Oliver has his laptop today because he has a power point presentation due in one of his classes. He brought just in case the school computer won't recognize the files on his flash drive. He's showing you a lip biting montage of Kristen Stewart in the movie Twilight. Now it's not really the hype that's interesting. She caught your eyes when she was in Zathura.

"Fuck…" hormones are taking over. "That's so hot."

"What is?" Lilly asks in confusion.

"Well her and the lip biting." it should have been obvious but then again the blonde is quite new to the group.

"You have a lip fetish?" Lilly asks looking with amusement sparking in her bright blue depths.

"Yeah." the breathy dreamy like tone can't be helped. "I love it when girls bite their lip." you divulge. "I also love hair flipping."

"What about when a girl licks her lip?" her question is rewarded with a glimmer of excitement seeping through your eyes.

"Hell yes." the response isn't needed but is given anyway.

"Don't forget your love for prepubescent girls." the helmet haired boy teases and a playful grin is thrown his way while your head shakes in disagreement. "She has a thing for younger girls." he informs Lilly with a taunting grin.

"Not all of them!" the weak defense is given. "I went out with that senior last year!"

"You mean made out with…" Oliver clarifies and Joannie rolls her eyes.

"In all the time I've known you, you've never been interested in someone our age." Joannie continues. It's difficult to admit but she is right. They were always a year younger, maybe more.

"I did back in middle school." that really didn't end well for the parties involved.

"Oh that's right." the other female brunette recalls. "Jake said you dated Ashley in middle school." she's looking at you expecting some sort of reaction but none is given. Instead look of disinterest however is thrown her way. Time has a way of teaching one to be collected.

On the outside anyway. Within is a different tale. There's turmoil, as if the heavens were brewing a storm. Saying that the past didn't matter, that the relationship with Ashley didn't matter would be a lie. It, she, contributed to the person you are today but it's better not to comment anything about her and the past since it's unclear whether or not Ashley would want anyone to know anyway. Besides, you're unsure what you could say on the matter.

"You've been talking to Jay?" you ask Joannie. It's a subtle change in topic. Hopefully, one that Joannie will concern herself with.

"Yeah I called him and asked him about you and Ashley." she states. What a sneaky conniving asshole. You're thankful Jake doesn't know much about what happened.

"I'm sure that's why you called." you're just an excuse to talk to her longtime crush.

"I was wondering what happened between you and Ashley since you're so clear on avoiding the matter like you're doing now." the brunette friend asserts and there's no way of deterring her focus. The Jake card was pulled and that didn't work.

She's really interested in your history with Ashley. It's unclear why. She's never been this nosy before. Maybe it's because you're being so secretive about the past. Whilst you don't share the whole story usually you give little hints and details. Joannie's always been a bit demanding but she's never been this extreme. She never goes out of her way to dig up dirt.

"I'm not avoiding anything." nothing can break through your cool demeanor.

"Right and I am a flaming lesbian." Joannie scoffs and rolls her eyes because she knows there's more to the story.

"Well my right breast and I clearly agree with that statement." your reminder is ignored pointedly.

"Jake told me that you two went out and it didn't work out so you broke up." she says, unwilling to be deterred from her current path. She clearly wants to know the reason behind the dissolution of your relationship with Ashley and it's a mystery why it matters so much to her. "So what happened?" she's never usually this pushy. She must be really curious.

"Nothing." that's such a lie.

"You were rolling with that?" Oliver's voice squeaks with disbelief. He really shouldn't be shocked that your past with Ash has never been shared.

"It was in middle school." it's said in a tone meant to convince everyone that what happened is of no consequence. You've never been thankful to hear the bell ring before. Perhaps there is a God out there.

You hop off the table and gather your belongings slowly, not wanting to seem like you're hurrying. It's important to keep the cool demeanor going so movement is made as gracious possible. With a small smile thrown to the others you leave.

Right when your head turns toward the entrance of the school you're met with the sight of jet black hair. God this school was too small. It feels very claustrophobic and that's anomalous because you're outdoors. There just isn't enough space in this world. She's looking your way with those accursed blue eyes of hers. She's staring and looking away doesn't seem to be an option because you can be rather masochistic.

There's sadness and despair. The look is easily recognized because it's the same one she always during these encounters with one another. She's still in pain. Even after all these years she's still in pain and she has every right to be. She has every right to feel whatever she's feeling.

"Yeah you're right…" Joannie's voice is dripping with sarcasm breaking the trance. "Absolutely nothing happened."

You say nothing in reply and opt to head to class. The whole encounter should be forgotten but it's difficult, impossible even, now that Ashley is back. Well she really isn't but it'll be really hard to ignore her existence if you see her almost every day.

Your ears are deafened by the sound of that erratic thumping in your chest. Its pounding reverberates through your body effectively drowning out the cafeteria clamor. You're livid. You can't believe what's happening. You can't believe that she's sitting with Ashley and Amber. Fucking Joannie just can't leave shit alone!

Sarah's talking and you're not really listening because it's another tirade about global warming. Instead your mind is fascinated with the different ways to strangle Joannie.

It's a successful attempt. No one knows that you're trying desperately to see what's been divulged. You're watching them wondering what they could possibly be talking about. They're laughter is a good indication that the past has yet to be mentioned. But knowing Joannie, sooner or later she will want to discuss the subject that seems to be nagging at her core.

A flash of blonde hair catches your attention. Lilly takes a seat at their table, next to her friend. Lilly's sitting with Joannie and showing her something from her binder.

You observe as the blonde begins conversing with the prying girl. Before long she's got Joannie's full attention and they're getting up from the table. Your gaze follows them until they leave the cafeteria. Your heart rate slowly decreases and calm is achieved for the moment because ultimately the brunette did not muster any information.

A few minutes later Joannie and Lilly show are sitting in front of you and Joannie looks highly disappointed bordering annoyed. Lilly's flashing a kind smile.

"Hey guys." Oliver greets the two girls.

"Joannie why do you look constipated?" Marissa teases.

You look at Joannie and note the rigid look on her face. She's struggling to let something out. The look on her face is identifiable. It rarely occurs so the moment should be savored.

"What do you have to say?" the blonde nudges Joannie who glares at her before turning.

"You don't have to worry…" Joannie says monotonically through gritted teeth. "I won't be prying." she rolls her eyes. "I won't be asking Ashley anything either so you can calm down." she says and you get the feeling Lilly put her up to apologizing. "I just wish you would just tell us." she grumbles as she sits. She looks much like a child who didn't get everything she wanted for Christmas.

"There's nothing much to tell." the lie is so easy to give.

"Come on that's such bullshit." Joannie remarks angrily. "I don't understand why you have to hide what happened. It's all in the past." she argues and you're staring at her in disbelief.

"You said it yourself it's all in the past so it shouldn't matter." she had no right to know.

"Obviously it matters because you wouldn't be working so hard to keep it a secret if it didn't." Joannie makes her point. "Why won't you tell us? We're your friends." is her reminder.

"If you were really my friend you'd respect my privacy." your head is held up high as you face her with a cruel look shining through your gray depths. "Not everyone can be so blasé about their business like you Joannie and if you really value our friendship you'll learn to leave shit alone." venom drips from that usually soft Southern twang. She's shocked because she's never seen you like this.

You rise and walk out of the room looking as though the confrontation did not happen. Outside you're pretty as a picture but inside you're a mess. You always are.

You head toward the bathroom and take occupant the nearest available stall. Heaviness fills the room as you continue to stand there just looking at the door, collecting yourself. The breaking point is about to be reached. After a few minutes you exit the tiny cubicle and approach the sink.

Water splashes against your face in an attempt to wake from this nightmare. That's probably the reason why she too entered the facility. You look up toward the mirror and the reflection of the girl is startling. Her eyes are hardened and her posture is rigid. She is just as surprised but she won't give you the satisfaction of seeing her flee. She stands in her place. It's more of a stand she's taking against herself. She's struggling to keep up appearances. She deserves to be shown mercy but you can't more either. You're too willing, eager even, to face punishment.

"Ash." you say her name but it doesn't sound like a greeting. Your throat's dry, that Southern drawl she used to be so fond of sounds particularly dreadful. You turn to face her because the mirror's about to melt due to the intensity of her stare.

"Miley." her lips are closed so tightly because she's struggling to keep her composure.

"I don't really know what to say…" you start and clearly it's the wrong thing to say because her brows knit and her eyes darken in anger. "I don't know how to talk to you." she has to understand how hard this is.

"You want to ask me not to say anything to Joannie." she accuses.

"No." it's not why it's so difficult to speak to her. "You have every right to tell her and anyone else you want what happened." so long as the truth comes out of her mouth it doesn't matter. "As long as that's what you want." you've said the wrong thing again because if looks could kill you'd be a bloody heap on the floor.

"So now you care about what I want?" she scoffs in disbelief.

"Ash…" you reach out to her but realize that's a bad idea because she's retreating as though you're diseased with leprosy. This should have been thought through but it's too late. You can't step away and you can't change what you've done.

"Don't." her breathing is terse and uneven. "What do you want from me?" Ashley demands with unshed tears.

Four years have passed and you're still the reason for her tears. It seems all you're capable of doing is making her cry. It's an undesired skill. It's heartbreaking because this isn't what you want.

Before you can answer the question the bell rings and Ashley wipes a fallen tear before taking her leave. Your feet seem to have a mind of their own because they take after her. You've just been doing a lot of things without thinking apparently. Logic actually takes over thankfully. You sigh and head over to your locker instead of looking for the dark haired beauty.

After finishing gathering your materials the locker is slammed shut. You are about to walk toward class but stop in mid step because you see the past you're trying to get away from standing in front of her locker. It's so close to your own. As she looks your way the realization that this school is really infinitesimal and you'd be better off stuck inside the janitor's closet the whole day doesn't escape you.

You'll pass her if that particular route is taken and turning around will let her know you're avoiding her which will in turn allow her to know that fear runs through your veins. It's a standstill.

Not knowing whether to acknowledge her presence again or avoid it is absolute murder. Well she already knows that you've seen her, are seeing her, so perhaps the best course of action is not to let her know you want to run as far away from her as possible because even if she does think the lowest of you, spineless coward shouldn't be added to that undoubtedly long list of the things she hates about you. You swallow the lump which has formed in your throat. You approach the dark haired beauty because class is in her direction.

She shoves you out of her way. There's a lock imbedded in your spine and it'll certainly leave a mark but you just stare after the beauty whilst she disappears into the crowd. It's a miracle that you make it to class. Of course what the teachers are saying isn't heard because your mind's too preoccupied. Then again it's never been a particular trait to listen during lessons.

The period ends and you're moving in turtle pace because her locker is so close that the possibility of another encounter is grand. Coming out of the class last is different because you're usually first one out the door. Fortune smiles upon you because the hall is empty. You are extremely thankful for the fact that your car is here today and Oliver doesn't need a ride home.

You're practically gunning it home because there will be solace. That's the only time you let the mask can break and between what happened with Joannie and Ashley it can't be ignored, the need to let the façade shatter.

You park in the garage and briskly walk into the house and up the stairs. It's a haven of sorts, your room. The door is locked before throwing yourself on that sizeable bed and grabbing the pillows. You sit upward and straddle the fluffy white sacks filled with cotton. You're punching imagining the fluffy thing beneath is Joannie's face. She's the one that riled you up primarily. When frustration's released it is quickly replaced by sorrow.

A vision of that heart wrenching look on Ashley's face hits. It's your fault why she's miserable. It's entirely your fault. Before the tears can come you find yourself walking toward the bathroom because it's a habit. This is what you do every time you're disheartened and in distress. It's a calming routine that was developed over the years.

The shower is on and the sound of running water fills your hearing whilst you pull open the bathroom drawer. Each item is placed accordingly on the sink.

You begin to rid yourself of your clothes inspecting your body as you do and run your fingers through your hair. Usually the act of massaging your scalp is calming but it's not doing the trick right now because all that can be felt are pain and suffering. All you can think about is the ache, the guilt, which can't be revealed.

A disconcerted you must never been seen by anyone. Everything will fall apart if it happens. The wall can't crumble. The mask must be kept in place. You have to find strength within.

You haven't cried since you were little and you're not going to start becoming a blubbering mess now. Before you know it the guilt, the sorrow, the loneliness, the anger is all pouring out into your skin and you step into the shower in order to rid yourself of the stains of emotion on your body. You're tainted now as the liquid runs through your body. You look down onto the floor and all that can be seen is red.