! IF YOU FIND SELF-MUTILATION AN OFFENSIVE TOPIC, PLEASE DON'T READ!

All I can say is sorry for the heavy topic, but it came to me and I had to write it.

In all seriousness, Self injury is real. It's a real problem that needs to be addressed, and maybe I'm doing more harm than good by posting this, and I'm sorry if I am. But if you know someone who's going through this, reach out to them. They need help, they just don't know how to ask, and if you don't know how to give it…tell someone who can handle the situation in the safest way possible.

And if you are going through something like this yourself, tell someone. It gets better in time. You just can't hold it in, that only makes those feelings worse. And sometimes it takes leaning on someone else to make it better.

Okay…minor side note: I don't own Reid, Morgan or CM.

Thank you for all your support. Please Read, think, and Comment.

/

Reid holds his breath as the tendons jump beneath his skin.

It's better than drugs and no one gets hurt…really.

The skin is meant to repair itself. Over 170,000 skin cells die a day.

All these thoughts float through Reid's head as he places the razor against his wrist, pulse beat caught against his skin, throbbing.

It's just to relieve stress without the harming effects of drug use.

Reid presses lightly, dragging the razor against his skin, feeling pinpricks of …something, before the droplets of red pop to the surface, reaching the air to die, to run down the side of his forearm.

I can breathe again.

His fingers shake at the sight of blood, fresh and bright red. It never gets old, each time feels like the first.

I want to feel…something.

Lately, it's all been a bit too much, everyone around him are dropping into the back ground, nothing more than ghosts…anyone who ever said they gave a damn, his family. They've been taken away, they've left, been pushed away…Gideon, Elle, J.J., his mother, his father.

Dropping like flies, his support system is dwindling, he just needs something to cope, and he knows drugs aren't the answer.

The nightmares are getting worse; he can't deal anymore, struggling for sleep that eludes him more often than not, as he closes his eyes, the horrors of never forgetting flood him. What else can he do?

I can stop any time I want to, I just don't want to.

Doesn't that sound familiar?

Reid knows this is temporary; he can't keep this up, without the negative downward spiral to come. He alienates people naturally, that's all he's ever really known. Even if he can have a rational thought about the situation, doesn't mean he can't be a bit stupid about it. Even genius' can be imperfect…doesn't he know it?

He goes at his arm again, again, again 'til thin wires red stand in high relief against his blanching skin.

I'll never go deep enough to do any serious damage. This is all superficial.

Tears of relief, of pain, of anger, of the purest agony, tears of joy all struggle together to the surface, spilling over as he sobs out harshly.

Another another another another another slash, mark, line takes him further out of his mind, as he focuses only on the "pain" that ghosts over him, threatening to take him over completely. It's not even pain anymore, just the physical proof that the mental is real. Nothing more than the reminder that he is alive. Just phantom things, soft edges blurring into something good.

Yes, better than drugs as he floats, barely touching the earth as he places the blood caked razor down on the edge of the sink in the B.A.U.'s bathroom.

It's going to be okay.

He tells himself as he sinks into his skin, staving off whatever dark feeling that's going to come back double time after this all goes away. It never stays and it always takes a little bit more to get him to this happier place that he's in now.

He runs the warm water over his forearm, rinsing the drying blood, reddish orange down the drain…it's starting to sting, and Reid smiles bitterly through his tears.

Is it worth it?

Reid looks up at the mirror, to see his reflection and startles, eyes locking with Morgan's.

He forgot to lock the door. Even genius' can be dumb.

"Pretty Boy?" Morgan stands rooted, slightly swaying.

"Wha—kid?" His voice is high, sharp panic permeating the air as he takes a faltering step towards Reid, who calmly turns off the faucet, criss- crosses of cuts blazing angry red.

He rolls down his sleeve, wincing in pain.

Wordlessly, he tries to slip past Morgan—

I have nothing to be ashamed of…

Morgan grabs Reid's upper arm, halting him in his tracks.

"Reid?" He looks him in the eye as Reid's glance slides away.

"Morgan. Let. Me. Go." He hisses through clenched teeth as he tries to wrench from Morgan's vice like grip.

"No, Reid, what's wrong?" Morgan's voice is unsteady.

Reid scoffs.

If I have nothing to be ashamed of, why do I feel so bad?

"You care? The Derek Morgan actually cares about someone other than himself?" Reid laughs, before choking on a sob.

Morgan, you're part of the problem.

"Reid, whatever it is, you can tell me. Why…why are you doing this?" Morgan asks incredulously.

"If it were that easy, I probably wouldn't be doing this, don't you think?" Reid tries to pull back on the tough guy façade, but fails, eyes betraying him.

Morgan, you're not making this any easier.

"Kid I want to help. How can I?" Morgan pulls Reid close, wrapping him in a tight hug. "I don't wanna see you hurt." Morgan says with all sincerity as Reid sinks into his arms, not fighting at all as he sobs.

Morgan, I love you.

"I don't know. Ijustdon'tknow!" Reid sobs as Morgan stokes his back, placing his chin on Reid's head.

Help me.

"Shhh…it's okay. It's okay…we'll figure this out." Morgan hums as Reid's cries reverberate in his chest.

"O..okay." Reid nods his head.

"It's alright. I'm here for you. Always." Morgan pulls up from Reid a bit to wipe at his eyes.

"Got that?" Morgan asks, giving Reid a reassuring smile.

Reid nods somberly.

Thank You.

"No problem kid." Morgan smiles, hugging Reid tight again.

He knows. He always knows.

A/N: Whatcha think? I know it's a bit much… but still comments are appreciated, and needed. Thank you in advance.