Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa. Wish I did, of course.

Emotional Burden

Fai was sitting on the couch, his legs propped up on the armrest. He was alone, for once. His companions had gone out a while ago, to apparently register for the 'chess' competition that Sakura had insisted they take part in. They'd wanted Fai to go with them, but he'd merely replied that he was too tired. It wasn't a complete lie; he was tired, but only because he'd been thinking horrific thoughts that had risen to the surface of his mind and were simply staying there, swimming around to pester him. They were, of course, thoughts relating to his . . . the word starting with a 'p' and ending with a 't', with two letters in between. He'd succeeded in trying to push the images under the surface until . . . probably around the time they had been in Tokyo. Something about that country just reminded him of what he'd been through, all those years ago. And it had just been getting worse and worse in this country they had practically just arrived in, seemingly called 'Infinity'. But Fai knew that his becoming a vampire was partly to blame. He just couldn't smile or have fun anymore, despite his hypocritical statement telling Syaoran to do exactly that. But the main thing was, the smile had been the strongest weapon that had shielded him from the thoughts; so if it was lifted . . . they would come straight at him, haunting him until . . . his death? Fai didn't know for sure. But he did know that his future was bleak, unless something miraculous occurred. It was too much of a burden to cope with; that being precisely the reason for him wishing for his own death so soon. He'd almost succeeded, until that ninja just had to save him. And now he was left with the decision to either live or die. But if he chose to die again, the ninja would probably force him to live again; Fai didn't want to repeat those past events. But just like in the Country of Outo, he felt as if it would be the same either way. If it hadn't been his eye that he had lost, it might have been better to live. But . . . it had been his eye. He had put an all-out effort into attempting to hide the difficulties of having to wear an eye-patch all the time, but . . . he just couldn't. Waking up every morning, he would feel the uncomfortable fabric tight on his face and have a powerful urge to rip it off, before realising that he didn't have a left eye anymore and that the eye-patch was necessary. Although he was lucky that he had learnt to sense auras when fighting, so his lack of depth perception wasn't too much of a problem. Still, it really wasn't pleasant to have a deep emotional burden and a physical disability.

"I'm back."

Fai almost fell off the couch. Deep in thought, he hadn't heard the door clicking open and the footsteps approaching. Turning, he saw Sakura standing halfway between the door and the couch, looking surprised. "I'm sorry. I should have knocked."

Fai forced his lips into a small smile. "No, I was just distracted. Welcome back, Sakura-chan." He didn't bother asking where the others were, but the sharp-minded girl told him anyway.

"Oh, and if you're wondering, Kurogane-san and Moko-chan and ––I mean, the others are trying to find out more about this country." Sakura suddenly looked sad. "Please excuse me," she murmured, turning away from her companion and starting unsteadily to her room.

Fai badly wanted to help her, but his body wouldn't move. He helplessly watched as the fragile girl entered her room and quietly closed the door behind her. Silence followed. Fai sank deeper into the squishy couch with a deep sigh. It wasn't only him. Not anymore. The poor girl couldn't even bring herself to say 'Syaoran-kun'. But maybe, just maybe, Clone Syaoran disappearing wasn't the only reason for Sakura's change in behaviour; because Fai knew that, truly, Clone Syaoran and Sakura, no matter how different they may be on the surface, were the same, deep down. In fact, more similar than they'd have ever imagined. But Fai couldn't tell his companions yet. He had to keep it a secret until the time came, even if it meant letting the guilt stab even further into him. Because if he spilt it before the right time, it would ruin everything.

Later that day, when it was almost dark, 'Syaoran', Mokona and the ninja returned. Fai didn't pay much attention to what they told him. When he went to bed, after having dinner, all he knew was that their first 'chess' game would start the next day.

So that was how it all began. One minute Fai was in bed; the next minute he found himself dressed in black and chained to some posts alongside 'Syaoran' and the ninja, facing the mighty 'chessboard', which, strangely, consisted of only two black and two white squares. Fai squeezed the handle of the peculiar weapon he was holding; it seemed to be a whip with very sharp spikes. Looking backwards, he saw Sakura sitting on the egg-shaped chair, her wrists clamped to the armrests. Her face held a firm look of pure determination, directed towards the opposition. The white 'chess pieces', Fai noticed, had only basic swords, although, like everything else, they were in the strange Infinity style. He allowed himself a small smile. This would be fun.

"READY . . ." the announcer that seemed to be a rabbit bellowed. "SET . . . GO!"

The chains were released. Fai sprang forward with the other 'chess pieces', raising his whip as one of the opposition approached. At the same time the other fighter raised his sword. For a split second the two weapons clashed; then Fai positioned his free hand on the ground and ducked, swinging his long legs up to meet the unfortunate man's stomach. With a gut-wrenching howl he was sent flying backwards, hitting the ground with an ear splitting thud. Fai somersaulted backwards, landing cleverly on his feet. A flash of energy from behind told him that another enemy was present. He turned abruptly and dodged, barely missing the fatal blow; the silver blade slashed a shallow line across his shoulder.

"This one's mine!" A dark shape intercepted and another blade hooked onto the opposition fighter's shirt and threw him halfway across the board. The sound that followed was even worse than the first.

"BLAAAAAAAACK . . . WINS!"

Fai swivelled around. He hadn't expected it to be over so quickly. Where was the third white 'chess piece'? Then he realised. 'Syaoran' was standing a few metres away from him, his hair soaked with blood, although it wasn't his blood. Which meant it had to be the other member of the opposition's blood; the defeated man was lying unconscious, blood spurting out of a deep wound in his arm. Fai had to admit it. This 'Syaoran' was good at fighting. Although it might be because he didn't have a blind eye, unlike the clone. But still, they owed this victory to Sakura. She was their master, after all. If she hadn't believed that they would win, they wouldn't have. But all Fai wanted was for her to be happy again, not the new Sakura who incarcerated herself in her own room all the time, and acted cold and distant to everyone. For the time being, though, Fai could at least distract himself from his own burdens with this 'chess' tournament. To tell the truth, it really is fun, he thought, placing a hand on his throbbing shoulder as he walked away.

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