I totally fail. DX I'm so lazy D: I've been reading a million things on fanfiction in the past week, but I haven't written anything! D: I know I should be working on one of my other stories. But this popped into my head and I thought it would be fun to write. Enjoy?

:D This is L's POV, by the way. BTW! I do not claim to have any of the opinions that L does in this story. It's just for entertainment. Though I must admit, I don't really like OCs or total AU. But I'm not trying to offend anyone's work or anything lol. I promise! o.o just don't eat me… -hides from evil mob of angry fanfiction writers/readers-

I was exploring the many wonders of the internet when I stumbled upon Fanfiction. I soon learned that there are many fanfictions about me. I began to read them. As I read more and more, I began to feel rather frightened.

I read stories about what the author claimed to be my "last thoughts, right before dying." First of all, how would anyone be able to know what my thoughts were before dying? ! You can't get inside my head!

…

Or, at least, I definitely hope not. That would be scary. .z. Crap. Now I can't shake the feeling that someone is watching me.

Next, I read stories about Light Yagami and I being gay for each other. (No, I am not against yaoi, FYI. I just don't understand this pairing o.O after all, the author even said that they secretly hate each other) This is also rather scary. First of all, I will have you know that I am not gay. If I for some reason come across as gay—forgetting the whole incident with Suruga and Maki—then I'm not sure. But I assure you, I am not.

Then, there are OCs. I find this concept rather odd. Why is it that some people believe that I would fall in love with someone at the drop of a hat? The idea of this frightens me. It would be problematic for me to attain such a strong emotional attachment to someone so easily. =O)_(O= Very problematic, indeed.

Crack fics. These embarrass me intensely. The things that some people even imagine me doing make me wish to crawl under a rock and remain there forever. For example, one crack fic author writes: "L giggled insanely as he rode the cow around the headquarters. 'Oh, look at Ryuzaki,' Light pointed out. 'He's finally remembered how to ride cows again, like he did in his youth! ^ ^'" (This is not actually in any story—I just made it up) I fear for the lives of all of the other characters who are being written about on fanfiction by these mentally disturbed authors. It seems there is no escape. I wonder if there is a therapist around…

There are also fics where it is A/U, and I am OOC. …If someone is going to make the story take place in an alternate universe…and then have me act extremely out of character…why not just write their OWN original fiction? ? If the character doesn't seem like me, and it doesn't have the right conditions or environment…it may as well be their own character with their own setting. It disturbs me what people think I would do.

All of these are scary. However, the most terrifying ones that I have read out of all…and the ones where I get pregnant.

I AM A GUY.

THEREFORE I AM NOT FEMALE.

THEREFORE I CANNOT GET PREGNANT.

EVER.

-shivers-

I do believe that I will be mentally scarred by this for the rest of my life.

If anyone knows of some way to get amnesia from a certain experience, I am open for ideas.

This story had the potential of being funny. However…I failed. v_v Maybe I'll rewrite it. Right after I write the fanfiction for L's birthday. :D That will be done by tomorrow even if it kills me. Though I don't know what to write for it yet. Any suggestions?

In any case, REVIEW! Even if it's a flame. I don't care. ^ ^

~Ratt Kazamata