The room was spinning wildly when I opened my eyes, and it was too bright. I called out for Cain, I know I did, but he never came. My veins burned, and my mouth and throat were enflamed. The faintest hint of copper lingered upon my palette, and I knew that it was Cain's blood, and that it was changing me, again.
So he'd come home, and was already gone.
I hated him.
My agony flowed and ebbed as I writhed upon the sheets, thrashing against consciousness. I could see Cain in my mind, laughing at me, calling me a pretty little broken thing again, because that was all I would ever be to him. The despair was going to consume me, I could feel it, and already I was contemplating how much blood I'd need to lose to be free of him, truly free, to where he couldn't keep trapping me in my body with his strength.
I pulled myself upright, and ripped at the bandages on my wrists. What I saw filled me with instant rage, and overwhelmed me with my own impotence. No wounds. No cuts. Not even so much as a scratch. Of course though, it wouldn't suit Cain to have his toy marred at all, no.
My body was shaken by great wracking sobs, and I twisted my hands in my hair, trying to get the world to rescind, trying to fade into the shadows and be swallowed by the darkness I felt inside. Then he kissed my forehead.
"Isaak, really. What would I do without you?" That. Goddamn. Smile.
Cain's eyes were too blue to look away from, his face too blissful. Pleased I was awake, pleased I was alive, he wore his victory upon his lips, too serene to be human, too beautiful to be Methuselah. Cain was my God, and my curse.
I loved him.
"Don't say anything, I know already." And he pulled me into his chest and petted my hair. I allowed myself to be overcome by my tears, and I gave up to him. I would let it all go, because Cain would not let me go, because he needed me.
What is an acolyte without a God?
At length, my tears had run dry, and Cain pulled back from our embrace. He gave me his standard half-smile, and cocked his head to the side slightly.
"You were lonely, Isaak. I don't blame you." And abruptly, as though nothing had ever happened, Cain stood, and left the room.
After my door had swung shut, I waited only a minute before standing and dressing. Cain was ambiguous as always, and whatever he wanted from me, it did not involve staying in my bed.
Stepping into the corridor, I could just barely make out the sounds of Cain speaking to someone. Tentatively, I walked forward, certain in the pit of my stomach that I'd been replaced, that Cain was going to drive a stake through my heart.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I found inside my study.
Cain was seated with a young boy in his lap, reading aloud some of my notes. Neither of them had noticed me yet, or the awestruck expression on my face.
"Sounds like he thinks too much, don't you think Contra Mundi?" The boy sounded delighted, too intelligent for so-small a body.
"Not at all Dietrich, not at all. You see, when someone is capable of brilliance, that should be their duty. Do you not find these ideas intriguing?"
"Well everyone knows the Vatican shouldn't be in control of things, and that the state of affairs in the Empire isn't any better, at least not for Terrans. That's not that special."
"You don't appreciate the blatant nihilism? His utter desire for everything to end? It's genius, and you'll recognize that soon enough."
"If he's a nihilist, then how can he believe in you?"
"Cain is God. How could anyone not believe that?" Their heads snapped up when I spoke, and this child who had presumed to judge me now saw me for the first time. An endless awkward silence followed.
Finally, Cain's perpetual bliss returned, and he stood up, absently letting the boy fall to the ground. I had never taken my lord for a pederast, nor considered that he'd start bringing catamytes home with him.
"Isaak Fernando Van Kampfer, shall I introduce Dietrich Von Lohengrin. Just a little something to show that I care, and that you're never alone." I was astounded, certain that I was lost in some blood loss induced delirium, and before I could do or say anything, Cain was holding my face in his hands, and his tongue was slipping into my mouth. I could feel the boy's eyes burning into me, and I was trapped entirely in the moment.
As all things with Cain though, one can predict nothing. The apparent eternity passed too quickly, and Cain was saying something about how he should have perhaps gift-wrapped Dietrich, and that of course I could change his name if I wanted. And wasn't a boy better than a puppy anyway?
The horror of it all struck me, and I found myself caught in the gaze of my new pet, a six year old boy, who was brimming with death, no life within him. And Cain prattled on merrily, as though I'd never tried to kill myself, as though he'd not kidnapped some child.
Not for the first time, I considered my sanity, and just how far it had to have slipped.
Somehow, through the haze of the situation, and all my shock, I heard the boy say something, into my mind. "Now I will be your best friend, because I'm your puppy, Isaak Von Kampfer." And the smile on my new pet's face was too angelic to trust.