Title: Never Ass to Mouth (Or How Puck Grossed Out Kurt)

Rating: PG-13 for language

Pairing: Puck/Kurt

Genre: Romance/Humor

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

Author Notes: Wrote this instead of starting any of my homework that's due in the next two days and also trying to keep quiet while my roommate is sleeping.

Summary: It's Halloween and Puck picks a movie for him and Kurt to watch. Kurt's not happy in the end.

Word Count: 627

"Happy Halloween!" Puck said excitedly when Kurt had opened the door for him. He was carrying a plastic grocery store bag full of snacks in one hand and had a DVD in the other.

"Happy Halloween, Noah." Kurt smiled as he let his boyfriend in.

After Kurt had closed the door, he was immediately pulled into a steamy kiss from Puck. They stayed like that for a few minutes, exploring each other's mouths and reveling in the touch of one another. Kurt silently thanked his lucky stars that Finn was out with Rachel and that his dad had decided to take Carol to a showing of the original Halloween. The last thing he needed was for his dad to catch him grinding up against his boyfriend in the middle of the hallway.

"Yum." Puck said in a whisper. "Watermelon chapstick?"

Kurt grinned. "Your favorite."

Puck licked his lips and leaned in for another kiss which Kurt happily allowed. "Let's go have some fun." Puck said as he pulled away.

Kurt raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Noah, I thought that we were just going to watch a scary movie while pigging out on junk food?"

Puck laughed. "We are babe. Keep that pretty head of yours out of the gutter." The older picked up the items that he had discarded on the floor and made his way to the door that lead to Kurt's room. "Although, I'm not opposed to making out after the movie."

"Only if you're good." Kurt said before following his boyfriend downstairs.

"So what movie do you have for us to watch?" Kurt asked as Puck put the DVD in the player.

"It's called The Human Centipede." Puck said as he sat down next to Kurt. He wrapped his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders, who in returned cuddled up closer to him.

"Oh wow. It sounds so scary." Kurt said in mock fear. "It's probably some crappy CGI b-movie with dumb characters and an even dumber plot." Kurt rolled his eyes and Puck kissed his forehead.

"You'll see." Puck said as the movie started.

"Holy shit, Puck!" Kurt shrieked after the movie was over. His face was paler than usual and he looked like he was about to vomit all over himself.

"That sounded so classy coming from you." Puck laughed and earned a slap on the arm.

"Why did you make me watch that? I'm going to have nightmares." Kurt said angrily.

"What? Are you going to have nightmares about a being sown ass to mouth to some guy? Sounds pretty kinky to me." Puck said in a matter of fact tone.

"You are impossible, Noah Puckerman" Kurt growled and turned his back toward his boyfriend.

Puck sighed. "Oh come on, babe. It wasn't that bad."

Kurt turned back around to face the boy. "It wasn't that bad? Noah, you just had me watch torture porn for the last hour and a half."

"I thought that you'd appreciate it for its originality." Puck pointed out.

"Yes it was original, but it was gross as hell. I mean who thinks it's ok to make a film about a crazed surgeon who comes up with the idea of making a human centipede and by connecting them ass to mouth nonetheless? The movie lacks logic." Kurt's face had turned red by that point and Puck thought it was the most adorable thing.

"You're cute when you're angry." Puck stated.

Kurt scoffed and moved to go sit on his bed.

"Can we make out now?" Puck asked hopefully.

"No." Kurt answered.

"I promise to keep my mouth away from your ass." Puck added.

"We can make out if you shut up and never make me watch anything like that again." Kurt finally said.

"Deal."