A/N: Soooo sorry for the late update! /shot/ Thank you for the reviews~ Oh an' I's sorry...I forgot what I made them say in Russian and Korean and Swedish...Sorrryyyyyyy! /cries like italy/ Now the story!

CHAP. II: GET THIS EFFING PERV OFFA ME!

Sure enough, cute red-head delivery guy was there with yet another box. Who it contained I was both dreading and looking forward to finding out. I again signed the pad-thingy and had him place it in the back yard. Ivan watched from the shadows this whole time, 'kol'ing into next year. Wait—WHAT? When did HE wake up? Ivan looked like he wanted to storm the cute delivery guy. It was probably the Mint Bunny truck.

I opened the manila envelope and blanched reading the name. "Oh, ffffffffu..."

I was doomed. Doomed, doomed, DOOMED! YONG-SOO IM: User Guide and Manual was the book title. I whacked myself with the manual, wishing to die right there and then. Unfortunately, it could not be avoided. After reading the manual, I asked Ivan to stand behind me. I shouted at the top of my lungs, "ARU!"

Ducking quickly, I scooted off to let Ivan deal with the crazy Korean. The box lid flew off and toward Ivan. Not expecting this, he didn't react in time and was hit in the stomach by the wooden thing. But, damn, he's built like one of his tanks so all he did was grunt a little! "YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO ME, DA-ZE!"

"Что, черт возьми?" I heard Ivan shout in Russian. Unfortunately, I didn't know Russian. So I wondered what the hell he was saying. Then I turned to see Yong-Soo squinting at Russia, brow furrowed in confusion. "Jamkkan man-yo, da-ze! You're not hyeongje jung-gug, da-ze! Dangsin-eun daeche nugueyo, da-ze?"

Again, I didn't know what the fudge muffins and pie he was saying! I decided to interrupt before they kept saying stuff I didn't know. With a language I knew well, as it's part of my heritage. "Håll käften, båda två! Jag är inte Kanada, vet du!"

They both looked at me as if I was from Mars. I glared at them both. "Ivan, Yong-Soo, just shut the fudge muffins up!"

I immediately was felt up by the Korean, who again was screaming about breasts belonging to him. "THEN GO TO A BREAST CANCER PREVENTION FUNDRAISER OR SHIT LIKE THAT!" I screamed back.

I fought to get his hands off me, screaming bloody murder at him. I heard the clang of metal on a cranium, and Yong-Soo dropped like a stone. In but a few seconds, he had the biggest knot on his head I ever did see! Turned out Ivan was my savior there, saving me from groping hell. I immediately rewarded him with a martini I'd made earlier. Ivan seemed happy, probably because it had vodka in it. We don't use gin in my house.

Thankfully, Ivan had no hard feelings with me letting him get hit by a box lid. Yong-Soo woke up after a while, and became the most annoying aspect of my life. I had to face getting groped practically every time I turned around, and Ivan always ended up having to pry the crazy Korean off of me. Eventually, I got sick of Yong-Soo and locked him in the basement. Now he can get scratched up by my crazy bastard of a cat! Yay!

Ivan got hungry, so I called up Pizza Hut for a cheese stuffed crust pizza delivery. 3 boxes, because, damn I was hungry too! Of course, it was all on me. When dad got home and mom woke up, they had to go somewhere for the next week. Wait...that meant I had the house to myself! HELL YEAAAAAAAH! When they'd left, the pizza guy quickly arrived. Woohoo, party tiiiime! Of course, I wasn't letting Yong-Soo out of the basement any time soon. He could starve for all I cared. I opened the box of pizza to start serving it up. Ivan eyed the pizza curiously. "What is that?"

"It's pizza, with a stuffed crust of cheese!" I sang out.

Ivan blinked and looked at it closer. "Looks good, da~ Could I have some?"

I smiled, picking up a slice and holding it up to him. He looked at it for a few moments, but finally got it. He smiled back, biting into the tip of the slice. I waited until he looked buzy chewing before setting the slice on a plate and handing it to him. He seemed to have enjoyed that little moment. Then who would ruin it but... "YOUR BREASTS BELONG TO MEEEEEE, DA-ZE!"

Mr. Groper. I immediately let out a scream of "Aaaah! Släpp mig du galen koreanska pervers!"

As usual, Ivan rescued me with a bonk to Yong-Soo's noggin. At least there was someone I liked here. While Yong-Soo took another little nap in the basement, Ivan and I enjoyed our stuffed crust pizza and (in Ivan's case) vodka. Of course, when he woke up, we were barraged by his constant whining. Ivan pulled out his faucet pipe again, muttering "kolkolkolkolkol..." under his breath. Honestly, I wished I had a gun so I could kneecap the stupid groping Korean. I was glad Ivan was around, really. He seemed to really like me.

The next day, I had to go to school. That morning was absolutely chaotic! Yong-Soo was whining, Ivan was doing his whole "kolkolkol" dealio, and I was pissed off! Damn, why did my head hurt? Oh, yeah...Yong-Soo was now yelling in my FRICKIN' EAR! "AAAAAH I'M HUNGRYYY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! YANG BRANDIE, I'M HUNGRYYYYYY!"

That was it. He was going out. NOW. Luckily, I had kept the box. I'd deal with him after school, though. Little did I know that when I came back, I'd end up with yet another unit to live with. This one actually of use around the house!

Next time...CHAPTER THREE: VODKA, GUNS AND GROPING, OH MY!