Trick or treat, smell my feet, gimme something good to eat! Welcome all to this little Halloween one shot. It is an idea that I've been toying with for almost a month now- something inspired by a little net banter between CatrienStardust and myself- so I do hope you enjoy it. It is zany and nuts but it's also got heart...and not just because of the stellar Eclare plotline.

I do want to remind you that this is a Halloween fic so the ending might be a bit twisted. I figure I have a free pass to be wicked.

This is dedicated to LuvTaylor01, who figured out my 'pair references' in Meaningless Meeting. Consume, digest, enjoy...

Perceived Consciousness: An Experiment

By: An Anonymous Degrassi Student

Analysis:

This experiment shall undertake the concept of reality as a matter of substance or perceived consciousness. The basis of this study is to observe whether what we deem as reality is concrete substance or if it is merely the result of our own perception. The experiment will be set up in a way that will test the subjects' ability to distinguish between what is genuine and what is simply a product of fabricated phenomenon. Specifically, each subject will be exposed to the All Hollows Paradox- an illusion created to make each participant believe that what they see is bona fide. This analysis will provide vital information regarding the concept of 'belief' and how it contributes to reality.

The experiment will begin at 9:00 am on October 31, 2010. The location, Degrassi Community School; the test subjects, the entire student body. A final report will be submitted upon conclusion of the scientific testing.

"I can't believe I agreed to this..." Clare crossed her arms and slumped down in her seat, peering out of Morty's passenger window with a perfected scowl. "I feel like someone glued two cinnamon buns to either side of my head!"

Eli smirked. "I tried to convince you to go with the bronze bikini, but did you listen to me? Noooo..."

Clare glared at her boyfriend in mock irritation. "I'd go as Boba Fett before I agreed to that," she shot back.

"Hey, it would have been educational," he argued, turning his large hearse into the Degrassi Community School lot.

"How in the world is a metal bra and loin cloth educational?" Clare wrinkled her nose in amused disbelief.

Eli gave her a wicked grin. "It would have been great study material for my Anatomy exam."

She bit back a smile and swatted his shoulder. "Says the guy who gets to walk around with a blaster all day," she groused. "It's not fair, Leia carried a weapon, too! Clearly, the nitwads who created this costume forgot that little detail."

"I've got a blaster for you, babe," he rejoined with a lascivious wink.

Narrowing her eyes, Clare blew out an irritated breath. "Funny," she muttered.

Eli pulled into his spot and shifted the car into park. Facing his girlfriend, he cracked a crooked grin and reached under his seat. He pulled another blaster out from between his legs, flashing it at her in taunting manner. Clare's face lit up, her blue eyes flashing, and she clapped her hands in excitement.

"Now, say please..." he teased.

"Eli..." she stressed, tugging on the white sheath covering her body. "I'm in no mood for your lip."

"Oh no?" he said, sliding towards her with a predatory grin.

Clare blushed and looked down at her lap. Eli had a way of making her feel heated. It certainly didn't help that she was covered from head to foot in thick material...and that a pair of ear muffs were plastered to the sides of her head. It also didn't help that Eli was dressed as Han Solo, quite possibly the hottest man ever to roam the galaxy. Clad in a long sleeve white thermal, black vest, and fitted trousers, Eli looked damn delectable. His black boots and tight weapon holster further accentuated his lean, sculpted build and Clare swallowed hard as he bent over. One hand snaking up the side of her body, he pulled her forward and tucked her underneath him. Her heart was pounding and she nibbled her lower lip, anticipating the feel of his lips, his hands, his soft hair...

"So lady...can I touch those sweet buns of yours?" Eli whispered, his voice thick with amusement.

Gasping, Clare opened her mouth to protest but he silenced her with a kiss. One extremely hot kiss. As Eli's tongue slid into her mouth, all coherent thought fled her mind. She clung to the front of his vest, kissing him back with great fervor. It was disconcerting- Eli had the uncanny ability to turn her into a puddle mush with a simple sweep of his lips. It really put a damper on her efforts to maintain an upper hand when things got hot and heavy between them. And today was even worse...

Because she really had a thing for Han Solo.

Ten minutes later, Clare and Eli emerged from Morty's front seat, red and rumpled. They adjusted their clothing as best they could and shouldered their book bags. School was starting in twenty minutes and they both had to get to their lockers before class. However, with all the Halloween hubbub going on, they were going to have a hard time getting there. Almost everyone had donned a costume for the free dress day and they both found themselves distracted as they ascended the school's front steps. There were costumes of all kinds: scary ones, silly ones, highly questionable ones...

Indeed, as Clare looked around her, she wondered how Simpson could possibly overlook all the skin that was showing. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as Bianca sashayed by, wearing a Cave Woman outfit that left nothing to the imagination. A trio of freshman was following behind her, taking pictures with their cell phones.

"She brings new meaning to the word primal," Eli drawled, shaking his head.

Clare snorted, her hand flying up over her mouth.

"Learn the Force, Bianca should. Herh herh herh." A small, pithy voice rang out behind them.

Eli and Clare spun around to see Adam, or 'Yoda', leaning against a bank of lockers. He had really taken his costume seriously. Dressed in a sack cloth robe and brown, belted sheath, he donned green make up and a pair of fake ears. They stuck out of the sides of his head and, for once, Clare didn't feel like the only one suffering from overextended appendages.

Eli barked a laugh. "Dude, you look awesome!" The two of them high fived. "I'm so glad we decided to do the Star Wars gig!"

"Glad that Chewbacca, I am not," Adam rejoined, a small smirk on his green face. "Squeaky third wheel, I always am."

Clare rolled her eyes. "Very funny, Adam," she said. "Oh my God! Who is that?"

She pointed to a trio of guys, dressed in threads from the Galactic Empire. Darth Vader was followed by The Emperor and Lando Calrissian, who she recognized as Dave Turner. She smirked- the other two could only be Connor and Wesley, though Connor looked a bit taller than usual. They advanced on the little trio with determination, coming to a halt just in front of them.

"I did not expect to find you here, Yoda," Darth Vader growled.

His voice was computer generated and sounded exactly like the real thing. It was definitely Connor- only he could master the Vader sound. Besides, she already knew who The Emperor was- she could see the rim of Wesley's glasses peeking out from under his pitch hood.

"Master Yoda, I am. Yes, hmmm." Adam bowed his head.

Clare shook her head in disbelief. "You guys are ridiculous," she stated, turning on her heel to thread through the crowd.

"A perfect Leia, she is...yes..." Adam exclaimed and the rest of them burst out laughing.

Eli caught up with her at her locker. "Come on Clare, this is supposed to be fun!"

Heaving a sigh, she faced him. "I know," she replied. "I really do love Star Wars, I just didn't expect to participate in role playing."

"Hey, d'you see me chiming in, lady?" he shot back, crossing his arms.

Closing her locker, she cocked her head. "Good point."

Eli threw an arm around her shoulder and tugged her down the hall. "It's simple, you'll be Leia, I'll be Solo, and just before Simpson dips me in carbonite you can declare your undying affection for me to which I will respond with a masterful, albeit droll, response."

"Yeah, just to slight me." She gave him a playful nudge.

"Naturally," he countered. They stopped in front of her classroom and Eli put his hands on her shoulders. "Now, meet me at my locker after third period and we'll play out Han and Leia's first kiss."

She chuckled, amused by his tenacious will. "Whatever you say, dear," she ribbed.

With a wink, Eli spun around and loped down the hall towards his class. Clare watched him go, loving the way he looked as a reckless mercenary. Pulling at her collar, she blew out a breath. Was it hot or was it just her?

"Miss Edwards, I realize that Mr. Goldsworthy is a fine, young specimen, but I'd ask that you stop blocking entry to my classroom."

Squeaking, Clare pulled an about face and rushed into the science lab, cheeks blooming with color. She took a seat, refusing to meet her teacher's eyes, and began digging through her bag. She pulled out a notebook and a pen, preparing to take notes. Once the bell rang, first period dragged by. Learning about marsupials and their mating habits was, indeed, a complete bore...even for someone like Clare, who loved learning.

She passed the time by checking out the other costumes. Her teacher, Mr. Betenkamp, was dressed as a mid-fifties greaser, hair slicked back and shining as he droned on about sexual glands and mating rituals. A kid in the front row donned a dark, brown Fedora and a red and green sweater- clearly Freddy Kruger- though he'd taken off his razor sharp glove. Two girls at the back of the class were dressed in poodle skirts and matching sweaters while three boys to her right were decked out in twenties gangster outfits- complete with pocket squares and wing tipped shoes. Clare was actually quite entertained by all the detail people had gone to. Another girl one row over was dressed as a Native American princess. Her dress, made of hide, was beaded in a beautifully intricate pattern. It was quite impressive.

"Alright, and before we wrap up, I'd just like to say that all of your costumes are great!" Mr. Betenkamp stated in an appreciative tone.

The class stirred, many smiling, and began to put their things away. And that's when it happened...

The television in the upper right hand corner of the room came on and a frightening face flashed on the screen. It was a puppet, with a bright white face and red spirals on its cheeks.

"Greetings Degrassi Community School," the little puppet intoned. Its voice was a muddled tenor. "I would like to play a game."

Clare blinked up at the screen in amusement. Someone was playing a joke! Boy, was Simpson going to have someone's head for this!

"Hey, it's Jigsaw!" A boy to her right pointed at the television, a wide smile splitting his features.

The entire class was up in arms...but not for long.

"All of you are part of a school, an academic institution," the little puppet said. "But you labor under pretense, you adhere to social classification, and it does nothing but stunt your potential. You worry about what others think and you rely on mere appearance to tell you what is real and what is not."

Furrowing her brow, Clare stared at the puppet in confusion.

"Today, we are going to find out which of you can look inward and discover who you really are. The key to winning this game is simple- know thyself, and know freedom."

"What the heck is going on here?" Clare exclaimed.

"I'm not sure, Ms. Edwards," Mr. Betenkamp replied, "but I can tell you that Mr. Simpson is either in on this or doing everything he can to stop it."

Biting her lip, she nodded in uncertainty.

"Look around you, Degrassi," the puppet continued. "You are all dressed in costumes for Halloween...or are you? For the last hour, you have been breathing in a noxious gas that will greatly effect your perception. The agent will take effect in exactly one minute. Tell me, is what you see what you get? If you can answer this question, you may survive. If you can't, you may die. Either way, it's gonna be a hell of a ride. Live or die Degrassi, make your choice."

The television went blank and the entire class stared at it in amazement. Not a word was spoken...you could literally hear a pin drop, and the teacher turned towards them with a perplexed expression.

"Well, that was interesting," Mr. Betenkamp said, running a hand over his pompadour. Clare's eyes widened as he pulled a comb from his back pocket and smoothed it through his hair. "But don't you worry hepcats, I'm sure Big Daddy Simpson will cool it down quick!"

"Big Daddy Simpson?" The girl dressed in the Native American outfit frowned. "Is he your Chief? Perhaps he can tell me where to find my village?"

The boy dressed as Freddy Kruger spun around in his seat, lifting his razor claw. "Your village is exactly where you're going to be in five seconds," he growled. "Dead..."

The girl screamed as the boy lunged at her. "Six little Indians all still alive, one got scalped and then there were five..." he sang, his burnt face twisted in a wicked smirk.

Clare stumbled out of her seat, only to be caught around the waist by one of the twenties gangsters. "Hey there, Doll Baby," he drawled, spinning her around to face him. She tried to push him off of her but he held fast. "Oh, you're a real Bearcat, aren't you? Come on, let's hit the gin joint...the Big Cheese'll love you..."

He spun her sideways as Freddy Kruger ran past. "Come on Pocahontas, it'll be a hair raising experience!" the killer declared with an evil laugh.

The gangster motioned for his boys and they flanked either side of them, Tommy guns at the ready. Clare looked at them as if they had lost their minds. What the hell was going on? Everyone was acting insane!

"Don't take any wooden nickels, boys," the kid drawled as they made their way out of the classroom. "Keep your eyes peeled. I have a feeling the fuzz ain't far off..."

"You felt right, hood!" A loud voice rang out behind them. The two gangsters on either side of Clare spun around and fired their Tommy guns. Bullets sprayed all over the hallway and she cried out in surprise. The guns...they were real! Wrenching away from her captor, she ran down the hall, only dimly aware of the chaos going on around her. Was she the only person who knew who she was? Everyone else had literally become their costume! It was nuts!

A loud, boisterous laugh echoed down the hallway and she turned to see the Joker, from Batman fame, running towards her with a maniacal, painted grin. Shrieking, she ducked into a janitor's closet and shut the door behind her.

Cowering behind the wooden slab, she listened for any movement outside. "Shoot, I have got to find Eli!" she whispered.

"Oooo! Oooo!"

Clare screamed and threw open the door. She spilled out of the closet, followed by Bianca DeSousa and Owen Milligan- both dressed as Neanderthals in matching, fur outfits. Scooting backwards on her butt, she hit the wall and watched, with wide eyes, as the two of them jumped around like a couple of primates.

"Oooo! Oooo!" Bianca grunted, pulling a bottle of cleaning liquid from the closet. She shook the jug and a delighted expression spread over her face.

Owen, on the other hand, was playing with a lighter he'd discovered somewhere. He rolled the igniter and a flame shot up out of the top. His eyes widened in excitement and he grunted at Bianca. She was busy opening the top of the cleaning solution but when she saw the fire, she jumped in surprise and the liquid in the bottle went everywhere...catching fire in the process. Clare's mouth fell open as the two of them hopped around the fire, screaming at the top of their lungs.

"Good God!" Clare shouted, grabbing a fire extinguisher off the wall and aiming it at the fire.

The foamy spray hit the blaze and the other two went nuts, attacking her for putting out their precious flames. She pointed the extinguisher at them and hit the trigger, blasting them with the frothy liquid. They both fell, snarling as they slid around on the sudsy floor. Clare dropped her weapon and fled, only one thing on her mind...finding Eli.

As she came to a cross section in the hallway, she crept up and peeked around the corner. The coast was clear. Blowing out a relieved breath, she put a precarious toe out into the adjacent corridor...and was almost taken out by a mob of students running from something as if their lives depended on it.

"Muahahahaha!" A garbled voice oozed.

"Look out!" someone shouted.

"Jesus Christ, what is that!" another bellowed.

"It's Jenna Middleton, she decided to come as the Blob!"

Eyes as wide as saucers, Clare almost passed out when she saw a hideous puddle of blubber leaching down the hallway...a puddle of blubber with Jenna Middleton's head. It was devouring everything in its wake- discarded papers and book bags...even an innocent freshman! Turning tail, she ran from the blob as fast as she could, darting in and out as a riot of colorful characters descended on her.

"Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder where you're at..." The Mad Hatter danced past her, twirling with a tea tray on his head.

He was followed by a group of zombies, hell-bent on human flesh, and Clare screeched as they neared. Remembering the blaster Eli had given her, she pulled it out of her leg holster and aimed it at the zombies. She didn't expect anything but she had to do something. Closing her eyes, she made to squeeze down on the trigger but a loud BOOM! resounded through the corridor, distracting her.

It seemed to have a similar effect on the zombies. They halted, their hollow, festering eye sockets fixed on something just behind her.

"Alright you Flesheating Screwheads, listen up!"

Clare turned to see Sav Bhandari, holding a large shot gun in the air, his body scratched and battered. His clothes were torn and he wore a pair of dusty, dark brown pants. She blinked, thinking she was seeing things when she noticed that his left hand had been replaced with a chainsaw.

"You see this?" he bellowed, shaking the gun. "This... is my boomstick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department." He smirked, running a hand over the long barrel. "That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger." He nodded in approval. "That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?"

The zombies hissed, lunging at Sav with their slimy, decaying hands.

He pointed the gun at them and smirked. "Alright, who wants some?"

Pellets sprayed the entire hallway and Clare took the opportunity to get the hell out of there. She tore in the opposite direction, dodging a large ape and a student swinging on a vine and beating his chest like Tarzan. She shook her head in self-reproach. Oh, he is Tarzan...

Re-holstering her blaster, she continued down the hall towards the entry to the school. She saw a number of 'tame' costumes but nothing to flip her lid. In fact, she was just starting to think she might make it to the front office when she turned into the main lobby...and stopped dead in her tracks.

Clare covered her eyes in disbelief. I have got to be seeing things...

After everything she had been through, Clare thought she knew mayhem, she thought she knew insanity...but Zane Park donning lingerie while a bunch of scantily clad young men and women surrounded him in a dance montage, that was a total mindfuck.

She peeked through her fingers as Zane stepped forward. Extending a delicate hand, he began to sing.

How do you do
I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down because
When you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don't get strung out by the way I look
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transsexual, Transylvania

Clare's mouth hung open in shock as Zane pirouetted around her, his hands skimming over her arms in the process. It was clear- Zane Park was Dr. Frank-N-Furter from Rocky Horror! And all the dancing students- his minions.

Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you're pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steeve Reeves movie

"Uh, right..." Clare muttered, trying to move away from him.

Zane caught her by the wrist and pulled her against his chest. "Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever." He ran a hand up and down her arm, tugging at the binding fabric. "Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it."

"Er, I will," Clare insisted, slipping away from him. "I will...be it."

A wide, albeit lecherous, grin spread over his face and he twirled back into the center of his routine. "Don't get hot and flustered, use a bit of mustard!"

And, with that, Riley Stavros emerged from a nearby locker- wearing a pair of sparkly, gold boxers and nothing else.

Clare blinked in amazement as he strolled forward, Zane snaking an arm around his neck from behind. "In just seven days, I can make you a man," he declared. "Dig it if you can."

Placing her hands on her cheeks, she shook her head. Everyone was truly out of their mind! She backed away from them slowly, hoping they wouldn't force her to do the Time Warp. Once she managed to get a considerable distance, she turned and ran. Flying into the main office, she had every intention of finding Principal Simpson. She threw open the door to his office and, panting heavily, bent over.

"P-principal Sim...Simpson," she choked out.

His leather chair spun around and Clare's mouth fell open. "We meet again, your Highness."

There was Connor- or, more accurately, Darth Vader- seated in their principal's chair. He rose and drew his Light Saber, its red beam buzzing as he gestured towards her.

"Connor, what are you doing?" she demanded. "You can't possibly believe that this is real!"

"Silence, rebel," he commanded. "Or you will know the true fury of the Dark Side. Calrissian!" He waved a flippant hand and Dave swept into the office. "Take the Princess and put her in a cell...that smuggler Solo and his little green friend will come for her eventually." Connor holstered his saber. "And when they do, we'll be ready for them!"

Dave took Clare by the arm and dragged her towards a nearby classroom. "I'm sorry Princess." he murmured, "but this is beyond my control."

He locked her in the computer lab and Clare huffed. There had to be some way out of this mess! If only she could get in touch with Eli... She didn't have her cell phone- it was back in the science classroom. Peering around at the humming machines, Clare wondered if she could email Eli's phone from one of the computers. Pulling up a ball, she sat down and began to log in. It seemed the school system was still up and running. Luckily, they had kept the ability to email intact- students liked to forward their homework and assignments to their personal accounts. It was academic and apparently the school board saw nothing wrong with it. Accessing her account, she sent a quick email to her boyfriend.

Locked in computer lab by Connor and Dave! Come and get me out!

"It is of no use, Young Skywalker." Clare spun around, clutching her chest as Wesley or, The Emperor, stepped out of the shadows.

"What?" she replied, confused. "Wesley, what are you talking about?"

"Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design," he croaked. "Your friends- the reckless smuggler and that crackpot, Yoda- are making their way to the boiler room as we speak...right into a trap."

Frustrated, Clare threw up her hands. "Why am I the only one who knows who she is?" she raged. Scanning the hooded figure, she appealed to him. "Wesley, you have to know who you are! Fight this...this stupid perception. It's not real- what you wear, how you look, it doesn't make you. It's just...surface!" She placed a hand over her heart. "It's what's in here that matters most."

Wesley cackled and ripped his hood back. "You think I don't know that?" he replied. "It is I who control the Jigsaw puppet...and he is quite safe from your pitiful little band of rebels. An entire legion of my sentinels guard the antidote to the All Hollows Paradox!"

"You?" she rejoined, completely blown away by his revelation. "But, why?"

"Because, young Skywalker, I am tired of being treated as socially insignificant!" he snarled. "Now, I have all the power! The alliance- those of you who have retained your former identities- will die. That includes your friends."

Clare felt the anger licking her lower belly. Clenching her fists, she growled at Wesley in irritation. No one was going to hurt Eli and Adam and get away with it! She fingered the blaster under her skirt, contemplating an escape.

"Good," he drawled, an evil grin splitting his features. "I can feel your anger. I am defenseless. Take your weapon. Strike me down with all of your hatred and your journey towards the dark side will be complete!"

Dark side? I'm not going over to the Dark Side, I...wait, what the hell am I saying! This guy's a nutbar, I can't play into his little scheme...into his little game. Clare blinked- a game, that was all this was! The Jigsaw puppet had said it: "The key to winning this game is simple- know thyself, and know freedom."

And Clare certainly knew who she was.

Rising, she approached Wesley with a smirk on her face. "No."

"No?" he replied, raising a brow. "But I will kill your-"

"I don't care," she replied. "I'm not going to do it."

Wesley gazed at her in perplexity.

"You see, I've figured you out Wesley Betenkamp," she intoned, crossing her arms over her chest. "I know that you only have power over me if I believe you do." She leaned forward, her face just inches from his. "And guess what? I...don't..."

He snarled and pushed her backwards, pulling a light saber from his belt simultaneously. He attempted to turn it on but the blade would not materialize.

Shaking it, he frowned in aggravation. "What's going on here?" he demanded.

Clare reached underneath her skirt and pulled out her blaster. Pointing it at the boy, she smiled broadly. He cowered away from her, stumbling back against Miss Oh's desk.

"Like Jigsaw said, it's all a matter of perception," she said, stalking towards him, "it was a good experiment, in theory, but it's clear that you labor under the same false pretense as everyone else. You know that you are behind the caper, but you fell victim to it as well."

"I...don't understand..."

She cocked her head in thought. "Well, I guess the best way to explain it is- others think of you as socially insignificant," she declared, waving the blaster in her hand. "But your belief in what they say is what makes it a reality. No one is insignificant, Wesley, we're all just people. The only hierarchy is the one created by your own mind."

"That's not true!" he hissed.

"Oh, but it is," Clare replied. "It's basic Force 101...Obi Wan has taught me well." Chuckling, she turned towards the door. "Now, I wonder if belief in this blaster can get me the hell out of here."

Aiming the weapon at the wooden slab, Clare imagined it working and pulled the trigger. A huge flame spewed out of the end, not unlike a blow torch, and the door melted. Running towards the opening, she all but shrieked when a hand reached in and snagged her around the waist.

"Let me go!" she cried, beating at the person with all her might.

"Calm down, your Worship! It's just me!" Eli drawled, a smirk on his face.

Clare blinked. "Oh no, not you too!" she murmured, pushing against his chest.

"Clare! I was only kidding!" he assured her. "I'm me- Eli 'Han Solo' Goldsworthy- the hottest mercenary in the Universe."

Rolling her eyes, she snorted. "That can easily be contested."

Eli raised a brow. "Are you alright?"

"Um, I guess...but the whole school has gone-"

"Crazy, they are...yes..." Adam cut in.

Clare's mouth fell open in total astonishment. Her friend, he was...short, green, hairy, with...ears!

"Uh, yeah..." Eli muttered, running a hand through his hair, "...Adam...he sort of decided to buy into the whole Yoda thing."

Adam waddled over to her and patted her knee. "A specie-less sage, the idea, I like," he intoned. "Herh, herh, herh."

"Good Grief," Clare replied, looking up at the ceiling. She squeaked as Spiderman crawled by, tipping a salute her way.

Head snapping forward, she gave Eli a desperate look. "We've got to get to the Boiler Room!"

"Well, we were headed there," Eli replied, "but then I got your email and decided to come rescue you."

She gazed at him with a dreamy expression, eyes fluttering. "Well aren't you just the modern day hero..."

"You know it, babe." He flashed a grin and leaned in, waggling his brows.

"Make out, you will not," Adam complained in his odd, little voice. "The third wheel, I will no longer be! Hmmmm..."

"Ah...put a sock in it, Munchkin from the Planet Viridian," Eli countered slyly.

"Humph!" Adam crossed his little arms and looked away. "From Dagobah, I am."

"Not originally..." Eli argued.

"Both of you put a sock in it!" Clare groused. "We've got to get past Vader and his henchman if we want to get to the Boiler Room!"

Eli held up his blaster. "I'm with you, your Worship."

"Stop calling me that!" Clare hissed, smacking him on the back of the head. "Now move..."

"Sure, Leia." He gave her one last smirk and crept in front of her. "Come on, Yodel...we've got to make it to the Boiler Room and your 'forceful' voice could really do some damage."

Shaking her head, Clare rolled her eyes. "You really are a scoundrel, you know that?"

"Scoundrel!" Eli barked, glancing over his shoulder. "Hmm...scoundrel. I like the sound of that..."

"Move it, you will," Adam murmured, "or move you, I will...yes..."

Throwing up her hands, Clare huffed. "This is ridiculous!"

"That it is Princess." Vader's deep voice and heavy breath rang out behind them as the trio slinked towards the corridor that connected to the Boiler Room.

Whirling around, they positioned themselves with their backs to the wall and Clare pointed her blaster at the Sith Lord.

"My master has informed me of your traitorous activity, your Highness," he stated, pulling out his light saber. "I must say, I am highly disappointed. I thought you a perfect candidate for the Dark Side."

"Well you thought wrong," she spat.

"Yeah, the girl's not a candidate for anything but pain in the ass!" Eli joked.

"Ah, Captain Solo," Vader replied, "I believe the Hutts have been looking for you."

Lord Vader made to move forward but a small group of girls stumbled into the hallway, blocking his attempt to capture them.

"Oh my gosh! It's a robot! Isn't that, like, totally far out!"

Clare bit back a snort. It was Holly J Sinclair...clad in a leopard print leotard and carrying a purple guitar.

Fiona Coyne flipped her hair behind her shoulder. "Pfft, talk about a real metal head!"

The third girl, Chantay Black, rocked her hips back and forth and shook her tambourine. "Ah, Alexandra, don't be such a drag! I'm sure even robots like to jam, right Josie?"

"Enough!" Vader boomed, switching on his light saber.

The girls cried out as he stalked towards them and Clare jumped forward. "Leave them alone or else!"

"Or else what, Princess?" he replied, calling her bluff.

Clare raised her blaster. "Or I'll shoot!" she threatened.

Lord Vader laughed. "That, I'd like to see..."

Irritation rolled through her and Clare narrowed her eyes. If he wanted to see it, she'd let him! Pressing down on the trigger, she focused her thoughts once more.

"ARGH!" Vader cried as a huge net projected from her blaster and covered his body.

"Whoa!" Eli bellowed. "Let me try!"

He turned towards a group of stormtroopers advancing on them rapidly. Aiming his blaster, he shot it off.

"What the..."

Clare covered her mouth in amused astonishment as a minty white string shout out of the end of his blaster.

"What the hell was that?" Eli yelled, clearly perturbed. "You get a blow torch and a net and I get...I get..."

"Dental floss," Clare supplied, trying like hell not to laugh.

His mouth fell open and he shook his head in disbelief. "This isn't funny, Clare!" he whined. "I'm Han Solo- I should be the one saving the day!"

"Er...stormtroopers coming, they are..." Adam warned.

Clare sighed, pointing her blaster at the contingent of plastic men, and hit them with a glob of Gorilla Glue. They stuck to the opposite wall, kicking and grunting as they attempted to 'unstick' themselves.

Turning back to Eli, who was sulking, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Look at it this way," she cooed, "if any of our enemies have issues with tartar, you're our man..."

Adam erupted into a fit of croaking giggles and Eli flushed, crossing his arms over his chest. "Laugh it up, ET."

"Learned your lesson, you have..." Adam rasped.

"Alright guys, let's get out of here!" Clare hissed, tugging on Eli's arm as she ran towards the Boiler Room.

They dodged a number of wacky characters on their way- a Sasquatch, a couple of Hannah Montana's, two or three punk rockers, KISS, and, the funniest of all- Drew Torres as Shaggy Rogers. The infamous beatnik tried to sell them some, in his words, 'like, really good stuff, man'. Clare managed to distract him with a vending machine and they slipped down into the basement.

It was eerily quiet and she wondered what could be going on. "Guys, it's a little too quiet down here for my taste..."

"Yeah, well, you were the one who wanted to come down here, Princess."

Blowing out a heavy breath, she glared at Eli. "We have to at least try to get the antidote!" she snapped.

"Do or do not, there is no try," Adam whispered.

"I'll try to remember that," Eli rejoined with a sarcastic smile.

"Stop being such a jerk!" Clare rasped.

"Well pardon me for being annoyed that my blaster is only good for one thing," he responded in an aggravated tone, "cleaning teeth!"

"Ugh! Look, we have only one mission here- to obtain the antidote and release it in the school," she clarified. "Now, are you with me or not?"

Eli blinked in surprise and Adam nodded his little green head. "With you, I am."

Begrudgingly, Eli shrugged. "I guess so..."

"Good." She smiled. "Let's see what Jigsaw has up his sleeve. Er...if he has any that is..."

Creeping forward, the three of them held their weapons at the ready: Adam- his unsheathed light saber; Eli- his dental blaster; and Clare- her multi-talented weapon. As they neared the boiler, they saw a small vial lying on what looked like a metal dentist's tray. Clare swallowed a laugh- if there was ever a time for irony, this was it!

"One comment about that goddamn dental tray and I'll kick you in your green gob," Eli muttered under his breath.

"Hmmm hmmm hmmm," Adam replied, a cryptic smile on his face.

Once they had made it to the middle of the room, a bright light flickered on and four stormtroopers slid down on ropes from the ceiling. They also had blasters and they aimed them at Clare, Eli, and Adam.

"Good work sentinels," Wesley stepped out from behind the boiler. "Hold young Skywalker and the other traitors captive. Where is Lord Vader?"

"I am here, my master," Vader rejoined.

Clare watched the large, black figure hobble down the stairwell, the net stuck to the bottom of one shoe like a piece of toilet paper.

He kneeled in front of Wesley. "What is thy bidding, my master?"

Nibbling her lip, Clare watched them interact, thinking back to all the times she had watched Star Wars. The movies were good but she felt there was something she was missing- something about Vader and the Emperor...and Luke.

That's when it hit her.

Darth Vader was the ultimate redemption story. He went good in the end! He was in constant conflict- that pull between love for his son and the Dark Side. Looking up, she knew she could capitalize on that now.

"Wait!" she spoke up and the entire room turned towards her.

"Father..." She appealed to Vader, a beseeching expression on her face. "Father, please. It is I, Leia...Skywalker."

Standing, Vader looked at her for a moment. "It cannot be," he said, shaking his head.

"It is," she assured him. "I am your daughter."

She took a step forward, glancing at Eli as she did. He frowned back at her and mouthed 'what the hell are you doing?' She nodded discreetly towards the metal tray and his eyes followed the movement. His mouth formed a small 'o' of understanding and he looked back at her with a wicked smirk.

"Search your feelings, father," Clare continued. "I sense the conflict within you. I know you cannot do this. Let go of your hate."

Vader stepped closer to her. "Do not lie to me, young one!" he growled. "Is what you say true? Are you Padme's daughter?"

"The truth, she has told, Anakin," Adam chimed in.

"That name no longer has any meaning for me!" he boomed, unsheathing his light saber.

Adam did the same and the two stepped forward, crossing their colored rapiers. Clare shifted sideways but the stormtroopers zeroed in on her immediately.

"The princess has a blaster," one said in an intercom-like voice.

"Take it from her," replied another.

"ELI!" Clare screeched, darting away from the stormtroopers.

He rushed forward, trying to get to the metal tray but Wesley stepped in front of it. "It will do you no good, Solo," he said. "The antidote is mine and I will not release it!"

Eli pulled out his blaster and pointed it at the other boy.

"Your primitive weapon has no power over me, smuggler!" Wesley rasped. "Now you will feel the true power of the Dark Side!"

Force lightening shot out of Wesley's hands, gripping Eli and sending him to the floor. He rolled around, moaning as it took control of his body.

"Don't believe in him, Eli!" Clare shouted. "Remember who you are! Remember who he is- Wesley Betenkamp- science fair winner, mathlete, a Three Tenner!"

Wesley cackled. "Your girlfriend's Jedi mind tricks will not help you, Captain Solo. You are mine."

He thrust his hands out in an attempt to take out Eli...but nothing happened. Growling, Wesley tried again but it was no use- his powers were no longer working against the boy on the floor.

Panting, Eli hoisted himself off the ground and sneered at him. "That all you got, Emperor?" he drawled, shining his finger nails on the front of his vest. "Because, honestly, that kind of tickled."

Clare continued her game of dodge ball with the stormtroopers as her boyfriend grabbed Wesley by the robes and the two began to struggle. Meanwhile, Adam and Vader were still busy dueling with their light sabers. Clashing, smashing, rolling flips- Adam soared through the air like a damn ninja! It was rather impressive- no wonder he wanted to believe he was Yoda. Raising her brows, Clare thought it a pretty good decision, considering the power the little creature packed.

She tried to get to the tray to grab the vial but it was no use- Wesley and Eli were now on the floor- she'd have to use her blaster to foil her assailants. Turning, she focused and squeezed the trigger- a huge jet of water flew out of the barrel with tidal force. Clare flew into the air as if she was harnessing a fireman's hose and the stream went everywhere, knocking most of the characters in the room to the floor.

"AUGH!" she screamed and pulled her finger off the trigger. The loss of water pressure sent her to the ground and she hit the concrete with a hard thud!

While the other characters were trying to get their bearings, Eli crawled over to Clare and pulled her up against him. "Let's get that vial," he whispered.

She looked up at him in appreciation. Leaning forward, she kissed his cheek. He looked back at her in amused curiosity.

She shrugged. "For luck."

They barreled forward, grabbing the vial, but as they turned around a mob of white sentinels and Lord Vader descended on them. Looking for a way out, Eli's eyes darted up to a pipe running across the ceiling.

He tucked Clare into his side. "Hold tight, sweetheart," he said and, aiming for the pipe, shot his blaster.

The same dental anomaly flew out of the end and it wrapped around the pipe. Clare's mouth fell open as Eli swung them across the liquid floor, feet blasting through Vader and his minions. The landed on the other side of the room and took off up the stairwell.

"Eli, your floss actually came in handy!" she exclaimed.

He grinned and threw his hands over his head. "And Solo saves the day!"

"What about Adam?" Clare puffed as they made it to the top the stairwell.

"With you, I am...yes..." The little green guy was right behind them.

"How the hell did you do that?" Clare bellowed.

"Strong with me, the Force is," Adam replied, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

Shaking his head, Eli huffed. "You're nothing but Ernie Keebler disguised as a yogi," he griped.

"Can you two quit your bellyaching long enough to help me figure out what to do with this?"

They looked at the vial and each of them frowned. A cotton ball sat at the bottom of the test tube. How on earth was this going to help them? Slipping through the tattered hallways, the trio made it to the front of the school and barricaded themselves in Simpson's office. They all sat on the floor and tried to figure out the next step.

"What the heck are we going to do?" Clare sighed, pulling at her wet outfit.

Eli was staring at her in a lecherous manner. "Huh?" he muttered, his eyes fastened on her body.

Looking down, Clare blushed in embarrassment. "Eli!"

She hugged her chest and began rummaging through the office for something to cover her. Eventually, she located one of Simpson's hideous sweater vests and slipped it over her head.

Eli pouted. "Was that really necessary?"

She shot him a withering look. "Yes, now shut up and think of a way to use this blasted cotton to save the school!"

"You have to use this..." They all spun around to find Lord Vader standing behind them- a key to the office in one hand, a strange fan-like device in the other. Clare tilted her head- did his voice sound different?

"But...you...what the hell?" Eli rambled.

The Sith Lord reached up and began to undo his mask. "I think it was the water," he explained in a voice not so representative of the Dark Side. In fact, it was oddly familiar.

And it wasn't Connor.

"It seeped into my mask and short circuited the voice scrambler. Once I heard my real voice, things began to fall into place."

Pulling off the mask, the three students gaped at the man in front of them.

"Mr. Simpson?" Clare whispered.

"Wesley came to me first," he continued in a disappointed tone. "Connor told him that I was going as Vader and I believe it perpetrated his idea to subject the school to the All Hollows Paradox. There is only one man Vader bowed down to, and that was Palpatine." He shook his head. "I suppose Wesley thought that having the principal in his pocket would give him leverage."

"Well it did for a while," Clare piped up.

"Indeed," Simpson concurred.

"So just the water helped you overcome the perception?" Eli asked.

"Actually, I started to question my loyalties when Clare said she was my daughter...it just didn't resonate. I have only one daughter, and that's Emma." He gave Clare a rueful smile. "No offense."

"None taken," she replied, raising her hands in placation. "I figured it would help me one way or another. I'm just glad it aided in restoring your real identity as opposed to the fabricated one."

"So am I," he agreed.

"Are they all still down there?"

"Yes, I told my 'master' that I would find you and bring you back," he rejoined with a smirk. "Of course, when this is all over, Wesley Betenkamp is going to be attending school from a jail cell. But for now..."

Simpson held out a hand and Clare slipped him the vial. He took the little piece of cotton out and tucked it into a little door on the tiny device.

"The cotton ball has been doused with the antidote," Simpson explained. "This will help project it through the school." He placed the device in the air vent inside his office. Switching it on, he turned to the three students. "Hopefully this won't take too long."

"Um, Mr. Simpson," Clare began, biting her lip nervously, "the other students...there were several of them who were shot, eaten by zombies, swallowed by Jenna Middleton...do you think they're..."

Rubbing his palms on the front of his robotic chest plate, he frowned. "I don't know Clare, I don't know..."

"Maybe it's like The Matrix," Adam chimed in, his speech back to normal.

Clare blinked in surprise- he looked like Adam again, too. "No more Yoda, huh?"

"Nah, I knew who I was all along," he replied. "But it was a hell of a lot of fun playing out the fantasy."

It made sense. Adam dealt with the paradox of physical perception everyday. He had a girl's body but, inside, he knew what he really was. No wonder he was able to pull it off without getting caught up in the character!

Smiling, she put an arm around him. "So, what did you mean by The Matrix?" she asked.

"Well, The Matrix was all about belief in what you see," he clarified, running a hand over his faux bald head. "If you die in The Matrix, you die in real life."

Clare covered her mouth in horror and Eli frowned. "So...it's possible that those kids are...dead?" he whispered.

The office fell silent and they all bent their heads. Could it be that they had lost some of their classmates? The very idea was haunting. Wesley Betenkamp had always seemed like a fairly stable kid, but clearly appearances could be deceiving. Indeed, he had proven how very limiting a label could be. You could never tell what was lurking inside of another person- at any time, that perception could turn on you.

But one thing was certain- the Jigsaw puppet had warned them all: Live or die, Degrassi. Make your choice.

Conclusion:

I have concluded my experiment on the student body of Degrassi Community School. The result is as follows:

Number of Unaffected Students (Rebels): 3

Number of Affected Students (Slaves): 2,587

Number of Fatalities: 7

Number of Recovered: 2,580

Number of Rehabilitated: 1,017

Number Imprisoned: 1

Final Disposition: Failure

* Note: Overall, the experiment was a failure. Attempts to overpower the students of Degrassi Community School were futile as three students were unaffected by the paradox. Since the study, approximately 1,017 students have learned to 'live'. They are completely rehabilitated and work to help others give up the perception that limits them.

As Lead Scientist and creator of the All Hollows Paradox, I have been detained and sequestered to the Toronto Hospital for the Criminally Insane. It is here that I will bide my time until my next experiment...

Mind control.

Indeed, I will conquer the feeble individuals who confine me. I, the Leader of the Great Galactic Empire, shall seek vengeance...I shall strike back!