Chapter 25 – Shards of Glass

It's a hard pill to swallow when the day comes that you finally realize your greatest champion has now become your greatest enemy. You will forever be alienated and distant. Your bond forever broken and your lives forever altered. It shouldn't have fazed you. It's not like it was something that caught you by surprise, it worked its way in slowly. Still you find yourself unable to fathom what transpired. Toe to toe you are now forced to confront the issues head on. You feel ill and yet you move forward knowing that it's time to end this.

But first you need answers.

"Why?"

"Cody I don't think I need to answer that."

"You don't think…seriously. Don't I deserve to know, don't I deserve that much. Do you even know what you've done?"

Carey looked around at the scrutinizing eyes of her family members. "I simply mean that maybe it would be a good idea if we spoke in private." Zack stepped up before Cody said anything more.

"No way in hell am I going to leave you alone with him ever again."

"Zack this doesn't concern you."

"Like hell!"

Cody gently squeezed his hand forcing him to calm down. "You heard Zack. We will talk about this once, in this room and in front of everyone. And then we won't ever talk again."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"It means, I need some answers and after I get those answers you are no longer welcome in my life."

"Cody maybe…"

"No grandma it's over, I'm done. I won't give her the chance to hurt us, any of us ever again."

"Cody you don't mean that."

"Carey I do." Cody took a moment to organize his thoughts before asking the one question that had been nagging at him from the beginning. "Why do you hate me?" When a tear slid down his cheek he didn't even bother to hide it but Zack pulled him a little closer.

"I can't answer that."

"Why?"

"I'm not quite sure. There are days I love you both so much its hurts and then there are days where the very thought of you repulses me. Look it's not an easy thing for me to admit."

"Then why couldn't you just leave us alone."

"Because I knew I needed to protect you and Zack from what you were doing. I didn't mean to let it get as far as it did. But Cody you have to understand. Neither of you would listen to me. I thought maybe if you were separated somehow you would see the truth and stop. That program was my only hope. What I did and what I said the morning you left wasn't something I relished doing, but it had to be done in order for you to see things clearly. I broke your heart to protect you."

"So you let me believe in a lie in order to see the truth. How does that make sense?"

"Because the truth isn't always black and white, it has a lot of different shades of gray. I could see Zack with Amber, I could see a future there. So I used that to my benefit because I knew that a seed of doubt had been embedded within you."

"So you and Amber were in on this when we went out on that date in Boston?"

"No, she had no idea what was going on. That came later. I followed you that night. I could see the way you reacted while they were talking. It was written all over your face. So I used your insecurity as a way to take advantage of the situation. When that didn't work I knew I had to step it up a notch."

"So you called in reinforcements."

Carey addressed the other people in the room. "I thought you would be on my side. You would understand the desperate situation I was in. I would have never believed in a million years that you would side with them." Carey stood disbelief written on her face. "When you did and the boys came here to live with you I was in shock."

"Really, shocked by what? If they hadn't stepped in to help us what would you have done?"

"What does it matter."

"Seriously what would you have done?" Cody's voice raised an octave and he forced himself to calm down before continuing. "Would you have left us lying there like shards of glass? Kicked us out onto the streets. Or maybe it was just me you were going to get rid of. After all you were willing to keep Zack around. Well gee, so sorry that we ruined your fucked up messed up plans."

"I admit I did some things I'm not very proud of but in all fairness, you didn't leave me much choice."

"So you decided to plot against us?"

"Before you left I could hear you even envision you together. Do you know how that made me feel, I'm your mother for Christ's sake. I carried you both. I fed you and clothed you and took care of you. I felt betrayed. Lying awake listening to the two of you nearly drove me crazy."

"Then why didn't you just barge into our room and stop it?"

"I wanted too Zack. I thought about it over and over again but I know you. You're so stubborn so determined to be right. You're like a wall and nothing I could have said or done would have penetrated through that. If I had asked you to stop, would you have done so?"

"No."

"Exactly, so I needed to find another way."

"Is that when you decided to break the law?" When Carey turned her head and averted her gaze Zack got his answer.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Mr. Tipton, London, Mr. Cavanaugh, even Amber and Theo. Shall I go on." Zack waited. When Carey didn't respond another thought hit him. "What about the kidnapping?"

"Exactly, what about the kidnapping?" Cody wasn't sure if he wanted to know the truth but by that point there was no turning back. "Ball's in your court."

"It didn't matter anymore because by the day that the kidnapping was supposed to take place you were safely locked away in that hospital."

"Locked away, like a crazy person."He thought back over a conversation he had with her concerning his sanity and flinched. "Not in my right mind, isn't that what you said."

"You were making a lot of wrong choices."

"Wrong choices for who, me or you."

"That's not fair."

"Not fair, like paying large sums of money to have the doctors forego therapy in favor of more severe techniques. Techniques that would have torn me to pieces."

"Yes, if the procedures had worked and fixed what was broken inside you then yes. I would have done anything short of killing you to make sure that this fixation was over and forgotten. You and Zack should not be doing this."

"Well then I guess I should be grateful. I mean at least you were kind enough to spare my life if not my sanity and my wellbeing. "

"Cody in order for this to work you had to believe that Zack was in love with and living with Amber. To believe that he had moved on. I did this for you."

"You did this for me." Cody choked on a sob. "You want to talk truth. What about the program. If I had decided that I didn't want to be with Zack and if I had found someone else…someone male, would you have accepted me?"

"Cody that's not fair. You can't ask me that."

"I need an answer. Was this all about Zack and our relationship or is this more about the fact that I'm gay? You believed that Zack could be straight if I wasn't in the picture so that means only one thing. You have an issue with me and my sexuality."

Carey looked away for a moment trying to gain some ground. When she turned back Cody's pain was written in his eyes. It was like a punch to the stomach and she almost gasped at the raw emotion so clearly visible. Her motherly instinct was to put her arms around him. But she knew he would never accept that and in all truth it wouldn't help her cause. So she decided to be honest.

"I'll admit I don't understand this infliction you have. This constant need to put yourself in harm's way. Cody it's not healthy. You can't honestly believe that you were born this way. Like it's some genetic makeup in your DNA. You chose this. I know you did. Are you doing this to punish me? Did I wrong you in some way when you were a little boy?"

"You really don't get it do you?"

"No I really don't. I can't accept it, I'm sorry but I won't. Honey I've seen the way these people behave. It's not normal."

"There's that word again. I heard it so much while in treatment that I would be happy if I never heard it again. What makes you think that I'm not normal? Do I have green skin, scales, red eyes, do I spin my head around, is my blood purple. What do you mean by normal? When I look in the mirror I look like everyone else. What makes me so different?"

"You're having sex with other men."

"You have sex with men all the time."

"You know what I mean? You've always had a strong mind. Strong opinions, strong feelings and emotions. I always admired that about you. So how could you let this, this sickness take over, how could you let it win? How could you let this happen?"

"This isn't something I chose. It's a part of who I am."

"No its not. I don't believe that."

"I don't care if you believe it or not. I am who I am. I am a good person, I don't hurt people, I try to do what's right. This is not a sickness or a disease that has to be cured. I don't understand what you think is so wrong with me."

"Cody I love you. But this is not you. The Cody I love would have never ventured into a relationship so shameful and demeaning and sickening. I am appalled that you are a part of me because you are not the son I raised. He was so much better than this, so much better than what you've become."

"And what exactly is that?"

"I hate it. I hate this."

"Then you hate me."

"I didn't exactly say that."

"Then what exactly did you say," Zack pierced Carey with a look that dared her to hurt Cody again. "Because I think I've heard enough."

"Zack you have to understand this isn't going to end well. He's headed down a dark street and he's taking you with him."

"Get out!"

"Don't you dare speak to me like that. I deserve some respect."

"You earn respect."

"Okay, look…"

"No you look." Cody was surprised the foundation wasn't shaking from the way they were currently shouting at one another. "I'm done. I won't be treated this way. I am a human being and your son. But since it seems you have forgotten that then it's time for you to go."

"Don't you get it. I'm trying to save you."

"From what, from whom, what the hell makes you think I need to be saved."

"Cody you don't understand."

"No I think I do, say it mom."

"What!"

"I need you to say it!"

"Say what?"

"Three little words – my son's gay."

"I will not."

"I want you to say it."

"My son is not a…"

"What, I'm not a what."

"You really want me to say it don't you."

"Come on Carey, it's been on the tip of your tongue since the moment you saw us in that hospital room."

Cody shook with anger as he took a step closer. "I think that's enough." Zack whispered as he placed an arm around his waist in an attempt to hold him back.

"Say it, I know you've been dying too."

"Faggot, there are you happy. Queer, wrong, is that what you wanted to hear. Does hearing it make you feel better? It should, it's who you are right. Come on Cody let's call a spade a spade. You wanted to know if I hated you. Well here it is. Yes, I hate you. I hate who you are. This part of you that you say you can't change turns my stomach. Looking at you makes me physically ill. I don't understand it. You had the perfect opportunity to kill this thing and you walked away. Why couldn't you fight it a little bit harder?"

"I never want to see you again."

"So now I'm the bad guy for being honest with you, is that it? I'm the villain for pointing out the obvious. Cody the truth is you were my perfect little boy. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you. Now look at you. What changed?"

"Get the hell out."

Maureen held the front door open. "Sweetheart, I think it's time for you to leave." She emphasized her words by taking a hold of her daughters purse and holding it up for Carey to grab.

"Mom, please."

"You are my daughter and will always be welcome here. I love you no matter what you do, or who you choose to be or for that matter who you choose to love. I want you to know that. You are you and for that reason alone I will not turn my back on you. With that said, I think under the circumstances you should respect the boys wishes and leave them be. They deserve at least that much. I'm asking you to show them the same consideration I am showing you right now. If that's not possible, and sadly it doesn't seem to be, then we will make plans to divide our family activities and I will see you when I can and when the children aren't around."

"You're really going to put us in that position?"

"Carey sweetheart, I'm not the one doing this."

"Mom…" her voice cracked and she found herself fighting back tears.

"I will call you in a couple of days, as for now, please leave."

Carey looked around at the rest of her family members and waited for someone to say something. When no one voiced their thoughts she wiped her eyes bit back the tears and swallowed her pride.

She walked out the door without a backward glance leaving the scattered rubble of a train wreck behind her.

A dark cloud seemed to hover over the occupants in the room who were overwhelmed by the deep sadness over taking them. Cody in tears held onto Zack for dear life as Zack too let his tears fall freely. Everyone stood around them as if sheltering them from further harm.

Outside Carey sat in her car crying for the loss she just experienced.

AN: Okay scratch what I said before. As I was writing the final two chapters I realized the ending packs a bigger punch with the full chapter posted.

So I am resubmitting chapter 25 and hope that I don't offend anyone.

Until next time!