My pulse is rushing," he complained.

"My head is reeling!" she spat back.

"My face is flushing! Where's my moisturizer?" he complained, peeking toward the wings to see if any jocks were bringing more of his belongings.

"What is this feeling?" they sang together and Kurt smiled as Sam and another jock shuffled into the room to drop off some of his bags. "Fervid as a flame, does it have a name?" during the pause, Kurt pulled out a tube of lotion from a bag and began to delicately apply it to his face as they continued. "Yes! Loathing! Unadulterated loathing!"

"For your face!" Kurt spat at her as he returned the tube to his bag.

"Your voice!" Rachel supplied, hands on her hips again.

"Your clothing!" he assured her with a sneer.

"Let's just say I loathe it all! Every little trait however sma-"

"Shut up!" Sue said, forcing herself into the room, gripping a jock's ear in either hand. "Hummel, get the rest of your bags! I will not tolerate a lazy Cheerio."

"Sorry coach, of course coach!" he said, eyes widening by more than a fraction as he scurried out into the wing. Rachel looked a little uncomfortable and rushed out of the room herself so she wouldn't be left alone with the coach of the cheerleaders who would soon be teaching her the ins and outs of magic.

For several minutes, Kurt was rather confused. He couldn't seem to remember what his next cue was suppose to be and he could hear some rather vicious arguing. When he managed to peek out at the stage he saw Finn and Puck were responsible this time.

"I'm going to sing the damn song, Hudson!" Puck was growling, waving a fist in the taller boy's direction.

"It's my part, Puck!" Finn countered as Brittany and Santana skipped onto the stage.

"Stop the violence!" Brittany said, whimpering suddenly and Santana gave them an evil glare.

"Sing it as a duet, you idiots." the Latino suggested (read: hissed) and Kurt couldn't help the smile that graced his face as he suddenly remembered what he was suppose to do. As Puck started singing, he sashayed out onto the stage, grinning as someone shoved a box toward him.

"The trouble with schools is they always seem to teach the wrong lesson," the mohawked boy sang, sending Kurt an appreciative look as he male got closer. His face fell into a frown as Kurt passed him up to hug Brittany and start up a conversation with the blonde and Santana. The latter of which took the box from him for safe-keeping.

"Believe me, I've been kicked out of enough of them to know!" Finn cut in, unable to look away from the three himself.

"They want you to become less callow." Puck complained.

"Less... shallow." Finn agreed with a nod.

"But I say: why invite stress in? Stop studying strife, and learn to live the unexamined life!" Puck added and Finn looked sort of panicked as Puck broke out into some rather complicated dance moves. Trying to keep composed himself, he struggled to keep up and sang the next bit.

"Dancing through life, skimming the surface, gliding where turf is smooth!" he tripped over his feet and the shorter jock let out a laugh as he took over.

"Life's more painless when you're brainless! Why think so hard when it's so soothing?" Finn run a shoulder into Puck to shut him up so he could take over the next few lines.

"Dancing through life! No need to tough it when you can slough it off as I do!" it was Puck's turn to shoulder Finn and he did so with a gusto.

"Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters! It's just life," he winked toward Finn and the taller boy reluctantly joined him.

"So keep dancing though!" Kurt finally turned around to look the boys over, knowing somewhere in his mind that they really shouldn't be trading lines like this.

"Boys," he said softly, impeding the process of the song. Puck gave him bedroom eyes and Finn stared at him adoringly and pushed past the tanned male to get closer to the countertenor.

"So, what's the most swankified place in town?" he asked softly and Kurt beamed.

"That would be the Ozdust Ballroom." he informed the boy, reaching up to sweep his bangs in to place with a coy smile.

"Sounds perfect!" Finn nodded obligingly and grabbed Kurt's hand. "Let's go down to the Ozdust Ballroom, we'll meet there later tonight! We can dance 'till it's bright. Find the prettiest girl, give her a whirl!" The smaller boy laughed and did a few spins as they started in on their dance. If it were possible, Puck's glare would have killed Finn then and there.

"He called you a girl!" Puck tried, but Kurt wasn't paying any attention. Santana and Brittany pulled the scowling boy to one side as Finn clumsily tried to keep his footing.

"Right on down to the Ozdust Ballroom! Come on, follow me! You'll be happy to be there!" Finn sang and several jocks and Cheerios piled on stage to join in the dance and song.

"Dancing through life, down at the Ozdust!" they all cried and Finn gave his silly, lopsided smile as Kurt winked smugly at them all.

"If only because dust is what we come to!" Finn added into the mix as Puck dodged his way through the dancers to get closer to Kurt.

"Nothing matters but knowing nothing matters, it's just life," their peers sang as Puck finally made it, tapping Kurt on the arm as Finn turned to the crowd to sing.

"So keep dancing through!" as he was surrounded by admirers, Finn seemed to forget about Kurt momentarily and Puck took advantage of the situation as Kurt turned to look at him.

"What do you want, Pukerman?"

"Look Kurt, that guy is totally straight! He's just using your obvious popularity! Come with me to the Ozdust instead." Puck growled. Kurt just glared at him.

"Maybe it has escaped your notice, but you've bullied me for years despite my popularity. I'm not interested in you and you're not interested in me! Just because someone is showing some genuine interest, you have no right to try and ruin it." Kurt hissed, turning away from Puck as Brittany found her way over to them.

"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt!" the blonde cried, throwing herself into his arms.

"What is it, Britt sweetie?" he asked, patting her back obligingly before attempting to pry her off. On the other end of the stage, Artie wheeled himself in, looking longingly toward all the dancing and happy people.

"Take me to the Ozdust? Sanny... she won't..." at Brittany's sad look, Kurt's own face fell and he looked around a little desperately. Everyone just appeared much too busy to pay any attention to the sad blonde Cheerio. He was just losing hope when he spotted Artie across the crowd.

"You're so sweet, Brittany, but we've talked about this. I'm capital 'g' Gay." Brittany nodded as if she didn't really get what this had to do with anything. "You know what would be even sweeter?" she tilted her head to the side and he smiled brightly and pointed toward Artie. "See that tragically wonderful boy? The one in the chair?" Brittany nodded enthusiastically and Kurt smirked brightly. "It seems so unfair we should go on a spree, and not he. Gee, I know someone would be my hero if that someone were to go invite..." Kurt's voice faltered for a moment and he got the sense once more that this just wasn't quite right. "him." he finished weakly, but Brittany was already fighting her way through the crowd.

"Kurt!" Puck tried again, but the countertenor ignored him and turned back to Finn, tapping him impatiently on the arm.

"So..?" he asked expectantly and Finn gave another lopsided grin.

"So I'll be picking you up around... eight?" he asked and Kurt absolutely beamed.

"After all," he muttered, giggling as Finn took his hand to lead him toward the front of the crowd. "Now that we've met one another," he sang softly, kicking it up a notch when Finn joined him.

"It's clear we deserve each other!"

"You're perfect!" Kurt gushed, hardly able to contain himself. Finn looked uncertain for several seconds before plastering on another smile.

"You're perfect!" he parroted and Kurt looked pleased as they joined in song once more.

"So we're perfect together! Born to be forever dancing through life!"

Puck huffed and disappeared into the crowd as Kurt began to excitedly gossip with Mercedes as Finn stood awkwardly nearby, eyes roaming over the crowd to fall on Rachel who had just joined Artie. Artie looked a little flushed, smile only slipping when he saw the green girl nearing him. Brittany had wandered back into the crowd and was now dancing in a group of jocks.

"Oh Rachel, did you hear what Kurt helped me with?" Artie muttered and he looked almost a little guilty. "Finally for this one night, I'm about to have a fun night! With this Cheerio that Kurt found for me!" he started but Rachel held up a hand. "Rachel please, try to understand?"

"I do," Rachel sang softly, meeting Finn's eyes with such a sad expression that Artie wheeled himself forward and opened his arms, enveloping her in a hug just as Kurt looked up and followed Finn's gaze.

"Excuse me a moment, dears." he muttered to Brittany and Mercedes, taking the box Santana offered back to him and gripping it tightly as he shoved his way through the crowd. "Hey, Rachel!" he cried as he got closer and she pulled away from Artie with a slight glare.

"Listen, Kurt. Artie and I were just talking about you." she said warningly but Kurt held up a hand to silence her.

"I was just talking about you." He assured her with a grin as he held up the box. "This is for you, roomie." he added with a wink at the end of his sentence and watched with bated breath as she took the box from him.

"A hat?" she asked blandly, pulling out a rather bland black hat that camp up into a horrible point at the end. He nodded enthusiastically. Artie used the opportunity to escape and rolled off stage.

"It's really... uh... sharp! Don't you think?" Kurt sang, he glanced around and caught Santana's eye. They both nodded and he stepped closer to Rachel, putting and arm across her shoulders and bringing her toward the wings and sort of indicating she should go. When she seemed reluctant, he continued. "You know black is this year's pink! You deserve each other, this hat and you! You're both so... smart! You deserve each other so here, out of the goodness of my heart!" Rachel finally nodded enthusiastically and rushed off stage, hat in hand. Kurt smirked and followed after her.

The jocks and Cheerios still on stage made a lap behind some props, their quick changes leaving them in dance club attire as they paired up and began a complicated dance. Kurt and Finn joined them soon after, the former dressed in pink and silver plaid skinny jeans, a matching fedora, a pink button-up shirt with a silver design across the right shoulder, and silver combat boots. Finn was wearing a plain white dress shirt and black pants and looking a little uninterested as the male soprano pulled him out to join the dance. Much stumbling ensued as Brittany entered with Artie.

"Uhm, Artie?" she said softly and he held a hand up before she could go on.

"I know, Brittany. You only came here with me because you felt sorry for me. You're a sweet girl, it's alright. I understand." he said softly and she looked rather flabbergasted.

"That's not it!" she tried to assure him, but he was having none of it. "I mean, that like, was why, but like now-"

"It's really okay, Brittany. I get it." Artie said.

"So we can like, dance now, right?" Brittany asked in a last ditch effort. Artie kind of nodded and she grinned brilliantly as she wheeled him onto the dance floor.

Suddenly all the dancing stopped as Rachel entered wearing the hideous hat Kurt had thrust upon her. Pointing and laughing began and Kurt suddenly looked a little sheepish. Finn hadn't joined in, just stared at Rachel with a contemplative look on his face and suddenly Kurt turned to him.

"Finn, I'm sorry. I promise, we can do this again." he whispered, hurrying forward. Rachel couldn't even bring herself to look at him as he got close enough. "Rachel..." he whispered, seeing the tears stopped him in his tracks and he suddenly got a determined look on his face. "Let's dance." he whispered and she looked up sharply.

"What?"

"Let's dance!" he burst out, tugging on her wrist and joining her in a quick, complicated version of what everyone else had been doing before as all the other students broke out into song around them.

"Dancing through life, down at the Ozdust, if only because dust is what we come to! And the strange thing, your life could end up changing while you're dancing through!"

Kurt and Rachel burst into giggles and exited the stage hand in hand. As they reentered, it was once again their room. "Miss Rachel, you rock that hat harder than the Wizard rocks wishes." he informed her as they both jumped onto her bed.

"No, it's ridiculous. Everyone was laughing." she told him, hitting him lightly on the back of the head.

"Either way, we're both going to be famous someday and I am not letting you rock the house in that ugly argyle sweater." Kurt snapped, rolling off the bed and picking at the clothing in question with disgust. "Now that we're friends, I'm making you my new project. No if, and's, or but's. So shut it, Berry." he growled.

She sighed, standing up. "As long as we get rid of this hat." she muttered, throwing it across the stage. Kurt smirked.

"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I," he began, circling her as he thought over what look to try on his new project. "And let's face, who isn't less fortunate than I?" he asked, laughing at his own good fortune as he took her hand and forced her to spin closer to him. "My tender heart tends to start to bleed." she rolled her eyes and he grinned as he ripped off the arglye sweater and examined the button-up shirt she had on under it. "And when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over!" he declared, looking smug. "I know I know exactly what they need!" he paused, rushing over to he dresser and pulling out a brush. When he came back over he pushed her down on the bed and parted her hair to his liking with a grin. "And even in your case, though it's the toughest case I've yet to face," he threw the brush over to his own bed and contemplated the change in her appearance. "Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed. Just follow my lead and yes indeed you will be popular!" he cried, falling into a fit of giggles as he removed his hat and shoved it onto her head, admiring the contrast is had with her green skin.

"Kurt!" she cried, turning to look at him. She was just sure he'd teased her again. He sat up slowly, a sincere smile taking his face.

"Why Miss Rachel," he said, leaning over to the bedside table to grab a mirror. "Look at you. You are one smokin' woman." he assured her, holding up the reflective surface. She smiled slightly, seeing herself and finally leaned down to give him a hug.

"I've got to go, Kurt." she whispered suddenly, pulling back and running off. He frowned, grabbing his mirror and using it to fix his hair.

"You're welcome!" he called, huffing slightly. "Ungrateful bitch."

He heard that weird arguing again and glanced into the wings to see Rachel and Mercedes having a glaring match. "White boy does not want to hear you wailing all day, Berry." his best friend was growling. "Do it and I will cut you." Kurt couldn't help but smile, whatever Rachel had done, he knew Mercedes would always do what was best for him.

"That is completely unfair, Mercedes! He appreciates my contributions as a fellow performer!" she argued, and Kurt sighed. Maybe if he came closer they would stop arguing.

He moved offstage only to find himself being pushed back out by a grinning Mercedes. He pulled out a book after Mercedes squeezed his hand, leaving him with a "I love you, boo." and Rachel suddenly came up behind him.

"Kurt, I'm sorry for just running off before. I had to meet with coach Sylvester." she informed him softly. And he raised en eyebrow. Somewhere in his head he was pretty sure he'd missed something. He had the vague feeling that maybe she should have been pouting or somehow upset but forgot about it as she spoke again. "Kurt, come with me to the Emerald City!" He grinned from ear to ear.

"I've always wanted to go to the Emerald City!" he cried, throwing the book aside and griping her hand.

"There are buildings tall as Quoxwood trees!" she sang out, running toward the back of the stage with him. They both dove behind some props and came out dressed entirely in green. His own outfit consisted of an elaborate green coat that reached his thighs, a light green button-up shirt, a two-toned green bow tie that matched the jacket, green skinny jeans, a pair of green boots, and a wonderful fedora that matched his bow tie. He was pleased to note Rachel's outfit at least matched her complexion and did not consist of argyle.

"Dress salons!" he added with a grin.

"And libraries!" she gushed, pausing to stare longingly toward one of the wings as if the building she described stood there.

"Palaces!" he squealed, pointing and dragging her toward the other end of the stage. She gamely followed before pointing out toward the front.

"Museums!" she informed him and he grinned as he joined her in song.

"A hundred strong! There are wonders like I've never seen!"

"It's all grand!" he sighed, doing a little twirl while tipping his green hat.

"And it's all green!" Rachel noted, grabbing his arm again as several of the Cheerios and jocks came out dressed in an assortment of green outfits from various parts of the stage.

"And I think we've found the place where we belong!" he sang with her, twirling her grandly as she gave a little laugh. "I wanna be in this hoi polloi!"

"So I'll be back for good someday!" Rachel promised and he nodded as they danced away from each other.

"To make my life and make my way, but for today we'll wander and enjoy!" they sang out together, grinning broadly and dancing back toward each other as everyone on stage joined their song and took turns dancing with either of them.

"One short day in the Emerald City! One short day to have a lifetime of fun! What a way to be seeing the City!" At this point Kurt and Rachel found their way back to each other and Kurt sort of got the feeling part of their song was missing as they stared at each other dreamily and sang together once more.

"Where so many roam to, we'll call it home too! And then just like now we can say: we're just two friends!"

"Two good friends," Rachel said a little sadly and Kurt just grinned. He could have more than one best friend and he was going to let Miss Rachel Berry know that.

"Two best friends!" he corrected her, winking and she broke into the biggest smile he'd ever seen from her. As they hugged, the crowd around them picked up the tune.

"Sharing one wonderful one short-!" they were cut off when a messenger ran on stage and grinned toward Rachel.

"The Wizard will see you now!" he cried and though Kurt was surprised he grinned right along with Rachel as she dragged him into the wings the messenger had come from and the rest of the stage finished the song.

"Day!"

When they came back to the stage, William Schuester sat there in an elaborate outfit, fiddling with a stack of papers in his hand. "Ah, you're here!" he cried as they came closer. He shoved the papers into their faces and Kurt's eyes widened.

"Mr. Shue!" he cried, taking his papers before stepping backward.

"That's The Wizard to you!" Will informed him and Kurt clamped his jaw shut while Rachel stared at the older man with undisguised admiration.

"I just wanted to let you know that you're amazing and you won't regret this, I promise!" she squealed and Kurt poked her in the ribs to shut her up. Will opened his mouth again.

"I am a sentimental man," he sang softly, smiling a bit sadly as he looked them over. "Who always longed to be a father. That's why I always do the best I can to treat each citizen of Oz as a son- or daughter." he added, frowning as he glanced at Kurt who quickly scoffed.

"That's great, The Wizard, but Rachel and I are pretty busy. Could you speed this up?"

"Yeah, sure. Basically, I want Rachel to do some pretty controversial spells so I can rule the world. Cool?" Will asked, turning toward the girl. Rachel beamed at the attention and Kurt got the feeling she wasn't suppose to be so happy about this.

"Of course, Mr. Shue!" she said, taking a book he offered her and getting to work on the spell immediately. Kurt frowned. Why did she get to call him Mr. Shue? Not fair.

"Rach, sweatheart, this is kind of illegal." he informed her, tapping her shoulder. She rolled her eyes.

"Kurt, the Wizard of Oz asked me to do this! I have to!" Kurt frowned but didn't say anything.

There was the sound of a door being slammed open and Sue was suddenly in the room. "William! I thought I smelled the rotten pie the elves in your hair have been slaving over for weeks." she sneered, stepping forward. "And you're letting that girl perform illegal spells. I'm impressed with your newly grown backbone. Let's perform a citizen's arrest, hmm?"

Kurt's eyes widened and he clutched Rachel's wrist. "We've got to go, Rachel!" he cried, tugging her out of the room and into the wings at full speed as she suddenly seemed to figure out what was going on. She'd even managed to grab the spell book.

When they returned, the stage was a new room and Kurt began to pace quickly as Rachel moved to barricade the door. "That won't hold long." she mumbled and he finally stopped to look at her as her eyes slit to glare at him. "I hope you're happy!" she spat. "I hope your happy now! I hope your happy how you hurt my cause forever! I hope you think you're clever!" Rachel's hands found her hips as she set the book down on the ground next to her.

"I hope you're happy!" Kurt sneered back, one hand smoothing his hair before his arms crossed defiantly. "I hope you're happy too! I hope you're proud how you would grovel in submission, to feed all his ambition!" he couldn't even bring himself to look at her as she joined him in the song.

"And though I can't imagine how, I hope you're happy right now!" there was a pause and he made himself look. The second their eyes locked, both their postures sagged and he bustled forward to grab her hands with both his own.

"Rach, listen to me. Just say you're sorry." he whispered, transferring her hand into just one of his own as he reached forward to push some of her hair out of her face. "You can still make up with the Wizard, what you've worked and waited for," he sang softly and though he didn't think they'd discussed it like they were suppose to, he just knew. "You can have all you've ever wanted," he added, and he couldn't look at her anymore, knowing their dreams were so similar and she was currently the only one of them with the means of achieving them. He tried to ignore the nagging feeling tell him that this whole scene wasn't making much sense.

"I know." Rachel said, pulling one of her hands free so she could lift his chin and catch his gaze. "But I don't want it," she paused, "No, I can't want it anymore." she whispered and suddenly winked at him. Something told him the song shouldn't go like this, but his voice flawlessly melted with her's as they sang the next bit together.

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same." she paused, letting him take the next few lines.

"I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game!" he sang and when he looked back at her he could see her eyes brim with tears.

"Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep!" she sang and he smiling as his own eyes watered.

"It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap!" they sang together and he pulled her close as the danced across the stage. "It's time to try defying gravity, I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't bring me down!" they grinned toward each other and pulled apart, glancing toward the door as a sudden bang echoed through the room.

"Sloppy, baby freaks!" Sue screeched and Rachel grabbed for his hand.

"I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so," he sang, voice taking on and edge as he nodded toward Rachel and released her hand. She worried her lip as she bent to retrieve the spell book and started to quickly flip through the pages.

"Some things I cannot change, but 'till I try I'll never know!" she sang, suddenly looking excited as she motioned him over and indicated something on the page. He grinned as he looked at it and nodded enthusiastically.

"Too long I've been afraid of losing love, I guess I've lost!" he sang and she giggled before joining him.

"Well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost! I'd sooner buy defying gravity, kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity and you can't pull me down!" they sang and Kurt left her for a moment to grab a broom. Offering it to her, she suddenly spoke.

"Kurt, come with me." she said, taking the broom from him and looking toward him hopefully. "Think of what we could do... together." she paused, setting the book and broom down side-by-side on the ground before taking his hands. "Unlimited, together we're unlimited! Together we'll be the greatest team there's ever been!" but Kurt was already shaking his head.

"I hope you're happy, now that you're choosing this." he sang softly and she nodded slowly.

"You too." they were quiet for a few moments before there was another bang at the door.

"Kurt, Rachel, just open the door! We can work something out!" Will called and Kurt worried his lip.

"Get on with it and get out of here, Berry!" the countertenor admonished and Rachel wasted no time going through the spell.

"It's working!" she said excitedly as the boom began to rise. "Kurt... I'll miss you." she whispered and Kurt nodded slowly.

"I'll miss you too, as much as it pains me to admit." he muttered and she climbed up on the broom just as Kurt hurried over to the door. "She barricaded the door!" he yelled, moving the things Rachel had put up slowly. "She's getting away Coach Sylvester, The Wizard!" Oh, Will was never hearing the end of that one.

As the two burst in with Kurt's help, Rachel was just zooming out into the wings on her broom. Kurt couldn't help but think they'd forgotten a very important and very flashy ending to the song but shrugged it off as Will and Sue showered him in praises for his bravery. He couldn't help but think he felt more ashamed than proud of himself. He allowed them to lead him off stage, sighing all the while.

When he returned, now wearing a fitted white suit, a silver tie, and white dress shoes, the Cheerios and jocks were all back, leaving a nice big space between themselves and Sue who was shushing them. "You think this is hard? Try running three miles with a gunshot wound to the kneecap!" she was crying and everyone immediately thought it best to stop speaking "That's hard!" she added and they all looked away in favor of beginning the song.

"Everyday more wicked! Everyday the terror grows! All of Oz is ever on alert! That's the way with wicked, spreading fear where e'er she goes, seeking out new victims she can hurt!" Kurt frowned slightly as everything went slightly fuzzy and their voices seem to speed up. As he glanced over his shoulder he could see Mercedes muttering to herself.

"My boy doesn't need to hear all this anger." and suddenly they were all singing again and he decided he didn't need to worry about what his best friend was up to. After all he had an announcement to make.

"Where will she strike next? Where will she strike next? Where will she strike next?" the crowd asked, but he merely gripped Finn's hand tightly and glanced around to make sure Puck was rolling Artie out at a good pace before planting a smile on his face.

"Fellow Ozians, as terrifying as terror is, let us put aside our panic for this one day and celebrate!" he cried and a series of cheers came up from the audience. "Oh what a celebration we'll have today!" he sang out and his admirers seemed to light up.

"Thank goodness!" they chimed and he beamed.

"Yes!" he sighed, and ran his thumb along the back of Finn's hand. "We couldn't be happier, right dear?" he glanced over at Finn a little hesitantly and the boy offered him a sort of half smile. He tried not to let his own face fall as he continued. "Couldn't be happier right here! Look what we've got," he sang, using his free hand to indicate the crowd with another grin. "a fairy-tale plot, our very own happy ending where we couldn't be happier, true dear?" he looked toward Finn again and took a moment to bite his lip when all he got was a half-hearted nod. Seeing his mounting disappointment, Sue cut in.

"And we couldn't be happier for... you know what? I'm not even going to finish that sentence because quite frankly, you kind of disgust me, Lady-face." she snorted to herself and the crowd sort of frowned a bit discontentedly. Sue shut them up with a glare. "You know, Kurt here faced that wicked witch by himself." she said and the crowd was back on board.

"I hear her soul is so unclean, a slushie could melt her!" Karofsky belted out from the crowd. Beside Kurt, Finn stiffened.

"What?" he cried, indignant and Kurt turned to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Finn, honey, please." he whispered desperately, but Finn's eyes were smoldering as the all the Cheerios and jocks joined Karofsky.

"Melt her? Please! Somebody go and melt her!"

Kurt flinched as Finn ripped away from him. "Slushies can melt her? And people say I'm empty-headed!" he cried, stomping away. Kurt bit his lip even harder to hold back tears.

"Finn!" he glanced at the crowd to see them all staring and gulped. "Oh yes, thank you plenty, dearest!" he called a bit unconvincingly before turning to the crowd with the best smile he could muster. "He's gone to fetch me a refreshment. He's so thoughtful that way!" he said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "That's why I couldn't be happier!" he sang, trying to convince himself as much as he seemed to be convincing his audience. "Because happy is what happens when all your dreams come true, well, isn't it? Happy is what happens when your dreams come true!" Everyone over for him on the next phrase and he had to rush off stage to hide the tears.

"Thank goodness for today!"

The arguing was back and he wondered why it kept happening between the big musical numbers. They had a show to finish and they couldn't leave the audience wondering! Though it annoyed him a bit to see Rachel and Mercedes at it again, he just couldn't make out what they were saying this time. Sighing, he stepped onto the stage the moment they finished.

"Don't wish, don't start," he almost whispered as he sung, glancing to the other side of the stage where Rachel was hiding behind a clump of bushes. As he looked over, Finn saw her and his face lit up as it never had for Kurt. They embraced and he had to look away. "Wishing only wounds the heart. There's a girl I know, he loves her so," he had to take several breaths and look toward as tears ran down his cheeks. When he looked up, however, Finn and Rachel were gone and there stood Puck, smiling slightly toward him. "I'm not that girl." he ended, reaching up to wipe at his eyes and hide the evidence of his tears. However, Puck beat him to it and cupped his face gently.

"You're no girl, Kurt. Don't let that heterosexual jerk bring you down. You're perfect just as you are." Kurt couldn't help the smile that stole his lips.

"Am I, Noah Puckerman?" he asked quietly, beaming as Noah nodded and took his hand.

"Let's get out of here, Princess. You have a scene to get to." together they rushed off stage. Kurt got the feeling that this production had too many males in it but for the first time since these inconsistencies had started, he genuinely didn't care.

The arguing was back, only this time Noah had joined Rachel, Mercedes, and Finn. He couldn't really understand what they were going on about, but one of Noah's sentences managed to make it to his ears. "He doesn't want to hear some sappy hetero romance shit, Berry! And stop backing her up Finn, I know that song embarrasses the hell out of you!" He vaguely wondered what they were on about.

Next he knew, however, he was running out on stage to embrace Rachel. "They're coming, Rach! You have to go!" he cried softly and she gave him a smile.

"I know, Kurt. I just don't want to say goodbye." she answered him and he took several deep breaths. "I'm limited," she sang softly and he felt the tears gathering in his eyes even as he heard them in her voice. "Just look at me." she whispered and he reached up to wipe his eyes, determined to do just that when she continued. "I'm limited, and just look at you you can do all I couldn't do." she paused, as if confused by something before uncertainly coming back with, "Kurt..." it didn't sound quite right, but the scene was too serious to think about it much harder. "So now it's up to you," she sang, squeezing his hand, "For both of us." this part was whispered and he managed a watery smile. "Now it's up to you."

He took a deep breath, leading her to the font of the stage. Or maybe she was leading him? The scene was starting to confuse him more and more and he was pretty sure Finn, Mercedes, and Noah were not suppose to be in it. "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them and we help them in return." he smiled at her, using his free hand to wipe his tears away as he gained confidence. "Well I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you." she grinned back, picking up the song and he was pretty sure she had missed a part, but he wasn't about to comment.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but because I knew you," she sang, pausing to give him a turn.

"Because I knew you," and she joined him.

"I have been changed for good."

He opened his mouth to have another go at the song, but she held up a hand. "Kurt?" she asked and he frowned as he thought about how to respond.

Suddenly, Finn came forward to grip Rachel's hand and pull her away with him. "Kurt?" Finn asked softly.

Kurt was about to comment, but was distracted when Noah took one of his hands. He raised a questioning eyebrow, but the boy just smirked. "Kurt?"

Kurt really wondered how that smirk warranted a question, but decided not to ask when Mercedes took his other hand. "Kurt?"

He turned to her, smiling softly. She didn't return the gesture and as he looked around he realized none of them were smiling anymore. Not only were none of them smiling, but the stage was slowly filling up. Tina and Mike wandered on, Matt following behind with Sam and Quinn, all frowning. He started to get rather concerned when each of them took turns at his name. "Kurt?"

From the other side of the stage came Brittany, Santana, Artie, and Coach Sylvester. "Kurt?" he panicked slightly and tried to untangle his hands from Mercedes and Noah's only to find their grips tightening. What was going on here?

Karofsky and Azimio came on next, getting closer and closer with Becky and several other Cheerios and jocks following behind. Each one continuing the turn-taking pattern. "Kurt?" He was beginning to chalk it up to some sort of prank when suddenly his father was clambering onstage.

"Kurt? Kurt, can you hear me? Please wake up, Kurt." the panic in Burt Hummel's voice did it and he shut his eyes tight before prying them open, only to shut them again very quickly as his senses were overloaded by florescent lighting, beeping monitors, an entirely too antiseptic smell, and concerned voices. Most prominently, however, was the music in the background.

"No one mourns the wicked. Now at last she's dead and gone. Now at last, there's joy throughout the land. Good news, good news!"

He groaned, trying to move an arm to cover his head but finding both trapped. Chancing a glance he opened his eyes to see his boyfriend clinging to one hand, and his best friend to the other. He blinked slowly, trying to make sense of what had just happened to him. Then he remembered his father's concerned voice. "Dad?" he croaked, wondering if his voice was so crackly from his riveting performance or just disuse.

"God Kurt," his father muttered and he felt the bed dip and managed to focus on Burt as the man patted his leg. "You had me so scared." the man muttered and everything suddenly came flooding back to him. He shut his eyes, trying to combat the oncoming headache and failing miserably.

"Sorry, dad." he mumbled and the man chuckled lightly.

"Don't give me that. It's not your fault your appendix decided to get infected, kiddo." around the room there were sounds of agreement and he chanced a look around the entirety of the space.

"Rachel? Finn? 'Cedes? Noah?" each nodded as he named them off, slight smiles taking their faces. Or at least in the case of everyone but Noah.

"As your boyfriend, I think I'd like to go wallow in self-pity after being named last." Noah said, reaching a free hand up to his heart as if he'd been stabbed. His smirk gave him away though and Kurt managed a weak laugh.

"Sorry," he mumbled and his boyfriend rolled his eyes.

"Stop being sorry about everything, Kurt. I want to enjoy confusing you while you're still doped up on pain medication." the mohawked teen said with a laugh. Kurt's serious expression managed to shut him up however.

"Just turn the music off." he demanded, making eye contact with Rachel for a moment and going bright red as he turned away. "No one is sticking to their parts." he started, needing them to realize how important it was to stop the music. "I don't want to hear Karofsky and Azmio right now. Rachel's dads didn't even realize she was green. I'm completely over Finn. Mr. Shue made me call him The Wizard. Coach Sylvester wouldn't sing at all. The only song anyone sang the whole way through was the reprise of 'I'm Not That Girl' and that doesn't count because it's only four lines long and I was singing. Most importantly, I definitely don't ever want to cry over Rachel again."

He knew the weird looks were coming and he realized a moment too late exactly what he'd said. Well, this was going to be fun to explain.


Ending comments: Love it or leave it, you better gain way, check out the bull's eye the kid don't play! Or rather, just leave a comment and let me know what you thought and whether or not I should come up with some sort of sequel. I'd love to know what I did well and what could use some work! Thanks in advance, loves!

-Moosxaxlot xoxo